The Power of a Focused Mother: "Watch me!"

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I was blessed to attend the Florida Parent Educators Association convention last weekend (was it only that long ago?  Sheesh!) and took lots of notes.  Being one of those people who learns things best by talking them through, I thought I'd do that here and maybe share with someone who wasn't able to attend or just likes the topic!

The first session I attended was called "The Power of a Focused Mother."  Great title; anything combining the words "power" and "mother" in the same sentence has got to grab your attention, right?  Renee Ellison of www.homeschoolhowtos.com taught this session, and it was well worth our time away from the convention hall.  She talked about how we hear all the time in the news about disaster after disaster.  Whether it's a financial problem, an ethical/moral failing, or a natural disaster, each story we hear revolves around a person (or people) . . . and each of those people had (you guessed it)--a mother.  A mother who had a small window of opportunity to focus on that human being.  We are all tempted to focus everywhere *but* on our children, and yet the truth is that we have so little true influence anywhere but our own homes!  Here's a quote I have to give you directly from Mrs. Ellison: "If the enemy can't get rid of the mother by death, or disease, or take her out of the home with a full time job, he'll get rid of her by distracting her 'til childhood is over, minute by minute by minute.  A child's expectation is to be seen by it's mother . . ."

Right there my mind began to drift.  I honestly started to giggle, because if there's one set of words I wish I had a dime for every time I hear spoken in a day, it would be the many variations of "Watch me!" that I hear from morning 'til night.  From my littlest guy's, "See dat, Mom?" to my 16 year old's "Did you see what I did to my car, mom?" I hear it all day long.  I remember one afternoon last spring when my then-15 year old called to me as I was headed back into the house from a gardening session.  I was hot and sweaty (gross!) and just wanted a cold drink and a shower, when I heard him say, "Hey, mom, did you see that?"   I turned around to see him on his skateboard, doing some kind of kick/flip/combination which it seemed I'd seen him do before, and I was tempted to brush him off with a "Oh, yeah, that's great" and hurry back into the house when it struck me . . . how many more times would I hear that from him?  What 15 year old asks their mom to watch some trick?  I don't *ever* remember saying those words to my parents, because I had an innate sense that they basically could care less what I was doing at any given moment, and by that point I certainly didn't care anymore (or at least mostly didn't.)  Here I was, being honored by the request to observe my child's life.  The shower and drink could wait.

Yesterday was an extremely long day.  My husband left at 8 in the morning, and at 8:45pm I was shooing the third child into the tub while I boxed up old school papers for storage in a more convenient spot, and I was tired of watching everyone all day long.  My two year old had, on at least four separate occasions throughout the day, been freshly changed and dressed, only to find his way AGAIN into the large, still-standing puddles in the back yard.  Copying his older siblings, he was doing his level best to pick up a skimboard which was bigger than he, throw it down into the water, and jump onto it.  Each effort was accompanied by a loud "See dat?" to whomever was in hearing distance of his little voice.  Luckily for him, there were plenty to whom that distinction applied--brothers and sisters and sometimes mom, and even the dog got some shout outs, I'm pretty sure.  Each foray into the muddy puddle left him covered in cold water and bits of shredded lawn mower spit, in need of yet another wash-down.  Did I mention I was tired?  But again, all I could think was how lucky he was to have so many people just plain there,  available to observe his little life and what he thought was important.  And how lucky I was to be one of those people.

I thought back to the day many years ago now when our pet hamster, Rusty, disappeared, and was later found to have been stuffed into the tailpipe of our car by the then-toddling Levi.  You can read the story if you want at http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski/33315/ and http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/MistyKrasawski/33832/ ; it's our number one family favorite story and one we recount over and over.  Sitting in the session last Friday morning it came to mind again, and I realized the obvious--our family wouldn't even *have* that story if we'd all been split up, farmed out to jobs/school/preschool/daycare.  The story couldn't even have happened-- wouldn't even exist, and a wonderful thread that ties us all together just . . . well, wouldn't.  How sad!

Mrs. Ellison said something else that really stood out to me . . . "You earn the right to listen to his thoughts on who he might marry, by listening to the story about his frog."  It's so true!  And all those discussions are coming down the pike sooner than we think.  Have we earned the right to hear them?  Have we earned the right to the privilege of knowing their thoughts and struggles and worries?  Or have we spent 18 years shoo-ing them away while we're busy with something else, or farming them out to other people to take care of?  It's a hard job.  Listening isn't easy, and there are ALWAYS a zillion other things vying for our attention--things that are more interesting to us immediately, or would reward us more materially, or will get us more accolades from others.  But are they truly more important than whatever is going through that child's head right now, at this precise moment?  "See dat, Mom?"

Here's the thing . . . we can predict the outcome we'll see in our children's lives by looking at the investment we're making (or not making) right now.  Paying attention does have a reward!  What do we need to change in our lives to be able to see the outcome we truly desire?  There's a reason it's called "paying attention," you know.  We also say we're "spending time" with someone.  Those little phrases are packed with meaning . . . paying attention COSTS us something.  Spending time with someone COSTS us something.  Truly being there, in the moment, day by day, with your child is going to mean you're not somewhere else doing something else.  It will cost something . . . but the benefits are remarkable.

So . . . where is our focus today?  What we focus on is what will prosper.  I needed the reminder.  I'm determined to remember what a privilege it is to have been called to be an observer of my children's lives.  There are many other things that need to be done, and there always will be.  But there will only be today, today.  Lets not miss it!

7:13 AM - May. 29, 2009 - post comment

love the words

Hey Misty,

I always love your blog. Your are so gifted with expressing yourself with words. Abbey and Sarah want to tell everyone "hello" (Levi and Josiah). They also want them to know they have a blog now :) They can visit it at

www.homeschoolblogger.com/abbeydoodle

www.homeschoolblogger.com/littlebit2000

I hope you're doing well. When is that sweet baby due?

Anonymous - 9:59 AM - May. 29, 2009

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