8/7/2006
Eldest Child and babysitting siblings
I was reading the John Rosemond column in our local newspaper today and he answered an interesting question. The question was whether a 12 y.o. should be paid for babysitting his 8 y.o. and 3 y.o. siblings. The answer given was basically a yes because you are asking this child to do something that wil not be asked, to the same degree, of the others especially the youngest who will not have to sit any children. He did note that the money could be cut in half of the going rate due to providing room and board.
The more I think about it, the answer makes sense....from a worldly viewpoint. Everything must be fair and sense the youngest won't be asked the same, use money to make it fair. Their self esteem must be protected also.
It is sad that Rosemond and many others miss the opportunity of teaching service and ministry to one another along with the joy that comes with it. Of teaching that life isn't fair, if it was, there would be no salvation and we would all be headed to the Hell that we deserve.
I am an oldest of 3 and I never was paid nor did expect to be for watching out when home with my brothers alone. I certainly don't want my oldest to expect the same thing. There is both responsibility and blessing with being the oldest in a family.
I would love to hear others thoughts on this. Have you or do you plan to pay your children for watching others? What about having your older children watch others' children for pay? We have some friends who will not accept payment for babysitting as they have been taught it is a way to serve. I am torn on that because I do see the blessing in that but I also know it is one of the ways available to my girls to earn money until they can take on an outside job. I guess that too goes to the heart and why are they wanting to earn the money. For selfish reasons or to use in ministry or giving? Much to ponder.
Comments
8/7/2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by stillgrowing
Hi!!! I'm the mom of 5 little women too, ages 9, 7.5, 5.5, 3.5 and 5 months...oh, and an 11 year old boy who is sometimes normal and most of the time really quirky and funny!!! So I thought I'd check out your blog since we do have something in common, ie, lots of future wives! I really liked your blog, thanks for your fun "cleaning the garage" story!
Leanne
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8/7/2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by My4LittleWomen
We are still going around about this, somewhat, as my oldest just turned 12. I don't think the "not fair because younger siblings won't have this" really applies. It is my firm opinion that everybody has ups and downs, and it all evens out in the end.
I also think that babysitting is a key part of team/family playing that an older sibling can do.
At the same time, it seems unfair to always expect it and never pay.
What we are pretty much coming down to is that, if it is a matter of something really necessary, a dr's appointment, or some such, 12yo does not get paid. However, if I'm just wanting to go do something fun, I will generally pay her.
She still only does 1 sibling at a time, and not in the evening or with a meal, so we do pay less, but when she is doing "equal work," then she will get "equal pay" as a "real" babysitter. (Though even then, she will still have fewer siblings, total, as she won't be responsible for sibling #2, who is almost her age, nor will I have to pay for herself being sat. :)
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8/8/2006 - Paying older children
Posted by Anonymous
I agree with you overall June. Being the oldest does bring more responsibility and SHOULD bring more blessing. Sadly, I see many families - particularly large families failing in the 'blessing' area. It seems that they are happy to pile on the burden of being oldest by giving their older children lots of duties and responsibilities that is required of no one else in the family. I don't often see that same commitment to blessing the oldest to the same degree. Are the children in the family actually seeing the rewards of being oldest? Do they have extra spending money? Do they get special thank you notes or small awards from Mom and Dad? Do they get to stay up later than the other children? Do they get special times with Mom and Dad that distinguishes them from the younger children?
I think that families who neglect their older children in this regard are provoking those children and are setting themselves up for great grief down the road. I don't mean to say that I think these things should be happening all the time or that the child deserves this type of treatment. Just think that wise parents would be careful not to provoke their children in this area of family life.
Talk to you soon! Soli Deo Gloria, Charlotte
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8/10/2006 - No, I don't think
Posted by ThreeLittleLadies
that I would pay my children to do something that is part of being a family. I don't ask to get paid for all the things I do for my children, and I don't want them to think that doing things for me or each other requires payment. I do agree that we should also look to bless one another for the giving they do give, and show them what a blessing they can be to one another. I hope that they can see it this way too. I work hard at nurturing their relationships with one another and us, and I want them to see what a value family life is, and that real friendships can be formed from within the family - and that they will be most lasting...
Okay I'm rambling. I'd better go to bed!
Carol
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8/10/2006 - to pay or not to pay
Posted by Anonymous
We pay people for services in our society, so why should your oldest child's time be valued any less. If the parent is going out for fun, then the child should be paid the same as any other babysitter. It is selfish of the parents to always expect the oldest child to be their unpaid employee.
In terms of service work, I think it is beneficial for all child to learn to contribute to the family and its various needs. However, I do not think one child should be expected to pick up the parents' slack.
How about encouraging all of your children to take care of one another while the parents are not present rather than the oldest being in some position of power over the younger children. Why can't siblings be responsible for one another regardless of age? Unless one of the children is significantly younger and actually in need of care. In that case, couldn't the other older children divide the responsibilities between themselves. It takes a village to raise a child and big families are small villages. All members of a village, regardless of age, are capable of making valuable contributions.
In summary, it depends on the situation. If you feel your child is deserving of a "reward" for her/his work, then pay... if you think it is just time for him/her to chip in, then don't. You're the parent... who said you always have to be fair.
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