Journal of an Overwhelmed Mom

This morning I didn't want to be at home. When I get overwhelmed by the state of the house, I tend to throw the kids in the car and make a beeline for town. But between insane fuel prices, living 20 minutes from town, and driving a gas-guzzling-mega-truck, I am allocated to one trip a week. So, this morning, I was feeling sorry for myself. I decided to sit down and write out all the things that I was thinking and praying. I'll let you peek, just in case these words can help another overwhelmed mom.

Lord, I don't want to be here today. I wish I could take the car and drive anywhere. Sometimes I hate being stuck here. I feel like I am at a crossroads, but I don't know which road to take. I don't want to get up from this seat and still be discouraged. At some point, I have to make a change. At some point I have to choose to be happy where I'm at - which includes babies, and dishes, and high gas prices, and loads of laundry.

Why can't I find joy in any of these things? I just want to be a cheerful mother and homemaker. But I feel like its impossible. The house is always a mess and the kids are always screaming.

I'm afraid this is my last chance. I have a feeling that whatever I do when I get up from this seat will determine my future. I can choose to live like I have been or I can choose to change. I can get up and let the kids run around the house while I cope with the chaos by surfing the internet. Or I can choose to RIGHT NOW get up and do the dishes and smile and have the children help me.

But mostly, I can choose to be content with where I am right now. I am in a house that needs some cleaning and surrounded by kids that need some training. Yes, the job will be hard. No, it won't be much fun. But whose job is it?

It's mine.

After that, I got up, put on some upbeat Christian music, assigned the kids jobs and went to work on the dishes. The dishes were stinky, I'm not sure how long they sat there. The 2yo kept getting water all over the floor (he was my washing helper) and the baby kept snuggling his face into my rear, as a means of saying "Hi mom! I'm down here, don't you want to play?" But, I did it. I prayed and sang, and winked at the baby, and God proved to be good.

I know how you feel, when the house is a mess and your kids are a mess and your life is a mess. And each day we have to make the choice to ignore the mess or to tackle the mess. It was the hardest thing to get up from that seat and choose to not ignore my mess any longer. Only with the help of God's grace, which He gave freely after I poured out my frustrations to Him, was I able to get past the stinky dishes and the noisy kids, and see that this was a mess that was worth cleaning up.

2:56 PM - May. 5, 2008 - post comment

Yep

I know how that feels. I sometimes have to light my scented candles, spray perfume, and put praise music on to help with that overwhelming feeling. Today the sun was out so it is always easier for me on those days when I see the sun. I really struggle during the winter months from that overwhelming feeling. I am glad you are sharing this so other homeschool moms can see that we all go through this.

momofsix - 8:45 PM - May. 5, 2008

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I realize that you wrote this several days ago, but today is the day that the Lord lead me to it. I really needed to read those exact words. I know that He has been prodding me to "get up and clean up". Sometimes it is easier to just wallow in my own self pity than to be the wife and mom that He has called me to be.
Thank you for being so transparent. Your words have encouraged me to get this house in order today so that I can enjoy what the Lord has given me, the privilage to stay at home with my children, to teach them and to love them as they grow.

Anonymous - 9:16 AM - May. 7, 2008

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