We are expecting the next puddle in the Lakes' family to join us the first of February.  We are blessed to be expecting.  I know that word "blessed" is so over-used it sounds almost fake, as in "How are you?" ... "I'm blessed."  So, I think I'll clarify what I mean by the word.  By "blessed" I mean...excited at times, scared silly at others; completely at peace that this is God's plan, yet wondering what the heck He's thinking; confident in pursuing His plan, worrying about all those who think we're nuts; happy to add another to the mix, anxious about short-changing the others; physically feeling better than ever, wondering if everything's ok.  You get the idea.

I did have an ultrasound yesterday that dismissed my fear of twins.  Love only seeing one bambino in there!  What a relief!

Many years ago, the Lord ministered His grace to me and I was set free from legalism.  I'd been saved since I was only four years old and grew up in the church.  Somewhere along the way, I bought into the lie that I had to follow a set of rules to earn the favor of God.  If I did everything right, I would have smooth sailing.  When He set me free, my whole world changed.  Reading the Word became a delight instead of a drudgery. 

Recently, the Lord in His mercy, showed me that, gradually, I had retreated back into the legalistic cell He'd rescued me from.  I'd adopted a "Jesus-plus" doctrine: 

• Jesus + daily devotions
• Jesus + a clean house
• Jesus + well-behaved children
• Jesus + being on time for church

These would make me righteous and earn me the blessings/favor that I don't deserve.  I don't think I'm the only convert of this doctrine.  I think that we are attracted to legalism because we like to check boxes.  It's familiar, it's visible, and it's easy to apply it to everyone else.  If I hold my "what not to do list" up to your life, I might find that you don't measure up and that would make me feel sooo much better.  It's comfortable.  But it's nowhere near the abundant life that Jesus offers in John 10:10.

The problem with Jesus-plus doctrine is that Jesus plus anything equals bondage; it's a death sentence. (Gal. 3:10 All who rely on observing the law are under a curse,)  Paul said it best, "Oh foolish Galations!  Having begun in the Spirit, are you now made perfect by the flesh?!"  You can almost here him saying, "REALLY?!   How's that working out for you?"  The Word is also clear that "there is no one righteous.  No, not one."

It's Jesus alone that makes me righteous.  It's Jesus alone that gives me life.  It's Jesus alone that sets me free.  I don't have to do anything to earn it.  He doesn't require me to do anything.  He just wants me to be.  To be, in Him, the woman He's created me to be.  Here's the kicker:  He's the ONLY one who gets to decide who that is.  My fellow box-checkers out there don't get a vote.  My foolish pride doesn't get to weigh in.  Even my dim, limited view of the future doesn't limit Him. 

It's time to stop doing ............................ and start being!

After the removal of my lovely stent, I continued to have pain which turned to fever/chills/body aches last Monday night and I returned to the hospital on Tuesday to have it placed again.  Sigh.  It happened that my original urologist, whom I trust, was on call and performed the procedure informing me that I would stay overnight in the hospital until the following evening and then they would schedule another lithotripsy to remove the large fragment still left in the kidney in ten days.

The next morning, another doctor in his practice, Dr. Arrogant (not his real name) informed me that I could go home and that they would schedule me for a scopic procedure to remove any other fragments from the uretar in a few days and that I didn't have a large fragment in my kidney.  What?  Keep in mind that Dr. Arrogant walked into my room and pulled the curtain back without knocking, only to find me in full frontal nudity while hooked up to the breast pump.  At least he had the decency to mumble an apology.  I was a little appalled and concerned by the contradictions he spouted but, apparently, 28.2 seconds is all he is allotted in pt. contact and I had spent half of that getting decent, so there wasn't any time to question him.

So, I called the first doctors nurse at the office, expressed my concerns, gave her my cell phone number, and asked her to page him.  She was a little appalled by what Dr. Arrogant had told me and agreed to do so.  I told Shawn to take his time coming to get me and to make sure he picked up my pain killer prescription before he did so because I was still hitting my friend, the morphine pump pretty regularly.  Just as they were about to remove my IV for d/c, Dr. Good called and told them to keep me.  I was relieved because I just knew I was sick.  I was right.

That evening, I started spiking temperatures that peaked at 103.8, very high for an adult.  I was septic.  (For you non-medical folks, that's an infection in the blood that, if untreated is usually fatal).  So, they did what they thought they should, which is start pumping large amounts of different kinds of antibiotics through my IV.  Only problem was, it wasn't bacteria in my blood, it was yeast.  So, I continued to get sicker.  On Friday morning, Dr. Arrogant was again on call and came in to tell me I could go home.  I told him that I'd spiked another fever the night before and he said he'd have them check it once before I left and if it was down, I could go.  I wanted to go, but felt lousy.  They took my temp and it was too high, so they kept me.  A few hours later I was getting sicker and they finally had results from the lab informing them that it was yeast they were dealing with.  They immediately stopped the antibiotics and started antifungals, instead.  (Honestly, if they hadn't taken blood cultures the night I was admitted, it would've been another day before they got the results and I probably would've died.)

I begged Dr. Good to let me out yesterday and he agreed.  I told him, "Leave it to me to take a simple outpatient procedure and turn it into an episode for Dr. House."  :)  So good to be home!  I missed my children so much!  I had to wean poor Zak, but at 11mos. it was almost time anyway.