Homeschooling a Houseful

The hardest day of all

6:48 PM, Dec. 14, 2007 .. 1 comments .. Link

I am not sure what happened to me today, but I have found myself in tears at the strangest times. It all began this morning when I was im'ing my friend Brenda. All she did was ask how things were going. I found myself in tears at my computer as we chatted. Ahh, that was good. I have this tendency to always be OK, and to always be strong and not to emotional. I have not learned how to be strong in the Lord, yet cry at the same time.

As I was driving into my parents I found myself crying while driving. It really hit me that I am not ready for Christmas, my daughter is getting married in ONE MONTH and my father is dying. My dad has been sick for so long, and I have been aware that he has been dying for a long time, but the time is here and it is hard. My heart breaks for my mom, she is losing the love of her life and I just can't imagine how horrible that must feel. She has taken such great care of dad.

When I got to my parents my dad was sleeping. Well, we say sleeping but he really isn't asleep. He is very aware of what is going on, he hears us. He briefly will open his eyes when he hears a familiar voice. He is in a state of unconsciousness. His breathing is labored, but he seems peaceful. He looks comfortable, until it is time for meds.

The morning was busy with visitors. Two of dad's sisters came today and a nephew. There were more visitors too.

My brother was also able to spend the whole day. It was nice to have time with just the four of us this afternoon. We just sat and talked. We sat and stared into space. We sat and talked to Dad. We talked about what is to come and who we will need to call.

I told my mom how wonderful she has been to daddy. I told her how sorry I was that she is losing the love of her life. She has taken such great care of him and she is so worried that she is failing. I tried and tried to reassure her that the way to take care of him now is to give him his meds and hold his hands and let him be. I say let him be, because it is too hard to say let him go. Mom realizes today that dad will probably not be with us for Christmas. She has really been holding onto Christmas.

One day at a time. I cannot let myself get overwhelmed at what this next week holds for our family. The Lord my God will carry me through this. I am so thankful that I have that comfort from Him. It does seem overwhelming at times when I think of all that is happening for our family in the next month. I must keep reminding myself to just do the next thing and not worry about how we will take care of tomorrow's needs. Christmas, 3 birthdays and a wedding...all to occur in the next month and

saying good-bye to my daddy.
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(((hugs for you)))

2:28 PM, Dec. 15, 2007 .. Posted by Anonymous
What a hard time for you. Losing a parent is never, never easy. What a blessing for you to be spending time with your parents as they walk through this.

You have so much going on! Such changes bring a huge range of emotions. I'll pray for you in these next few weeks through the highs and lows.

Denise in IN

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