This morning I actually thought a little bit ahead and planned lunch. I thought we would have baked potatos, salad and dessert (a rare occurrence in our family). I had the potatoes, but needed more lettuce, and a container of the kids favorite flavor of Soy Delicious Frozen Dessert, chocolate mint. This would require a trip to the store. No problem. My husband was home working on a project. The kids were happily sitting in the chair together, and the older was reading "Miss Rumphius" to the younger, in a clear, interesting voice. I thought everything was fine and that it was the right moment to dash to the store. I told the kids "I have put potatoes in the oven, and I'm going to the store to get a few more things." I went out and told my husband. He said, "No problem." And off I drove with peaceful thoughts in my head.

I returned thinking about how happy the kids would be with the dessert surprise, and how much my husband would love the baked potatoes for a weekday lunch. Into the kitchen I walked, and open dropped my mouth. My kids were sitting at the table happily eating leftovers, along with a half of an avocado each! I couldn't believe it! I asked a few questions and the oldest said that dad said it was ok. I couldn't believe that! So I went out to him to check the story. Sure enough, he knew nothing about it. He had been in the house once to check on them, but everything was fine when he was inside. Since lying was involved, I decided that what they were eating was all they were going to get. Of course they were quite upset. The younger felt quite betrayed because he thought his older sister knew what she was doing.

The older sister is now in her room until she can cool down. The younger brother cried a lot of tears, but is now playing in the family room again. Dad and I ate our lunch, but it was nothing like I'd planned. And there are lots of left over baked potatoes. I guess we will have country fried potatoes for breakfast tomorrow. And we will have some Soy Delicious another day. Hopefully the needed lessons are well learned.

Lots of spring fever going on around here. My kids can hardly sit still to do the littlest bit of work I have them doing at this time of year. They can't wait to get outside in the lovely warm weather and play.

My daughter took her dolly clothes outside and washed them in a little plastic box. Then she hung them up on some sticks to dry. How could I stop that. Tonight she brought them in to show me how nice and clean and fresh they were. They did smell fresh, and she did too. There was a big smile on her face and sparkles in her eyes. My son came in and delightedly told me there was a bumble bee going to the Coral Bells. A little later he came in and told me there was a grasshopper by the rose bushes and would I come catch for him. He was afraid that it would hop away. I knew I could catch it for him, but that would steal the joy he would have of figuring out how to catch it himself. I was pretty sure he could. Sure enough, it wasn't long before he was in with his prize in his little bug box. (I think his sister did help him a little bit.) We had to look up what they eat, and other interesting things about grasshoppers. Now he has an assortment of the leaves that were near him when he was caught. I hope that he is happy with at least one of them. Me? I finished reading a book found at a garage this weekend. It was an interesting book for called "Doc Susie." It is about a woman doctor in the early 1900's who went to the high mountains of Colorado to cure herself of Tuberculosis. She ended up curing herself, and staying to care for the people there, in the tiny lumber and railroad town. Her life was hard, but I agreed with much of her doctoring, and probably would have enjoyed parts of her life.

It seems that in the last three weeks I've lost my energy, schedule, motivation, clean house and computer time. I don't know where they have gone, but I've got to find them somewhere. My husband is off doing a review session for his students, the kids are in bed, and I've finally found my computer again. I told my daughter tonight that we've somehow got to find our schedule again too, so we can get something done. I feel like I am constantly cleaning up huge messes in the kitchen, but as soon as I am done, the messes are back. I'll have to put my mind to this and do something. And now it is time to start doing major work in the yard again. The wonderful, needed spring rains have made lovely weeds grow bigger then ever. And if I can get the vegetable garden weeded, I think it is time to start planting. The peas I planted haven't come up. We may not get any of those.

But is there any joy in this? Maybe it is that God loves me still, even during the ups and downs of my life. And His love for me is not based on how good I am at following a schedule or keeping the dishes washed and the floor clean.

I don't know what kind of birthday parties you have for your kids. We usually have over a couple other families that have kids that our kids like, and parents that we like. We have a nice supper together, some kind of birthday treat, and some activities for the kids. We have had treasure hunts before that end up with something for each kid. It is really nice to have so much parental supervision available and kids of all ages enjoying each other. During these times my kids can get so wound up. It seems they are so loud. They aren't being naughty, just excited and loud. Their volume gets stuck on high. The energy level is high. But we all have a good time.

Well, this past week we were invited to a birthday party of an eight year old boy from church. We thought it would be a fun party, since he is a nice little boy, homeschooled, with good manners, etc. Well, I'm so glad I insisted that I go too, (invited myself) because not all his little friends were the same in character. I saw something amazing there. My loud kids were suddenly the quiet kids, along with another two kids who are homeschooled. I think my kids were shocked into being quiet, as they saw the behavior of some of the other kids. Most of the kids were just dropped off. My kids had a good time over all, but I don't think they want to go back to a party like that again. I know I don't.

Sometimes it is so easy for me to get wrapped up in my kids problems and areas that need character growth that I loose the big picture. I am reminded so clearly that being home with my kids and educating them myself is making a huge difference in them. I feel sorry for the other kids who were that and don't have such a blessing in their life. My kids aren't perfect, but I am so glad I'm with them to help them learn and grow.

Cleaning is not one of my favorite activities. As a mother, it regularly falls to me to do the cleaning of the home, and I am conscientious and responsible enough that I do it, but I don't enjoy it, and I can think of plenty of other things I would rather do. I've had this problem since I was a child. I even ended up becoming a mother and having a strong aversion to doing the dishes. Thankfully my husband was willing to do them, and so most days the dishes aren't too deep, but there are usually a couple meals worth there to do, waiting for my husband to get home. This can make a mother feel pretty guilty. I've tried to organize myself, guilt myself, coerce myself, and entice myself into jumping in right after a meal and taking care of those dishes, or doing the other household chores, but it has been so hard for me. Cooking isn't hard. Music isn't hard, and art isn't either. Talking to friends is delightful, and doing something with the kids is wonderful. But chores fall off the bottom of my to-do list if I'm not careful.

Recently I've learned about the Brain Lead research done by Katherine Benziger. She has much to say on why we do what we do, and how it relates to the part of the brain we use the most. There is a lot to explain about it, and I'd like to spend a whole entry talking about the four leads, but for now you can simply look at this web site for a summary of the four brain leads. http://www.businessballs.com/benzigerpersonalityassessment.htm I personally have a strong right basel brain lead with access to the right frontal. I know that means nothing to you. So I'll tell you that being right basal has to do with feelings and sensitivity and nurturing, peace and harmony in life and with people. Right frontals are creative and inovative and artistic. I'm not a left basal, sadly. It would help if I was, because they love to maintain orderly function. They can do the repetitive and the mundane because it needs to be done, and it doesn't bother them. It sure bothers me. I try to make myself go there, but I'm not very successful for very long.

So what is a mother to do? If mom doesn't do the chores, who will? How would the kids ever learn to care for a home? No one in our family is very good with the left basal, of everyone in the family, I'm actually the best at it, and that isn't very good. I keep plugging away at chores, but they drain me.

I've been thinking about this and decided to pray about it this morning, as I'm really longing for a solution. This the conversation between God (Abba) and I as it took place in my journal prayer this morning.

Abba: You are feeling bad because you have a right basel brain lead. It is harder for you to do some things well, but easier for you to feel me near, and to sense the moving of the Holy Spirit, and nurture others in me. Don't feel bad about being who you are. I didn't make you to be someone else. Let me continue to make you to be who I want you to be.

Me: I am willing. Would you please show me how to care for my home and keep it in order, even with out a left basel brain lead?

Abba: Do it for love. Think of love while you clean. Love for your family. Love for me. Sing! Enjoy! Give me the burden you carried as a child for cleaning. Let me cleanse the anger from you.

Me: I am willing. I am willing to be what you make me to be. I can clean in love, to share love with my family, to bless my family. I can clean in your love. Please make me to love.