!7 years ago, I started on my journey through parenting. I waded the waters though things like Pokemon cards and Little Soldiers Movies. I lost many friends because I chose to keep my sons from participating in things that were common in this world. And I lost friends because I kept my sons from some Christian activities that just didn't sit right with me either.
So somewhere along the journey, I heard about that book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye".. I never read the book, but I heard about the whole courtship concept through watching other online friends discuss it. At the time, the subject was relevant to them, and I still hadn't come to that in our family, so the subject was of interest, but not yet part of my experience.
About 4-5 years ago, it became part of our families halacha - walking it out - that dating was just not something that we were going to do. The concept of dating is that, based on the appearance of a person, the heart becomes involved, time is spent together unsupervised doing things that have no lasting value, and rarely build a strong relationship. Dating leads to breaking up, which in turn leads to dating again.. a cycle that doesn't seem to have any end.... including the cycle of marriage and divorce.
Now, before you think I'm "Holier than Thou", I dated, I dated a lot, and I dated my husband. Yes, my marriage is solid and it'll last a lifetime. But my situation is rare. When we look at society, the divorce rate in Canada is in the 50% range, and to make my point, many of those are repeat divorces.. 15% in women, 5% in men..
At the beginning of the 21st century a study showed that the lowest risk of divorce was during the first year of the marriage but the risk then rose and peaked around the fourth anniversary, after which the risk of slowly decreases. A substantial proportion of couples eventually divorce and the majority (60%) of couples who divorce will have been married for less than 15 years. By 2003 almost 40% of marriages ended in divorce before their 30th wedding anniversary and the average duration for a marriage was 14.2 years. A recent census found that divorces were most common in Québec (47.6%) and least common in Newfoundland and Labrador (21.8%)
but I digress...
When we started walking in Torah, during a midrash one day, someone asked the question.. how are our children to find spouses? The discussion ensued about where to find a wife, how to find a wife, what scripture says about finding a wife and how to conduct oneself while finding a wife. Very interesting. New thoughts!, Nothing like dating.
Then a young woman came and gave her testimony. She was a Torah observant believer in Yeshua and she was supporting herself in the work world. She did not have believing parents. At one point early in her work experience, she befriended a fellow, who was not a believer. He asked her to date, and she declined, saying it was because he wasn't a Christian, but they remained friends. He dated other girls, and she watched as his relationship grew, and failed. Soon, their friendship waned as well... and during that time, she was introduced to Torah.
Later, they met again by chance, and he then had become a Christian. Soon, as the relationship was rekindled, he asked her to date. Again, she declined, now informing him that she was keeping Torah. She said if he wanted to pursue a relationship, he'd have to talk to her Rabbi - a man she had chose as her replacement for her father. That young man had courage, and clearly he was smitten with this girl, he went and spoke to the Rabbi.
The Rabbi outlined for they young man, just what it meant to be Torah Observant, and why his Christianity and her Torah observance were enough to make them unequally yoked. He told the young man, that if he wanted to pursue a relationship, he'd have to learn to walk in Torah (he offered him classes) and that their relationship would be through courtship, under his authority/chaperone. The young man agreed!!!
They began their courtship, Sabbath dinners at the rabbi's house, dinners at other homes of various members of the congregation. They were never alone. Soon, the Rabbi said to the young man, it's time to make a decision, you've been courting a for a few weeks now, are you planning on marrying her? (yes, it was a short time, like 4-6 weeks!!) The young man was prepared to marry the girl. A Betrothal ceremony was planned. Under the Chuppah, this young couple (both in their mid 20's) exchanged ketubah - agreements under which they would enter into marriage. Legally husband and wife, but not physically husband and wife. The next period of time was spent learning to live out the ketubah until the marriage was consummated.
There were times when the young woman was considering abandoning the relationship. The young man had emotional issues he needed to deal with, as his father had abandoned him, and he had anger issues. Again, under the supervision of the Rabbi, the couple worked through the struggles and the young man dealt with his anger issues.
Finally they were ready, a date was set for the Marriage to be finalized. Finally he would take this girl as his bride. She would now live as his wife and share a home with him.
This testimony established our vision for how our children would find spouses. We knew we had to give them opportunities to find other young people who were walking in Torah. It meant we as a family had to meet new Torah observant people in different areas, so that the pool of girls from which to choose a wife was wide enough that they could make a wise choice.
The time is coming close. Trent turned 17 this year. He has started on his career path. He's met lots of young women, and seen some wonderful qualities in a few of the ladies he's met. In the near future, he'll be making a choice, approaching a father in order to ask for permission to pursue a relationship with his daughter. And then .. in time.. I'll have a daughter in law.
I'm sure I've shared all this thought process here before, this courtship process. So why have I repeated it? Well, now I'm mothering a daughter. I'm wading the waters of new territory. What do I avoid? What are the pitfalls in today's society that lead a young girl into the world of dating, or of falling away from God. This is all new to me. It's harder!
The world of girl is steeped in Princess and Princes. Navigating this world of Princess, beauty, dress up, love... it all happens so much earlier in girls. I made a mistake. I thought it would be fun for Janney to explore the internet and find the equivalent of paper dolls. Let me tell you, there's a whole world of "paper dolls" for girls on the internet, and some of it is sweet and innocent, and LOTS of it is garbage. Little girls love love songs, love songs talk about heart ache and break up and boys and boys and boys. Now, as I did back with the boys, I used other people's "sin" as opportunity to show them the path they shouldn't take.
So a little while ago, Janney asked me... "Does Taylor Swift know God?"
She answered her own question when she heard in a song "asking God if He, could play it again". The evidence she needed to discern Taylor Swift's salvation, was that there was a prayer in her song... OK..
So then the next question came right on the heals of this discernment... "If Taylor Swift knows God, how come she has so many boyfriends?"
Ah, yes. I explained to her that each song was a different story, that even though it was all Taylor Swift singing, each song was a different story about different people.
But her question was the beginning of a long teaching. She was already understanding that a girl who loves God, needs to wait for her Prince to come and ask her daddy if he could get to know her. She was already understanding that there wouldn't be a long string of boys coming to date her.
Well, a few days ago, she asked me something about dating. I can't remember what it was.. but the answer had to do with the fact that she wouldn't be dating, that a boy would have to ask daddy first.
Today she turned on the internet and started a Taylor Swift song. She turned it off almost as soon as "Should have Said No" started. Asher protested the fact that she turned it off, and to my delight, my sweet intelligent loving girl said."NO, I don't like that song, I'm not going to date, I'm not going to grow up to be like her, I'm going to wait for my Prince to talk to my daddy."
WOW.. powerful words coming out of that little heart.
I know she's participated in some things that I wish she hadn't, listened to songs I wish she hadn't, but my little girl is hearing OUR message to her, even amidst the noise of the world. Disney doesn't have her heart, make-up doesn't have her heart, Taylor Swift doesn't have her heart, - her mommy and daddy have trained her to give her heart to Adonai. She loves God, and so, she'll wait, and not date! |
Comments (4)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Jul. 3, 2009 Field Trip to Motherwell Homestead National Park
I took Janney and Asher on their first field trip to Motherwell Homestead National Historic Park yesterday. This was with a fairly new homeschool group, with young kids. I've met some of the mums through the Babywearing group I joined this winter, and some of the mums I've met on Facebook, and some new ones too. I invited my friend Marie to join us with her kids too.
The tour guides - Shane and Sarah, first engaged the kids by getting them into costume, and then playing a little game about farm animals.
Asher behaved much like Myles used to - not wanting to participate, shying away from the crowd, hiding behind me etc. I let him be, not forcing him to participate... notice there aren't many boys in these photos, that's because most of the boys headed to the play park instead of participating.. I let Asher go play in the park too.
Elias hung out in my sling on my back, there were so many babies in slings on mommies backs or fronts, and two dads came, nice to see them carrying babies too.
After the warm up game, we headed to the buildings. First a storage shed that housed sleds and wagons.
Can you imagine riding 100 miles to Regina in this? It took the Regina families just over an hour to drive to Motherwell from the city in their modern vans, a trip to the city in this buggy must have been a 4-5 hour journey. From there Mr. Motherwell must have taken a train to Ottawa to sit in parliament.
Shane shared with me, that Mr. Motherwell quit politics because of the bilingual issue. He wanted Saskatchewan - or the whole country - to be bilingual. Had Saskatchewan had bilingual education, Saskatchewan would have been a much more powerful province in the country, as one needs to be bilingual to have power in Ottawa - to be Prime Minister definitely. But there are so few French speaking Saskatchewaners. Very interesting! Such vision in Mr. Motherwell, such lack of vision in the politics of the day.
Then Sarah, our other interpreter, took us to the house to show us around. When Mr. Motherwell arrived, he built himself a little log house, then built the stone part of the barn. Not until the barn was built did he build this house, and then the summer kitchen was added the following year. He married his first wife the year he built the house, she had two children and died young, of a respiratory disease. Mr. Motherwell later married his second wife, who ran the farm while he was away being a politician.
Washing up in the kitchen before entering the house with all those farm smells.
Summer kitchen equipped with all the tools of the day
 
The lovely dining room layed out to feed the family
Kids playing crokanole in the livingroom
3D Glasses in the study/piano room
The daughter's bedroom
The aunt's bedroom
Asher playing Crokanole
The we moved to the barn, where Asher was much more comfortable. Joshua caught a chicken (a maturing chick really, they were still quite small)
Janney got brave and went to collect her own chicken
Miss Suzy the pig is expecting a litter of piglets, apparently last year the pig had 14 piglets, I wonder how many Miss Suzy will have
The Jersey cow has a calf, but she shares her milk with the farm.
A pair of work horses. These two are the real farmers, they pull the plow to work all 20 acres of land.
Shane let everyone have a climb on the tractor before taking us upstairs to the hayloft, which he told us was built in 2 days, after which was a dance. Mr. Motherwell was away during this work, and was quite displeased to hear his neighbours took advantage and were consuming alcohol on his property. He took the time to let him know of his displeasure - a politician who was not afraid to speak his mind, and stick to his morals, even if they weren't popular.
After the tour of the barn, we went back to the park for lunch, which gave the kids lots of play time, and time for Elias to get down and walk around.. watermelon in hand!
 After lunch we participated in some hands on learning activities.
Gardening
|
Comments (1)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Apr. 27, 2009 Homeschooling The Littles
The job of homeschooling the littles has begun this year. Janney has worked through some the Pathway Reader workbooks in preparation for reading.
 This book is complete |
 This book is completed |
 This book is in progress |
 This book has just been started |
Janney has just started reading this past week. I've been using the Reader Rabbit booklets that came with a software called Reader Rabbit's Interactive Reading Journey many years ago. I used these same books to teach Trent, Myles and Rourke to read, and she's really enjoying the thrill of accomplishing reading these simple books. Here's the story for book 4 which she read yesterday
 |
This Is Not Sam
New words this, is, Mat, not
I am Mat. Look at me.
See Mat. See Sam.
Look, Sam!
Look!
This is not Sam. I see Mat.
Look at me!
See Mat. See Sam.
I see Mat.
See Mat.
See Mat. See Sam |
She's also done a little bit of math, and some Hebrew, and learning to colour in the lines and cut paper. I've been trying to get her to learn handwriting too, but I think I'll let her get more familiar with the letter shapes, she has trouble making the letters the way the lessons want her to..
And we went on a field trip to the museum of natural history last week with some friends.
 |
Comments (2)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Feb. 18, 2009 Opening The Snack Store
Lyndee gave Janney a wallet last Saturday among some other toys she was divesting of. On Sunday, Janney found a quarter, and was beside her self looking for her wallet. The wallet was finally found yesterday, and Janney couldn't find the quarter, so she swiped a few coins from daddy's desk (we'll deal with that later if it becomes an issue, we're not going to go there right now). So Janney fills up her change purse with about $1 worth of coins and was playing with them this morning. Asher wanted some coins so.. so I took some from daddy's dresser (It's not an issue with me, what's his is mine!!!) to give him.
They both were asking about the coins, so I was telling them what each one was worth. Then Janney asked for snack. I got this idea to open a snack store. I put out some items, assigned a price, and then they brought thier coins to the counter and started to buy some snacks (see, not an issue, I got the coins back in the end). I helped them to understand how much each snack cost, and how to identify the value of each coin, and they "bought" the snacks from me, and ate them right there at the counter. Asher was so into this he kept buying even though he wasn't eating them. Janney was more conservative, buying and eating, buying and eating. I think we'll do this again. It's a good learning tool to get used to money and such. Later I'll teach them about getting change, or putting two coins together to come up with the right amount to pay for the snack.. today they just gave me a nickel for what cost a nickel etc..
FUN stuff!
 |
Comments (2)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Feb. 18, 2009 The Linen Dress
I've been working slowly and patiently on Janney's new linen dress. I want to make sure it has nice finished French Seams so it doesn't unravel on Janney and tickle. I also have a deadline, we're leaving for the wedding in 13 days.
Here is a series of photographs as I work through the dress, I'll add as the dress gets sewn up.
I had to make my own seam binding/ bias tape in order to finish this arm hole. And this french seam is down the side of the bodice. I'll tack down the bias tape by hand when I finish the dress.
I don't like how the bottom of this button band opening looks, but it's not like I can go back and re-do it.. the slit is cut.. that's it.. it's done.
SIGH and one of the challenges of making French Seams is not getting THIS
 Those are the "hanging chads" of sewing french seams, they're little fibers that frayed off the edges of the fabric, that should have been caught INSIDE the seam.. I had to carefully trim them off, I still know they're there, but the average eye won't know..
Skirt ready to be gathered... WOW that's a lot of fabric for a little girl skirt, I hope it doesn't look like a balloon on her.
The button band up the back of the bodice
The sash, with a closeup of the lace.
Finished!
 |
Comments (5)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Jan. 2, 2009 The World of Janney
Remember in the 50's when women were dressed in dresses and high heels to do the housekeeping, and looked completely put together when hubby came home from work? Well, I'm not that woman - I try. I do the housekeeping, but usually it's jeans and a t-shirt - that is if I got out of my jammies that day. And I do run to the front door when I hear hubby come home and give him a kiss, that is if my hands aren't deep into cooking dinner.
Well, somewhere along the way, I seem to have mentored this:
Doing dishes in a floor length gown, feathered tiara and matching dish gloves. - What a girl
My friend Susan sent Janney the book Little Mommy by Sharon Kane a Little Golden Book Classic, about a girl who is mommy to her dolls and has to tend house and babies and does a wonderful job of it. We love it.
Meanwhile, Janney's bangs are getting long, and rather than cut them (because we really should never have given her bangs in the first place!) we need to find a tidy way of letting them grow out. She pulls out hair clips, which break her hair, so today I tried French Braids. Beverly, you're a very patient girl, Janney was fidgetting through the whole thing, which lasted about 10 minutes. If you are patient to wait for Mama to plait tes cheveux, you are a Tres Bonne Fille! No wonder God loves you and says your special!
pictures taken lying on the floor because she wasn't feeling well. An hour later she was throwing up.
5 hours later, they're all pulled out. |
Comments (3)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
Dec. 13, 2008 Beatrix Potter Dec. 1, 2008 Home-Ec and Anatomy Lesson
Myles killed a chicken for me this afternoon and when I opened it up to gut it, I found it had a fully formed egg it would have laid soon. I called Janney to come see, it was still in the tube, but the shell was fully hard. Then when I pulled it out, and cut it out of the tube, she carried it to the fridge and put it in the door for me. She came back to have another look, and there was a half dozen or so fully formed egg yolks, and dozens of smaller ones in the process of being formed. She took those ones to the cats. When I pulled out all the innards, we gave those to the chickens and the dogs. I think we need to do a lap book about this and learn the names of the tubes and the functions of each part.
The chicken is in the oven, we'll eat it for dinner. |
Comments (0)
Post A Comment!
Permanent Link
|
|
