I have been oh, so positive to this point.  Maybe reality has finally dawned or the honeymoon is over.  Call it what you will, but today I am sad that my son has this diagnosis.  I am sad that he will have to struggle to learn to do things the rest of us take for granted.  I am sad that he will face discrimination and likely ridicule for something that is completely out of his control.  I am frustrated that therapists, strangers, will become part of our lives for the next however many years. I hate the fear that invades my mind as he struggles to breathe while battling his first cold, because I know that, because of his low tone, he could rapidly decline and end up in the hospital. 

I am exhausted thinking about all the ways that I am failing him already.  He should be listening to classical music, but I forget to turn it on.  He should spend more time on his belly, but I only remember when he's asleep or eating.  I should hang a mobile over his crib for him to focus on, but I keep forgetting to purchase it.  I have so many children clammoring for my attention, how can I ever give this child all that he needs?

I wonder what God was thinking.  Honestly, how can He refrain from rolling his eyes when he looks at our family? I've always been a slacker parent; He knows this about me.  Why would He choose to give me a gift which requires so much attention and focus?  The why I ask is not an accusatory "Why me?", but rather a baffled "What in the world?!" kind of question.

And then a dear friend reminds me of Deut. 30:11 "Now what I am commanding you today is not too difficult for you or beyond your reach." He has, and will continue to equip me for this task of raising a son with special needs.  This is not too hard for me.  This is not beyond my reach. He has promised to give me "everything I need for life and godliness."  It's time to pack up my pity party and trust Him.  He has a plan.  It includes me and it includes Eon...of this I am certain.