Princess of the Mountain

Oct. 24, 2007

Before and After - Writing Workshop Lesson 5

Before: When the bee stung Alice it hurt!

After: Alice twirled all over the place and didn't know she had hit a bee! Suddenly the bee stung her! She wailed, jumped back and clutched her sore arm. She saw people staring at her. Alice blushed, gulped and ran away to her home.

Part 2:

Character: Angel

Emotion: Fear

Angel flew back to her young chicks. Cloudy , Ina and Snow were gone! Angel screeched. Tears ran down Angel's cheeks. "Eeeeeer!" sobed Angel. Suddenly a net flew over Angel! Her eyes flew wide open, Mr. Aim had her again!

Character: Henry

Emotion: Scared.

One fine day, Henry was walking in the woods when a cry made him bite his bottom lip and swallow hard. The cry came four more times and then one loud cry that sounded like it was behind him! He bit his fingernails and trembled. Crack! A stick cracked under Henry's feet. Henry's stomach felt gooey, and his heart thumped fast.

Character: Mr. Aim

Emotion: Anger

Mr. Aim laughed to see he had Angel in his net. BANG! A huge rock slamed on his head! Mr. Aim's face grew dark red when he saw Alice and Henry flying away on Angel. "I'll have you two in my hands some day!" He growled to himself. He banged his fists on a cage and went after Angel, Alice and Henry.

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Comments

Oct. 24, 2007 - Nicely done!

Posted by skmarlow

Your bee sentences are some of the best I've seen (compared to the classes I've taught in the past). You blogger students are outstanding writers! I love your word choices (twirled, clutched) as well as how you didn't just write random sentences listing the feelings from the chart, but wrote a "mini-scene."

Part II
MP, you have done an exceptional job with showing these characters' feelings. I saw these characters on your lesson 3, and they are now having feelings! Great job! Have you begun the story yet? Again, your word choices (gooey!) are excellent and you wrote a "scene" instead of random sentences.

Here is the BIG question: Can you take what you have learned and use it in your stories consistently? I found in my live workshops, the kids did pretty well on the assignments, but then never made the transition to use these new skills in their actual stories! It takes work, but the results are well worth it. I'm proud to have you as a student.

I'm editing this so I can ask you if you did Lesson 4 yet? That is where you take your characters from the character charts and write a paragraph about each of them, using the traits you filled out on the chart. Mostly putting your "notes" together into complete sentences as a character "sketch."
If you did it, I sure can't find it.

Edited by skmarlow on Oct. 24, 2007 at 9:11 PM

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Jan. 4, 2008 - yo

Posted by Freedomg

Asome

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Jan. 29, 2008 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Bookwriter

Great writing lesson! I am on lesson 5 too. Did you add me to your friends list? I added you to mine.
Bethany

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About Me

This is my journal of life in the high mountains and other places. I am a 10 year old girl, who is the oldest in my family. I love to play outside, read, draw, and write stories. We live in the beautiful mountains of Colorado, where the snow gets really deep.