This morning I didn't want to be at home. When I get overwhelmed by the state of the house, I tend to throw the kids in the car and make a beeline for town. But between insane fuel prices, living 20 minutes from town, and driving a gas-guzzling-mega-truck, I am allocated to one trip a week. So, this morning, I was feeling sorry for myself. I decided to sit down and write out all the things that I was thinking and praying. I'll let you peek, just in case these words can help another overwhelmed mom.

Lord, I don't want to be here today. I wish I could take the car and drive anywhere. Sometimes I hate being stuck here. I feel like I am at a crossroads, but I don't know which road to take. I don't want to get up from this seat and still be discouraged. At some point, I have to make a change. At some point I have to choose to be happy where I'm at - which includes babies, and dishes, and high gas prices, and loads of laundry.

Why can't I find joy in any of these things? I just want to be a cheerful mother and homemaker. But I feel like its impossible. The house is always a mess and the kids are always screaming.

I'm afraid this is my last chance. I have a feeling that whatever I do when I get up from this seat will determine my future. I can choose to live like I have been or I can choose to change. I can get up and let the kids run around the house while I cope with the chaos by surfing the internet. Or I can choose to RIGHT NOW get up and do the dishes and smile and have the children help me.

But mostly, I can choose to be content with where I am right now. I am in a house that needs some cleaning and surrounded by kids that need some training. Yes, the job will be hard. No, it won't be much fun. But whose job is it?

It's mine.

After that, I got up, put on some upbeat Christian music, assigned the kids jobs and went to work on the dishes. The dishes were stinky, I'm not sure how long they sat there. The 2yo kept getting water all over the floor (he was my washing helper) and the baby kept snuggling his face into my rear, as a means of saying "Hi mom! I'm down here, don't you want to play?" But, I did it. I prayed and sang, and winked at the baby, and God proved to be good.

I know how you feel, when the house is a mess and your kids are a mess and your life is a mess. And each day we have to make the choice to ignore the mess or to tackle the mess. It was the hardest thing to get up from that seat and choose to not ignore my mess any longer. Only with the help of God's grace, which He gave freely after I poured out my frustrations to Him, was I able to get past the stinky dishes and the noisy kids, and see that this was a mess that was worth cleaning up.