The other night while lying in bed, before falling asleep, I was praying and meditating on my Lord, as always. As the new year had just started, I quickly envisioned the scene from Times Square--and it expanded in my mind into this scene. A story...
It looked like New York City on New Year's eve. Times Square, filled side to side, the whole length you could see, with noisy, clamorous, celebrating people. They were "Christians." Thousands and thousands of "Christians," the people from "church."
There was a lady in the crowd. She seemed lost. She wasn't sure what was going on. She had been in the crowd for a while, going with it, taking comfort in the mass of people, assuming she was a Christian. But she realized it didn't all make sense. She began to ask questions. She yelled to any who could hear, a series of questions. No one seemed to be listening. But she asked, "Where is this road going? (as she tried to jump and crane her neck to look)" "I can't see!" "Is God really up there?" "I can't hear Him!" "I have a question about what you all are doing." "Why are you doing this?" "Why should I do things this way?" "God, are you really up there?" (craning her neck)." "I can't see!" "I can't hear!" "What is happening?"
In response, different people from the crowd inundated her with answers to keep her quiet. A pastor held up his Bible and said, "This is church. This is where you're supposed to be. Everything is okay." ("Amen!" several people shouted) "What do you mean is God really up there? Do you remember the time and place you got saved? Then you're saved." ("Amen!") A lady shouted out, "Listen to this music! Isn't it great? Doesn't it feel like the spirit of God? Of course God is here!" ("Hallelujah!") "Are you serving God in your local New Testament church?" "Serve more!" ("Amen!") "You need to read your Bible every day. Are you reading it every day?" ("Amen!") "Are you giving faithfully the church?" "Of course God is up there, if you can't see Him, then you don't have enough faith." ("Amen!") "This is the narrow way! We are all Christians!" "You can sit in a pew every Sunday but go straight to hell!" ("Amen!") "Here! Link arms with me, and I'll stand side by side with you!" "Stick with us!" "Work with us!" "You shouldn't be with anyone else!" "This is the way!" "Come with us if you want to be faithful!" "I am a pastor, and I am God's ordained authority. If you follow me, you are following God." ("Amen!")
The lady quieted for a bit, and followed along with everyone else, and tried shouting "Amen!" to see if it helped give her more peace. "I must not be doing enough," she thought." "I must not have enough faith." She tried to read her Bible more, and teach a little group of children. She copied the others around her, and listened earnestly to what they said, trying to find hope and peace. But her heart ached, and again she cried, "I don't know if I'm truly faithful! I'm not sure! I want to be truly faithful! Is this the right way? I can't see where it's going! It's so broad! So many people!"
The crowd cried, "You're doing great! Look at how much you're serving! Serve more!" "If you're faithful, you should be leading people to the Lord. That's our first commandment as Christians!" ("Amen!") "You're faithful if you come with us!" "Why are you worried about how or where you walk? Jesus work on the cross is finished! ("Amen!") You don't have to worry about it any more." ("Amen!") "Do you read your Bible every morning?" "I read my Bible through in one year!" "I have 30 minutes of prayer time every day at 6:00!" "I have taught Sunday School for 25 years!" "I got 300 children saved in VBS!" ("Amen!" "Glory to God!" "Hallelujah!") "I lead a women's Bible study!" "I write Christian articles!" "I sing in the choir and help with the drama team!" "I manage the food bank at church--and God has really blessed me because of it!" "There's not really a narrow road. Jesus is the narrow road. Do you believe in Him?" ("Amen!") "Let's do this Bible study together! It's the new bestseller at the Christian bookstore, and boy, it's great! So encouraging!" ("Amen!")
"I dont' have time for another study! I don't have the money for another book!" But she signed up anyway.
"You don't have the money?" "I have tithed faithfully for 10 years, plus given to missions, and to the building fund, and to the general offering fund! And I have been blessed! I got a promotion, and a bonus! We have lots of money! God blessed us for giving faithfully." The pastor yelled, "If you don't have enough money then you haven't been giving faithfully." ("Amen!") ("Amen!")
And the lady cried, "But if I serve any more, I don't even have time for my own husband or children! It's putting stress on my marriage and my children are neglected. We're always running!"
"It's great!" they cried. "You're working so hard for the Lord! You're making sacrifices!"
She cried again, "But Tom Cruise has money! He didn't give to the church! I don't understand!" "But what about me? God, what do you want from me? There's just too much noise! Too many options!"
She was pulled this way and that. "Come with me! Let's go to this class about how to get people saved. You're commanded as a Christian to go into this world and save others." ("Amen!")
She shook herself free for a moment, and tried to listen, but was confused by the yelling voices. Sermons, quoted scriptures, hymns, advice, invitations to serve by helping with this program, or that, counsel, and noise, noise, noise...Hands waving in the air, "Amen!" "Hallelujah!" "Praise God!"
She found a place to climb higher and get a better view, looking for someone she could talk to. She looked further down the mass of people, and saw that all kinds of people were there, too. There were Muslims, and Atheists, and all the people who just didn't care about Jesus, or who had never been taught. The "Christians" were evangelizing them, handing them tracts, having them pray little "prayers of salvation," and then some of them joined in with the Christians. Some people joined with the Muslims, some quit doing what the Christians were doing and became people who didn't care.
She turned to look the other way. In the distance, she saw a peaceful green meadow, and a few people were walking. She went up to someone in the crowd who looked confident, put together. She asked, "What about those few people way over there, walking by themselves?" and pointed to the meadow. The confident person responded, "There's no lone rangers in the Christian walk! We need to work together! Stay with us!" Someone else chimed in, "Some people take their religion too far. They're delusional!" ("Amen!") "You need to read more books, study more!" "Don't pay any attention to them! Look at this research! These statistics!" "It's only logical! Doesn't this sound good?" "Oh, it just makes SO much sense!" ("Amen!") "Makes sense to me!" "And to me!" "Sounds good!" "Tickles my ears!" "Don't forget! Be in church every time the doors are open!" ("Amen!")
Then the view shifted out to this meadow. A quiet, very narrow footpath running through a pasture, beside still waters, and there were a few people on it, single file, no closer than 50 feet apart. I was on that path, and my oldest child (15) was behind me, as well as a few other people I knew and had encouraged, or who had encouraged me. I prayed, "Lord! Are you up there? Am I on the narrow way?" And I leaned my neck slightly to the side, and could see clearly up the path--no clutter of people--and I heard very clearly (no din of noisy people), "I'm right here, my child" I said, "Oh, yes! I see you! (I waved). I hear you!" And my Lord said, "Yes, I know you, you are one of my sheep, and, my sheep hear my voice." The man in front of me turned back and called to me, he said, "Yes, the Lord is up there! I see Him! I hear Him! Just keep coming!" (He waved to encourage me on to keep coming). I then turned to the person behind me (my son), I said, "The Lord is there! I see Him! I hear Him! Keep coming!" I beckoned him to encourage him. My son craned his neck to look, and waved, and said, "Yes! I see Him! I hear Him, too!" And we kept walking, in utter peace, towards our Lord. I looked ahead at my Lord and said, "Lord, what do you want from me?"
He said, "Love me with all your heart, your mind, and your strength."
Peace filled my heart as I thought, "Of course! That's what He said He wants from me first and foremost!" I said, "Oh, Lord, help me to do that. Help me to love you more."
And the Lord said, "Bless you, my child, for seeking first the kingdom of God and His righteousness. I died just for you."
"Thank you, Lord, for giving Your life that I might live and seek to enter Your Kingdom, and be joint heirs with You." So sweet, His love for me! And I kept walking, in peace, and following, with my eyes solely on my Lord, one foot in front of the other.
Ahead of me, someone heard the din of the people on the Broad Way, and heard the name of God, and heard the music, and the pastors shouting. She said, "It sounds like they're talking about God over there, and they're telling us we should come! I'm going to go see what's happening over there" and she left the path.
I looked ahead to my Lord, and raised my eyebrows, questioning. And the Lord said, "Be careful, lest ye also fall away."
The person who had left called back to all of us, "Hey! You should come over here! They say they've got the truth! They say they're saved, and that we need to work with them to help get other people saved, too!"
I told Him, "No! Lord, please! I only want to follow You! I only want to be on the narrow way! Whatever it takes, please! Help me to love only You, and serve only You!"
He said, "Keep coming, my child. Keep coming this way."
And by faith, I continued to place one foot in front of the other on the narrow path--because that was all there was room for. One step at a time, by faith, always seeking the kingdom of God and His righteousness.
And all these things--everything I need...
It has been added unto me.
I saw the lady who was confused coming over towards our path. I smiled at her. God's love shone on her, because she was so close to Him. She said to me, "Can you help me?"
I said, "No, I can't help you, but He can! He can! Come on!"
She stepped on to the path behind me, a little unsure.
"Come on," I said. "He is up there. Ask Him! Talk to Him! You will see!"
She said, "Lord, are you really up there?" And she craned her head to look.
And He said, "Yes, my child. I am here. Keep coming. I will show You the way."
And she cried, "Oh! I see Him! I hear Him! Thank you, Lord."
She began asking Him her questions, and He answered her every one, with His precious Word. And she heard Him. He comforted her, and healed her, because He loves her, and knows her--her every need. And because she was now seeking Him and Him alone, all these things were added unto her.
And she kept walking.
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Enter ye in at the strait (narrow) gate:
for wide is the gate,
and broad is the way,
that leadeth to destruction,
and many there be which go in thereat:
Because strait (narrow) is the gate
and narrow is the way,
which leadeth unto life,
and few (yes, that means FEW)
there be that find it.
Beware of false prophets,
which come to you in sheep's clothing
("Oh, yes!" they say, "I'm one of His sheep!"),
but inwardly they are ravening wolves.
Ye shall know them by their fruits. -Jesus Christ Matthew 7:13-16
FRUITS: LOVE
JOY
PEACE
PATIENCE
KINDNESS
GOODNESS
FAITH
MEEKNESS
SELF CONTROL Galatians 5:22-23
Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying,
Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him,
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God
with all thy heart,
and with all thy soul,
and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment. -Jesus Christ Matthew 22:36-38
But seek ye first the kingdom of God,
and his righteousness;
and all these things
(all things you need)
shall be added unto you. -Jesus Christ Matthew 6:33
Wherefore, beloved,
seeing that ye look for such things,
be diligent that ye may be found of him in peace,
without spot, and blameless.
And account that the longsuffering of our Lord is salvation;
even as our beloved brother Paul also according to the wisdom given unto him
hath written unto you;
As also in all his epistles, speaking in them
of these things;
in which are some things hard to be understood,
which they that are unlearend and unstable wrest,
as they do also the other scriptures,
unto their own destruction.
Ye therefore, beloved,
seeing ye know these things before,
beware lest ye also,
being led away with the error of the wicked,
fall from your own stedfastness. I Peter 3:14-17
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart;
and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways acknowledge him,
and He shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
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I may not be going the same direction as you, but I can see Him. I can hear Him. He is my Shepherd, and I am one of His sheep. He leads me. I wouldn't change direction for anything in the world. My eyes and ears are only on Him, because He is truly my Lord. I will follow only Him. But anyone who wants can get in line right behind me! We'll encourage each other all the way. As those before me encourage me, and those behind me encourage me--because they can see Him and hear Him, too. Oh, how I wish you would get on this blessed path so you could see Him, and hear Him, and be led by the Holy, perfect, Shepherd, who dries every tear, heals the brokenhearted, who gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, who puts the mind in perfect peace, and pours out His wisdom and truth on those who love Him, and whose mind and eyes are stayed on only Him. Oh, how I pray you find Him!
I often go back and read this prior entry myself (like this morning). My husband IS on board, but I still need encouraged to be the wife I am commanded to be. How quickly I can lose my footing--over just one moment of frustration! I love my husband and am so grateful to God for giving him to me. When we have irritable moments, crabby moments, frustrating moments, this is one place I go to make sure I keep things straight. I thought it might encourage more than just me to throw it up here again:
When Your Husband Isn't On Board
I recently was posed the following question by a blog friend--a question that has come up many, many times, and and issue I went through myself:
When you made these gradual changes (referring to changing my home from a worldly home into a more godly home), was your husband behind you or in other words leading the way? I really feel that is important. It is as important as my own examples for the children. Can you speak to this, or have you already in another entry? I feel strongly that there are changes to make in our family, but I also don't want to be the one leading.
What a wise lady, one whose heart is sensitive to true submission to both God and her husband! She is already on the right track! But I will share my thoughts and comments from my experience, and maybe one thing will stand out for you and your situation (all husbands are different!). I believe there are several areas you can evaluate and "take action" as a godly wife and mother.
1. Keep your priorities in check. Is God your King? Do you live to please Him first and foremost? Are you motivated to examine everything you do and be aware of how it pleases your King? If you don't have this heart attitude, PRAY TO BE THIS WAY. The following two verses explain that EVERYTHING starts here. I think sometimes as Christians we hear these verses so much that we can be a little immune to them. But don't be! Jesus himself calls this verse "first and great." It is important. All else hangs on this. If your home needs to change, if your life needs to change, if your family needs to change, this is what is "first and great" in the life of a Christian. If you get this part, things will fall into place. If you skip this, you will struggle.
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. Matthew 23:37-38
But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things (the things you need) shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Matthew 6:33-34
Once your eyes are on God and God alone, this next part is easy. Wives are commanded to submit themselves to their husbands "as unto the Lord."
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Ephesians 5:22-23
Did you catch that? "AS UNTO THE LORD." If God is your King, then so should your husband be seen as king. And, it is your calling as your husband's helpmeet to make your husband look like a king and feel like a king--NO MATTER WHERE YOUR HUSBAND IS SPIRITUALLY. The Bible makes no exceptions or loopholes in its commands to wives to submit to their husbands. You can rest confidently in God's principle of working through His chosen authorities, and husbands fall into this category. God chose the husband to be the head of the wife. God also commands wives to make their husbands their "king."
A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4
A "crown to her husband" is a wife who treats her husband as the king and makes him look like the king to all others who view their lives. "But she that maketh ashamed..." is the wife who complains to others about her husband, or who even has a complaining, irreverent spirit. That is as rottenness to his bones. Rotten bones... that is not a husband who is poised for spiritual growth. That is a spiritually crippled husband.--critically injured.
But even better is this: God promises to move the heart of kings. So once you truly are a crown to your husband and you have made him "king," God can then begin to work.
The king's heart is in the hand of the Lord, as the rivers of water: he turneth it whithersoever he will. Proverbs 21:1
What a great promise! Your husband, if he is the king (and you and only you have the power to make him one or not), his heart is in the hand of the Lord, and God will turn it whithersoever He will. And, you ask, what is God's will for the king of your family? A godly home raising a godly seed? You bet!
Just look at the example God made of Sarah for us! She is mentioned in the New Testament exactly for being a wife who made her husband king. She is called a "holy woman."
But let it be the hidden man of the heart (your beauty), and in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well and are not afraid with any amazement.
I Peter 3:4-6
This passage is referring to a time when Sarah's husband, Abraham, was not being very wise and even put her in jeopardy--referring to when Abraham took her to Egypt and told her to tell them she was his sister, upon which the Pharaoah took her and added her to his harem, intending to make her his wife. She was in great danger, if you can imagine! In the harem of a pagan court that worshipped all kinds of pagan gods and had no regard for God's standards of purity. But Sarah was a "holy woman," she put GOD FIRST, and that is why she made her husband the king, and trusted God to protect her and to deal with her husband's heart. And did God protect her?
And the Lord plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues because of Sarai Abram's wife. And Pharaoh called Abram, and said, What is this that thou hast done unto me? why didst thou not tell me that she was thy wife? Why saidst thou, She is my sister? so I might have taken her to me to wife: now therefore behold thy wife, take her, and go thy way. Genesis 12:17-19
I can imagine Sarah DID NOT have a smug expression on her face as God dealt with her husband by giving him a chastising through the most powerful king on the earth at the time. I imagine Sarah remained meek and quiet, an adornment to her husband, and inwardly praised God for His goodness and His perfect ways. Yes, she was a holy woman!
Do you want God to move the heart of your husband? Make him the king. Do you want God to chastise your husband? Make him the king. As Sarah did, with your meek and quiet spirit, and with your 100% trust in your true King, the Almighty God of Abraham (and Sarah!), Isaac, and Jacob!
So, you ask, how do you make your husband the king? Well, how would you treat a real king, if you were that king's number one servant? Be on board and support him in his decisions, in his person, in his work, in any way you can. Bring him his slippers. The best meals. His home in perfect order. His every wish and desire and whim carried out and supported with joyful reverence. His children trained to honor, respect, and obey. His children trained to greet him with absolute delight each evening. His clothes cleaned, ironed, and organized. An adoring gaze.
"But!" You cry, "My husband wishes ungodly things!"
Look at Sarah.
I know a dear lady whose husband spends too much money while leaving her to figure out how to pay
the bills. Already, their income was not enough to cover their monthly debts--not including money for groceries, when he came home with a new loan on big new item in addition to their current debts. So based on the above, what should this lady do? She should view the new item as a blessing from her "king," and she should stand back, as Sarah did, with a meek and quiet spirit, and see the salvation of the Lord (including His provision for her family).
If you want God to work in your husband, you have to make your husband the king.
I will simply tell you that I did it. And it worked for me. When I started on this "journey" of wanting to be a godly wife and mother, I didn't even think my husband was saved. He definitely was no leader (I had destroyed that in the first place). He definitely wasn't godly. Our home definitely wasn't godly. But over time, as I put God first, and then my husband next, and prayed to be a crown to my husband, my husband pulled along side me--and then ahead of me as our family's spiritual leader and my spiritual head. God moved him. I hope I gave you enough scripture above. It is God's way, and GOD'S WAY WORKS (touche).
2. Examine yourself.
And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother's (husband's!) eye, but considerest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Or how wilt thou say to thy brother (husband), Let me pull out the mote out of thine eye; and, behold, a beam is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother's eye. Matthew 7:3-5
Oh, I've been there. Sitting in every sermon, beside my husband, thinking not of what was in that sermon for me, but what was in it for my husband. I wanted to elbow him in the side, thinking, "Did you hear that? Did you hear that?" My eyes were not on me and the beam in my eye. They were on the splinter in my husband's eye. (I just realized I don't do this at all any more--it hasn't even crossed my mind. It's is another example of God's amazing work and how He has changed me! Praise Him!)
What is your spiritual condition? Are you submitted wholly before God as a living sacrifice, willing to be burned a purified by Him? Are you willing to focus only on the beams in your own eyes?
What is your fruit? Do you have love (how is your kindness and compassion?), joy (what is the expression on your face, the attitude of your heart, and the atmosphere of your home?), peace (do you have stress, anxiety?), patience, goodness, faith, meekness (how is your anger doing? How about forgiveness? Bitterness?), self-control (how is your spending? Your time management, your eating? Your orderliness?) How's your "selfishness" factor--are you always looking to be loved, cared for, have your needs met, or get what's fair? Do you make husband give the kids a bath because you're too tired--or do you joyfully give your husband a kiss on the neck, a quick rub on the shoulders, and joyfully get the children ready for bed yourself so that your husband can relax in a quiet home. Hmmm... Things to think about! If you are putting you first in any way, worried about what is fair or just, then you definitely don't view your husband as king.
How's your contentment? Are you truly grateful and content for ALL--I mean--ALL God has given you? Your current home, your current income, your current cars, your hot water, your clothing--all your provision that you have at the hand of God If not, your husband will pick up on this in your spirit. If you are not content, pray to be content. Discontentment of any kind definitely means your husband is not king.
I had a chance to not be selfish and to treat my husband as king as I typed this post. Although I awoke early with the intention of getting this post typed, my husband woke up before I was done. I instantly stopped typing, jumped up, gave him a hug and some smooches. I asked how he was feeling. I offered to make him tea (sometimes he says yes, sometimes he says no). Today, he said yes. So I made him tea. Then the baby woke up. I got the baby, made the baby tea and fixed him some cereal. I made sure husband's needs were met and his morning environment was peaceful to start his day. Now, I am back typing this post. And if I need to get up again, for the sake of the peace of my king, I will do so.
How are your motives? Your motives and how they set the tone of your home, and to learn how even your wrong motives give you a "controlling" or "complaining" spirit that definitely keeps your husband from being the king. Your motives will reveal to you if God is truly first in your life. Your husband can't be king unless God is your King. (I will post the "Motive Checklist" next...)
How is your "readiness?" Have you cleaned spiritual house? If your husband stepped up and said, "No more TV," would you be ready? If he said, "No more eating out at fast food restaurants," could you do it? (I had to do that one--OUCH! Taco Bell was gone overnight! But it has been well over two years now and I have adjusted quite well) What about your books? Your movies? Your internet time? Your bad habits? Your comforts? Your weaknesses? Could you give up anger? Could you give up impatience? Could you give up your fiction novels? Could you give up your TV? Would you willingly give up your internet and trust your husband as "Lord?" (Think of Sarah!) Is your heart truly, spiritually ready to have your husband's leadership?
How's your mouth? Are you quiet? Do you guard your words? Do you speak out of turn? Do you talk too much? Do say angry words? Selfish words? Contentious words? Whining words? Arguing or disputing words? Read through Proverbs to learn VERY quickly about the importance of a woman and her choice of words, and how it affects the strength and peace of her home. Here are three of them that should convince you that this issue is key for the peace and spiritual condition of your home and family:
A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Proverbs 27:15
It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:9
It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house. Proverbs 25:24
Do you get the point? Are you someone who just has to speak your mind--especially when you think your husband is wrong? When you think something is not right or fair? When you're stewing about something that happened (how he spoke to the children, what he bought, why he's outside working in the garage instead of inside with you, why he's watching TV AGAIN... ) Do you find it hard not to speak your mind?
Learn to shut your mouth. Speak your mind to God. One of my favorite verses as God was teaching me this lesson (you're going to love this....)
The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14
Sometimes it seemed to me that my husband was that Egyptian army, wanting to oppress me! Sometimes, as my husband was actually changing and trying to lead our family, I felt the pinch--I had never let him before. It was hard to let go. I wanted to go back to Egypt, sometimes. Back to my comfort zones. If you feel this happening, remember Israel, and pray for God's grace as you let Him transform your mind.
But if God is your King (like He was for Israel), HOLD YOUR PEACE. God will show himself strong on your behalf if your heart is perfect towards Him. Go back and see number 1 in this post. You must start there. God must be your king. Then you can confidently hold your peace! Hold it, I tell you. Hold it.
There are several times that I felt I was facing "BIG" things in our marriage and in our home. Things I was desperate to change for the sake of the spiritual well being of our family. I mentioned them to my husband once, twice... then I made a VOW to the Lord to never mention these things again. To hold my peace.
One example was when I wanted more children. God had revealed to me his plan for having children, and showed me my calling and purpose to raise up a godly seed. I was so burdened and convicted. But, my husband had had a vasectomy. I asked him if he thought he should get a reversal, explaining to him what I thought God's word said (WRONG! It was making me the spiritual lead!). He said, 'No." I pressed further, and to keep the peace, he said, "I don't think so." I was freaking out. But then God pressed this upon me, and I promised God I would not mention it to my husband again. Not even once. And I didn't.
Several months later, my husband was driving on a cross country trip through Kansas by himself, saw a vasectomy reversal billboard (WHAT? It's true!) for a doctor in Florida. He wrote down the number. He scheduled it. I didn't say a word.
Sometimes I had to leave the room quickly--you see, my husband is no longer king if he even senses frustration or discontentment.
Now--I'm not a Stepford Wife. I'm human. It is okay to be frustrated, angry, sad. It is not okay to sin because of it. I leave the room, and then give my hurts to the Lord. He takes them. Why is this wise? Because when we are hurting or angry, we are in "selfish" mode and it is very difficult to see the whole picture--too see both sides of the story--and to judge ourselves correctly.
For the eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show himself strong in the behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him. Herein thou hast done foolishly: therefore from henceforth thou shalt have wars. 2 Chronicles 16:9
Is your heart perfect toward Him? Or have you done foolishly? That could be why you have "wars." You don't want wars in your home. A house divided cannot stand. And especially when you don't control your tongue--or even the expression on your face, you divide your home, because your children instantly pick up on the dissension and disagreement. And no man can serve two masters--including your children. (Matthew 6:24). Keep your peace. Make God your king, and make your husband the king of your home--even in the eyes of your children, and your home will stand.
And since we are speaking about your personal growth, I want to explain a little about how this works and why it is God's command to work on yourself first. Let's say you have a habit of always getting irritated when your husband calls home to say he is going to be a little late. So irritated, in fact, that you instantly get short with him on the phone and then hang up without saying goodbye so that he knows your displeasure. Let's say this happens often. And each time, husband gets defensive, hurt, and irritated and comes home stressed knowing he's coming home to a displeased wife. (I won't reveal who used to do this, but let's just say I know her intimately :-). So, instead of focusing on the husband's fault of not coming home on time (What? Doesn't he realize I've worked to get dinner on just for him? Doesn't he want to be with us? Doesn't he love me?), if the wife focuses on her own "beams," (such as supporting the husband's work, being forgiving, joyful), THE PATTERN CHANGES. If the husband calls home and the wife, all of a sudden, takes his call lovingly and joyfully, and cheerfully agrees to whatever time he says he will be home, offers her sympathy and understanding for why he is late, offers to keep dinner waiting or warm, and lovingly says goodbye, the husband has no choice but to change how he responds to the wife.
You change yourself, your husband has to change how he responds to you! When you uproot your personal sinful cycles, your husband has no choice but to react differently. (Psychology a la God's Word)
3. Work in your jurisdictions.
Most wives in America have areas where their husbands expect them to make some decisions, and they have the freedom to make choices in some areas. Where do you have jurisdiction (as in, areas you can make the decisions and be in charge without stepping on your husband's toes)? Here are some ideas:
What about the things you own? Have you set a meek and quiet example by purging your own personal possessions or cleaning out your "areas" to make them more of a testimony? Your books, your movies, your CDs, your "junk," your hobby room (do you have too much stuff that you will NEVER get to?), your kitchen (how many coffee mugs does your family really NEED?), your clothing, your shoes, your kitchen food stock... In addition, I cleaned out my sewing room. I closed my eyes and got rid of hundreds and hundreds of dollars worth of fabric, yarn, and craft supplies. I kept one tub of a few favorite projects, and made a vow not to buy any new materials until the current projects were completely finished, and then only purchase one project at at time. I was being a testimony, instead of a bad example of someone who had a bunch of unfinished projects lying around (hmmm.. took the beam out of my own eye a little bit). I cleaned out and organized the kitchen cupboards and pantry. My spice cupboard has been alphabetized for four years! I changed the children's appetites for the things they wanted to watch on TV, or read, or play with. I taught them skills and hobbies and crafts that were useful and productive, so it pleased my husband when he saw the children weren't interested in "these movies anymore," we decided to get rid of them. I also made the rule of no TV when the children were home with me. I told the children that daddy is the only one allowed to touch the TV. I turned it off during the day. It was in my jurisdiction. Just some examples...
What about your time? Your time is your jurisdiction. If your husband works during the day, do you turn the TV on? Do you spend too much time on the phone, the internet, shopping? Does your husband trust in how you spend your time? Is it a testimony to him? Does it challenge him?
What about your homeschool? Are you a homeschooling mom? If not, what about your child training and discipline? Does your husband leave the bulk of the child care to you? If so, how are you doing? Are you training your children in the things of the Lord? Are you feeding their appetites correctly during the day? Are you training them that Daddy is #1? Are you training them to love him, revere him, respect him? Are you setting an example by the fruit of your spirit?
What about finances? Does your husband expect you to pay the bills? Either way, how's your spending (yes, YOUR spending)--does it honor your husband? Can he "safely trust in you" with how you spend the money? (Proverbs 31:11)
Read the story of Abigail, if you would like inspiration. She was a woman who knew how to work within her jurisdictions, but still make her husband--a man that God depicted in the Bible as one of the greatest fools--be her king. (I Samuel 25) Read how God dealt with her husband!
5. Learn to make wise and appropriate appeals, with a meek and quiet spirit (read the book of Esther, and the story of Daniel in Daniel chapter 1--who made a wise and respectful appeal when asked to do something that was not God's best).
Is there gentle and meek way to make your request known?
6. How is your "conversation?" In other words, your behavior? How is your mouth? Do you speak your mind, or are you quiet?
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation (behavior and manner) of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear (submission!) I Peter 3:1
I am typing this post because many of you are concerned that your husbands "obey not the word." Yet you want to "obey the word," and you want your whole family to "obey the word." This verse is key, and addresses your very issue. It is your conversation, your behavior, your spirit of "fear." That means--back to making your husband king! Your fruit! Your words. Your spirit! Your contentment. Your joy. Your forgiveness, love, and meekness.
7. Make yourself less.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I remember at one point praying to become "less" so that my husband could be more. If you write a blog, you are probably a pretty powerful personality. You have a message. You have a mission. You are a "doer." You are a superwoman. I prayed for God to make me the weaker vessel. To make me less. Some ways I did this:
I stopped studying my Bible openly in front of my husband.
I stopped attending a women's Bible study when my husband was not attending any extra Bible studies himself.
I stopped teaching children's classes at church if my husband was not teaching with me.
I stopped speaking out in church. I stopped participating in discussions, giving opinions, and even stopped giving testimonies unless I had my husband's permission.
I kept my encouragement and counsel with other women private and discrete.
I trained the children quietly during the day, not under their father's nose, to not only love God, but to respect and honor their father.
I stopped giving my husband my theological opinions. This was a tough one! I love God's Word! God has shown me so many incredible things!
I began asking my husband my spiritual questions, and not even giving "my side of the story."
In my case, my husband seemed freaked out by my "spirituality." Jesus got a hold of me and changed me so radically--and I wanted to preach it to the world. Back then, I wanted to be the next Joyce Meyer! (don't laugh--I didn't know any better and was just so excited!). I was talking all the time about what God was showing me--telling my husband, because he was my closest friend. I didn't realize it could have been intimidating him.
But God convicted me of my "conversation." If my husband was going to be my leader, I needed to be less. I prayed to be less. I shut up, I deferred. I kept my opinions to myself. I began asking my spiritual questions to him, asking his advice. And taking it graciously. He slowly became no longer intimidated. I became weaker. I allowed myself to have need of him and his spiritual leadership. Now, he preaches sermons to me! Lots of them! I learn more from my husband's personal exposition of God's word to me as his wife than from our Pastor at church! (What a testimony! All glory and praise be to God!) And now, most of my spiritual guidance and learning comes from my husband. The transformation is miraculous. It is nothing but a testimony of how God works!
8. Don't use your submission as a bargaining chip.
The lady who asked the above question wanted to make changes in her home, but being very wise, she did not want to "lead." I have met women who "force" their husband's leadership by refusing to make decisions or being almost challenging in a way. For example, "We will not do anything unless YOU decide... ." After, of course, the husband has already made it clear he does not care or has no opinion. Also, when it comes to throwing away things or choosing how to spend time--you must defer to husband if the things in question are not in your "jurisdiction." Be discerning! Make yourself "less," and God will make your husband "more."
And last, but not least,
9. PRAY
I PRAYED.
I PRAYED.
I prayed, every chance it crossed my mind, sometimes 30 or more times a day, for God to bless my husband. To bless him as the spiritual leader of our family.
And I prayed and begged God in any area I was lacking in the things I wrote about above. Those things are God's will (that is why I tried to include so many scriptures), and if you ask something that is God's will,
HE WILL DO IT.
Pray for Him to do the work in you that needs to be done. If you really want it, pray for it. And then pray for the grace to accept the change. It is harder than you think sometimes, to give up not only ourselves, but our husbands, too! I remember freaking out a little bit when my husband began changing and was no longer the same man that I had married--the one I had control over, and could predict! Are you ready for the change! Pray for God to make you ready in all ways!
God answered my prayers. I know He will answer yours, if you pray accordingly. And, dear readers, if you are reading this post, you are in my fervent prayers as well.
And now my time is up and I'm going to leave it at this for now.
Once again, I am not going to edit this post for length. I deliberately make my posts long sometimes. I am going to type from my heart, and include relevant scriptures in full--with the prayer that God can use this to help or encourage someone in some small way. I believe that if God is drawing you to this post and you were able to read it and "drink it up" in its entirety without it being tedious, then maybe, just maybe, there is something in here for you. That is my prayer. That God's work will be done and that He will get all the glory. HIS WAYS WORK.
Look unto Abraham your father, and unto Sarah that bare you: for I called him alone,k and blessed him, and increased him. For the Lord shall comfort Zion: he will comfort all her waste places; and he will make her wilderness like Eden, and her desert like the garden of the Lord; joy and gladness shall be found therein, thanksgiving, and the voice of melody. Isaiah 2-3
Two great resources are the following sermons by Dr. S.M. Davis:
How a Wife Can Use Reverence to Build or Save Her Marriage
The 7-Fold Power of a Wife's Submission
Both of the above sermons are available on DVD through the www.solvefamilyproblems.com website.
God bless you,
Mrs. E
1. God. The single most important type of listening I try to do, and teach my children to do. The best praying is the "listening" kind, where I just sit, and seek God's will, and let Him reveal it to me, for the day, for the moment. He always does--always in line with His Word. And, if I remember to listen and follow, it ALWAYS works.
2. My husband. This is harder for me, and still a struggle for the children. We are all working towards having good ears and a closed mouth. But if I just stop and really listen to my husband, I can better meet his needs. I know what is on his mind, and can determine what might help him or encourage him.
3. The parents. My children are exhorted daily not to let any of their parents' words "fall to the ground," even in the smallest commands, exhortations, or suggestions. We remind them, biblically, of how the success of their life depends on this, and how it trains them to also stay in the listening mode to God (especially as they grow older, and grow spiritually).
4. The children. I try to keep my children's hearts by remembering as much as possible to stop, tune completely in when they are talking to me, and look them in the eyes--even if it means kneeling down or picking one up. This way, I stay in tune to their hearts--their needs, their desires, and can better train them up in the way they should go.
5. Sermons. When we need one, we hold devotions with Dad (kind of like a family church service). We all get "sermons" from Dad as he studies and then shares the things he learns--the things he meditates on. My children get mini-sermons from me throughout the day as I teach them the Word of God and God's ways as they apply to our every day lives. When we really want to target an area, we still use sermons by Dr. S.M. Davis.
6. Others. I try to listen when I get a phone call, or am visiting or fellowshipping. I try to remember to pray to have a servant's heart and to serve, listen, encourage, and praise all whom I come in contact with. If I get an email that requires response, I try to take time to read it through several times, to sleep on it, and pray about it--I pray to really be able to listen. And then I also pray at the same time, about how to respond. This is double listening--because listening best to others also means listening to God at the same time for leading about how best to minister.
6. Music. I'm not much of a music person. I almost NEVER turn on music in the home or in the car. I can rarely worship in Spirit and in Truth through music--because to me, most music is distracting from how I commune with the Lord. But there are times I just want to praise Him, and sing praise to Him with all my heart, and mean every word I am singing. I wait until I feel led to do so--as in, I just "HAVE" to sing. Then I go get the CD player, send the kids out to play, and put in 2nd Chapter of Acts (Hymns or "20"--anyone hearing me on this?), or Keith Green ("Rushing Wind," "Psalm 23"), or Selah. This happens about once every other month. Sometimes the kids and I do a good pick-me-up of singing with some Keith Green songs. Have you ever heard, "He'll Take Care of the Rest," or "So You Wanna Go Back to Egypt?" How about, "You Put This Love in My Heart?" or, "The Sheep and the Goats." But this is not often. I sometimes (once a week or so) have my son play some hymns and have my daughter sing along. I like listening to the children play the piano--they play hymns and classical. Once a year I'm in the mood for a little classical music or some opera. I was energized by hearing John Denver's "Thank God I'm a Country Boy" over the loudspeaker at the store, and my husband and I had a great walk down memory lane hearing the 70s-80s-90s track playing in a restaurant one evening (all the CDs we USED to own! Hootie, Blondie, UB40, and more). The older kids have iPods/MP3 players. They listen mostly to Keith Green, 2nd Chapter of Acts, Randy Travis, Michael W. Smith, Del Way, Selah, and Growing in Grace (a local SG group we liked--but they no longer exist). Sometimes they can listen in the car, with permission. Sometimes they dock 'em and play music while they're playing legos or blocks with the babies.
And about once a year, I sit down and play on the piano. That's about all I get the time for!
Now--am I the only one who knows and loves 2nd Chapter and Keith Green? Chime in, here. My life song has been "Make My Life a Prayer to You." Am I the only one (besides my kids) who loves bebopping to "He'll Take Care of the Rest?"
You know it ain't no use, banging your head, up against that cold stone wall.
'Cause nobody's perfect, except for the Lord, and even the best bound to fall.
Remember, he is diVine, and you are de branch,
He'd love to get you through it if you give Him the chance
Just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed,
and Jesus take care of the rest.
Yes the Lord said that
He'll take care of the rest (He's gonna do it)
He'll take care of the rest (He'll see you through it, yeah)
He'll take care of the rest (The Devil blew it)
Well, He'll take care of the, he'll take care of the rest.
Just think about Moses, in front of the burning bush
barefoot on the Holy ground.
You know, he must have been thinkin', "Hey, what's an old dude like me
gonna tell them all when I go down?" (Go down, Moses!)
The Lord said, "Hey, Mo, don't you worry 'bout your goin' down south,
I'll be saying every word that comes out of your mouth.
You just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed.
Hey, Mo. I'll take care of the rest."
You just think about Noah, a-totin' his umbrella,
When there wasn't a cloud in the sky.
All his neighbors would laugh at his pet giraffe, and they would all
snicker as he passed by.
But the Lord said, "Hey Noah, be cool! Just keep building that boat!
It's just a matter of time till they see who's gonna float.
You just keep doing your best, and pray that it's blessed.
Hey, Noah. I'll take care of the rest.
(I'm the Weatherman!)
Yes, the Lord said that He'll take care of the rest.(He's gonna do it)
He'll take care of the rest (He'll see you through it, yeah)
He'll take care of the rest
Well, He'll take care of the, he'll take care of the rest.
Just believe, and you'll receive, that comfort you need.
You just think about all those lonely people you know
who got everything they want, but they got empty souls.
He'll take care of the, He'll take care of the, He'll take care of the
care of the rest...
But I will close this with the words to the song Jesus has used to carry me my whole life--since I was a very little girl. This song captured my heart's desires-even then--and it carried me even when I was lost and wandering and didn't even know what I was doing. I loved it then, and over 30 years later, it is still my favorite. My heart song.
Make My Life a Prayer to You
Make my life a prayer to You
I want to do what You want me to
No empty words, and no white lies
No token prayers, no compromise.
I want to shine the light You gave
through Your Son, You sent to save us
from ourselves and our despair.
It comforts me to know You're really there.
I want to thank You now for being patient with me.
It's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what You say.
You're coming again.
Coming to take me away.
I want to die, and let You give
Your life to me, so that I might live
to share the hope You gave to me,
the Love that set me free.
I want to tell the world out there
You're not some fable or fairy tale
that I made up inside my head.
You're God the Son
You've risen from the dead.
I want to thank You now for being patient with me.
It's so hard to see, when my eyes are on me.
I guess I'll have to trust and just believe what You say.
You're coming again.
Coming to take me away.
I want to die, and let You give
Your life to me, so that I might live
to share the hope You gave to me,
I want to share the Love that set me free.
He has most certainly answered that prayer for me! (and continues to do so every day). I love how He has given me the gift of this blog so I can tell about the Love that set me free, so that I can share the hope He gave to me. What a blessing. Praise Him.
My husband and I, after avoiding it for YEARS, finally took the facebook plunge to connect with a few long lost friends--which we did, and it was nice to find them. I have mixed feelings about facebook still, but I do like how it has connected me with my family and friends--I don't miss them all so much anymore. It actually helps us stay in touch.
Two things so far, have amazed me about facebook--or about the whole email/chat/text/facebook/twitter/youtube type. And no, I'm not going to gripe (today) about the amount of time people spend online (you know if you spend too much time on the computer without me having to say anything).
One thing I noticed is a generational shift. The kids and teens today are growing up with this type of communication. Many are not even learning how to have normal conversations because they don't have to. My son called a friend he hadn't talked to in years--on the good, old-fashioned telephone. The friend mumbled a bit and then said, "Do you text? Are you on facebook?" And that was the end of it. Text language is hard for me to swallow--all the abbreviations and shortened spellings (you'll notice I NEVER use them on this blog!). But kids are professionals at it. Kids who have struggled with spelling, grammar, and writing for years suddenly have no problems--and are actually quite amazing-- with this new language of electronic messaging. Amazing!
No--I'm not letting my kids into this world, yet. I would like them to have cell phones, but it is not feasible at this point. We don't get service where we live, for one. The older ones both have email addresses, and they use them sparingly. The rule is Dad or I must download the messages first to check for inappropriate messages or spam, then they can read and respond with our approval. We read all outgoing messages, too. And we have caught some pretty nasty stuff showing up in the inbox from some thoughtless spammer.
This leads to the other thing I noted. One evening during a family "church" service, we began discussing these things because we were discussing the end times. Earlier, I had commented to my husband about how amazed I was with the "reality mentality" our culture is beginning to adapt. Because of reality TV, blogging, facebook, twitter, youtube... everyone can see themselves as a reality star. They have no problem picturing their lives with cameras pointed on them 24/7 and sharing it all with the world. I was shocked at the nature of some of the things I saw people posting on facebook! So personal! Did they not realize how many people were reading their words? And then I realized that people are beginning to think this is normal--willingly sharing every part of your life with everyone--and being comfortable with having your every move watched and tracked.
You may have noticed I don't chronicle our day to day lives on this blog! Just snapshots and testimonies here and there. This has always been one of the reasons why (along with time issues, too, of course)
But maybe, just maybe... this is staging for the end times. Maybe this is part of how people will be so easily deceived. Maybe they won't recognize the Antichrist and his controlling one-world government until it is too late, because they already willingly gave up their control and said, "Hey! Watch me! Every move I make! Listen to me, every word I say!"
That was the discussion we had in our family church service. We want our children to be discerning of these things. We talked about how they are never to adhere to the teachings of man about how the end times will play out. They can listen, they can think about it. But they are to read it for themselves, pray, and meditate. If they continue to keep God first in their lives, and pray fervently that God guides them--then God will, and they will not be deceived. They will not miss something that maybe the rest of the world--even the Christian world--has become immune to.
With God's help, as always, facebook or not, my family will follow Christ and Christ alone. We will be cautious, aware, and discerning, through continued prayer and walking in the spirit. We will overcome!
Now, that said, this blog now has a facebook page (but the blog will stay here), as well as me personally (some of you are already my friends). I am testing and praying, seeing how God leads. We'll see what happens. But you are welcome as my friends. Maybe by joining together we can be a community of exhortation--exhorting each other in godly living. Maybe facebook is a good place to give testimony of all the things Christ does. Maybe not. We'll see.
In any case, this blog is on facebook under the name "Living Sacrifice" (as a person). The facebook avatar is the same as this blog avatar.
And thank you to all who have become my friends here. I've told you before many times, if I could bake you all cookies and send them to you, I would. I am so grateful for all the encouragement and support you have given me over the past three years. You have been a blessing and a gift from God, and you remain in my prayers continually.
And as for Losing the Baby Weight, Round 5, I have lost about 20 pounds now of the 35 I needed to lose--praying every single step of the way. This is such a spiritual issue for me. Just today, I was talking on the phone while I fixed the little ones lunch, and caught myself halfway through a slice of cheddar cheese before I even realized what I was doing! Just completely mindless and oblivious to my state of self control! Not to mention, losing weight gets harder as I get older (turning 40 this month). Touche! All the more reason to get in shape and STAY in shape.
My husband and I had the kids giggling the other day during a car ride. I was telling my husband about my diet progress (like he really cares--he was just listening politely and patiently), and he chimed in and shared about how he watches his weight-and he does. He does a really good job of it. I told him, though, "I don't mind if you put on a few extra pounds. I kind of like it." He said, jokingly, "You just want me to be old and fat." I said, "Yes, because it makes me look younger and thinner when I'm with you. That's part of my diet plan."
And the other musings I had on this subject were not pretty.
My grocery budget FOR THE WHOLE FAMILY goes down quite noticeably when I am dieting.
The food in the entire household lasts longer (days longer) when I am dieting.
I don't even go to the store as much when I am dieting. I was thinking last night, "Wow, I haven't stopped at the grocery store in town for a long time!" I do all my grocery shopping once a week in the next town over on music lesson day, but stop by the grocery store in my town if I run out of something or need to make a special trip. When I'm dieting, I don't run out of things, and don't need the special trips, which are usually whims for things like ice cream, or cinnamon rolls, or baking supplies for a special project, or frozen pizza because I don't feel like cooking--but in my mind, all these things are FOR THE KIDS. The truth of the matter, though, it seems, is that these things were mostly for me.
But with God's help--and I know it is only through Christ I am able to do this--the weight is coming off. And hopefully, I will become even stronger spiritually in this area. I grow in this area every time I diet. I'm a little more honest with myself, a little more humbled, a little less fleshly... maybe one of these days I will truly be broken before Christ in every area of my life and have no more hang ups.
Oh yeah-that will be in heaven. Just imagine! No hang-ups! No fleshly battles! No illness! No physical problems.
Oh, what a delight! What a smiley, gorgeous, sweet, gooey bundle! What a gift--our precious newborn son!
Having the patience for nursing is a trial for me--therefore it is a blessing, is it not? How much prayer, and dying to self I have put in to have a quiet spirit and patience for nursing and loving my little one when there seems to be so much else to do around me. But God clearly showed me that this babe is more important than the laundry, the dishes, and even the workbooks and history lessons. There is a time and season for everything, and this is my time to relax and enjoy this precious babe.
So many blessings can be reaped during this time! So much extra prayer time! What a time to "be still and know" that HE IS GOD! What a time to have everyone learn to sit quiet and know! This is often the time I sit and pray for all of you, my blog readers--so many of you by name. Oh, how I am grateful for the encouragement and support you all have given me over the past three years!
I am so excited that my oldest is preparing to leave the nest, but I am so excited to be starting a brand new journey with our fourth son. What a blessing.
I was surprised at how things "went up a notch" adding this fifth little one. Okay, not a notch. It imploded around here. I wrote the following to a friend:
I have been praying a bit about this baby issue. I am old and feel old. I will be 40 next month. I have arthritis. It has been a challenge for me to care for the little ones--it is hard for me to carry them and keep up with them. In any case, I told God, in an overwhelming moment (and I've had many) "Please! You know I can't handle any more."
But then the Holy Spirit pressed upon my heart, "Children are a blessing, and HIS reward."
There is no other way about it. If God sees children as a blessing, I am opposing Him to see it any other way. I must trust Him. If He decides to give us another, I will reach up with both hands and take my "blessing." I will not doubt God, His design for my body, and His words telling me that children are a blessing and His reward. I will not doubt His plan for my life. I will not refuse God's blessing, and I will understand that God's way is not my way.
And, oh! The blessing this baby has been! I have been praying so much more! Needing my God so much more! And I have been GETTING God so much more.
Is that not a blessing?
I can't right now imagine having more--but I will tell you this, if God does give us more, I will definitely praise Him. I KNOW I will be blessed. He tells me so, in His Word. God has impressed upon me that this is just a season. Yes, for the first time in over two years, my laundry is not caught up. My house work is not caught up. Lots of things are just not getting done. But I know it is just a short season.
And no--this baby is not sleeping through the night. He likes to wake up between 1:00 and 3:00 a.m. and nurse and doze the rest of the night. I am still working on trying to set his schedule, watching the clock to make feedings more regular, and using the swing to make nap time more regular. But I don't mind going with the flow, either, just praying and being mindful, and walking in the Spirit. (Lord, help me to walk in the Spirit!)
My 4-year-old started kindergarten this year. This is the second time I have taught kindergarten because we started homeschooling when my oldest was in 4th grade and my daughter was in kindergarten.
This boy is something else. I can see many years of interesting prayers being answered about this boy. We all adore him--he is just adorable in personality, and so enchanting. He looks exactly like his dad and amazingly, has so many of his same "quirks" (that is said in a GOOD way!).
He has Tourette Syndrome, which is nothing serious at this point and it seems to have no effect on our days, or his training. He is just slightly noisier and more fidgety than the other kids, due to his physical and audible tics.
He just started reading words, and he is so excited about this ability. I've never seen a child so excited about learning to read! He worked with his sister for two hours yesterday building words on his phonics board (a small magnetic board with letter tiles). The PBS show "Word World" helped him A LOT with this understanding. I have been putting together my own phonics and reading program for him, using the Abeka "A Handbook for Reading," Centrifuge Language Arts (resorting the pages to match the Abeka book), a generic phonics workbook I picked up that had good exercises, and a smattering of beginning readers. He makes his own wall cards with pictures for each sound, and we have his magnetic letter board.
We started his Kindergarten math (Making Math Meaningful), and flew through the first 25 weeks of it in two weeks trying to get to a point where we actually needed to slow down and start solidifying some concepts. He loves doing math and has a natural ability to grasp numerical concepts.
I have been noticing in this 4-year-old the fruit of his older brother's example. He has picked up on being neat, organized, and a hard worker (for a 4-year-old). He is enthusiastic about school and completes all his assignments willingly and diligently. He does chores well and without a fuss. No, seriously, he really does chores well and without a fuss. I know these things have been a breeze because of the example he sees daily from his older siblings. It's just they way his world is.
Train your oldest to be a good example!
In turn, I am really trying to teach my four-year-old all the ways he can be an example to his little brother (the 20-month-old). The bulk of my exhortations have to do with him being mindful of the example he is setting while playing, eating, working, and obeying.
I'm waiting for the "question" phase about God. He says prayers, reads the Bible with me and his Dad, sits in on family devotions and family "church" services, and hears explanations and exhortations about living to please Jesus, reminders that God made everything and is in charge of everything, and more. But he hasn't started yet to try to figure it all out. But I can't wait until he is eager to understand more!
You may have read previously how I've been praying for guidance as I help grow her into a godly young woman.
I have had a hard time connecting with her. I'm not sure why. But I have been praying for God to bring us closer and strengthen our relationship so that I can truly guide her and train her and mentor her as she grows. I was so distant from my mother when I was a young girl and teenager. We had a huge breach in communication and understanding. I am praying for insight into my daughter, and for understanding of who God has made her, understanding of her point of view, and wisdom with how to guide it all.
God is answering these prayers so beautifully.
Not long ago, my daughter had a meltdown after being corrected (just verbally corrected with a calm reminder!) and just collapsed on her bed in a heap of sobs and tears (my daughter is Elsie Dinsmore in real life!). I just went and held her, and hugged her, and smoothed her hair, and told her how much I loved her. I assured her of God's love for her and the plans He had for her. I asked her if there was anything I could do to help her as she was growing, to strengthen her and help her. Without missing a beat, she said, "Do devotions with me."
I realized then how much I had been missing the boat. See, with how busy our house has been, I have been thankful that my daughter does her own devotions and Bible study. I had been counting our discussions and my exhortations throughout the day as enough for her spiritual training. But I see now she needs me to sit down with her each day and help her seek the Lord, because that is first and foremost in her heart.
We began doing that the next morning, with a hot cup of tea at 7:00 a.m. at her "Pub Table." She has been strengthened and helped. I either share with her how God is currently leading me, or what God is showing me in Scriptures when I read and pray, or I choose something to search out together in Scriptures based on weaknesses I see in our household, or I choose a lesson or a reading from Polished Cornerstones, Bright Lights, or Beautiful Girlhood.
It is working. She recently left me a card that said (after I had left her a card praising her virtues and letting her know how thankful I was for her),
Dear Mom,
I thank you so much for the card, I really like it. I also want to tell you how much I love you and how you are the best mom in the world. Thanks for starting the Bible study. I really enjoy it.
Proverbs 22:6 Train up a child in the way he should go: When he is old he shall not depart from it.
You're doing a good job of it, Mom!
I love you.
Love,
(Your Daughter)
The other way I noticed God is answering my prayers is that He seems to be helping me to distinguish between her child moments and her woman moments. Sometimes, she is very womanly, working with me side by side to manage this home, to care for her younger brothers, to serve her father and older brother, to help with a project, to consult with me as an equal on the menu, grocery list, and budget for other household needs, etc. She is a great friend and support to me, and I am a mentor to her as a young woman. But at 10, she is still just a child, and sometimes she simply needs me as a child needs her mom. I am learning to recognize those moments of childlike joy and simplicity and let her know I appreciate her for who she is, right where she is in life at this moment. I am joyful with her when she is having a particularly fun time playing, or singing with her choir, or some other youthful activity. I share her enthusiasm when she is enjoying something that maybe I wouldn't enjoy (like learning to do flips on the trampoline), and I share her hurts and frustrations that she meets with as a child (brothers, tiredness, confusion).
I praise God for all He has shown me and how He is my ever present help. Always with me and always guiding. I know He will continue to lead.
My oldest son is 15. This year, I turned him loose from my constant management and his regular household duties and have been exhorting him to work on his own--set his own schedule, plan and complete his own schoolwork, and make his own decisions on how he sets his priorities and spends his time. I have been trying to give suggestions, support, encouragement, and guidance. I have high hopes (because of how I have trained and taught him) that he will be able to walk in the spirit, seek the Lord fervently each day, be a good judge of how to spend his time, be serving to his family (like he will need to be as a husband and father one day), be responsible, a hard worker, be a leader and mentor to his younger siblings, and make wise decisions. With just a smidgeon of high school work to finish (about 3-4 credits), we needed to gauge whether or not he was ready to work independently with CollegePlus starting in January.
And I say, "Whew!"
He is doing so well! I have been so pleased with this young man.
He set a schedule on a calendar for finishing his HS work. He started setting his alarm to get up at 6:00 a.m. to knock of some school work. He still works with Dad so much, and he still offers to spend time with the little ones to give me a hand. He still pitches in on chores he sees that need done (one day I came home from taking the younger ones to doctor appointments and he had cleaned the whole house--such a blessing!).
I was talking with a lady not too long ago who began off-handedly lamenting about her teenager. She said, "What do you do when you tell them they can't go somewhere unless they clean their room--but then they don't clean their room?" I gave her a sympathetic nod, and didn't say anything. But I was thinking, "Wow! My teenager--not only would he never have a messy room, but he wouldn't even consider not cleaning it (or anything else, for that matter), if he was told." I am blessed and thankful. I know God created my son with a free will. I know he could choose at anytime to disobey. I am thankful that it is firmly embedded in his heart the importance of honoring and obeying his parents. He knows that it is the commandment "with promise" for him. The Lord has done a work in his heart -- PTL!!
I am still praying fervently for how to guide him. Most recently I have been teaching and exhorting him that God tells him to be wise as to good and simple towards evil--reminding him he doesn't even need to know the details of all the sinful things people do. He is to flee from evil, look away (which I have taught him since he was little). He is to keep his thoughts on things that are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely. He understands. He believes it with all his heart. His love for God and God's best blesses me--it just blesses me.
I was also blessed when I heard that he gave my daughter the following advice. He said, "If you prove by the time you're 12 that you're mature and responsible, people will just expect and accept that that is the type of person you are and won't freak out as much when you're not like all the other teenagers." I liked the advice, and I liked that he was thinking of her enough to mentor her and help her. I liked that he had learned from his own experience and was able to draw this conclusion and give this advice--because he came up with it on his own.
I don't want to mislead anyone, he still has plenty of areas where he needs growth. He is good about jumping in to care for his little siblings, but he sometimes still doesn't catch the need to do so. For example, we were sitting in church just this week. I was at one end of our row, and he was at the other end. Next to him was the 4-year-old, who decided to start jumping and hopping and pulling all other sorts of antics that he has NEVER been permitted to do in church. My 15-year-old was oblivious. Didn't even look at the little one next to him until I sent a tap on the shoulder down the pew row.
Yet I will never stop teaching, counseling, encouraging, and exhorting. I know he will continue to grow. The growth I have seen just these past few months has been tremendous. My prayers for him continue. I know God will guide me every step of the way as I seek to fulfill this purpose--raising this young man for the Lord.
We've got a LOT going on these days. There's no way I could possibly share it all, but I want to share some of the goodness of God.
I've learned one of the reasons why God considers children a blessing: now that I have five, I am definitely praying more. I need Him more! I need His help more! That is certainly a blessed place to be--any time God puts me in a place where I need Him more so that I must grow closer, I must grow stronger... Praise God.
Oh, how my prayers have increased over caring for my two littlest. My 20-month-old is a willful terror and must be constantly managed or safely contained. His training is quite the project. He is a whirlwind. Just picture the Tasmanian Devil from Bugs Bunny and that's what I feel like I'm trying to tame. Do you know how hard it is to correct him effectively and consistently, say, for screeching in defiance, when he does it 20 times in 30 seconds?
But I am learning and growing. And so are my two oldest (15 and 10)--because they have been such a great help to me. I have been teaching the oldest through my best efforts, but also through my mistakes. For example, we were at the mall to pick up my daughter's new eyeglasses. We had two strollers--one for the newborn, and one for the 20-month-old. He kept screeching (earsplitting banshee-like) when he was told not to touch something, or if we didn't let him get out of his stroller, or if we didn't push him when he wanted to go, or... for any other reason. I dropped the ball. I ineffectively corrected him--little hand swats, verbal admonishments, placing my finger over his mouth..nothing serious, and he knew it. He didn't quit. He barely toned it down for a short time, only to screech again. He knew he didn't have to quit. I had proven to him I wasn't serious about it and wasn't going to correct him. He pushed the boundary.
After we left the mall and got in the car, I confessed to my daughter that I did not train him properly. If I had been serious about correcting him for screeching, at the first screech, I don't care how inconvenient, I would have turned around, walked out of the mall to the car, and corrected him properly, and it would have been over at that point. I told her he still screeches because I continue to be too lazy. He screeches in defiance so much, and I don't come running to discipline him every time--because I'm nursing, or upstairs doing laundry... and I'm just too lazy to put down what I'm doing, or to go upstairs, or downstairs.. I told her that if I did it right, we could have the problem handled by now. I pointed out that when I do correct him quickly and properly for the screeching, he quits instantly and doesn't try it again for some time. I just keep dropping the ball.
But screeching is just the tip of the iceberg. He refuses to sit in his high chair, he refuses to cooperate with just about anything--getting dressed, going potty, cleaning up (so willful!), he loves to throw things, run away when called, get into the school desks, get into my purse... you get the picture! I have seen improvements. We are making progress--both him and me. I am learning to be more patient, calm, loving, and consistent. I am thankful. He is testing the boundaries less and less--but my lack of consistency is still dragging things out longer than necessary.
The Lord has shown me some wonderful things and grown me in some ways I needed to grow. For example, I had prayed recently for God to teach me more and grow me in the area of fasting. The verse on fasting in Matthew had really been coming to mind a lot for me. It says, "
Moreover, when ye fast, be not, as the hypocrites, of a sad countenance: for they disfigure their faces, that they may appear unto men to fast. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But thou, when thou fastest, anoint thine head, and wash thy face; that thou appear not unto men to fast, but unto thy Father which is in secret: and thy Father, which seeth in secret, shall reward thee openly. Matthew 6:16-18
From that verse, it seems that Jesus expects us to fast, but doesn't say when, or how often, or why. I prayed for God to show me when, how often, why... to just show me how to grow in this area. I didn't want to read anything written by men, or consider any teachings I have heard. I just wanted to hear what God had to say.
Well, one night, I was lying on my bed and praying before I fell asleep. The day had been a whirlwind of toddler training, newborn nursing, spiritual training and school for the older children, plus the usual mountain of chores and caring for husband and home. I said, "Lord, I need to learn how to walk in the spirit more! What can I do to stay in the spirit and stay dead to self?
He said, "Fast!"
I said, "Duh!"
Prayer answered. I looked up all the references on fasting and read them in this light and was so blessed! My toddler training took on a new life, with added hope and help from my Lord.
Not to mention, I am so grateful for my husband, who is such a great father and a help, and my two older children, who have been an incredible help. I am blessed.
And in the meantime, I will press on, like I always have. I know my calling--to train these children in the ways of the Lord. Each day I will get up, and I will not be weary in well-doing, and I will press on!
I wanted to share why I chose the name "Living Sacrifice" for this blog.
I'll give you today, for example.
My daughter and I got up early and left the house because she had an early morning play practice with her community children's chorus. After I dropped her off, I drove to run an errand before I picked her up. While driving and sipping my coffee (organic dark chocolate cherry--a splurge), I gave full heart attention to my Lord. Up until this point I had been too busy "DOING" to give Him full attention, even though it feels like He never leaves my mind. But up until this point, I had been nursing the baby, dressing him, getting a shower and getting dressed, getting the three of us out the door, driving to choir and talking with my daughter (one of the best times for talking with her about things). But with that all done, I started in full prayer, which often means getting out of the off-handed talking to Him mode and just tuning into "listen" to what He wants from me for the day.
After sending messages of gratitude for all He has done for me, and even for the lovely cup of coffee, I said, "Lord, how can I make this day a gift to you, pleasing to you?"
My husband came to mind (priority #1 after the Lord). I was created to be a help meet to my husband. My husband is busy--getting the rest of the firewood in for the winter, plus a couple of other looming household projects like HVAC modifications, insulation, and more. I know he was counting on getting a lot done today. I knew it would please the Lord if I made sure my husband's time was completely maximized--I took care of the kids, the meals, the housework, without asking for so much as one iota of help from him. Not even a potty trip for the baby, not even carrying the baby swing downstairs for me, and not even leaving him to fix himself a sandwich (he did fix himself a sandwich, but I offered several times before that to fix him something!)
My children came to mind (priority #2 after the Lord). My little newborn needs loved, nursed patiently, held lovingly and talked to as much as possible. My 20-month old needs positive attention, loving and fun activities, managed surroundings and boundaries, and patient, loving, CONSISTENT correction. My four-year-old needs to feel my support. I know he would benefit if today I offered a fun activity, such as painting or baking alphabet cookies (something he has wanted to do). My daughter--she and I sewed together yesterday. But today, I want to give her the gift of some free time to read, draw, write, and relax. My oldest son, 15, needs exhortations and encouragement regarding all his little decisions throughout the day as he is learning to make all his daily decisions himself as his own man. He also needs quiet time to get his school done--as much as I can give him.
The Holy Spirit brought to mind that sometimes when I am nursing, I turn on the TV to help me be more "patient" while I nurse. What happens, though, is I get more impatient with the other children because I want to hear the news or whatever other stupid thing I decided to watch. I lose time because even after I finish nursing, I sometimes stay to finish whatever show I started--and then I'm irritated and behind and things don't get done. I promised God today that I would "sacrifice" the TV--not even turn it on.
Within a few quiet moments of waiting on my Lord, I had already set my tone for the day. I wanted nothing more than to be a loving servant to my family and to sacrifice myself (my moods, my emotions, my rest, my comforts, my wants, and even my needs) to please God by serving and loving my family. If I do this, I KNOW He will supply my needs.
You see, I have needs. It is our flesh nature to think of those first and worry about how those are going to be taken care of. For example, my needs: I haven't even come close to getting enough sleep lately. My adorable newborn is not so adorable at night. I am often up most of the night with him. I am exhausted. My memory foam pillow is my favorite spot in the house, when I actually get to put my head on it and enjoy it! I have a cold. I know my body needs rest. How easy would it be for me to "put that first" and have an agenda all day long that I need to get some rest? Also, I have personal projects I need to finish that would help my family. I have things on my mind--concerns, thoughts.
Each day, I try to give them ALL up--a living sacrifice--in order to put God first. I make myself a sacrifice. It's like I take all of me--my needs, my wants, my thoughts, my concerns--anything ME-- and just put it on the altar and light fire to it.
But I know my God.
And I know He promises that if I love HIM first, and seek HIM first, then He will supply all my needs. I don't even need to remotely worry about my needs. I am confident, because His Word says so, that if I sacrifice myself and put only God's agenda first (seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness), then I will have all my needs abundantly met. He promises so in His Word. I WILL get rest. I will get healing. I will get time, energy, and strength to do all that needs to be done. There is no worry.
None.
When I mess this up, and try to logically plan my days to meet my needs as well as everyone else's, the day falls to pieces. I become selfish. My priorities are off. I procrastinate and waste time because I get crabby, or irritated, or depressed--all trying to fit "me" into the day.
How do you know you're not living as a sacrifice unto the Lord? You will feel stressed, tired, overwhelmed, and depressed. That's what happens when you stay in "me" mode.
The term "Living Sacrifice" is what helps me remember not to do this. To sacrifice each day full of things I want and replace it with only the things my Lord wants.
You should try it.
It works.
Conversely, you know the saying, "If Mama's not happy, ain't nobody happy." In my house, this is so true. But it is also true that, "If Mama has a servant's heart, everybody has a servant's heart."
Take today, for example. It is now the end of the day. By dinner time, I was actually "fighting" with other members of my family to do things to serve my family. Everyone was trying to serve. That was the tone of the day. We did paint pictures. We did make Alphabet cookies. My toddler had a great day of play and discipline--I was amazed at how well his training works out when I put the Lord first. Chores got done. My daughter got free time to play with her new watercolor pencils. I got a one-hour nap with the baby. It was a blessed day of peace.
And that's just how it goes when I love the Lord with all my heart and put Him first.
I fully agree with what you had to say in this post and many of the comments by other readers about keeping our children simple to evil, but my husband who is not walking with the Lord, doesn't share this view. He does allow them to watch kids movies that I would just throw out if it were up to me and discusses certain things in front of them that I would love to keep their ears from hearing. Right now he doesn't have a job either so I can't do much Biblical training while he's here. Please, any suggestions? I feel so helpless.
I wanted to take time to respond because I get so many comments and emails of this nature!
The first Scripture I want to share that promises help in this situation is:
And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God,
to them who are the called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28
If you LOVE God, then ALL things work together for good. Your marriage, your children, your life. It will all work for good.
Do you love Him? Not just casually. Not just, "Of course I love Him." But LOVE Him. Is He first and foremost in your thoughts each day? Do you love His goodness? Do you feel like singing forth His praises like David did? Do you long to please Him? If you don't...
Pray to be this way. It starts HERE. And it IS the solution. It is that simple.
Master, which is the great commandment in the law?
Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great (most important) commandment. And the second is likee unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. Matthew 22:36-40
Do you see? ALL ELSE hangs on these first and great commandments. Once you get this one "obeyed," everything else can fall in to place.
Problem is, people don't love Him with all their heart (their heart is full of themselves and the things they want--Jesus does not rule in their heart). People don't love Him with all their soul (they don't even try to walk in the spirit and die to self--and truly turn their souls over to the Lord), and they definitely don't love Him with all their mind. Their thoughts are most often not on the Lord. They think about God when they need Him. They are not always thinking about how to please God because they love Him. They fill their mind with meaningless things, worldly philosophies, and all sorts of books, TV shows, movies, and more that He doesn't like.
There is a ONE STEP solution. It is simple. You must LOVE HIM. With all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. If you know you don't love Him this way (and few people do),
then I beg you,
PRAY to love Him this way.
And all things, whatsoever ye shall ask in prayer, believing, ye shall receive. Matthew 21:22
Do you believe Him?
Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you:
For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Matthew 7:7-8
ASK to love Him this way. It is His will. It is His commandment. He wants you to. If you ASK, you will receive. And you will be changed. And everything else will fall into place. EVERYTHING.
I recently gave a class on the subject of feeding a family on a small budget, and feeding them in a healthy way. But I told class that I could give them any and every suggestion I had, but unless they LOVE God first, they shouldn't even bother to try to change. Unless pleasing Jesus was their main motivation, then nothing I told them would work--they would just spin their wheels. Hopefully, you will see that theme at the heart of most of my testimonies!
I was a "Christian" for years, and I would tell you over and over that I loved God. But I knew deep down the love I said I had for God definitely didn't match what the Scriptures said I should have. I didn't love Him enough to obey Him. I didn't love Him enough to think about Him more than I thought about anything else. I didn't love Him enough to just want to praise Him--the way David did. I knew I didn't love Him that way, and I knew most people didn't. But one day, shortly after I really began seeking God and seeking His best for my life, I heard a speaker explain this all to me, and she said the same thing I'm telling you. If you don't love Him, then pray to.
Dear reader, we are living in a time of weakened Christianity and watered down truth. Don't water down these truths. Don't take them lightly any more. So many "Christians" SAY they love Him, because it makes sense to say that. That's what Christians say. But, they are just pretending. Unless you can say, for sure, that you love Him, with all your heart, soul, and mind, then you must "park" here until you do. Otherwise you will just spin your wheels in your Christian walk and get nowhere, and get no help. You will just be pretending....walking a walk and talking a talk--maybe even all day and all night. But if you don't love Him, you are getting nowhere.
HAVE you been pretending?
And, if you read this blog, this is how I pray for all my blog readers continually. Because I know it starts here.
Make it real. Ask and pray, unceasingly, to love Him, and then you will know Him like I know Him, and He will be your ever present help in ANY situation you are in. Especially your marriage. Especially your parenting. And just especially, any kind of help you particularly need, because He loves YOU.
To read more about this, and about my thoughts on what to do if your husband isn't on board, check these prior entries:
When Your Husband Isn't On Board
But don't expect any of these entries to help you unless you LOVE Him the way He commands you to love Him--unless you truly seek first the Kingdom of God.
My fervent prayers, as always, will be with you as you seek to love Him, to know Him, and to please Him.
That sums it all up for me at this point in my life. I finally get what "joy unspeakable" is (1 Peter 1:8). It is such great joy that I could not explain it to you if I tried--there are no words. It is such great joy that if I had the words, I would not have the time to tell you all of the wonderful things Christ does for me. Unspeakable joy--no words, and not enough time to tell you anyway.
How do you get it this kind of joy--this unspeakable joy? I can tell you that it comes from having absolute and complete peace of mind, 100% contentment and acceptance of my circumstances because I trust the God who controls them, and the complete absence of fear and worry.
You get it by knowing God.
If you don't have this kind of joy, then you DON'T know Him. I don't care who you are, or how long you've been "saved," or how long you've gone to church, or how many times you go to church each week, or how many Bible studies you participate in, or how many Sunday School classes you teach, or how many people you've "led to the Lord."
If you don't have joy unspeakable, then you DON'T know Him. You couldn't possibly. Because if you KNEW Him, you couldn't help but have it.
Do you KNOW Him?
I know who my God is. I know Him. Because I KNOW Him, I KNOW there is no reason to fear, I KNOW He is always there. I KNOW He is my provider. I KNOW He is Sovereign. I KNOW He is good. I KNOW His mercies are unending. I KNOW He loves me--Oh, how He loves me! I KNOW He is in complete control of ALL things, and I KNOW that I can trust Him.
Do you KNOW Him?
Guess how I got to know Him? You may already know the answer:
I prayed to know Him. I prayed it desperately, day in and day out, to KNOW him. If you want the true joy that comes from knowing Christ, then you must pray to know Him.
You know how I realized I needed to pray to know my Lord? It started with a sermon I heard where the speaker just shared something from his heart. He said, "People assume that Jesus was perfect and sinless because he was God. That doesn't make sense. The Bible says He was fully God, but that He was also fully man. Jesus was sinless because he KNEW God."
And if I am a Christian--a true follower of Christ. I am to be like Christ. And if I am to be like Christ, I must know my Heavenly Father the way Jesus knows Him.
The more I know Him, the more I want to please Him. The only way to please Him is to obey Him. The only way to obey Him is to know Him--to know what He likes, to know what He hates, to know His commands.
And the one who obeys Him has joy--His ways are perfect. Problem free! Even in the trials He allows!
The one who knows Him has no fear--He is always in control. ALWAYS in complete, Sovereign control.
I had this crazy idea that I would jot down everything He is doing for me currently in my life and write a blog entry to share. A "spiritual snapshot," so to speak. I wanted to share--give just a glimpse--of all the ways He continually helps me, and guides me, and answers my prayers, day in and day out, day after day--help with marriage, and raising my children (minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day), praying to understand His Word more clearly, praying to grow... praying without ceasing.
I can't write it all down. There is just no way. It is unspeakable--all He does for me. I finally am starting to understand why David wrote the things He wrote: how God's mercies endure forever.
And I understand now how the Lord truly is my shepherd. I am one of His sheep. I hear His voice. I can follow Him all the day long and I am completely cared for, completely protected, and led to green pastures and beside still waters.
Dearest reader--you must know Him. If you don't, pray to. And don't stop praying until you KNOW Him. Only then will you know this joy I have--because I certainly can't tell you about it. There are no words, and not enough time.
Exciting times in this house. Not only do we have a precious newborn, a willful toddler (whew-what a blessed handful!), a kindergartener, and a sixth grade girl-becoming-woman, but I also have my oldest son who is finishing the last scraps of his high school work and starting full time with CollegePlus in January. I am preparing to "let him go." He is becoming his own man.
This has taken a lot of prayer on my part. I have prayed every step of the way the past eight years, since I truly began following Christ. But, the question is now, have I done my part? Have I trained him up in the way he should go? Will he depart from the ways I have trained him? Is he prepared to hold his own in the world? Is he discerning? Rooted and grounded in truth? Does he have self-control or is temptation going to overcome him?
I'm sure many of you have had some of the same questions. Just HOW am I supposed to prepare this young man to be his own man? How much freedom do I give him? How much do I protect and shelter? How do I test his readiness?
Take eating habits, for example. When training my children, I didn't just tell them to eat what I gave them, or else. I taught them and trained them in Biblical principles regarding gluttony and healthy eating. I taught, explained, and reasoned, from the Word, about their health and all things related, and why we need to make wise choices. I taught them why it is good to eat some things and not others. I taught them the principle of not offending others regarding food. I explained, and trained, and taught. Now my children make wise choices because of their training and their knowledge.
We have trained him in the importance of keeping his brain clean. I believe he understands why he should avoid polluting images. He is discerning and you can see him make the choice to avert his eyes during a bad commercial, or during a romantic scene in an otherwise decent movie. I've seen him make the choice to completely leave if he must to avoid a bad situation--TV, movie, or internet foolishness-- at someone else's house. I've explained to him from scriptures the importance of purity of mind and body, and how God commands us to think on things that are true, honest, just, pure, and lovely. Will he be able to stand?
I began wondering if I taught him enough about what types of sin are out there in the world. Does he need to understand and be familiar with sin so that he can be discerning--recognize evil for evil? I did not want my son to be ignorant and fooled and thus be drawn in or deceived, or tempted because he was ignorant, or curious, for that matter. What do you teach? How much do you expose him to? How much do you describe, explain, or educate when it comes to things he might encounter in the world--sinfulness and the horrible consequences: homosexuality, incest, STDs, drug abuse, alcoholism, prostitution... how much should he know? Just watching the news alone could be dangerous! How do I train him?
Schools touch on it all--have you seen secular texts from public schools? Yikes! No wonder kids get polluted! And just to see if I could find a little help or get some ideas, I ordered some "Christian" books dealing with these sensitive matters, and realized they were not the right thing when all I wanted to do was make sure those books were hidden so my children could not find them.
So I prayed. And God gave me this beautiful, wonderful, scripture:
For your obedience reached to all. Therefore I am glad on your behalf,
But I would have you truly wise as to good, and simple toward evil. Romans 16: 19
It is okay for my son to be "simple" (ignorant) when it comes to evil. It is better that he is so. My job is to make him wise to the good. Is this not the answer to my prayer?
I sat down and talked with my son. I told him as he grows, he is going to encounter all types of evil in the world. He is to consult the scriptures about it, and grow wise as to good, and stay simple toward evil--not even learn about it He does not need to learn, understand, or conform. I explained how he is a stranger in this world, and his true home is the kingdom of God, and he is a son of God, and joint heir to the throne of Christ. This world and its evils have nothing to do with him. He does not need to know. God says so.
And tell me this doesn't help me as I am preparing to teach my daughter many of the important things of womanhood. I have been praying so earnestly for God's guidance so that I can help her grow into a godly young woman, holy, set apart, and pure. Praise God! I can't even express my joy! I have kept my Bible opened to that page of scripture for over a week, it has been so sweet to me!
Thank You, Lord, for this beautiful answer to prayer. And thank You for never, ever, failing to guide us as we train these children for Your kingdom.
And if you have stopped by here, dear reader, know that I pray for you, too, as we take this parenting journey together.
May God bless you, help you, and guide you.
-Mrs. E
We had a noisy morning. As I sat on the sofa and nursed the baby, my other two youngest boys (4 and 1) were swashbuckling: yelling loudly, brandishing swords, and jumping off things (namely, our cast-iron and limestone coffee table). They were having a grand time, and I was laughing while I watched them.
If you have read my posts on children's appetites and training children in idolatry, you'll know where I'm going with this: What's up with all the pirate stuff? Why do parents mindlessly let children play pirates? Pirate birthday parties, pirate toys, pirate books and coloring books, pirate costumes, and even pirate ship playgrounds. Since when are pirates cute or fun? Pirates are criminal! In real life, pirates murder, steal, rape, pillage, drink, and who knows what else (need I list more?). If we encourage our children to imitate pirates and enjoy "being a pirate," what message are we sending?
Sigh. Parents, we must be mindful.
I can scratch the surface a little bit deeper, if you like. Read on, if you dare:
What about dinosaurs? Have you thought about the caution and discernment you must use if your little one LOVES dinosaurs? (And no, I'm not talking about creation vs. evolution.) First of all, how did he come to love them? Was he trained to think they were cool and interesting, and then pushed on him because it's normal for little boys to love them? Why is it normal? Because that's just what little boys like? Does he have dinosaur pajamas, dinosaur toys, dinosaur bedding, dinosaur underwear? Is there not a fine line between love of dinosaurs to the love of lizards, snakes, frogs, and other such creatures? And, how easy is it to take an interest in dragons when they are so much like dinosaurs? What types of things are associated with dragons? Is Satan dulling our senses so we don't even recognize him for what he is?
I'm not saying ban dinosaurs from your house--that's ridiculous. I'm saying, "Parents, we must be mindful." God created dinosaurs. We can be in awe--of the Creator, not the creature. We should not mindlessly fill our children's hearts and minds with the "creature" instead of the Creator.
What about horses? Dogs? Cats? Frogs? Fish? Rabbits? Have you encouraged an unhealthy obsession or idolatry with a particular type of animal based on your child's interests? How often do we decorate our children's rooms with horses, or sea creatures, or some other "love." How much have we contributed to or encouraged silly collections (pigs, panda bears, giraffes, blah, blah, blah...), telling everyone how much they LOVE that animal?
I'm not saying ban animals.
We should teach our children to appreciate and admire all the wonders of God's creation. We should study, learn, observe, and enjoy.
But, we must be mindful.
Are we teaching our children to worship the Creator or the created? Are we filling their hearts and minds with the Creator, or the created?
And back to the swashbuckling. Who are we allowing our children to "worship" as heroes? This time last year, I was not letting my boys follow after Superman, or Spiderman, or any other such superhero. I never have. But I don't think I thought much about my little boys owning a pirate coloring book, or wearing a plastic eye patch while clashing swords. But God is gracious and continues to grow our family. Now I think quite a lot about it.
Swords are great fun and can be quite manly, valiant, and noble.
Pirates are none of these things. I don't care how Hollywood spins it, or how cute the birthday party package is--treasure chest cake and all.
Parents, we must be mindful. The world is everywhere, waiting to claim our children through the most "innocent" of fun.
Let's keep our eyes on our Creator and with all our hearts strive to glorify Him, especially with how we train our children! For of such is the kingdom of God!
Here we go again. I am in that old familiar place. I am recovered from childbirth and feel healthy, my energy is back, and I have a bouncing newborn. The home management schedule is returning to some form of normal/productive, and I settled in at 35 pounds overweight.
But I've done it before, and I will do it again, only through Christ Jesus. Weight loss and dieting is spiritual for me. I will be so bold to say it is a spiritual issue for most people. Being overweight and/or out of shape is most often a lack of self-control. It is laziness, selfishness, and indulging the flesh.
How we hate those words! Please don't get defensive! Being overweight is not a sin! I honestly don't think I'm overweight now because I directly sinned to be this way--I'm just a sinner all around. God never tells us to give exercise top priority (He tells us the opposite, actually), and we definitely should not count on our eating habits to ensure our health. Only God can ensure our health. Only He give health or lets it be taken away.
And, keep in mind, God gives no "rules" for how fat or thin you should be. The right weight for someone else could be completely different than the right weight for you. We all have different bodies, different needs, different husbands, different lives, different callings. It's nobody's business but our own--between us and God. He's concerned with our heart. Are we following Him? We need to pray about it. I have given it much prayer and know what weight and size is right for me and why.
But, be reasonable. Many of us who are carrying some extra weight could drop a few pounds if we just exhibited a little more self control with our eating habits--eating less, making better choices. Most of us who are carrying extra weight could feel healthier, and would feel healthier, if we dropped some of it. We don't have to prioritize our lives and our God-given calling to choose to eat less! It takes no time off our schedule to eat less. It takes no effort, other than walking in the Spirit, to eat less. Most of us are provided with far more food than we need, and far more types of food than we need.
Most of us... could choose to change a time-wasting activity into a little workout time. What are the benefits of working out? It exercises our diligence, perseverence, and our ability to make wise choices with how we spend our time. We become more able to "number our years."
I wrote an entry last year about the things God has taught me about dieting and losing weight. You can read it by clicking here. But let me share more about my experience this time, as well. A couple of weeks ago as I was thinking "ahead" to the time when I knew I would be healthy enough to focus on the weight loss and start exercising, I knew I needed to be spiritually prepared. I started spending extra time in the Scripture, and even more time in prayer. I want to share something new God showed me just recently:
The full soul loatheth an honeycomb; but to the hungry soul every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7
Do you need any more proof that dieting is spiritual? If your soul is full, you will loathe (which means turn away from and not want) the sweets, the comfort food, which is what honeycomb represents in the Bible. Honeycomb is used in Proverbs more than once in this context, to paint the picture of the person who is tempted to overindulge while eating. But if your soul is hungry, every thing is sweet. You will eat--eat anything all the time--if you are spiritually empty.
You could just see the big light bulb come on over my head. It is so obvious! How much time have I spent in my life living in this spiritually empty state, trying to fill myself with ANYTHING. Weight loss has been an issue to me for years and years and years, until He finally showed me how to fill myself with HIM. Lord, as I begin this journey once again, please keep me full of You!
Fill yourself with His Spirit, and you will not be hungry. Walk in the Spirit, pray without ceasing, give thanks continually and for everything (which is praying).
I have taken some practical measures to help break me of the sweet tooth, which grows while I am pregnant. I am never used to eating as much as you have to eat while pregnant, so while pregnant I often find myself shaky and faint three or four hours after eating last, because I'm just not used to eating more often, and needing to find anything, QUICK. I had to eat a Snickers bar from a gas station once, and I NEVER eat Snickers. It was heaven that day! A life saver (it felt like)! I also generally eat such a low fat diet that when I get pregnant, I crave nothing but cheeseburgers and fatty food for the first few months. This amazes my children and husband, who can't believe that the only thing that calms my nausea and helps me to feel better sometimes is a Big Mac or a big bag of greasy potato chips and dip. Also, adding to the fun, during my last three pregnancies, I have become very hypoglycemic, needing to carry a blood sugar tester. My blood sugar would drop so low so quickly that sometimes I had to yell to my kids, "Get me juice, get me sugar, get me something, quick!" I ate a lot of sweets and sugar on the fly just to keep my sugar up (and no, a high-protein diet did not work). I get used to the taste of sweet very quickly, and it makes it worse when the sugar is also what rescues me from feeling bad and helps me feel good again. Sugar and fat. I gained 55 pounds this last pregnancy.
So, here's what I have done the past few weeks, to take steps of faith in the right direction:
I have stopped putting sugar on my cereal. I switched to sweetener, which I don't like the taste of as much, and therefore, cut back each time until I don't need the sweet.
Drinking more hot tea. Hot is comforting, and the flavor helps curb unnecessary appetite.
I stopped keeping the baking supplies fully stocked and am back to baking just once a month. I remember last time after I had a baby, I was so used to eating sweet, I would eat chocolate chips straight from the bag if I had them in the house. Now, I don't have them in the house. I would bake up a batch of cookies or brownies quickly, and if I had no chocolate, no matter, I would make molasses cookies. Now I'm not keeping enough sugar in the house to bake sweets. I will buy it as needed for planned baking.
But God certainly has a sense of humor. Yesterday my son received an email showing how to make 5-minute chocolate cake in a coffee mug in the microwave, using only 4 Tbsp of sugar. Of course, we tried it and it was delicious and very fun. Does this mean I have to keep less than 4 Tbsp of sugar in the house? No. It means I need to be full of the Spirit.
I am keeping the candy jar empty. I actually turned it into a "binky jar." Why do I have a candy jar in the first place? It was my grandmother's. We fill it at Christmas or on Mother's Day, or Father's Day. If the children receive candy at a party, we put it in there. Now, all the binkies are in there. I'm breaking my 18-month old from his, now that all his 1-year molars and eye teeth are finally in, and keeping them mostly out of sight and out of mind. My newborn only needs one once in a while to calm down and relax. I'm tired of looking for them all over the house. The new rule is, if you see a binky that is not being used, put it in the jar.
I am back on the treadmill. I am so thankful for my treadmill! It allows me to work out in an air-conditioned room, free of bugs. I don't have to take babies in a stroller, Snugli, or backpack. If my arthritis flares up, I can get off or adjust my incline, speed, or gait accordingly. Today was my seventh workout since the baby was born (7 in the past two weeks, four in the last four days). My goal is to spend at least 30 minutes at a good exercising pace, adjusting as necessary to avoid injury and inflammation to the arthritis joints. The first couple of days, I had to adjust to be sensitive to my abdomen muscles, which were still healing. If I felt any pain there, I adjusted my pace down until I did not feel pain there. Each day, I am usually a little stronger and able to go a little further, a little faster.
I have cut back my calories. Eating more appropriate amounts at meals, and cutting out snacks if I am not fainting from hunger. As I am nursing, I am just trying to be responsible and mindful, and walk in the Spirit when making eating choices. I drink hot tea and pray if I find myself struggling with my flesh.
It has been two weeks, and I have lost 7 pounds. 28 pounds to go.
Who's with me? If you are with me, dear reader, I am praying for you in this area, each time I pray for myself.
The Lord is with me. Thank you Lord. May I live only for Your glory, pleasing to You!
It has been an adjustment, having a newborn in the house. My 18-month-old, who was a handful in the first place, went off the deep end of evil.
Why? Because he knew I wouldn't put the baby down to correct him, especially if I was nursing, which, as you all know, I was doing most of the day.
After much prayer, God showed me how my laziness was harming my whole family. Essentially, how can we expect our children to drop what they're doing and obey instantly when we're unwilling to drop what we're doing and correct instantly? Just when I was starting to get the hang of this and thinking I needed to write an entry about what God was showing me, I was blessed by an article that really helped me.
This wise woman nailed it right on the head. Right on my head, to be exact. Ouch! The blog entry is titled, "First Time and With a Cheerful Attitude." Below is a quote. But go read the rest! She has worded things so beautifully that they have stuck with me and I have been blessed and helped. Child training wearing you out? This will bless you, too!
First Time and With a Cheerful Attitude
But today I got to thinking about the spirit in my children when they ignore my first (or second, or third…) request. It’s a spirit of selfishness, of consumption with the present activity, of not wanting to change direction until it’s convenient, and I realized something. That’s the same spirit that I am exhibiting when I don’t correct them right away the first time they disobey, the first time I hear a scream of sinful anger or frustration, the first time I see signs of a brewing fight. When I put my phone conversation, my blog comment, my recipe ahead of doing my job as their mother at the first signal that they need me, then I am being a hypocrite if I expect them not to put their games, their block towers, their conflicts ahead of doing their jobs as children and obeying my voice. I’m always telling my children, “Slow obedience is no obedience.” Well, maybe slow mothering is no mothering. Click here to read the entire article...
Until next time, you are all in my prayers, dear readers, that God will bless you, guide you, help you, and grow you.
Sometimes, we just need a boost. Let's face it, regardless of your situation, there are bad days and rough times. Over time, I have emailed many encouraging messages to wives asking for help in tough times and tough situations. And those encouraging messages have also served as a huge resource and much needed boost for myself. I go back and read them, too. Right now, with a newborn in the house, plus a 17-month old toddler, and the three older ones, trying to recover, get my energy back, deal with all that--I definitely need a boost for my marriage. My poor husband is patiently hanging in there and being so sweet and supportive and helpful. Here are a few vitamins for us all: You might need just one or two, or depending on your situation today, you might need the whole vitamin pack. In any case, be encouraged and exhorted, ladies. Your God is faithful and true.
VITAMIN G: GOD
God is all you need. A relationship with Him and Him alone. He is able to provide for you all you need right where you are, in your marriage, with your children. You don’t need church (for those of you whose husbands won't go, or won't let you go, or insist you go to the "wrong" church). You don’t need a husband that agrees. You need to submit yourself to God and to God alone. You need to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. You need to have faith and trust that God can answer and help you in your present need. If you don’t love God this way, and if you don’t have the faith to trust Him to help you in your present situation, then you need to pray with all your heart to have those things. God can release you from bitterness and sadness and despair, and heal your hurts, and shine His light right down into the darkness and hopelessness you are in and show you exactly what steps to take. Seek God first—then all the things you need—including affection, and love, and help, and peace—will be added unto you. If you don’t understand that concept, then pray to. It is God’s will that you know Him, love Him first above all things, and seek Him first, then He will show you the rest. He knows your heart, your hurts, and everything about your situation—He knows it better than you know it, and knows exactly what needs to be done. Seek Him and you will find all He has for you. You will be in my fervent prayers.
VITAMIN F: FAMILY
Sometimes, it can seem so unimportant and meaningless, the things I do all day--like sweeping up Cheerios, wiping off the high chair and scrubbing up the food under it for the 100th time, giving baths, picking up, picking up, picking up---always picking up--, taking the baby potty and changing diapers--you know what I mean. Cooking, cooking again, cooking again, piles of dishes... But God has made it clear to me that if I do these things with my heart perfect towards Him, then there is nothing I could do that would be more pleasing. He gave me my family, and gave me my role. I am to do it with all my heart for Him. He has made that so perfectly clear to me--and the more I do it with all my heart, even sweeping up the Cheerios, the more of light I shine for Him. That is my ministry. That is the ultimate way God works through me for the good of His kingdom. It is His plan that I look to the "saving of my house," just like Noah did. God showed me from His word that the ONLY people Noah took on the ark with him were his family--and they are the only people God commanded Noah to take. The world was coming to an end, everyone was doomed (much like the times we are living in today), and he was called faithful for saving his family. Contrary to what you will hear expounded by many preachers, it never says anywhere in the Bible that Noah tried to preach to or persuade anyone else, and in Hebrews (11:7), Noah was listed in the "faith hall of fame" for preparing an ark to the saving of his house." I have no greater calling than to just serve the Lord in faith by attending to the saving of my house--the complete care and shepherding of my children, with all of my heart. God will use that for His perfect plan. I just need to obey.
VITAMIN T: THOUGHTS
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever tings are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8
When is comes to husbands, it can be so easy to dwell on the negative. Even the littlest thing can upset me for hours, if I let it. Not to mention how I can stew for days or weeks over his "big" faults or mistakes. When I was 9 months pregnant, it was easy to get upset. Right now, in the afterglow of having a newborn, I am mostly feeling grateful and loving.
But regardless of my "seasons," in Philippians 4:8, God teaches me what to think on every day. I am to think on the things that have virtue and are worthy of praise. My husband's mistakes and faults do not qualify. I am not to think on them. I am to think on the things that are just (thoughts that don't judge him), things that are lovely (thoughts about him that please me), things that are of good report (the good things I would be able to tell others about my husband), and the true things (the selfish way I see things is not the whole truth). I think that because I do this, these are the thoughts that come across on my blog when I write about my husband. When I think of the things that fuel my anger, I am sinning, because anger is selfish, and "me-focused," not God-focused. What's hard is, we are human. It is so much easier to think of the negative, and you can be sure Satan helps prompt that. If you love the Lord, you will understand His command for how to direct your thoughts to help your spiritual well-being.
So, I think of the good things. No matter how many bad things I could list, I shove that all aside and only "think on" the good. I let God take the bad--it is His job to handle that, and to help me with the hurts and frustrations I feel. I pour that out to the Lord. And when I find myself thinking on the bad, I use that as a reminder to STOP and start thinking on the good: how handsome, how smart, how he is able to fix our cars, or our home, believing in the fact that he DOES love me, he DOES love the children, the stories he reads to the 4-year-old at night sometimes, how he bought ice cream as a surprise for the kids, that he taught the boys to ride their 4-wheelers, that he's there as my companion, when I need a hug, or comfort, or advice--all I have to do is go to him. I think of all the things that led me to love him in the first place--all the things that made me smile. I think how fortunate I am to have a lovely home with a husband and children.
I understand that God made my emotions. I am not an unfeeling robot. I feel hurt and upset and angry sometimes. But those are my cues to turn to the Lord. That is why He made emotions--they to help us cry out to GOD--not cry out to others. God gets an earful about my hurts, my sadness, my stress. He hears it, but what's even better is, He understands it. Completely. And He still allows it, and He knows best. And because He is my Lord, I trust Him. I keep my eyes on Him and Him alone, and press on in pleasing just Him. And despite the hurts, I let God's love pour through me onto my husband. I serve God fully by serving my husband in a way that pleases my Lord. I don't judge my husband, or bear bitterness (for long, with God's help).
I understand your stress, and your aching, aching heart. I know exactly how you are feeling. God is able to help. God does know what He's doing. He knows exactly where you are, what's happening to you, and why. He knows all your needs, better than you. Can you trust Him? Can you serve Him? Can you give all your burdens to Him and focus on Him? Philippians chapter 4 continues on to say, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Dwelling on thoughts that are negative--as in, your husband's faults or mistakes--will keep you from having any strength. God commands us NOT to think on these things, so when we do, we are disobeying and we are sinning, which only reaps consequences of sin (stress, frustration, sadness, sickness, and more). You must live "through Christ," seek to please Him and obey Him, give the Lord your burdens, think on the good things, then your strength will return, because you will have HIM.
VITAMIN J: JUDGMENT
There are so many other things God has taught me that help me in my marriage on a daily basis. One thing that the Holy Spirit often brings to mind is the fact that God, in His Word, commands us over and over not to judge others. He also tells us to never esteem ourselves better than another. When I get angry at my husband, (which is a natural thing to do--the Bible says we will get angry), it is a sign that I am esteeming myself better than him--I am thinking my needs are more important, that I am right and he is wrong, that I am better and he is worse. Instead of becoming ensnared by my anger, I must use my anger as a SIGNAL that I am sinning--not a signal that my husband is sinning. We are all sinners. We are all equal. No sin is greater than another. The Bible says that the person who commits one sin is as much as a sinner as the person who commits them all. It can be difficult and confusing because, as his wife, his sinfulness hurts me personally. But he is no different than me, or any other human. God died equally for us all. I am sinning against my Lord when I allow myself to be ruled by my selfishness--my anger. I use my anger and hurt as a sign to remember that God loves my husband the same as He loves me. That, in God's eyes, my husband and I are equally sinners. I also remember that I hurt my husband, too, and because of his love and commitment to me (he married me, didn't he? I know he meant good when he made that decision!), I know he overlooks and forgives so many things I do that hurt him! I am to love others as I love myself. I am to see them as God sees them. I pray often for God to let me see my husband through His eyes, and because that is God's will, He does just that. I don't stay mad for long. God so sweetly helps me remember that my husband loves me, and is committed to me, despite his faults. God gives me gratefulness, and fills me with love so that I can be a blessing to my husband instead of a "judge." I am truly grateful, from the bottom of my heart, for the gift of my husband, for his commitment to me, for his love for me. I vowed on our marriage day to love my husband unconditionally. Any time I am angry, I am breaking that vow. The only way to love unconditionally is to let God love my husband through me, and stay out of the way with my sinful, selfish flesh. With God's help, I keep that vow. And that's a vow I always meant to keep with all my heart! I can only do it when I love God first with all my heart (remember the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. All else hangs on this!)
I really get to exercise this area during pregnancy. I know I don't have to tell you how overwhelming it feels to have a baby (and many others of all ages) to care for while at the same time have a baby growing inside of you. The tiredness, and the hormones... It can be such a trial. But I strive to reach up and take the trial willingly, and God helps me all the way. He is the one who allows all things for me, for my good. My weaknesses become my strength as I cry out to Him more and more and more.
VITAMIN H: HONOR
Think of our children. God's "first commandment with promise" is for children. The promise is that if children honor their father and mother, then things will go well with them, and their life will be prolonged. If you do a word study on the word "well," it means prosper, thriving, successful, wise, esteemed, safe, secure, at peace.
I rob my children of that blessing when they see anything in me that reflects displeasure in their Dad. My children--even the smallest--can pick up on my exasperation, my anger, my stress, even if I am not directly vocalizing my anger. If I want things to go "well" for my children (if I want them to prosper, thrive, be successful, wise, esteemed, safe, secure, and at peace), then I will do all that I can to help them keep this commandment. I will do all I can to ensure that they honor their father. If I don't honor their father, then they won't either. I do my best to make sure my children honor their father. If they become upset with him, I defend him. I teach my children the ways of forgiveness. I teach my children God's principles. I praise their father to them. I promote their gratefulness. If my children see or hear my displeasure in my husband, (which, I am sad to say, they have on many occasions), they automatically learn to not give honor to their father. I have been doing my best over the past several years to correct that and to make sure they honor their father. That means I must be instantly forgiving and gracious, that I must submit to my husband as unto the Lord, and that I must rely even more on my Lord. It means I must not judge my husband in any way, and think only on the good things. For the sake of my children, I am exhorted by the Holy Spirit to continue to press on to be pleasing to the Lord in my marriage and to trust Him.
If you ask my children--any of them--at any given moment, what they think about their father, I know exactly what they will say. They will say, "I have the best dad in the world. I'm glad no other man on earth is my father." I've heard them say this over and over. I am doing my job. They will obtain God's blessing and promise!
****
I have more vitamins to share... I just need some time to do that.
God bless you all, and you are all in my prayers.
--Mrs. E
Our new little one finally arrived after much waiting and anticipation. We are now home and happy and healthy. Thank you so much for all your prayers. The delivery was blessed, and our little son is a perfect gift from above.
--Mrs. E
I have been praying fervently to God to lead me in the training of my daughter, who is no longer a little girl (now 10). He had pressed upon my heart that it was time to shepherd her through the gate from little girlhood into young womanhood. I was at a loss for how to take the next steps, how to keep her heart, how to guide her, and how to teach her more intimately the things of womanhood, keeping her heart while at the same time preparing her to become, independently, the woman God has planned for her to be. The only experience I have had with teen-aged daughters is my memories of the type of teenager I was myself (and the type my friends were)--and that was not a pretty picture. I had no respect for authority, especially my own mother, I was irresponsible, lazy, selfish, disrespectful, obnoxious. I succumbed to peer pressure on all sides and, knowingly against my parents' wishes and commands, dabbled and experimented in all types of rebellion and ungodly things, ungodly relationships, setting myself up for troubles, depression, and failure. God didn't rescue me from that troubled path until about 8 years ago.
So, here I am, with no experience whatsoever either being a godly teen-aged girl, or raising one.
So I have been praying, and praying, and praying. One thing I do know is that God knows the plan He has for my daughter, and what must be done to get her there. If I rely solely on Him, I know He will lead. He ALWAYS does. Always. With every child, in every phase, at every age, with every specific need. Sometimes even moment-by-moment.
And here I wanted to record a bit about how He is answering my prayers and leading, and the fruit that I am already seeing as a result.
One of the first things God led me to do was increase her responsibilities in order to develop more sense of responsibility and encourage her maturity. God led me to do sort of a "promotion." My oldest son, who is nearly 15 and finishing his last few high school courses in preparation to start CollegePlus soon, got promoted out from under me regarding household chores and sibling care. Over the past few weeks, I have been working with him, training him to set his own schedule and goals for completing his school, to set his own schedule for work--both for his responsibilities at home (yard work and other outside responsibilities as assigned by Dad) and for the people who hire him to work for them (yard or garden work, construction/project help, etc.) He gets no more daily direct orders from me or a managed checklist from me for schoolwork and chores. He is still exhorted to be alert to the needs of his family, siblings, and home, and pitch in with a servant's heart. However, he has been promoted to self-management, taking his future more into his own hands. I am playing more the role of counselor now, yet still am able to make a command of him should I need to.
My daughter, then, was promoted into bigger responsibilities--just like the ones her older brother had carried before her. I explained that it was now her "prime" season for home management and parenting on-the-job training. I sat with her and had her tell me all she could about the responsibilities of caring for a home and for her younger brothers and sisters. We set some new expectations for her, increasing her chores and responsibilities, including some more responsibility in caring for and training the little ones. I explained to her that by the time she was as old as her big brother, that she needed to be ready to manage herself as well--giving her a vision for growing up in the same way she sees her older brother growing up--to be independently led by the Lord to an individual calling.
As we then began working more together and she began learning to increase her responsibilities, I noticed some spiritual issues surface. Little weeds of selfishness and laziness sprouted as her flesh resisted some of the extra work (we're not talking much--we're talking a little more laundry, a little more dishes, a little more work on floors, and a little more regarding caring for the little ones). I saw looks of rebellion and dissatisfaction on her face. So, we ended up having a heart-to-heart talk one night, assessing her spiritual condition and her relationship with the Lord. She cried and renewed her spirit. She resolved afresh to be pleasing to the Lord in all her pursuits, and increased her prayer time throughout the day as she sought His help and sought to please Him in all she does. I was so thankful to the Lord for how the chore changes led to this spiritual growth, which is absolutely necessary before we delve into more of the things I am needing to teach her that require more spiritual maturity.
In the midst of all this, I was still praying for God to show me specifically how to teach her the "girl" things she needs to learn in the near future--about her changing body, and how to have her gain godly knowledge of marriage, sex, and more. I was at a complete loss about how to go about this! At the same time, Dad started a construction project in her bedroom to build her a walk-in closet. We have an old farmhouse which has very minimal closet space, yet the rooms are very large. The boys' room got a walk-in closet last year. Dad started hers a couple of weeks ago. And better yet, he gave us permission to redecorate her room--furniture and all (her furniture was an ancient, falling-apart hodge podge of hand-me-down freebies). What a blessing! What a great, grown-up, mother-daughter project. On our days out, we began stopping by furniture stores with a notebook in hand, looking at different things, getting ideas, and writing down the possibilities. One thing she found that she really liked was a pub table--one of the tall round tables with two bar stools. As we talked about it, we both liked the idea more and more.
And we bought it. It was expensive. I tried to have second thoughts about it, but as I continued to pray about my daughter and her needs, and whether or not it was wise to buy the table, I felt completely confident that it was the thing to do. Every time I hesitated or prayed, I felt God instantly pressing upon me that it was right to get the table.
Now her room remodel is nearly complete. Instead of her two old, rickety twin beds, she is getting a new day bed with a trundle, complete with a beautiful new quilt and pillows she picked herself. In one corner, she put a new reading chair (one of the big round ones she can curl up in). Beside the chair is a basket with her journals, and a little table for her Bible and glasses. And in front of one of her windows is her new pub table. It is lovely. She chose a beautiful tea set--a real one, full size--that matches her decor. It sits on a tray on the pub table, with a little napkin holder and four little plates.
And what a blessing that table seems to be. She had a friend over to spend the night, and they made tea and sat at the table and did devotions together. She invited her little brother (age 4) in to have a special breakfast with her, where she set the table with a fresh pot of honey-chamomile tea and some chocolate donuts. And that table, it is also the place for her and me. We can sit and look out the window, talk heart-to-heart, study, and do classes together--girl classes-- while the little ones nap or play on the floor nearby. It is a special place--a grown-up place--a place to do and learn grown up things. And, one day when she moves out to a place of her own, she now owns a beautiful table that she can use as a breakfast or tea table!
And, even more amazing is that over the past two weeks, her spiritual growth has been very obvious. Instead of the selfishness and "oblivion" she used to have to the needs of others, and her resistance to the increased chores, a huge transformation has taken place. She is now jumping to get things for her little brothers before I can even lift a finger (get a spoon, get a drink, take the little one potty, etc.). She is completely in tune with a new heart attitude. She has transformed in her household responsibilities, and now, between her and me, she and I are keeping the house in better shape and more organized than it was when her older brother was still doing his share! I have commented over and over how I have noticed her helpfulness, her diligence, her work ethic, and her servant's heart. I asked her, "What helped you make the change?"
She said, "Well, I've been praying more, like you've shown me. But it is also really helping because I've been doing my personal Bible study at my new table." (She works through the Bright Lights study materials independently).
Who knew?
God knew. He always leads! He is the one who knows the plans He has for my daughter. And as I keep seeking Him, He will keep guiding me as I guide her, every single little tiny step of the way! It's amazing! I could have never thought this up on my own! Thank you, Lord.
As I close, here is a photo of her special breakfast with her little brother. I think it is really wonderful how this table is growing her relationship with him! She really enjoyed serving him and making him feel special!
