Jun. 8, 2007 - A Semi-Permanent Addition??
Well, my nephew's mom has informed us that she will be going into drug rehab. This confirms some suspisions that I had, but wish were not true. We have Ryan now, at least on a sem-permanent basis. For how long? Will she truly get clean? Will she learn to be a mother to him? Will he become an addition to our family? I am concerned for her... and I am really concerned for Ryan. He is 2, and he has already overcome so much.
Ryan is a unique little boy. I have never met a little boy with such distinct behaviors. When he was a baby, his whole body was stiff. He would not conform to your body when you held him. As a toddler, he would refuse to look at you or make any effort to communicate. We have worked with him at every chance that we have had... and he has made such progress. His mother used Meth and pain killers at his conception and during those first critical few months of pregnancy. When he was six months, his father died in the night from a drug overdose. For the last 2 years, he has periodically spent long stretches of time at our house while Mom couldn't cope. As time has gone by, he now resides more with us, and less with Mom. He has always called me Mom, and we finally got him to call me Aunt Karen a few months ago. However, now, he is calling me Mommy again, and his own mother he calls "Mommy Natalie", or just Natalie. He loves her. He misses her and even cries for her at times. He routinely tells me, "Mommy Natalie at home." He also gets very angry. The last time she dropped him off a few days ago, he ran to the door in anger and kicked it and screamed. It wasn't necessarily a sad cry... but a really angry cry.. like he was really hurt that he had been left again. Since then, though, he has been happy and playful being with us.
We love Ryan so much. He looks very much like his Daddy did when he was little (my husband's brother). Pray with me on wisdom in dealing with this situation. Pray for his mother that she would cry out to God, and that she would break free from the bondage of drugs. Pray for Ryan.
• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
May. 29, 2007 - I've been tagged
Well, I've been tagged to tell 8 things about me... so... let's see..
1.) I was born in Missouri, but moved more than I can remember... I attended 11 different schools by the time I graduated high school.
2.) I'm a PK... Preacher's Kid. I am thankful that I had Godly parents who taught me to love and depend on Jesus. I did grow up with a bit of a complex that I HAD to be perfect all the time. One time, I came out of a restaurant bathroom to discover that my family and the other families from our church were all gone (they had gone ahead to the parking lot), and I thought that the rapture had taken place and that I was left behind. I stood there with my heart pounding, tears in my eyes, searching my mind for what sin I had committed!
3.) Once, after I left for college, my parents moved and forgot to tell me!
4.) I stick out my tongue when I am working really hard on something. My oldest son does the same thing.
5.) I HATED reading in school. It was always my worst subject. When I went to middle school starting in the sixth grade, they gave me a full reading evaluation to see where I was. To my surprise, I scored off the charts.. higher than any person in the history of that school. I'm sure it was a fluke. After doing miserably in my reading class, my confused teacher took me aside and taught me how to find books that I would enjoy. From that point on... I always had a book in my hand. My Mother read to me every night, and I loved it. But, for some reason, she had trouble finding books that I liked to read for myself.
6.) I started a drama group in college with my friends with the objective to minister to children. This led to clowning, puppeteering, and miming. Now, I write and do silly little skits at our current church.
7.) I lived in Jamaica for six months after I graduated college (Elementary and Special Ed. degree). Irie mon! By the time that I left, they called me a Jamerican, and instead of the label of "whitie," I became a "brownie."
8.) When I met my husband, we sat up all night talking. When I walked away, I knew he was the one I would marry. He was from California, living in Colorado. I lived in Indiana. When I returned home from my visit to Colorado, my dad surprisingly asked if I had met someone... God had shown him that I would meet the man that I would marry. Two months later, I moved to Colorado and began to spend time with Tim. Within 2 1/2 months, we eloped. Honeymooned in California, drove across country, and settled in Indiana.. then Kentucky.. and now... California.
There... 8 things... I also smell my own breath and twist my hair!! ha ha!!
Well, let's see... I will have to figure out who to tag....
• 0 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
May. 6, 2007 - I have a daughter
One day recently, I was just sitting back and watching my kids. I was just enjoying their little personalities. I in particular was drawn to Jordan, my daughter.. just newly 6 years old. My heart was struck with reality of "I have a daughter!" This sounds very strange, of course, since I have known that I had a daughter since I was 20 weeks pregnant with her!
The thing is... my two boys are very demanding of my attention. They are ever present in front of me. I constantly have my focus on the oldest who is hitting the "attitude" stage and is hyperactive, and my youngest, who hit his "terrible twos" when he was three.
My daughter is not perfect, but she often blends in with our little family. Occassionally, she walks up and sweetly asks if I could play with her. Too often, this time is interrupted with the necessary training of my other two. But as I watched her that day, I really realized that I had this beautiful little girl who loves to pretend she is Laura Ingalls on the prairie riding in a covered wagon. I have a princess who loves tea parties with her baby dolls. I have a ballerina, trying to master a twirl. I have a daughter! As I meditated on that thought, my mind went back to when I was a little girl, dreaming of having a daughter to play with. Wow... she was here, and I was not enjoying her the way I always thought I would.
Since that day, I try to look at her each morning and think, "I have a daughter." And, boy, am I blessed.
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 27, 2007 - A Confession...
I am not a super homeschool mom.
My house is usally messy.
I always have dishes in the sink.
My laundry always needs to be folded, my floor is sticky, and my meals are not tastey and healthy.
My kids are lucky to be bathed at least once a week, and some days I forget to make sure they brush their teeth.
I sleep in when I get the opportunity, and I go to bed as soon as possible.
I have raised my voice at my children, and I have even disciplined them while I was angry.
I have never made my own laundry detergent, baby wipes, or any other useful household product.
My scrapbooks have not been tended to since the birth of my last child, three years ago.
If I have a few extra dollars, I am most likely to spend it on an energy drink.
I have been teaching my 7 year old son to read for two years... and he is still reading at a Kindergaten level.
I do not know when the last time was that I taught Math.
I don't exercise, run marathons, or take my vitamins regularly.
I fail daily.
God's mercies are new every morning! Great is His faithfulness!
He never fails...
• 7 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 18, 2007 - Praise the Lord for His Hand of Protection!
So, Jonah was in the back yard (which is walled in) playing while I was talking to my mom and keeping an eye on the busy toddlers. Suddenly, the phone goes dead, the computer shuts off... etc. I realized that the breaker had switched off, but was confused as to why, since not many things were running at the time.
I went into the back yard to flip the switch when I saw a lamp that my husband had set outside. It had gotten too wobbly from being knocked over, and he was going to pitch it. Anyway, it had been plugged in at an outside outlet, and was laying down and somewhat disassembled. I pointed out to the kids that they should never plug in anything without Mommy knowing. I figured the lamp shorted out because it had fallen over onto the concrete, and this triggered the power outage.
Later that night, I was reminding Jonah once again not to plug in items, and how it had shorted out and caused some of the power to go out. He looked at me puzzled and explained to me that I was wrong about what had happened... here is what he told me, as my jaw hit the floor and tears welled in my eyes:
The lamp was laying down because he was doing an "experiment." He plugged in the lamp, and near the top, he pulled out the wires and started to cut them with his scissors!! He said it sparked, and that is when the power went out.
I was in shock. I swallowed and said, "Jonah, that was so dangerous!" He then replied that during his experiment, he thought he should be "safe" and so he filled the top part with water and surrounded the area with water... you know... and so it was good, since the sparks landed on the water, and nothing caught on fire!!!!
Jonah then realized that he must have done something really bad, because he proceded to retreat under the covers of my bed and not want to come out. I pulled him out and held him close. I explained that God had protected him, and that he could have died.
Then... when had a crash course in electricity.
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 18, 2007 - My first J...
Jonah... he is my oldest and most demanding child. I thought I could handle any child and any situation until Jonah hit about 15 months, and I suddenly had this kid which inspired the writings for "A Strong Willed Child." What a kid... I love him so much.
After many months (years?) of consistant discipline and lots of tears (from all of us), Jonah's behavior seems to be much more under control. I must admit that I am not sure how much of it is attributed to me... but instead, to God. When he was 3 1/2, I was working at a small Christian school, and Jonah and his little sister went to the preschool there. His behavior at school was getting him into trouble, and we seemed to do nothing but discipline him when we were home. Then, one night, he and my husband were talking about the missionary, Adoniram Judson, when Jonah stopped and announced that he needed to pray... He bowed his head and asked God to forgive him for sins and to help him obey the Bible. We were touched, but when the following day came, we realized a real change had happened. Everyone noticed and asked what had happened to Jonah...
However, Jonah did not just become this wonderful obedient little boy all the time. He is impulsive, hyperactive, aggressive, and needs lots of boundries, and lessons on self-control. He is extremely compassionate and LOVES God's Word and memorizes scriptures with ease. Our only struggle in teaching him Bible is in how much he interrupts to comment or ask questions. I LOVE THIS ABOUT JONAH!
Jonah loves to be read to, teaches himself Math skills, and wants to know history and geography. Science things intrigue him, and he wants to write things all the time. His favorite thing to do is play. He has such an imagination... always building something and orchestrating these elaborate games. Of course, his siblings sometimes get tired of him telling them how they are supposed to play! However, learning to read on has proven to be a tremendous challenge for all of us. He is such an auditory learner that the visual skill of reading is so hard for him. I have reinforced phonics in so many ways, and his progress is simply slow. I finally started doing more of whole language instruction with him, and he seems to be doing better. I need much prayer and wisdom in increasing his skills. He is 7 and in the first grade, so I know he has time.
He, however, is beginning to be embarrassed because others in his class at church are reading much better than he is. Plus, he is the size of the average 9 1/2 year old, and everyone already expects him to do more than most kids his age. On Thursday night, he had a new teacher at church who asked him to read aloud from the Bible. He felt very embarrassed to tell her that he couldn't do it. It broke my heart to hear about it.
I love him so much... my little iron who sharpens me every day.
• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 17, 2007 - The Personality Test
Okay... So if you took my test, then click on the "comments" portion of this entry, and I will tell you the meanings of each question.
Thanks for having fun with me!!
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 16, 2007 - Personality Test
Okay... this is just for fun, but it does seem to reveal something about ourselves. So... here it goes...
1. What is your favorite color, and WHY? (The WHY is important!)
2. What is your favorite animal, and WHY?
3. What is your favorite body of water, and WHY?
4. You wake up in an all white room... how do you feel?
That's it.... I will post what it all means later...
Blessings... Will write more later...
• 1 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 15, 2007 - Burn it....
I had a most unusual thought yesterday. I wish my house would just burn down. Isn't that horrible? Espcially since we rent! However, I had that thought. I am just so sick of all our "stuff." Not that we have much compared to the average family in Southern California. But I am sick of it. I would want our photos, but pretty much everything else (besides our family and the bunny, of course), can burn. I would rebuild with only with essentials. A bed for each of us, 3-5 changes of clothes, a kitchen table, some dishes, and a pair of shoes for each. I guess some towels would be nice. A stove, refridgerator... and a new computer!! I guess we would replace some books....
AHHH!! I long for the simple life of another culture.
Anyway... yesterday was Valentine's Day... We started with heart shaped pink pancakes... started our usual daily routine, and then went on a cleaning frenzy... Since our sickness, the house has been terrible. Practically in tears, I looked at my husband exasperated. He was studying (he is a full time RN student who also works part time) on a rare day off. I sent all the children (my three and my almost 2 year old nephew) and threatened them if they came in again. "I'll help you in a half an hour, okay honey?" was his reply. In my heart, I admit, I said the rebellious, "Yeah... whatever!!"
You see, my father in law agreed to watch the kids so that we could actually go out on a date. My father in law is obsessively picky, and his home is always impeckibly clean and ordered. For him to walk into my messy home is embarrassing and demeaning to me and my hubby who seeks to please his father.
Well, after an hour or so... the kids were screaming, and Tim finally came out of his room. He started on the living room, demanding that I stop what I was working on to help him. Fine... Well, a few hours later, I think he was amazed at how bad everything actually was, and how much work it truly is to really clean a house. But, although he appeared to be done... There were bathrooms still dirty, a floor to be mopped, and my sons' room was missing a floor! Oh... and then there was the 5 loads of clean laundry on our bed that I had not yet folded.
In the end... the most essentials were clean, some things were hidden, and others were given up to the demon of dirt. Thankfully, I left the children and went out with a nice evening with my honey. Although I was frustrated most of the day, I am really thankful for my husband's help.
Of course... this is a new day... and I must finish the endless chores that were incomplete yesterday. I must train and instruct my children. And, I must ready my lesson plan for tonight's children's ministry.
AHHHH!!!
And so it begins....
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 10, 2007 - The Mommy Test
I am really worn down today. I started feeling better a few days ago, and I have been working to catch up from the flu... but today, I feel like I need to just go to sleep! AH!! So, before I tackle today's chores, I thought I would take a break and post this cute story somebody sent me. Too Funny!! Have a great one everyone!!
THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up
something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been,
it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and
asked,
"Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," ....I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's
on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a
Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was
evidently pondering this new information.
"OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you
have to be the daddy.""Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my
face and joy in my heart.
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 6, 2007 - My Babies I Never Held (warning..kinda graphic)
It was February 5. My first miscarriage. The date is engraved in my mind. That little being that I was dreaming about. We were so excited to learn that our third child would be 17 months apart from my second. Our first two were 17 months apart, and we liked that.
We had been dreaming up names and trying to figure out where we would fit another little bed in our cramped 2 bedroom apartment.. Then, I began to bleed. It was a shock after two very healthy pregnancies. The first ultrasound showed baby healthy with a beating heart. The midwife and doctors were encouraging, but realistic. 50/50 chance, they said. Just rest, they said.... Then, I started cramping. Another ultrasound showed the dreaded truth... our precious child had been taken to a heavenly home... I would never nurse this child, or hear a single cry. I returned home, where my baby passed from my body.
Everybody has at least one miscarriage, people told me. I cried, but went about my life. One year later... it was Valentine's Day. My husband reached into the bag of hershey's kisses I had given him and discovered a little surprise... a positive pregnancy test. He was elated. It was as if God was going to heal that sore spot from the February the year before. However, the next day, I began to bleed.... Miscarriage number 2.
By the end of that February, we were pulling out of our home in Kentucky and venturing west to California. I was scared, excited, and achingly sad on the inside. When we finally arrived a couple weeks later, I quickly caught "the flu." Only... I never stopped throwing up... Surprise... another pregnancy. I thought for sure I would miscarry again. The doctors had warned me not to get pregnant for a few months to increase my odds that I wouldn't miscarry again. I told nobody except my husband (and my best friend) and waited for the signs of blood to show. I waited, threw up, and waited some more. Finally at about 16 weeks, I figured I should see a doctor. Baby was growing, and heartbeat was strong. WOW, I thought...
The pregnancy was rough, but weighing in at 9lbs 3 oz, Joel has been such a joy.
While nursing Joel, I became extra tired. I felt nauseous and was complaining to my husband. He simply looked at me and said, "I bet your pregnant. I'll be back." I had not yet started my period, and doubted that I was really pregant. But, low and behold... it was positive. We were so excited!!!
At six weeks, I began spotting. My heart fell. After much insisting, I went to the ER. Baby was good with a heart beat... I knew the drill. Yet days went by, and the bleeding was sporatic.
My husband's mother had been battling cancer, and was now ready to leave this world. He went to be with her. It was New Year's Eve. Two of my kids started vomitting, and I had one on one side of me in the bed, and the other on the other side. I took turns holding buckets for them, until they finally fell asleep from pure exhaustion. I did the same.
Sometime in the early AM hours, I awoke with the most intense searing pain. I cannot even describe it. All I could do is pray as I silently cried because it was hurting so much. By God's grace, I eventually fell back asleep.
Then, I awoke to Joel quietly vomitting all over the bed. I grabbed him and ran to the bathroom. As I stood up... I felt it... Something passed out of my body. I cleaned up Joel, changed the bed, and put him back down. Finally... I headed to the bathroom to see what had happened.
There, lying on my panties, was the perfectly formed tiny baby enclosed in a perfect little amniotic sac. It was incredible. Tears welled in my eyes, and all I could say was, "Oh... my baby." I carefully picked it up and held it. I couldn't help it... It was my baby.
As I lay in my bed, bleeding and in pain, all I could think was that my baby would help her dying Grandma go on into heaven. Less that 24 hours later, Tim's mother went home to Jesus and her awaiting grandchildren. We quietly slipped our baby into her grandmother's coffin to be buried together. Nobody in my husband's family even knew I was pregnant.
Four months later, I had started my period, but suddenly passed a clot so huge that it looked like a placenta (based on experience). I looked at Tim and said, "Am I pregnant?" Once again we got a test.. and it was positive. Another miscarriage? This time, I was confused. How far along was I to be passing a placenta? I went to the doctor who found the baby on the ultrasound, but too tiny to have a placenta. I was still bleeding, and only time would tell if the baby was still growing.
Time showed that another of my little ones had gone to heaven instead of my arms.
The very next month, I didn't start my period when I should. I waited... And finally after a week, I took another test... positive. It wasn't from my previous pregnancy because we had followed my hormone levels to 0. But, before I could get to the doctor, who wants to run tests, I began bleeding and cramping. My sixth baby now in heaven.
Five years ago, I first experienced the loss of a child. I know God has a plan and a purpose, but I still cry for the babies I never held.
• 4 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 4, 2007 - Up Too Late
I do not know why I am still awake! I am usually passed out by now. Maybe it is the excitement that my home team won the Super Bowl!
Seriously, though... Our family seems to be on the mend. The kids and I are still coughing, but will attempt a "normal" day tomorrow.. whatever that is!
Back to attempting to teach my 7 year old how to read...
Back to the waiting dishes and overflowing clothes hamper...
Back to the disciplining, guiding, instructing, encouraging, and reprimanding three little heathens that I love so dearly...
I better get to bed!
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 3, 2007 - Sick in a messy house!!
Well, exactly a week ago, my youngest J (Joel), age 3, woke up with a fever of 103, coughing, and very cranky! The next day, he was worse with 104.5 and listless as I began to vomit.
Monday morning (the very next morning) my daugher (Jordan), age 5, awoke with a fever of 102, and my son (Jonah--7) with 101... everyone coughing! Then, Jordan began vomitting too!
Tuesday, Jordan's fever went to 103, and she continued vomitting! AH!! Joel still has a fever, but Jonah showing signs of getting better.
Wednesday, Jordan ate, and she finally kept everything down. No fever, PTL! Joel's fever finally broke! But then, he began screaming about his nose. I realized that he had been sitting on the floor pulling the stuffing out of a pillow, and stuffing it up his nose. Because his nose was still runny and stuffy, he sniffed deeply, and now.... a trip to the ER to extract the fuzz!! AHHHH!!! Wednesday night, Joel continues to wake up crying... and his fever was back!! I feel terrible. I'm coughing worse, throat is raw, I just want to sleep!
Thursday, my husband takes Joel to the Dr.--ear infection. Jordan was feeling better, and she and Jonah were stir crazy from being cooped up in the house. I take Jordan to run some errands that had backed up and have some "girl time." While we were out, she bagan to look horrible, complain of being cold, and wanted to go home. We get home, and she has 104 temp. ???
Friday, Jordan continues to run a temp. Jonah has no fever, but coughs so hard that he throws up. Joel is doing better, but wheezes occassionally from all the congestion in his chest. I want to go to bed. The house is a pit.. It is so bad!!! I try to do some work, but I am so far behind, it feels like a lost cause. Gross laundry from vomitting, bedwetting, etc.. Dishes that are never quite finished. I do as much as I can handle, take some Niquil, and go to bed.
This morning... Jordan ran a fever last night again, but is begging to go to a birthday party today. Jonah went to the church with Daddy to clean the church's BBQ grills. Joel has no fever, yeah, but continues to cough and have a yucky nose. And, I just want to stay in bed!
I wish there was a house cleaning Angel that appears and cleans your house for you! I mean one that doesn't cost money!! HA HA!!!!
We gotta get better soon, right!! 
• 2 Comments • Post A Comment! • Permanent Link
Feb. 2, 2007 - My first entry...
Well, I finally get to do this, and I already need to go because my crew (two sons, one daughter, and a nephew) need some "tending to." AHHHH... for the day I can relax!
Karen
