Maybe I'm the only one here, but don't you ever feel like you are secretly still 16?  Like maybe you forgot to pay attention while you grew up, and one day you were just 28.  That's how I feel.

I remember 16, okay maybe 18, had so much hope, so much life, so much raw emotion.  You could do or be anything that you wanted.  You can drive around with the music blaring, and no one would think it was odd...but it is odd for a mom of 3 (almost 4) to be seen rocking out in a minivan.  Know what I'm saying?

I don't want to be 16, because I felt like crap when I was 16.  But I do want that hope, that excitement, the living...I don't want to be old.  I don't want to feel trapped.  I don't want to wait until my kids are out of the house to start living.  I want to feel free and fun and spontaneous. 

I'm so tired of all the responsibility.  I'm going to put my whole self into my family, my home and for what?  The world is still gonna suck. My sons will still be exposed to porn by walking into the mall. My husband will still come home to an angry, frustrated, overwhelmed wife/mother/cook/maid/diaper changer...

I know that there's hope, I'm just having a hard time finding it right now.