I can't believe I am under 90 days now.  I know that is still a long ways off, and in fact, I've got QUITE a lot to get done before this baby decides to make an appearance (think moving cross country, for one!). 

But it's just amazing me nonetheless.  I remember when I couldn't imagine it being under 100 days - and now I somehow totally missed the 90's. 

Another thing, I have this kind of "mother's intuition" that this baby will NOT be waiting for the scheduled c-section date.  I know that is silly - all of my baby's have been planned c-sections, none have even come early, I've never been in labor - EVER!  This is silly.  Yet still...I just have this feeling.  It's not based on any scientific fact, whatsoever.  Just a feeling - this baby is SO active, I've got SO much going on in these last few months, this is my fourth baby, etc.etc.etc.   See, no facts.  Just this "feeling".

Anyways, it'll come to nothing, I'm sure - but if by some chance this baby comes a bit early, I'll be able to link to this blog and say "see, I KNEW it!!".

Ha~

MommaJoy

Ok, I am now 26 weeks pregnant.

Everything looks great.  All my test come back fine and dandy.  I do not have high bp, my urine is fine (aren't you glad to know that?), etc.etc.etc.etc.

It looks as though I will have another c/s, although if I end up in MI with a different insurance and different docs, who knows what the Lord has in store?!

God is good and I can hardly wait to meet this little guy!!
~MommaJoy~

p.s.  did I mention I *look* as though I am 40+ weeks pregnant?  Is it the fourth baby or what?  I don't know but geeeeesh.......

Ok, I joined the local Chorale for their Christmas concert.  I really enjoy singing with a group, one that *I* do not have to lead, and it just so happens to fall on a night that The Pastor has no other commitments and is willing to be at home with our babies - YEAH!!

So.....I go.  I meet lots of people, very casual.  It gets around that I am pregnant.  I get asked many times, in this oh-so-sweet voice if 'this is my first' baby.  I simply smile and say, "oh no, this is our fourth".

The smile INSTANTLY vanishes from the stranger asking the question - they kind of take a mini-step back and say "OH MY GOD!" (I do not usually like using that phrase - but that is specifically what four people said to me in one night).

At first, this kind of offended me.  How dare you view this child growing in my womb as some sort of odd happening, catching disease or bad judgement??  This is my baby!  And how come if this was my first child, he would be such a blessing, such a wonderful gift - but somehow, as my fourth, he loses all redeemable qualities??  ARGH!!!

Yet I quickly got over it - whatever.  It was actually humerous after the third or fourth blurted negative response.  I just almost laughed at them, told them how excited we are about this little one......then I proceeded to tell them the ages of our other three babies - just for kicks.  I mean, after their initial reaction to the news of our having our *gasp* fourth child - to learn that our oldest is only five is pretty funny.

Anyways, just thought I would share.  I have learned from some smart ladies that my best reaction to such people is humor and love.  MY reaction to THEIR reaction just may impact how they view children.  It also keeps me on my toes in regards to how I speak of my family.  While I am FAR from perfect (as anyone who has known me for more than 5 minutes can attest to), I also don't want to be the poster-momma for "Unhappy Large Christian Families" either.  I know one of those ladies at my church - it is just the most frustrating thing to hear her constantly complain about her large family, and watch all the women on birth control just nod empathetically and tell her how she just needs to spend more time on "her own needs".  *loud sigh*  whatever...

And the next time I find out a woman is preggo with her next child, whether it is number one, two, six or ten, I am going to beam with excitement and tell her how happy I am for her and her family.  I have gotten this reaction from a few wonderful families at our church, and it was TERRIFIC!!  Praise God for His blessings!!

Isn't it always though?? 

Ahh..the joys of parenting, the joys of being a mother, a SAHM, a wife of a pastor, etc.etc.etc.etc.....

The most exciting news as of late is our ultrasound.  We are having a BOY!!  This means we have a 5 yob, a 3yog, a 1yog, and a baby boy due in Feb.  I wish I could share his name, 'cause it's SO COOL! - yet The Pastor has asked that I keep this blog pretty annonymous, so will restrain myself.  Just know....it's COOL and oh-so-meaningful to us.

We are still struggling with the birth decisions of this little one.  Most likely, my insurance is going to dictate the docs decisions (or rather, THEIR insurance).  Which means, the chances of my getting a VBA3C are pretty slim.  Part of me just wants to wait, go into labor on my own and then head to the hospital already going - but I know the risks involved in that, and I'm not willing to do that.  I'm not willing to TOTALLY go against all medical advice.  I pray one of the four OBs at this office will at the *very* least LISTEN to my story, and give me more than a cursory smile and say NO.  I want someone willing to listen to my particular situation, what our beliefs are, and that just because YOU don't happen to think many children are a blessing, WE DO!!  This will be my fourth c/s.  So far, the nurse practitioner there has told me "4 is it!  You can't really have more than 4, MAYBE 5 c-sections".  Which I know is NOT TRUE! 

The only thing I can rely upon at this point is that God is in control.  Most likely, I won't even deliver here in this state.  If things keep going the way they are currently, we will most likely be in MI when this baby arrives.  We'll have to see what kind of insurance we have then, what kind of doctor we can find, and go through this all again.  I just REFUSE to keep freaking out about it now. 

So there ya go.  I feel as though I am being attacked spiritually.  We had a great Pastors/Wives Retreat Monday-Wednesday of this week, then I get home and feel depressed, angry at my circumstances, basically having a pity-party.  My husband and children deserve more than this.  I have read (it seems EVERYTHING I have read) a lot about letting Christ live through us, having HIS joy in our lives, not being controlled my our circumstances, and just DOING IT!!  I have had a hard time getting up in the morning, thus I just give up.  No more!  I'm sick of being cranky and depressed and moody.  I'm tired of The Pastor sighing softly under his breath as he deals with yet another day of "Cranky Wife".  Who wants to come home to that?  And I certainly don't want my children to remember that our home had an atmosphere of moodiness, crankiness, laziness, etc. 

Above Rubies mag has helped me tremenously recently.  If you don't already receive this magazine, go to their website and sign up.  It's based on donations, not required.  It's totally worth it - it is such an uplifting magazine about mothering, being a wife, families, etc.  Go now:  www.aboverubies.org

Ok, I'll try to post some u/s pics.  Love to all,

MommaJoy

Ya know when your baby smiles as an infant.  I *KNOW* it's because he or she is happy, content and satisfied.  Yet "professionals" tell me it's gas - whatever....

Yet in this particular instance, I can't decide if it really *is* gas or not.

Last night I crawled into bed LATE:  2:30am maybe.  (as I side note, I was printing some stuff on-line for our upcoming schooling and I just lost track of time - how easy that happens). 
When I finally did crawl into bed, my head was still going a million miles an hour, so I was trying to do some relaxing, deep breathing.  Then I started feeling around my abdomen.

**as a side note:  I am overweight.  So it is during this point in my pregnancy when I really start getting those "I pray everything is okay" thoughts, 'cause I can't really SEE a pregnant belly.  I don't get those cute little basketball bellies like some women.  I carry it ALL over and usually pretty wide**

So anyways, I was laying there, trying to feel my uterus - when I fell a roll.  That's what it felt like, as though the baby had just rolled over at my touch.

Now, this is my fourth pregnancy.  You'd think I would be able to tell baby movements apart from gas.  But while I kept trying to feel more movements, I also DID feel gas bubbles.  I thought perhaps I felt the baby move twice more - and then quite a few gas bubbles as well.

So there you go....was it my baby or was it gas??

I'm going to go ahead and believe it was my baby.  I'll have my first OB appointment soon and then I'll feel much better about this whole thing.

~MommaJoy~

Seriously.  Morning sickness has set in.

And it seems to be making itself quite at home.

I never really experienced morning sickness with my other three pregnancies.  Just a little sensitivity to smells and such early on.  But now I am about 14 weeks along, and things are just now starting to get bad.

My mother told me today by the descriptions I was giving her, that if I didn't hate to throw up so much, she's sure I would be barfing every day.  But I really *do* hate to throw up.  I fight it with all I have.  I rock back and forth, kinda moan and try to stretch out my body.  It feels as though things are too crowded in there and my stomach is rebeling.  Yet I'm only 14 weeks - there's no way things are crowded yet!!

And, of course, this is not MORNING sickness - it's all day and night sickness.  You know the drill.  It could hit at any time and usually does.  It doesn't seem to matter what or when or even how much I eat - the results are usually the same.  If I don't eat:  yucky.  If I eat healthy and moderate amounts:  yucky.  If I pig out on junk:  yucky.  The only thing that seems to make a difference is the amount of sleep I get.  The more the better.  Of course with three babies already and a house that doesn't seem to be able to clean itself - sleep is a highly sought after, yet rarely attainable, commodity. 

The Pastor is awesome though.  He has really been allowing me to sleep, sleep, sleep as much as he can with work and such.  He hasn't even been giving me any flack about the house (which is quite gross) nor the meals (which haven't been much better) nor the lack of clean clothes.  In fact, we just recently found out he has WEST NILE VIRUS!!  That explains his exhaustion - I thought he was perhaps having sympathy exhaustion with me.  Not so.  The man is honestly sick-o.  Although he claims he is beginning to feel better.  There's not a lot to do about West Nile anyways - just let it run it's course and pray it doesn't develop into anything more serious (which only happens in a small %).

So to sum up, I feel yucky - The Pastor has West Nile - we are poorer than usual (we still trust you God!) - and our home school schedule is set to start up this coming Monday.  The schedule will at least help me get a handle on the house, the kids (they don't do so good behaviorally without some sort of routine - me either), the laundry and the meals.  Some of our regular fall stuff is starting:  AWANAs, choir, team meetings for The Pastor, my weekly Women's group, a Bible study, our small group......ya, some of that is going to fall by the way-side as my kids get a bit older.  There's just not enough hours in the day to educate them AND get all that extra stuff in, plus the house, my marriage, etc.etc.etc.etc.....

Amazingly, through all this fairly hectic, crazy time - I feel peace.  I feel calm.  I know God is in control so the fact that everything seems out of MY control - I'm okay with that.  The Pastor feels a bit low, is still looking for a job closer to our families (and with better pay - I know Pastor's aren't *supposed* to care about money, but hey! it matters.) so I know it's my turn to be strong.  Usually he is our rock, reminding me to look to God, to remain in prayer and in the Word.  Right now it's just my turn to help him out a bit (The Pastor, not God).  I think I need to delve a bit more in His Word tomorrow morning.

And I really need to remember to CHOOSE joy.  Each and every morning.  Each and every moment.  And if I fail to do so, just stop and choose it again right then and there.

Blessings~
MommaJoy