Thoughtful Motherhood

The Poo-Filled Life of a Mother

Poop stories are popular with moms.

I was trying to figure out why when it hit me. For a short period of time, our lives as mothers are defined by the foul-smelling excrement of our itty bitty progeny.

We count the number of poops to make sure our milk supply is adequate. We equate the poo color with the health of our babies. Yellow grainy is good. Purple, not so good. Who fed the baby lavender play-dough? (true story)

A huge milestone in the life of a mother is when her little darling somehow manages to bypass the diaper and place his poopy into a potty.

We call daddy.

We call grandma.

We blog it.

We post it on Facebook.

We Tweet if we are really young and hip.

We take disgusting pictures and plan a two-page spread.

Little Johnny pooped in the potty!!!

What is life like without this constant concern for our child’s fecal matter?

I don’t know. I’m not there yet. I’m not sure I want to be there. Changing the first inky black diaper of a newborn, gently rebuking a wiggly six-month old who is threatening to get poo all over her own heels during a diaper change, passing out M&M’s to a victorious two-year who nailed the potty – these are the moments of motherhood. To rejoice in those days being over means rejoicing in the end of my motherhood.

My prayer is that I have a few many more poop-filled years left in this life.

8:04 AM - Sep. 11, 2009 - comments {4} - post comment

Courage Quote

This is a perfect quote for the weary woman.

Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow.”

- Mary Anne Radmacher

9:18 PM - May. 21, 2009 - comments {0} - post comment

10 Ways to Celebrate New Year's Eve with Kids

1. Nap - If you are going to let the little ones stay up to watch the ball drop, they'll need some rest. Try pushing naptime until 4 or 5 o'clock. Or shorten the normal nap and add another nap in the early evening.

2. Eat a late dinner - Don't eat before 7. Its hard to pass those hours with kids, so eat late.

3. Eat a long dinner - Take your time at dinner. Serve in courses if this will help your family to stay at the table longer than 30 minutes.

4. Serve fun food - Serve finger food, fun food, or junk food. Anything that isn't the 'norm' for your family. Then, leave the leftovers out as snacks for the later evening. Keep them warm in a crockpot or the oven. Try buffalo wings, pizza bagels, chips, celery or carrot sticks and dip.

5. Mild fireworks - Put poppers or sparkles in the kids' stockings and bring them out for New Year's Eve. Make sure to watch them closely. This kills an hour.

6. Do a fun activity - like playdough or a craft. Make it fun and messy!

7. Get settled with a bath - get the kids calmed down with a bath, add bubbles or even tub paint.

8. Utilize the TV - put on a family movie, lay out sleeping bags, pop some popcorn and enjoy an hour or so of semi-quiet.

9. Switch the TV to the network stations and watch the ball drop at midnight. Practice your kids' math skills by helping them count backwards.

10. Give kisses and fizzy drinks at midnight. Try orange soda or even a ginger ail & juice punch.

That's it. Enjoy the night and tuck those little ones in. No, they will probably not sleep late tomorrow moning.

8:57 PM - Dec. 31, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Sleep Would Be Nice

Little Darlin isn't sleeping well, hence Big Mama isn't either. I'll blog more when I feel human.

Have a great day.

8:13 AM - Dec. 2, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Kids are Like Dogs or Vice Versa

Have you ever seen one of those big city dog walkers? You know, a frazzled-looking bloke with five different dogs all tugging, pulling, yapping, and gnashing their teeth? The poor dog walker is simply trying to stay upright.

That's exactly how I feel. Only my 'dogs' are five crazy little kids. All day long there is tugging, pulling, yapping and gnashing of the teeth. There are frequent times when the mutts try to challenge the Alpha Male, but when they lose that battle they turn on each other and fight for territory. My 2 year old has made it a habit of marking the house with his scent. Its not funny.

They will often pass each other in the hallway, narrow their eyes and bare their teeth, each one silently saying to the other "Don't Mess With ME!!" We even hear growling on occassion, once again the culprit is usually the 2 year old. Fortunately, all I have to do to restore order is toss them a few treats and scratch behind their ears.

If only I could get my kids to do this:

4:19 PM - Nov. 24, 2008 - comments {4} - post comment

The Court Rules the World

Check out this article about a New Zealand judge who decided to make a 9yo girl a ward of the state just so he could change her name. He was tired of parents naming their children weird names, so he took action.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080724/ap_on_re_au_an/new_zealand_bizarre_names

Here's a quote:

"The court is profoundly concerned about the very poor judgment which this child's parents have shown in choosing this name," he wrote. "It makes a fool of the child and sets her up with a social disability and handicap, unnecessarily."

The parents have every right to name their child whatever they want, no matter how ridiculous or socially upsetting it may be. Parents make stupid choices everyday that result from poor judgement. That doesn't mean that we need the court to step in and correct our problems.

This kind of thing is going to be more prevalent as the rights of the child become more important than the rights of parents. We are headed closer and closer to becoming like liberal Europe where society decides what is right for children, not their parents.

Check this site for more info about parental rights and protect yourself from the government and its zealous law-makers. http://www.parentalrights.org/

6:21 PM - Jul. 24, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Watching Them Play

The little ones are bouncing around on the trampoline, haphazardly bumping into one another and laughing hysterically as they fall down. I can see them through the living room window. I know I need to be out there with them, and not sitting in here on the computer.

Sometimes its just easier to send them to play.

I'm tired again today and a bit overwhelmed at the state of the house. I'm wondering when God will get sick of hearing me say "I can't do this." I wonder when He'll stop replying "Yes, you can. I'm here to help." The Bible says that He'll never stop replying that way. But sometimes I still wonder. Oh woman of little faith.

3:58 PM - Jul. 21, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

The "Be Careful Momma"

Today at the playground I witness the phenomena that I like to call the "Be careful" momma. Let me describe this momma to you and explain why she is my number one playground pet peeve.

She is the mom who thinks her little darlin is made of glass. Coming out of her mouth at 7 second intervals are the following phrases "Be careful Skyler!" "Not too fast, Skyler!" "Skyler, hold on, you might fall!" "Skyler, do NOT jump off of that!" Her face is tense as she watches her child play....if you can call his slow, controlled movements "playing".

I am not a "Be careful" momma. I am a "Have fun" momma.

At the playground you will find me trying to get my kids to jump off high spots...that is what high spots are for, right? You can hear me encouraging them to push the merry-go-round faster. When they fall, I generally say "That was an awesome wipe-out, can you show me another one?" I don't worry about them hurting themselves. What is a broken leg, in the scheme of things? I'd much rather they be adventurous and willing to risk a small injury for the sake of an awesome accomplishment than be too scared to ever do anything cool. But that's just me.

10:25 PM - Jul. 17, 2008 - comments {6} - post comment

Parenting Quotes

Here are some quotes from the book Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp. This book has been a real encouragement in my journey this week towards more Biblical parenting.

The situation is not hopeless. You can raise children in Godly ways at the end of the 20^th century. You need not – indeed, you dare not – cave in, concluding that the task is impossible. Experience may tell you that failure is inevitable, but experience is an unsafe guide. The only safe guide is the Bible. It is the revelation of a God who has infinite knowledge and can therefore give you absolute truth…

You do not come to your child demanding, for your purposes, that he knuckle up to you and obey. No! You come with the corrections of discipline that are the way to life (Proverbs 6:23). You engage your son on the behalf of God because God has first engaged you.

The purpose for you authority in the lives of your children is not to hold them under your power, but empower them to be self-controlled people living freely under the authority of God.

It is very easy for me to get too authoritarian with my kids, requiring that they meet my demands, rather than meeting the demands that God has set for them. Authority is good. In fact, too many little children are running around wild because their parents don't realize that they have the God-given authority to make those hooligans obey. But, when you mix a black-and-white-personality with a little authority, you often get legalism in parenting.

I praise God for showing me that I'm not here to make little roboticly-obedient kids who never disobey because they are afraid of punishment, but rather children that desire obedience and understand the rewards of obedience. You can thank my husband for that last bit...he sent to me via an encouraging email when I was frustrated with our progress earlier this week :)

1:10 PM - Jun. 26, 2008 - comments {2} - post comment

Helpmeet in Trainig

I am SO buying this shirt for my daughter. I can't wait to put it on her. Now, she just has to be born...

11:09 PM - Jun. 2, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Children in Church - How to Do It

I've written two posts on the worthiness and benefits of bringing children into adult worship service. If you haven't already read them, start here and then here. Here are a few tips for how to make the transistion to big church easier for your kids.

1. Seek your husband's wisdom on this issue

Your husband may have a different vision for your family than what I have laid out for you. If he isn't that keen on bringing kids into church, then don't attempt it. Pray for unity between you and your husband, and wait for God to move. If God changes your husband's mind, then come back here and finish reading. If the reason your husband doesn't want the kids in church is because they are unruly and poorly behaved, then work on their behavior during the day when he is gone. Honor him by giving him children that are well-behaved and fun to be around.

If he never changes his mind, that's okay. It doesn't make him a bad Christian. God just has something different planned for your family. Many times we women read something on the internet, decide its the way for our family to live and then get mad when our hubbies don't go along (ask me how I know.)

2. Prepare at home.

Other than seeking your husband's wisdom, this is the most crucial part. If your children aren't well-behaved at home, they won't be at church (ask me how I know.) Begin by training and teaching them how to obey mommy at home. You should only have one rule -obey mommy. You don't need a list of rules for your children to follow. They need to have a relationship with you that helps them to desire to obey you. For more info on general child training, go to the websites www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com or www.nogreaterjoy.org

3. Practice at home.

Set up church training sessions in your home. Get some uncomfortable chairs and a sermon on tv. Have the children learn to sit still for five minutes at a time. Lengthen the time, until they can handle a full 30 minute sermon. Teach older children to take notes and use their Bibles. Don't allow them to sit their like bumps on a log, teach them to engage in the sermon. For readers, make them a chart with words like "Jesus", "God", Love", "Sin" (whatever is applicable to the sermon) and let the put tally marks beside each word to count how many times the preacher says it. This is an easy way to get the to listen.

3. Bring one child in at a time.

It may be easier for some to go cold turkey and to pull all of their kids out of nursery and/or children's church. If that's the case for your family, then go for it. For us, we found the transition to be easier by working on one child at a time. Start with the oldest, and work your way down. Perhaps, set up an age when children begin to come to church. Make it young, like 2 or 3, rather than older. Some parents begin as babies, and that's totally okay, too. Hey, their your kids. I've just found that the period between 6 mos and 2 years is a bit more difficult to expect good behavior (ie, quietness) in church.

4. No distractions.

When we first started bringing our oldest into church (he's 9 and has been coming to big church for 4 years), we would bring coloring books and crayons. Well, after a few Sundays of having the crayons spill all over the floor taught us better. Now, we don't allow coloring books or toys. The children can have a Bible, and older one can have a pen and paper for note-taking.

5. Commitment.

This is hard. There may be Sundays when you take your child out five times to discipline him. Don't grow weary in doing good. Continue, and your child will get the message. Don't reward his misbehavior by taking him to 'play' in Sunday school or children's church.

There was one Sunday that I remember in particular that we had a special speaker. We were just at the beginning of bringing our 3yo (who has a more strong-willed personality than our oldest) to church. I remember almost choosing not to get him out of Sunday school that morning because I was tired and I really wanted to hear the speaker. Then God said "Is this an act of convenience or conviction?" I brought my son into church and he did so well. I remember feeling especially blessed that day for staying commited to the task we started.

God bless you on your journey to worship together as a family.

7:29 AM - May. 25, 2008 - comments {2} - post comment

Children in Church - Is it worth the distraction?

We have been bringing our three year old into church with us for nine months. It has been a wonderful experience, but we have heard some arguments against it from other Christians. The arguments that we hear most often from people who are opposed to bringing children to church are 1) children will distract their parents during service AND 2) children need to learn how to worship in a child-friendly (age-appropriate) environment. I will try to discuss these two arguments over the next few posts, and give some practical advice on how to transition your children from nursery or children’s church to “big” church

When we first started bringing our three year old into church, it was difficult and distracting. There were a few Sundays when I didn’t hear the preacher at all because I was so focused on training my child to sit still and listen. There were even a few Sundays when my husband and I had to take our child out of church to discipline him, thus missing whatever the preacher said in those five minutes.

So, can children in church be a distraction? Yes. But, which is more important – listening to an entire sermon or diligently training our children the way the Lord has commanded us? In Deuteronomy 6 God tells the Israelites, "These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.”

Does God want us to stop training our children for the one hour period when we are involved in corporate worship? NO. It is clear that God wants us to be training our children ALL the time. During those moments when I wasn’t able to listen to the preacher, I was hearing from God. As I watched my son, and focused on his behavior, I was in continual communication with God. I was praying and seeking wisdom. Sometimes I was pleading with Him to show me how to deal with certain issues. He always supplied the answer. So, maybe I didn’t hear the Word from my pastor, but I did hear the Word.

After a few weeks of being distracted, I began to reap the benefits. I can now easily take my three year into church and expect him to behave well. This Sunday, we began the process of transitioning our two year old into big church. I had a great experience that showed me clearly how these arguments against children in church are ridiculous.

During service, we sang my all-time favorite worship song, Knees to the Earth, which always brings out the charismatic in me (we go to a Baptist church) :) At the beginning of the song, my dad was holding the little guy, so I completely gave in to the moment of worship. My eyes closed and my arms lifted up, and I felt the spirit sweep over me. I also felt sneaky little two year old hands brush behind me. Without opening my eyes, I reached down and grabbed the little booger, and continued to worship.

I could have easily been frustrated that my parental duties interrupted my worship (my favorite song, no less), but the Lord showed me that taking care of my child was my act of worship. How selfish it would be to expect that my worship must be sacred, perfect, and interruption-free. How shallow to believe that the only way I can grow as a Christian is to have my weekly fill of religious "me" time. If our spiritual growth is dependant on moments like that, then we, as mothers, are in for a big surprise.

God was the one who made us mothers, and He understands that our worship of Him includes little children gathering at our feet, sometimes noisy, sometimes messy. He doesn’t expect perfection from us, so why should we? All God requires of us is an open heart. He doesn’t care whether we have a baby on our hip.

Some of you are reading this and are thinking "You're asking us to put our children before our walk with God." That's not what I'm saying at all. As mothers, it is essential that our walk with the Lord be first priority. Otherwise, we suffer and our children suffer. But, our spiritual walk is more than just the one hour that we spend in corporate worship each week. In fact, that twenty minute sermon that we hear on Sunday is probably the smallest part of our spiritual life. Why should we put it before the raising of our children?

Our spiritual walk encompasses every part of our daily life; including how we accept the role He has divinely given us. As mothers we must realize that one of our most important acts of worship is to raise up Godly children. How can we do this if we use selfish excuses to push our children out of our lives?

Yes, it is easier for us to usher our children to the nursery or children's church and let someone else do the teaching. Yes, it is easier to never worry about training our children to sit still during church. Yes, it is easier to have no distractions during weekly worship.....but is it beneficial? Hopefully, I'll answer that question in part two of this post. Comment and tell me how you feel about children being in church.

12:54 PM - May. 19, 2008 - comments {4} - post comment

More Info about Texas CPS Case

I can't possibly begin to say everything that needs to be said about this ridiculous case, in which children were stolen from their mothers. I get madder everytime I think about it. Here are some great articles that discuss many of the crucial points of this case.

1:12 PM - Apr. 22, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

Everything is Bigger in Texas - Even Screw Ups

I'm sure my post won't make much sense, but give me a break. I've already been interuppted by little ones four times during the writing of this post.

Well it seems the phone call that got 416 kids stolen from their mothers was a big hoax. Yet, somehow, the government still has control of these children. This whole situation sickens me. No matter how we feel about what this sect does, there was no evidence to warrant a massive removal of children.

If all of this is about sexual abuse, then what are we going to do with the parents who oversexualize their children by allowing them to watch MTV or other things on tv that show inappropriate conduct? What about the mothers who allow their 12 year olds to come to church dressed like sluts? Shouldn't we do something about that? What about the dads who take their sons to Hooters and encourage them to gawk at women whom they are not married to? Why don't we remove kids from their parents for that type of sexual abuse?

What about all of the regular families (ones that don't wear funny dresses, have long hair, and marry old guys) whose teen daughters get pregnant? Shouldn't we remove the kids from those parents for allowing their daughters to have premarital sex?

I've heard so many arguments for and against this entire situation. One that I'm tired of hearing is that 14yo girls shouldn't be mothers. I'd MUCH rather my 14 year old be mentally and physically capable of raising a family than wasting her life by spending the day texting her friends, shopping at the mall, and trying to get the latest boy-toy to like her. But hey, that's just me. Call me weird.

I'm praying that these children get returned to their mothers, and that no harm will come to them.

3:59 PM - Apr. 21, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

CPS and Parental Rights

Please pray for the 400+ children in Texas who were stolen from their mothers by the out of control, government agency, CPS. It sickens me that CPS has so much power and can do anything as long as they wave the banner of child abuse while they do it. Pray for the spiritual and physical protection of these children while they are in the custody of the state.

On a similar note, but not necessarily related, please check out this video by parentrights.org. Find out how you can help protect the rights of parents to make decisions for their children.

http://www.parentalrights.org/action/downloads/video

3:46 AM - Apr. 16, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Forgotten Moments

Down by the mailbox, the little boys are bent over examining some microscopic speck of utmost importance. Their conversation reaches me in twitters and whispers. I cannot tell what they are saying but I can tell that they are excited about their discovery. I realize, as I watch them, that there will be many of these moments. Moments that are insignificant, but that quietly build their bond as brothers. Moments that I cannot be a part of, except to observe.

I worry that these tiny moments that we spend together will soon be forgotten. As I get older my memory isn't as clear with all of the busyness and chaos that has infiltrated my life in the past few years. I find myself unable to recall even the most basic information from the boys' infancy. And the little ones themselves are far too young to even remember these miniscule moments. I hope that even if all of these moments are lost to forgetfullness, that they will somehow be stitched into our spirits, our hearts, our experience. Invisibly woven into the tapestry of our life, making it stronger and subtly more beautiful.

8:32 PM - Apr. 8, 2008 - comments {3} - post comment

Ten Things That are More Productive than Reading My Blog

I'm in a strange mood today. Aren't you glad I told you? Yes, I know...you come to my blog just to see what funky emotions are coursing through my heart. I promise you there is better stuff you could be doing with your time than reading about my life. Let me share some with you.

10 Things That are More Productive than Reading My Blog

1. picking your nose with a fake finger

2. seeing how long it takes you to lick your elbow

3. removing your leg hair with tweezers (pluck...ouch...pluck...ouch...pluck....ouch)

4. reciting the Chinese alphabet backwards (reading my blog would be a lot easier but less profitable)

5. finding out what all five members of New Kids On The Block look like now. (you know you want to check it out, Lyddie)

6. creating Miis for every person you know http://www.joystiq.com/media/2006/10/mii.swf

7. Watching a video of a 6yo boy breakdancing http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d26XQMMJxno

8. Taking an "Are You A Feminist?" quiz http://www.blogthings.com/areyouafeministquiz/?newleftcolumn=yes&order=4 (you'd better stop reading my blog if you are, you're bound to be offended because the quiz told me that I am a 'feminist worst nightmare". Barefoot and pregnant, baby!)

9. Use this Baby Name Genie baby to generate the perfect baby name. Apparently, if our baby is a boy, his name will be Calvin Pierce.

10. Spend hours coming up with a list of ten things that are more productive than reading my blog.

11:12 PM - Apr. 2, 2008 - comments {2} - post comment

Kids Are Going to Have Sex

Yes, if you raise your kids indulged in the world, allowing them to watch most of what it is on TV, and then allow them to spend unsupervised time with the opposite sex...then yes, they will have sex.

Kids don't HAVE TO HAVE sex. It is a choice. They choose it because it looks like the best option, and they haven't been taught any self-control.

Most kids make this choice because their parents have done a poor job teaching them the Bible, building an open relationship, and teaching them that God's option...sex in marriage...is so much better than sex outside of marriage.

This stuff starts at birth. We don't let our sons watch shows where girls are scantily dressed. We try to maintain an open relationship, which leads to all sorts of STRANGE conversations. We teach them God's plan for marriage, and the consequences of going against His plan.

Could our children STILL choose to have sex? Of course. However, their free will doesn't exempt me from my job as a parent. But, I will be praying for and protecting their purity everyday until they die. That is my job, and they can't survive the hazards of this world without their parents' prayers.

So, thank you for your comment, annonymous, I hope you stop by again.

12:24 AM - Mar. 10, 2008 - comments {0} - post comment

No Rules Parenting

In a brilliant show of parenting skills, my husband declared a no-rules night for our 9yo. While folding laundry, the 9yo complained that kids don't like work or rules. After that, my husband informed our oldest son that he could do whatever he wanted for the rest of the night.

If you know my son, then you know that he is very loyal and tries hard to be obedient. This morning before hubby left for work, he declard it a Wii-free day. With the Wii banned lifted our son was torn. He knew that Daddy didn't want him to play the Wii, but he also knew that Daddy had just given him the freedom to do whatever he wanted.

It was awesome to watch. He sat on the floor, trying to figure out what to do. He was shaken and upset and eventually said "I want rules! I want rules!" My husband's awesome parenting kicked in and he gave our oldest a great teaching on rule-living like the pharisees vs. rule-living sprung from loving the rule-giver.

Of course, this approach would look quite differently with our 3yo. If we gave him a rule-free day, he would jump to it and eat chocolate chips and play video games. The brilliant parenting for this child would come in by allowing his indulgence to cause him pain. We'd have to let him eat so many chocolate chips that his tummy hurt.

Parenting is fun...Thank God we're not alone doing it.

9:28 PM - Jan. 22, 2008 - comments {1} - post comment

Efforts for My Children

My children's behavior is still on my mind today. More importantly, their heart issues are on my mind. I have to constantly remind myself that I am not training and teaching them so that they will "behave well". I'm training and teaching them so that their hearts will be pure and long for God. Once their hearts have been reached, then the pleasing behavior will follow.

Here's my list of things that I need to work on in my life and in our home. These affect my children, even if indirectly.

I need to get to know God. I need to spend time in His word, letting it flow over me and fill me with joy. Right now, I feel pretty joyless. Here are some articles with ideas that I'll implement on spending time with God.
- Can Mother's Have Quiet Times
- God's Presence in Our Homes
I need to mend the broken relationship with my husband. I've been rebellious lately. This rebellion was probably unnoticed by everyone, but my husband and I know that it was there. I need to ask his forgiveness and offer him my gift of submission.
I need to demonstrate the good character that I want my children to have. Therefore I need to deal with the sins or bad habits that have flooded my life.
I need to master my flesh. I am lazy and gluttonous.
I need to strengthen my children's hearts by showing them unconditional love and acceptance.
I need to strengthen my children's bodies by making sure they are eating good food. Sugar and other foods can cause kids' brains to go wonky.
I need to strengthen my children's character by giving them work for their hands.
I need to give them a secure environment, which means routine and consistency.
I need to resolve to keep them with me, but not as punishment, as a way to show them love and enjoy them. And as a way to be aware of the issues that need to be dealt with.

Here are some good resources for reaching children's hearts. I threw in some quotes that were meaningful from the articles.

www.raisinggodlytomatoes.com
Shepherding the Child's Heart by Tedd Tripp
Don't Make Me Count to Three by Ginger Plowman
www.nogreaterjoy.org, specifically the following articles
- It's the Book's Fault - "Without doubt, when a parent is out of fellowship with the children, he/she is out of communion with God...You cannot hide your condition with training techniques."
- 12 Parenting Essentials
- Capture the Moment -
- One Size Fits All? - ...Not all children can be trained equally with the same techniques...
- A Wise Older Couple is Troubled at What They Saw
- Preventative Training - This one is not about reaching the heart of our children, but about children (and adults) who are addicted to indulgence.
- Lady with Lots of Questions - check out question #4

12:51 PM - Oct. 9, 2007 - comments {4} - post comment

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The sometimes poignant and almost-never popular thoughts of a mother trying to survive the poo and other pleasantries that go along with parenting.

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