Last September I lost the 5th pregnancy that year, a set of twins. Last year was hard. I was ready to give up, give up on everything. Give up on trying to have another baby, give up on living, give up on hoping.
3 days after losing those twins was the beginning of Sukkot. Sukkot is the appointed time where God comes and dwells with us. It's a yearly festival commanded to be kept in the Torah, a festival where Israelites are commanded to go to Jerusalem, a festival where if you can't get to Jerusalem, you're commanded to take 1/3rd of your tithes and have lots of food and strong drink for a week. Sukkot is my favourite time of year. There's nothing greater than a week of fellowship with the believers in the Family of God..... except when you're grieving 6 lost children.
Last year I entered Sukkot - hoping for hope, but not expecting it. I struggled to not cry when I was with people, and the first day I really just wanted to hibernate in our camp room. Actually, I did hibernate quite a bit, with a little book called Anointing for Healing - which I've mentioned here before. By the time I'd finished that book, about 3 days into Sukkot, I was really feeling hopeful, hopeful that God would meet with me and heal me - heal my heart and heal my womb.
One of the songs that we danced to often during that week was Dance With Me, which I've put in my previous post. I can't listen to that song without huge vaults of emotion bursting from me in the form of tears. I now realize that this song is not about dancing, but about the marriage - the Marriage between God and His Chosen Bride.
Shavuot is coming up soon - today - this evening - is day 23 of the counting of the Omer. Shavuot is the Festival where we celebrate the giving of the Torah, the Betrothal of the Bride of Christ to Himself, the giving of the Holy Spirit to the Believers in Messiah, the followers of God. The book of Ruth is read.
I'm feeling led to read the Song of Songs - Shir HaShirim - and try to understand the dance between God and His Bride, the meeting, courtship, betrothal, consummation and maturity of the Marriage.
What has this to do with my pregnancy? Well, as I mentioned before, I was going to give up. But God picked me up out of that mirey clay and put a new hope in me. 4 weeks later this baby was conceived. The leading of the Lord to take Vitex gave me enough progesterone to sustain this pregnancy. The leading of the Lord to submit to my husband's authority led us to burn our bridges with the medical people and walk away from their kind of care, and seek alternatives. The leading of the Lord caused me to seek a naturopath who has found the solution to my acute hypertension - and here I am 30 weeks later, and my blood pressure is still under control - though it's starting to rise slightly, a reading of 135/81 at 30 weeks is nothing like a reading of 180/110 in the last two pregnancies at this stage - while taking the maximum medication.
I feel such healing, such victory, such dancing with my Lord. I can't wait for this unassisted birth - the joy we'll all feel at seeing this little baby.
Maybe soon I'll tell you all how I came to choose Unassisted Birth.
Header Banner photo - My ornamental crab apple tree in fresh bloom, in the middle of my circular driveway.~~~~
I am Sombra, and these are the stories from our house. We're a Messianic family where academics often take a back seat to the work and adventure of life.
