• May. 8, 2008
Heaven

This is the conversation I had with my 6 y/o yesterday on the way home from school.

LB: Mommy, I know how we get to heaven.

Me: How Little one?

LB: Well, when we die, God sends us our very own plane.

Me: He does???

LB: Yes, he does, and we get to fly first class.

Me: We do? Why do you think that?

LB: Well, how else would we get there? God only wants the best for us.

This conversation went on for about 15 minutes. It was quite eye opening to see her point of view of God. We do clusters every week with another family from Church, we have a good time, and the kids learn an awful lot. I just wondered sometimes how much the kids really got out of those lessons. Next yr, both kids will recieve their First Holy Communion, and T will also recieve Confirmation. It is hard to beleive that yrs ago, they were Baptised. How time flies!

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• May. 5, 2008
Home at Last

We left for NJ on the 24th of April, at 7 pm, and spent the next 26 hours in the van with two kids who behaved so well on the way home. I was so proud of them for being so polite and respectful to not only each other but to everyone else. On Sunday, we met T at church and heard her play the piano for the first time. Not bad for a beginner, she is doing well. So big!!! And GORGEOUS!!!! It is hard to believe that she is 13 and now a teenager. We went to lunch after Mass, and then to the boardwalk. The kids had a blast, and T won a prize at one of the games. All the kids got a prize and they had a great time. We also went and played on the beach. It was cold, but they had fun, and kept asking to play in the ocean, lol. Chasing the birds also topped their list of fun things to do. Afterwards, we met my g/f Tayrn and her crew for dinner at Pizza Hut, it was great seeing her and her crew. Her oldest son had his girlfriend with him, she seems sweet. Her middle son just got his permit, and her daughter, is gorgeous no matter what she does

On Tuesday, we had to go to court because T's dad wanted to reduce her summer visits with me from 2 months to two weeks. Unfortunately, everytime he opened his mouth, he inserted his foot. By the time we were done, he had been sufficiently degraded, and I got what I wanted, well, almost. He is on notice that if he does not follow the court order, then he could lose residential custody of T. I hope this time, he realizes I mean business.

The one thing that amazes me, is that I can be the easier, most compliant person in the word. I go out of my way to make life easy for my ex when he cannot see his kids, I went to Abeline and got the kids when his father in law was dying and he didnt know if he would make the weekend and wanted to be with his wife, and I put up with his comments and opinions about me and how I am raising our kids. But, push me to the wall, and I can be the biggest you know what, and everytime, I win. Everytime.

Ive done some really pretty rotten things in my life, although they probably pale in comparison with some people, but, I havent always made the right choices, but I do my best, and try to  be better than I was the day before.

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• Apr. 22, 2008
Vacation......well, maybe not

We are leaving for NJ in a few days, two to be exact. We will make the 1500 miles trip in 24 hours.  The kids are very excited about it, and each morning, K wakes up and asks how many more days. Yesterday she had a full on fit about going to school. She insisted she wanted to stay home and homeschool, she just did not want to go school. It seems however she was nervous about her new teacher starting yesterday. See, her normal teacher is out on maternity leave with twins. Mrs. M is FABULOUS!!!! And we are sorry to see her leave,but for the health of her and the babies, she has been put on bed rest until the babies arrive. So, enter Mrs. Potts. I met her yesterday afterschool, she seems sweet, and K was in a much better mood. She then decided that she wanted to finish 1st grade with Mrs Potts and her friends, and we would start 2nd grade in July.

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• Apr. 16, 2008
Invisible Mom

One of our moms in our homeschool group sent this email out to all of us. As I read it, I realized how much "behind the scenes" work I do with my kids on a daily basis. Some good, some not so good, but overall, the impact that I make on my kids will not be noticed until they are grown and on their own. It certainly made me teary-eyed to read it. I hope you enjoy it.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?" Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all. I'm invisible. The invisible Mom. Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please." I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - bu t now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone! One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England . Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a hair clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe . I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Carol , with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees ." In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything. A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees." I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Carol. I s ee the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become." At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree. When I really think about it, I don't want my daughter to tell the friend she's bringing home from college for Thank sgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want her to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to her friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there." As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

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• Apr. 13, 2008
Changes

I recieved an email from my best friend Taryn, back home in NJ, that stated her son, Eric, has accepted entrance to York universtiy in PA in the fall. It is hared to believe that this young man, will be graduating from highschool in a few short weeks. I have know Eric since he was in 2nd grade, and my oldest was just 18 months old when his mom and I first met. Taryn and I have been best friends ever since. This month, my oldest will step through the threshold of teen-dom, and I am scared for her. Being a teen now is now where near the same as being a teen when I was 13, so many years ago. I am afraid for her, growing up in today's society. T has been in catholic school for almost 5 yrs now, and although catholic schools have their place, I worry how she will adapt to a high school with more than 16 students in the class, let alone the entire grade. I worry that while she has fabulous dreams and I want her to persue each and every one of  them, I worry that people have built her up, but have not given her the foundation to be secure in failure.

I don't want any of my children to fail in life, and I want to protect them from everything I can in the world, but I can't. I want them to be strong, independent, courageous, honorable young men and women, who can succeed through failures. Does that make sense? I don't want them to believe that they are good at everything just because they thing they are, I want them to be successful, BECAUSE they are. There is a difference.

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• Apr. 11, 2008
Happy Birthday!!!1

Today Z is 9 years old!!! 9!!!!!! I dont remember T's 9th birthday being as difficult, maybe because she was with her dad, and not with me, but I am not feelin this 9 y/o business, lol He woke up this morning at 230 complaining his chest was tight, and of course we still have not gotten the cup from his nebulizer back from his dad. I guess part of that is my fault, since I could have just gone to the pharmacy in town and gotten a back up, butI didn't, so we spent a bleary-eyed hour in the steam shower, and then came downstairs and watched some tv till he fell asleep. He seems better today. I think its all the alleriges that are popping out right now.

Thursday morning we were waken to the sound of the Tornado alarms! The only thing I remember is throwing my door open and yelling to the kids to get downstairs, now!!!! I do not rember even getting to the bottom of the stairs, lol. All I know now is that I think I tore a ligament in my knee!!!  

LB still has chicken pox. I was hoping to send her back to school on Thursday, but sure enough Wednesday night, she had new pox on her leg!!!! Poor baby has been so good about them, trying really hard not to scratch, and only rubbing when it itches. We went and picked up her school work yesterday so she would be caught up by next week. I never realized how much work they do in 1st grade,lol. Alot of what she is doing now,I had planned on covering next yr when she joins Z and I at home, It will be a great reinforcement for her. She is very much into American Girl right now. With the dolls being so expensive, we have told her that we would match her allowance at the end of the year, and if she did well in school, she could by an AG doll. She is busy aksing for things to do, lol. She wants to study AG this year as well, which goes great with our American History program that I want to do. I wish it was August!!

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• Apr. 8, 2008
Wooo-Hooo!!!!

Ok, so I have made and tried to maintain a few blogs in the past few months, but I have either forgotten about them, and cannot remember the passwords or even the user names, or, I just didn't keep it up. So, my promise this time around is to write as much as I can, when I can. Maybe someday, someone will find it interesting enough to muddle through, but then again, maybe not.

We are now in our 7th month of homeschooling and I will admit, I have threatened to send Z back to school more times than I can count, lol. Not because he isnt doing what he is supposed to, but because as my husband says, I have place way too many high standards on myself, and if Z doesnt get it right away, I am frustrated. Although Z acts and talks like he is 16, he really truly is only 8.

In 3 days, my baby boy will be 9!!!!! 9 years old!!!! Where did the time go?? He isnt supposed to be 9, let alone growing up!!! He is such a good kid, despite his stubborness, which he gets from both his parents, but I guess those are good things. He is interested in EVERYTHING!!! Some weeks, we study the universe, and then the next week, he has moved on to the body, because he saw something on Trauma, and wants to know more. Ahhhhh, a future doctor in the making maybe????

I have three wonderfully, fabulous children, who are the light of my world, and the biggest challenge I have ever had. My oldest daughter, T, will be 13 on April 15th. T shares a birthday with my mom and ex-husband, and every year I tell my mom I am giving her T for her birthday. This year , it didnt go over so well, lol. so i guess it is time to pony up and get mom a gift. Looks like a trip to Joanne's fabric is in order!!!

T is a singer and dancer, and just an all around great kid. She lives with her dad in NJ, which makes seeing her difficult, but I try and go home as much as I can. My little one asked me the other day, Mommy, I thought Tx was home??? Tx is where I live, but NJ will always be home for me.

Z, my soon to be 9 y/o son, is my momma's boy through and through, you know the type right??? Plays hard all day with his friends, but when it comes time for bed, the first place he looks for is my lap and some cuddle time. He is getting so big, and some nights, cuddle time is really the last thing I want, but, he is growing so fast, I fear that time is getting less and less. He wants to be so many things when he grows up, a doctor, a policeman, a fireman, a vet, and then yesterday it was a construction worker. We drove past my husband's office in Downtown Dallas, and we have watched a building being build since September, and  he is amazed at the progress they have made. Now, he wants to be the guy who knocks buildings down, lol. Go figure.

My youngest one, Little Bit, is 6, going on 16. She can light up the darkest room with her smile and personality. She is just a super super little kid. We worried about her starting 1st grade this year. She is an August baby, and was *just* 5 when she started school last year, so we were worried about her keeping up. Well, she proved us wrong and sailed through Kinder like a charm, then we hit 1st grade and at the end of the first 9 weeks, she was reading at a Level 8 on her DRA. 3 weeks later, it was level 16! We were so proud, and so was she!!! Now, she is hooked on American Girl and Little House books, and I can't get to the library fast enough!

My husband and I will celebrate 3 yrs this year. I am remarried, as is my ex husband. We both seem to be happier now than we were 10 yrs ago, but life moves on, and because of our move to Tx, he bought me to my soulmate and I to his. God blessed our "Broken Road" with two wonderful spouses.

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