Living Sacrifice
Jun. 18, 2009

The New Little One is Here

Our new little one finally arrived after much waiting and anticipation.  We are now home and happy and healthy.  Thank you so much for all your prayers. The delivery was blessed, and our little son is a perfect gift from above.
--Mrs. E
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Jun. 5, 2009

God-Led Child Training: A New Pub Table

I have been praying fervently to God to lead me in the training of my daughter, who is no longer a little girl (now 10). He had pressed upon my heart that it was time to shepherd her through the gate from little girlhood into young womanhood.  I was at a loss for how to take the next steps, how to keep her heart, how to guide her, and how to teach her more intimately the things of womanhood, keeping her heart while at the same time preparing her to become, independently, the woman God has planned for her to be.  The only experience I have had with teen-aged  daughters is my memories of the type of teenager I was myself (and the type my friends were)--and that was not a pretty picture.  I had no respect for authority, especially my own mother, I was irresponsible, lazy, selfish, disrespectful, obnoxious.  I succumbed to peer pressure on all sides and, knowingly against my parents' wishes and commands, dabbled and experimented in all types of rebellion and ungodly things, ungodly relationships, setting myself up for troubles, depression, and failure.  God didn't rescue me from that troubled path until about 8 years ago.

So, here I am, with no experience whatsoever either being a godly teen-aged girl, or raising one. 

So I have been praying, and praying, and praying.  One thing I do know is that God knows the plan He has for my daughter, and what must be done to get her there.  If I rely solely on Him, I know He will lead.  He ALWAYS  does. Always.  With every child, in every phase, at every age, with every specific need.  Sometimes even moment-by-moment.

And here I wanted to record a bit about how He is answering my prayers and leading, and the fruit that I am already seeing as a result.

One of the first things God led me to do was increase her responsibilities in order to develop more sense of responsibility and encourage her maturity.  God led me to do sort of a "promotion."  My oldest son, who is nearly 15 and finishing his last few high school courses in preparation to start CollegePlus soon, got promoted out from under me regarding household chores and sibling care.  Over the past few weeks, I have been working with him, training him to set his own schedule and goals for completing his school, to set his own schedule for work--both for his responsibilities at home (yard work and other outside responsibilities as assigned by Dad) and for the people who hire him to work for them (yard or garden work, construction/project help, etc.)  He gets no more daily direct orders from me or a managed checklist from me for schoolwork and chores.  He is still exhorted to be alert to the needs of his family, siblings, and home, and pitch in with a servant's heart.  However, he has been promoted to self-management, taking his future more into his own hands.  I am playing more the role of counselor now, yet still am able to make a command of him should I need to.

My daughter, then, was promoted into bigger responsibilities--just like the ones her older brother had carried before her.  I explained that it was now her "prime" season for home management and parenting on-the-job training.  I sat with her and had her tell me all she could about the responsibilities of caring for a home and for her younger brothers and sisters.  We set some new expectations for her, increasing her chores and responsibilities, including some more responsibility in caring for and training the little ones. I explained to her that by the time she was as old as her big brother, that she needed to be ready to manage herself as well--giving her a vision for growing up in the same way she sees her older brother growing up--to be independently led by the Lord to an individual calling.

As we then began working more together and she began learning to increase her responsibilities, I noticed some spiritual issues surface.  Little weeds of selfishness and laziness sprouted as her flesh resisted some of the extra work (we're not talking much--we're talking a little more laundry, a little more dishes, a little more work on floors, and a little more regarding caring for the little ones).  I saw looks of rebellion and dissatisfaction on her face.  So, we ended up having a heart-to-heart talk one night, assessing her spiritual condition and her relationship with the Lord.    She cried  and renewed her spirit.  She resolved afresh to be pleasing to the Lord in all her pursuits, and increased her prayer time throughout the day as she sought His help and sought to please Him in all she does.  I was so thankful to the Lord for how the chore changes led to this spiritual growth, which is absolutely necessary  before we delve into more of the things I am needing to teach her that require more spiritual maturity.

In the midst of all this, I was still praying for God to show me specifically how to teach  her the "girl" things she needs to learn in the near future--about her changing body, and how to have her gain godly knowledge of marriage, sex, and more.  I was at a complete loss about how to go about this!  At the same time, Dad started a construction project in her bedroom to build her a walk-in closet.  We have an old farmhouse which has very minimal closet space, yet the rooms are very large.  The boys' room got a walk-in closet last year.  Dad started hers a couple of weeks ago.  And better yet, he gave us permission to redecorate her room--furniture and all (her furniture was an ancient, falling-apart hodge podge of hand-me-down freebies).  What a blessing!  What a great, grown-up, mother-daughter project.  On our days out, we began stopping by furniture stores with a notebook in hand, looking at different things, getting ideas, and writing down the possibilities.  One thing she found that she really liked was a pub table--one of the tall round tables with two bar stools.  As we talked about it, we both liked the idea more and more. 

And we bought it. It was expensive.  I tried to have second thoughts about it, but as I continued to pray about my daughter and her needs, and whether or not it was wise to buy the table, I felt completely confident that it was the thing to do.  Every time I hesitated or prayed, I felt God instantly pressing upon me that it was right to get the table. 

Now her room remodel is nearly complete.  Instead of her two old, rickety twin beds, she is getting a new day bed with a trundle, complete with a beautiful new quilt and pillows she picked herself.  In one corner, she put a new reading chair (one of the big round ones she can curl up in).  Beside the chair is a basket with her journals, and a little table for her Bible and glasses.  And in front of one of her windows is her new pub table.  It is lovely.  She chose a beautiful tea set--a real one, full size--that matches her decor.  It sits on a tray on the pub table, with a little napkin holder and four little plates. 

And what a blessing that table seems to be.  She had a friend over to spend the night, and they made tea and sat at the table and did devotions together.  She invited her little brother (age 4) in to have a special breakfast with her, where she set the table with a fresh pot of honey-chamomile tea and some chocolate donuts.  And that table, it is also the place for her and me.  We can sit and look out the window, talk heart-to-heart, study, and do classes together--girl classes-- while the little ones nap or play on the floor nearby. It is a special place--a grown-up place--a place to do and learn grown up things.  And, one day when she moves out to a place of her  own, she now owns a beautiful table that she can use as a breakfast or tea table!

And, even more amazing is that over the past two weeks, her spiritual growth has been very obvious.  Instead of the selfishness and "oblivion" she used to have to the needs of others, and her resistance to the increased chores, a huge transformation has taken place.  She is now jumping to get things for her little brothers before I can even lift a finger (get a spoon, get a drink, take the little one potty, etc.).  She is completely in tune with a new heart attitude.  She has transformed in her household responsibilities, and now, between her and me, she and I are keeping the house in better shape and more organized than it was when her older brother was still doing his share!  I have commented over and over how I have noticed her helpfulness, her diligence, her work ethic, and her servant's heart.  I asked her, "What helped you make the change?" 

She said, "Well, I've been praying more, like you've shown me. But it is also really helping because I've been doing my personal Bible study at my new table."  (She works through the Bright Lights study materials independently).

Who knew? 

God knew.  He always leads!  He is the one who knows the plans He has for my daughter.  And as I keep seeking Him, He will keep guiding me as I guide her, every single little tiny step of the way!  It's amazing!  I could have never thought this up on my own! Thank you, Lord.

As I close, here is a photo of her special breakfast with her little brother. I think it is really wonderful how this table is growing her relationship with him! She really enjoyed serving him and making him feel special!

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May. 7, 2009

Year-End Assessments: How Are Your Children Measuring Up?

Homeschoolers in our state, at the end of every "school year," are required to turn in a certified academic assessment of our children.  We have two choices. We can have our children take an approved standardized test for the appropriate age/grade level (such as the Iowa Test of Basic Skills) and turn in the results (they must have a 25th percentile composite or higher), or we can have a certified, currently-licensed teacher review samples of  the child's work for the year and write and sign an affidavit stating that they feel the child is learning well enough at home in "accordance with their abilities."

As far as these academic assessments go, I don't fret about them too much.  I know my responsibility to teach my children to read, write, calculate, and have a working knowledge of history, government, etc.  I know I am teaching it, and I know where my children stand in these areas. I am fulfilling my responsibility to make sure my children get an efficient academic education that will prepare them fully for college--if that is God's plan for them--or any other type of career or work that may be God's plan. We keep up with the academic work, at the pace that is right for each child.  And that usually means they "stay ahead of the pack" when it comes to national standards and public school standards.  Last year they completed their standardized tests and scored very well.  This year, I'm sure they will do the same.

But for me, these academic assessments are not crucial. It's not how I measure my children's success.  Think about it:  Why would a Christian homeschooling family structure their homeschooling around spiritual goals, raising children that are Christ-centered, and then only worry about academic assessments to see how they're doing?  Makes no sense!  From day one of homeschooling, God made it very clear to me that my main goals for my children were spiritual, and that if I kept those spiritual goals in focus--as the priority--the academics would naturally work out.  That has proven true.  Because of this, I think it is far more crucial to do a SPIRITUAL assessment of our children on a regular basis.

This year, as we are slowing down on the academic schoolwork for a season, as we do each summer, I have replaced the bulk of the academic assignments with spiritual assessment exercises.  For my older two children (10 and almost 15), I had them watch a video sermon by Dr. S.M. Davis titled, "What to Expect from a 12-Year-Old."  They watch it every year, sometimes more than once.  It is an excellent video to help children understand some of their spiritual goals.  We started homeschooling six years ago when my oldest was nine, and in answer to my prayers for God to lead our homeschool, this sermon was the first thing we heard.  Since that time, my main educational goals have included the points from this sermon.  So, what should you expect from a 12-year-old, if your primary goals for your children are spiritual ones?

A 12-year-old should (if you have trained them in the ways of the Lord):

1. Have a mature sense of responsibility, purpose, and  destiny.
2. Have a keen sense of discernment, especially in relation to the company they keep.
3. Have a burning hunger to understand truth and wisdom.
4. Be fully obedient.
5. Be consistently respectful.
6. Be fully committed to doing the will of God.
7. Have an unmistakeable godliness about his life.

This year, my children watched the video again, and made an outline of the above points and scripture verses.  Then, I gave each of them a chart with the above seven expectations.  I asked them to rate themselves and put those qualities in order from what they felt was their strongest area to their weakest.  Then, I had them rate each other. Then I rated them, then Daddy did the same.  I let them look at their ratings and ponder them for a while, and we discussed the significance of how their self-ratings were vastly different from how others perceived them.

I then spent some time with each of them, praising their strengths and discussing their weaknesses. I have been giving examples, sharing scriptures, and helping them come up with suggestions on how they could exercise their weak areas to make them stronger. They then each wrote a paper about their self-assessments, confirming their understanding and discernment.  They listed examples of their wrong actions, scripture verses confirming the way to be godly, and then wrote their personal plan for trying to grow in those areas.

And since then, I have been able to correct them more effectively to grow them in these areas that they are made keenly aware of. 

For example, my husband and I both agreed (and we didn't collaborate on our assessments) that my son's biggest weakness was his sense of responsibility regarding his younger siblings and family.  My son rated himself high in responsibility, because he does do his chores, keep his things organized, get his schoolwork done, and does everything that he is asked, and many things that he is not asked to do--he is very "by the book."  However, we explained to him that he does not take on responsibility for his younger  siblings willingly and without being told.  He does care for them when asked, but not wholeheartedly.  If he were truly responsible, he could be trusted to be responsible for others, especially those younger than himself.  We have been explaining this to him, and because of our "assessment," have been able to point out areas where he should have jumped in to take responsibility without being asked.  For example, if his younger brother needs help getting his shoes on, he shouldn't have to be asked to help.  If I have the children with me on an outing, and I am holding the baby, then he should automatically step in to help with the 4- year-old. If I am driving, he should assume responsibility for caring for the young ones in the car.  He should develop a sense of responsibility for the care, shepherding, and well-being of his younger siblings.  For example, today while I was driving all four children to an appointment, the baby, who is teething and has a runny nose, sneezed.  I had to prompt my older children to check his nose to see if it needed wiped.  I was able to explain to them that if they were truly responsible, they would have automatically realized that I was unable to care for the baby because I was driving, and jumped to care for him as soon as they heard his sneeze.  They need to learn to be in tune to the needs of their younger siblings and aware of times that they need to take the responsibility.  If something like that happens again, I plan to silently pull over, and without a word, care for the baby myself.  That should make the point!

My daughter's greatest weakness, and my husband and I again both rated her the same, was her sense of discernment, especially regarding friends and activities.  We have let her join a local children's chorus where she is around children of all ages and from all types of families, even teenage girls and boys from the high school.  We use this situation to help her learn discernment and how to make wise choices.  She is so friendly and exuberant, and she is so well-liked by all the girls in the choir, my daughter has to be discerning about their offers to view cell-phone pictures, text messages, and videos, or to play with their DS games, or to get drawn into their silliness regarding boys, or rebellious and defiant girl-talk.  She is quite good at just separating herself from foolish behavior, but with the older girls in the midst of a 2-hour practice, it can be hard for her.  After this year's assessment, we were able to give her specific examples that will help her keep improving in this area while still being able to be a good and loving friend to those around her.    And while we are teaching her discernment and wisdom in this area, we continue to train her that it is ultimately wiser to stay in the company of older, wiser, and more godly friends--even if it means adults are the only option.  My daughter needs to understand that faithfulness to God and His best for her life is the only choice.  And it needs to be her choice--and it will be, if we have trained her right in the ways and goodness of the Lord.

Another thing that God led me to do this year for assessment is the "chore" test.  My children have had daily chore checklists for about four years now.  They have gotten very good about completing their checklists according to our structured schedule.  But my job is to train them to do chores and get things done without my management, my checklists, my schedule, or my promptings.  I took away the chore checklists.  I took away the chore lists.  I wanted to see if my older children did any chores voluntarily, or took up responsibility for helping around the house without my direction.

What happened, do you think?  I'm sure you can guess.  Everything came to a screeching halt.   I explained that it was a test of their responsibility, maturity, and initiative.  I explained how it was my job to train them to make the decision to work for themselves. I explained that God gave them a family as their "on-the-job training."  We need to use this time to teach them to work and take on full responsibility, and the family setting is where it all happens.  I explained to them that they would still be just like babies if the only work they could do is work they were told to do, or work from a checklist!  There's no mature responsibility in that system.

It has been about a month now, and they are improving and starting to get the point.  After failing miserably still for the first few weeks, I asked my husband for help because I was getting frustrated.  My husband came up with the idea for them to keep a daily log sheet of their decisions on how they spend their time to help them become more aware.  He printed them a daily chart where they fill in their activities each hour and share it with him in the evenings.  It has certainly helped.  For the most part, however, at this point they have to be asked still to help around the house. But today, I've noticed that the house is looking better and things are getting more done than they were three weeks ago.  I'm hoping this little exercise will pay off!  My goal is to have children who all pitch in around the house all the time as a priority, without ever being asked or managed.   I want them to automatically and always be looking for what needs to be done, and then jump in and do it.  My goal is for them to learn to take on as much responsibility for the family as they can learn, so that when they have a family of their own one day, they will be ready. When they have a job of their own one day, they will be ready!  That won't happen unless I train them to function without my constant management and reminders!

As for other assessments I have planned, we will be studying more in-depth the areas of friendships, responsibility, submission to authority, and having a heart for God.

I already gave my children an initial "test" regarding friendships.  I had them write a quick paragraph explaining to me how to view friends from a Biblical perspective.  Here is what my daughter (age 10) wrote in the space of about 15 minutes:

We need to choose our friends carefully. Why? Because evil is contagious, and holiness is not. When choosing a friend, never look on the outside. For example, when God told Samuel to look for a new king, he went to Jesse's house. Jesse brought out his sons, who were all big, strong, and muscular.  Samuel was sure one of them should be king, but God said, No."  When Samuel asked if there were any more sons, David was called. He was young, and not like the others at all.  God was looking at the heart. Not the outside. Wrong friendships will harm you. We become what our friends are. Proverbs 22:24 says, "Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man tho shalt not go." We do not need friends. Why do you have a family? God gave you a family to be your friends. If you would rather be with a group of kids than your family, you are off track spiritually. I'm not saying you shouldn't have friends, but if you do, choose them wisely, and be cautious and discerning at all times.
I am now able to take her paper, and discuss it with her from her point of view and help her expand her thoughts and convictions.  When my children are grown (by their mid to late teens), I want them to be able to have complete freedom in Christ when it comes to where they go in the world and with whom they come in contact, whom they spend time with, and whom they are called to minister to.  They will only be able to do that if I use the opportunity now to teach them about the godly way to handle friendships and relationships.

I'm so thankful to God for His continual guidance.  He is the one who leads our family and our homeschool.  I'm so grateful He is showing me how to assess my children's hearts, and how to equip them to one day serve Him fully.  When I was telling my mom about these "assessments" on the phone last week, she said, "When I was raising you kids, I never knew anything like that. I never even thought about it."  I said, "Mom, two weeks ago, I didn't know it either.  God is leading me every day."  Last week, I was also explaining to a friend one of my current child training concerns.  I am praying fervently on  how to prepare my 10-year-old daughter for womanhood--like how do I teach her about her changing body, and train her for the long term in a godly and Biblical way about marriage and sex so that she is fully prepared for marriage to enjoy all the blessings it brings, including sex and having babies. My friend said, "Does your brain never stop?"  I said, "God's the one who never stops!  He is the one leading me!"  I know He will lead me in this area with my daughter just as He has done in all other areas.

Well, that's just a quick note on how assessments are getting done in our home these days.

Thanks for your patience with my lack of writings.  For those of you who have asked, Baby E #5 (another boy!) will be here in June.  We're busy getting the garden planned and ready to plant, getting the house ready for the baby, and getting the oldest son's work and school planned for the summer.  He plans to start with CollegePlus within the next year, but has a few things to finish up first, so I am "coaching" him to set his own goals regarding those things and make his own schedule for work this summer (he has a list of regular customers for yard work).  God has continued to grow me in my marriage and mothering skills, and He answers me faithfully with every question at every twist and turn.  If only I had the words to sing His praises.  He amazes me continually at the ways He answers my prayers.  He is so good to me!

O sing unto the LORD a new song;
for he hath done marvellous things:
his right hand, and his holy arm, hath gotten him the victory
The LORD hath made known his salvation:
his righteousness hath he openly shewed in the sight of the brethren
He hath remembered his mercy and his truth toward the house of Israel:
all the ends of the earth have seen the salvation of our God
Make a joyful noise unto the LORD, all the earth:
make a loud noise, and rejoice and sing praise.
Sing unto the LORD with the harp; with the harp, and the voice of a psalm
With trumpets and sound of cornet make a joyful noise before the LORD, the King.
Let the sea roar, and the fulness thereof;
the world, and they that dwell therein.
Let the floods clap their hands:
let the hills be joyful together
before the LORD; for he cometh to judge the earth:
with righteousness shall he judge the world,
and the people with equity.
Psalm 98

Bless you, dear readers, and as always, you remain in my prayers that you will continue to seek Him first, and His best for your life.

-Mrs. E
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Feb. 28, 2009

Fireproof: The Sequel

Nope. I'm not here to analyze or comment on the movie and encourage you to jump on board.  I want to encourage you to, after you jump on board, catch the NEXT train.  I want to talk about what comes AFTER...

What if there was Fireproof 2, the Sequel?  Then Fireproof 3?  What do you think the plot would be?

I remember when I was going through the "fireproof" phase myself.  And yes, it was very much like the movie.  And my marriage turned on a dime and was rebuilt by the Lord, on the foundation of His truth. But that was nearly seven years ago. 

It was just the beginning. Just the tip of the iceberg.

I liked the movie. I'm glad it is inspiring and helping so many people. I was in a place once where it was exactly what I needed and God gave me a lot of the same help in a different way.

But when I watched the movie, it was "milk" to me.  Too simple. Too lacking. I can honestly say that I am a "fireproof" graduate, but in the years since, God has shown me more! So much more!

I'm not criticizing the movie. It was good--one of the best out there--and I think it will bless many. It was accurate and on track.  I'm trying to convey that it's just the start.  I'm just saying, as a testimony of my experience, there's MORE.  God has taken me years beyond the initial restoration of my marriage, and has grown me so much, in ways I could have never imagined.  God continues to grow me in my understanding of His perfect love, His plan for marriage, and His plan for me.  The "fireproof" stage was just baby steps, just the beginning.

Ahhh... what's the point of this post?  I'm not sure. I don't want people watching the movie and thinking that that's as good as it gets.  I don't want people getting stuck in the "love dare" rut. It's good, but it's not close to as good as it gets if you just seek the Lord first every day.  You see, when we have marriage troubles, it's all consuming.  Our marriage problems consume us, and the restoration process consumes us, and it's all we can think about..  But once God straightens that out, we must realize that God is the focus of life.  Not our marriage. Not our family. Not anything that is happening on this earth.  It would be easy to settle into some of the "Love Dare" patterns of living and not move on to the bigger picture, the more eternal.  There's more to life than a fixed marriage.  Almost in the same way that the "Save the Planet" mentality irritates me (why save something that God already told us He is going to destroy soon?), the unbalanced focus on marriage frustrates me. God states clearly in His word that there is no marriage in heaven.  Your earthly marriage is not eternal. And we are called to think eternally, and to live eternally.

I love my marriage.  It is a bigger blessing to me every day as I allow God to work through His plan for my life--and marriage was part of His plan for me, just like it is for most people from the foundation of the world, starting with Adam and Eve.  I thank God for my husband many, many times every day.  I am so blessed through my husband, by God giving him to me. Marriage is a beautiful thing when it's led by the Lord.  I wouldn't trade it for the world--but I would trade it for my Lord.

At one point I wanted to write that movie myself.  I was so excited at the initial miraculous turn around of my marriage when I thought there was no hope.  But here we are, seven years later, and I'm  more amazed still--at the goodness and perfection of God and His ways.  God has broadened my perspective beyond my marriage to the perfection of His love, and His eternal plan for me beyond my marriage and this earthly life, and the importance, above all, of growing in His Lordship in my life.  My true marriage is going to be to Christ one day.

I have friends who divorced a few years ago, and they are on the verge of starting the rebuilding of their marriage upon the foundation of God's love--one of them is ready to do things God's way, down the "love dare" type path.  When speaking with one of them today, I was able to honestly relate with all conviction that the preservation and restoration of my marriage was the greatest earthly gift God has ever given me. It truly is the biggest blessing to me on this earth.  I am so thankful for the companionship and comfort and joy that my husband brings to my life.  Marriage is part of God's plan for this world, and His blessing is upon it.

But there's so much more. 

If you liked the movie and it was helpful to you, I'm so glad.  But don't stay there. Seek the Lord first--daily-- for the rest of your life.  Seek to be pleasing to Him in all that you do, with every breath you take.   You will move on to the Fireproof sequel.  It gets so much better.

And you, dear reader, will have my prayers, for I pray for all who stop by here.

God bless you.

-Mrs. E
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Feb. 27, 2009

Infant Potty Training: My First Experience

For any of you who are interested or who have thought about infant potty training, I wanted to journal about my first experience with it--which I am currently undertaking with my 12-month-old (started at nine months).  In the past,  I have been mildly interested.  I have thought about it.  But I never tried it (this is my fourth baby).  But after some prayer and feeling God's direction to try, I have now officially made first foray into this territory.

My last child, I started potty training at 19 months.  It took just a few weeks.  I was encouraged by that experience.

When this baby was 9 months old, I began by sitting him on the potty when he woke up in the morning, after naps and after eating.  About five to ten minutes at a time, sometimes a  little longer.  We read books--lots of books. Every time he actually went potty, we said, "Potty!  Potty!" and cheered and clapped. After a few days, he began to get the hang of peeing in the potty upon waking up in the morning or waking up from a nap.  We said the same word every time.  After he got used to sitting there, we began taking him in to sit for a few minutes about every hour or so, reading books, waiting to see if he would go, and saying "Potty!" and cheering and clapping when he did go. 

I was concerned that I was teaching him to go potty every time we read a book!  Sometimes it seemed he would subconsciously start going when we opened a book and started reading.  But, I decided I didn't have any better methods, and since I rarely get the time to just sit and read books with the baby, we kept with this system.

It has been three months, and based on all the articles and testimonies I have read by other mothers who have done this, I am surprised at the outcome.

Is my infant potty trained?  I would say yes.  He knows exactly what to do on a potty.  He knows how to control the muscles and make himself go when we set him on there.  He knows how to let me know how to take him.  You can see it register in his face and eyes that he knows what he's doing.  I set him on there, I say, "Go potty!," he gets a concentrated look, goes, and then claps and cheers.

But does he stay dry all day every day? No.

I don't know if it is because of the size of his bladder, or if he can't always recognize  the  urge, or if he just doesn't care yet, but some days he will stay dry all day, taking him about every hour or so.  He will even come and get me and do his "potty whine" if he needs to go.  But some days, we take him every 20 minutes it seems, trying to get "on track," yet every diaper is wet when we go.

From the beginning, and this is still true, I have been using slightly more diapers potty training than I used when I wasn't.  That is because when we take him potty, we take him about every 45-60 minutes. If he is wet, we change him.  That's a lot more changes than he would get normally.  Once he stayed dry for 3 days straight.  Lately, he stays dry  about one out of every three days.  He stays dry overnight most nights.  He stays dry for naps and goes when he wakes up. He does really well when we're not home.  He will stay dry in the car, and goes potty at the store or at Grandma's (I got a great folding potty seat from Babies R Us that sits on top of a regular toilet seat. It folds up and fits in the diaper bag.  But now, he is doing well when we just set him over the edge of any toilet seat).

In the next week or so, I plan to try putting him in training underwear with plastic pants, to see if the uncomfortable wet feeling will help his track record. 

But at the same time, I have no expectations of this one-year-old to not have accidents at this point. I can guess at his knowledge and understanding of the process because I can see evidence of his comprehension level of when I speak to him and how he reacts, but I can't guess as what he's feeling physically and his ability to control it.  I'm confident that now that he knows how to go and understands the process, the control will come more and more as he grows.

At first, my mindset was to potty train him so that I would not have the expense of two infants in diapers at the same time, since the  next one is due in a few months.  However, I realize now that that is not what is important.  I have continued to train because it is part of life--it is training.  He is learning what the potty is all about and how to use it, and I'm thankful I have the time and resources to work on this training with him-not every one has that opportunity.  I like taking the time to sit with him and read books a little bit, which is something we don't often get to do with our busy schedule.  Potty training the baby has allowed me more one-on-one training and teaching time with the baby in other  areas.  While sitting on the potty, we have learned to cheer, clap, wave, sing, growl, bark, moo, peep, hiss, and any other number of things while we look at books, sing songs, and more.

So, at this point, I'm surprised at the outcome of my efforts, based on the many articles written by mothers who  have shared that their infants are fully trained by a much earlier age.  That was not so with me.  I don't think I have a consistency issue or a diet issue (he doesn't nurse bottles of juice or sippy cups all day).  It has been a huge undertaking.  It has taken a big investment of time and effort on my part, as well as the help of the whole family. 

Has it been worth it?  That's what I'm not sure about yet, considering the time investment involved.  I enjoy the training process.  I like watching my baby learn and grow in all areas:  walking, talking, playing, eating, going potty.  However, I do think I could have accomplished the same results in much less time if I had waited until about 15-18 months of age to start.  But again, I like the one-on-one time, too.  I'm undecided at this point.  I may try it with the next one this early, I may not.  But so far, in my experience, I had a much easier time training my 19-month-old (3-6 weeks total training time to wearing underwear) than I had training the 9 month old.

We're going to keep taking the baby potty, encouraging him, working with him, and help his habits and control continue to grow. I will continue to pray for training insight and wisdom, as I always do.

God bless you and your little ones as you continue to train for His glory.

--Mrs. E
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Jan. 5, 2009

Who Do You Talk To?

Some friends of ours recently filed for divorce.

The wife--I know many of her struggles all too well. I was there once, several years ago (which you will recall if you've read some of my prior testimonies). Depression (bipolar), addictions, anger... feeling like there's no way out but to run, and run, and run, and hide...

Her husband asked us some questions, because he knows a lot of our testimony.  He wants to know how to help, how to heal, how to reconcile.  He asked to me, "When you were depressed, did you ever talk to your husband?  She quit talking to me and won't talk."

I explained that when I was depressed and struggling with anger and bitterness and deceit and addictions and lusts--the last thing I was going to do was talk honestly with my husband.  I didn't talk to him at all.  I was a total clam. I tried to hide all the bad side of me, hide my mistakes, hide my addictions and failures--I only showed him what I considered the best of me,  and I still didn't feel like he loved me.  I wasn't about to talk to him about the real me, my real struggles. I couldn't deal with them myself.  I couldn't comprehend trying to talk "around" them and have any productive conversation. I didn't even try.  It felt hopeless.  I also didn't talk to him because I didn't want to.  I was angry at him, bitter, defiant, and vengeful in spirit for all the perceived wrongs he had done against me.  I felt like I hated him.

Truly, only the hand of God enabled our marriage to survive this period of time.  I thank God--and it's only by the grace of God--one of us didn't decide to go.

But what I didn't explain to our friend was this--and it is something of my testimony I want to share, and hope that I am able to express it:

I STILL don't talk to my husband much--in the way my friend's husband was asking about.  My mental illness has all been healed. I have no more struggles with depression or any of the bondages of the past that nearly ruined me and my marriage. God has healed me, healed our marriage. Over these past several years, the healing has been continual, marvelous, and amazing as He heals me, grows me, and grows my husband.

I love my husband, our marriage is great, now. I am so thankful to the Lord every day for the comfort I receive from my husband, not only knowing that he loves me and he is my best friend, but also just having him there as a father, to care for the home, bring home the salary, hug, hold hands, snuggle up to and get warm in bed, be by my side when we're driving... I'm so thankful that I'm not alone and have a partner in this world.

But back then, when our marriage was in such deep trouble and we tried so desperately to find answers, at first I did not consider that Christ could be the answer to my troubles.  It couldn't be that simple, of course.  So,  I read the self-help books and listened to Oprah and James Dobson, and we paid big $$$ to a highly recommended psychiatric marriage counselor.  The advice of "the world" was that a great marriage is built on openness, honesty, the ability to totally trust each other, talk to each other about anything, share your feelings, share your hurts, share your anger, and "keep emotional bank accounts" (did you ever hear that baloney?)...

We tried that. But none of that worked.  Why?  It is not godly.  It is not Biblical. Sadly, even some of the "Christian counselors" proclaim this same psycho-babble, twisting the Word of God like a certified balloon artist.  But that view of marriage--of how love works--is more like the "childish things" referred to in I Corinthians 13--a child's understanding of love. (Read the passage again at the bottom of this post).  To truly have healing, we need to "put away" those childish things--those foolish ideas.  God's way, His love, that is all we need.  Not a mass confusion of psychiatric textbooks and watered down Biblical verses interspersed with pop-psychology with no real application.

My marriage has been healed, but not by my increased trust in my husband, or by my increased openness, or our ability to share with each other.  Not because we keep emotional bank accounts.  It is because of my increased trust in my Lord.   I've put away the childish things- the childish ways of love.  I understand God's love now.  God's ways.  He is the one I follow.  God and God alone.  His truth alone.  His Holy Word.

I don't NEED to talk to my husband, and I don't share much of my hurts, offenses, anger, fears, troubles--just sometimes, as God leads.  I don't worry about whether or not my husband will understand, or accept me, or be honest back.

My expectations are not in my husband.  Love is of God, not of my  husband.  I don't need love from my husband.

I don't NEED to talk to him.  I don't NEED to have him understand me, or accept me, or be there for me.   Love (God) bears all things, (God) endures all things, (God) believeth all things, hopeth all things...  God does all of that.  It was childish of me to look for that in my marriage!  First Corinthians 13 tells me where to look for it!  God!  Jesus Christ!

My  marriage is healed by turning EVERYTHING over to Jesus Christ.  All my expectations. All my hopes. All my needs.  All my cares.  Do you get how this ties together?  The Bible says "Cast all your cares upon HIM for HE careth for you."  It does not tell a wife to ever cast her cares upon her husband.  It tells a wife to have reverence for her husband, and to be a help meet to him.

Jesus is my all in all.  His love is perfect. He knows me, He listens to me, He understands every part of me, every struggle, every triumph, every failure, every thought, every deed.  I talk to the Lord, give everything over to the Lord, expect my needs to be met ONLY by my Lord.  And because of that, I'm not so much disappointed in my husband if or when he doesn't get it right, or understand where I'm coming from (how can any human fully understand the thoughts and feelings of another?).  I'm human. I can still get irritated a bit at times, but I don't stay that way for long.  I'm grateful when things are good and sweet, and when they're not, I'm grateful to my Lord and Savior and my needs are still 100% met, my best friend Jesus Christ NEVER lets me down, is always there for me, and I need nothing else.

And with my needs met, I am in turn, free to love (with God's love) and meet  the needs of my husband without feeling jilted or scorned or neglected. Or angry, or bitter, or empty, or drained.  I'm not "keeping score."  I'm not worried about "emotional bank accounts."  I'm not remotely worried about "what's fair" in my marriage.

My husband simply feels loved (hopefully), with God's love through me, and supported, and does not feel so much anymore (hopefully not as much!) the pressure of a wife who expects to be impossibly cared for, loved, and understood in the way that, really, only God can love. Remember, I Corinthians 13 is not commanding us to love each other that way, it is telling us who God is--defining Him, and how God loves, and how God loves others through us when we let Him. 

And on the flip side, now instead of worrying about the love my husband has for me (is it enough? does he really understand me?  If he knew about ____, would he still love me? Is he mad at me? Does he not like this? Why doesn't he realize that I need this? Or like this? Or want this? Or need this? Doesn't he think I'm attractive any more?), now I understand that God is love, and there is no other source of love.  I  am now able to wholly accept any and all love that comes from my husband as a gift of God-as God's love.  And, guess what?  When I'm not worried or anxious about "how much" my husband is loving me, I realize my husband really does love me and care for me and is committed to our marriage, regardless of mistakes or misunderstandings.  With God's love covering all (because God is love), my husband's love for me is more than enough.  I'm satisfied. Complete.  I'm free to enjoy my marriage the way it should be enjoyed--a lifetime of contented and blissful companionship.

I let God love me through my husband.  And around my husband. And in all other places.  There are no gaps. No holes.  I am loved. Understood. Cared for.  My concerns, my  needs, my troubles, my worries...  All covered.  100 percent.

It may sound a little complex, but the Bible simplifies the concept in so few words, it's amazing.

If you are struggling with feelings of love in your marriage, then consider this passage:

Beloved, let us love one another.
For love is of God, and everyone that loveth is born of God,
and knoweth God.
He that loveth not, knoweth not God,
for God is love.
(I John 4:7-8)

Love is of God. Not of your husband. If you loveth not (are not feeling love, giving love, getting love...), you knoweth not God.

For God is love.

Where do your expectations lie?  In your husband, or in your Lord?  What kind of love are you trying to give and receive?  God's love pouring through you, or your own cheap imitation--the kind that that you measure and measure and give and give and take and take, but it always runs out and falls short.

Where are you trying to get your love?  Your husband, or God?  Your husband is not love.  God is love!

Where are you trying to get your needs met?  Your husband, or God?  The Bible doesn't tell you to look to your husband to have your needs met (the world does!).  The Bible tells you that God and God alone provides.

If you expect any of these things from your husband, you're struggling.  You're probably struggling a lot.

You don't NEED your husband.  You need Jesus Christ.  Get it straight, and it will be right.

Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness,
and all these things (YOUR NEEDS) will be added unto you.
Matthew 6:33

So simple.  Do you get it?

I'm telling you, this is one of the secrets to the ultimate marriage:  not only your earthly marriage, but your heavenly one, too!

You may be wondering where to start, and how do you get to this point.  All I can tell you is how I started, and how I got to this point. 

1.  I started with faith. Blind faith.  I had tried everything and nothing worked, and my only remaining hope was Jesus Christ, so I gave Him my all.  All my faith. All my hope. I finally learned what faith meant.  My only choice was to have faith in God--He had mercifully shown me there was no other hope.  I began to cling to my faith. Build it.  Faith was all I had.  You must have faith!  Not just a head knowledge.  Not just faith when you feel like it.  But desperate, clinging, all-encompassing faith that Jesus Christ is the only answer.  Before this turning point in my life, I had never had such faith.  Just knowledge. I believed in God. I believed that Jesus had died for me.  But I did not place my entire faith in Christ--my entire hope, my everything and my all.  Now, I live and breathe by faith.  My beliefs are not on a shelf, only to be pulled down when I open my Bible or decide to make a "call" to God.  I have a desperate need for my faith, and it is all I live by... the faith that Jesus Christ is my only hope, my only salvation, my only healing, my only help, my only provider, my next step, my next breath, my next heart beat...

For therein is the righteousness of God revealed from faith to faith: as it is written,
The just shall live by faith.
Romans 1:17

Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves.
Know ye not your own selves, how that Jesus Christ is in you, except ye be reprobates.
2 Corinthians 13:5

I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

2. Then, I talked to Him.  Constantly.  Talked, talked, talked, talked, and talked.  And before I knew it, I realized He was there, listening, answering, responding.  (Who do you talk to?)  I had peace of mind, I had comfort, I had help.  It took time to learn to talk with Him "without ceasing," and in the past several years I have not quit talking to God continually throughout each day. My thoughts come to rest on Him at all times. My faith has grown, and my ability to rest in His love and provision grows daily.

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace (no mental illness, stress, worry, frustration, anxiety), whose mind is stayed on thee (focused towards continually, constantly communing): because he trusteth (has FAITH) in thee.
Isaiah 26:3

 Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God. And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts, and minds through Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6
(These last two verses say nearly the same thing!)

Pray without ceasing.
I Thessalonians 5:17

That is my testimony, and I hope it encourages you. 

Here is my prayer for you, dear reader.  Someone prayed it for me, once (my husband, actually, and he gave me this verse framed):

That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith;
that ye, being rooted and grounded in love,
May be able to comprehend with all saints
what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height;
And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge,
that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
Ephesians 3:17-19


That prayer is a prayer that you will understand the following passage.  If you HAVE GOD (by faith!), YOU HAVE LOVE! The perfect love described in this passage. For God is love.  If you truly have God, then your needs are met...  doesn't this passage so perfectly describe how our needs are met through God's perfect love? (not through your marriage!)

I Corinthians Chapter 13

Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And though I bestow all my goods to feed the poor, and though I give my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up, Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil; Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never faileth: but whether there be prophecies, they shall fail; whether there be tongues, they shall cease; whether there be knowledge, it shall vanish away. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known. And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity.
God bless you, dear reader. And, as always, if you have stopped to read here, you are in my prayers.

--Mrs. E
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Dec. 30, 2008

Thoughts on Thankfulness this Holiday Season

I meant to write this closer to Thanksgiving, when God laid it on my heart, but I see now He delayed me for a reason. There was more to the story...

Over the past several months, I have found myself repeating a certain piece of encouragement to multiple friends and family:

"When you meet God, you're going to wish He had been harder on you."

People generally think more of thankfulness during the holiday season.  I have definitely improved over the years of living a life of daily gratitude and thankfulness, but at Thanksgiving time, I found myself meditating even more on my thankfulness to God and His goodness.

This year, God pressed upon me to thank Him even more for the trials and the "bad" things, the yucky things.

I am always thankful for our family and our provisions:  my husband (oh, so especially my husband) and children, our comfortable home and its comfortable, soft, furnishings, the warm showers, the abundance of good food and clothing, the abundance of all the things we have and enjoy that we don't need, the warm wood-burning stove, the furnace, the space heaters (drafty old farm house!), the central air conditioning, the kitchen appliances and modern conveniences, our cars...

But I got to thinking... those comforts are the things that can make my flesh lazy and hinder my spiritual walk, if I'm not watchful!  How much more thankful should I be for God for all the things He sends my way that "keep me on my toes" spiritually?  Keep me needing Him?  Keep me seeking Him?

Oh, how I would hate to lose all my comforts and blessings.  I'm so truly, truly grateful for them. I do thank God for them continually--daily.  Especially my soft bed (what a comfortable bed), my temperature controlled home (cool air or warmth at the touch of a button), and a relaxing warm shower every day.

But I realized I haven't been looking at life--regarding thankfulness--from God's perspective.  One day I will not be so thankful for all these things that indulged and pampered my flesh, encouraged my laziness, and weakened my spiritual strength.

I will, however, be so thankful for the trials, the troubles, the problems, and all the hardships--any time I had to do "without" so that I had to do with just Him.

One of my favorite verses:

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims,
abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;  
I Peter 2:1

This Thanksgiving, I gave God my deepest thanks for my trials, the perceived "lackings" in my life, my illnesses, and my hardships--for anything that kept me from fleshly lusts.  In addition, I told Him--asked Him--to please not withhold ANY trials or hardships in my life that would hinder my relationship with Him, hinder me from pleasing Him and filling His purpose in my life--glorifying Him.  I gave Him permission to take away ANYTHING in my life (family, money, provision of any kind), or send ANY hardship (illness or trial) and vowed I would be grateful and thankful.  I asked for this out of my devotion to my King and my Saviour and my desperate longing to serve Him and please Him.  How can I do so unless He keeps me needing Him? Unless He keeps me depending upon Him?  How can I please Him without faith (without faith, it is impossible to please God), and how can I grow my faith unless He puts me in the position where I must live by faith and faith alone?

For it is by faith ye are saved, through grace...

And here is the funny part about how God works... I have learned this lesson many times.  It is always the opposite of what we think.

Just as, in God's eyes, it is better to be thankful for the trials and hardships than for the blessings, God also sometimes blesses opposite of what we expect, and gives us opposite of what we ask.

Since Thanksgiving, God has not yanked away any of my comforts or luxuries, or sent any hardships.  He has opened the heavens and poured out His blessings on our family.

In addition to the confirmed health of the new baby we are expecting (now in my 2nd trimester and the baby is growing strong and well), His provision has poured upon us like never before.  Over the past several years, God has most definitely kept us in a place where we depend on Him for our provisions--an income most families of 6 couldn't come close to imagine living on--but this past year was tighter.  Especially with the gas prices.  I saw God do amazing things with our grocery budget and other provisions.  I don't have the time or words to explain the miracles.  But let's just say it's very similar to the widow's oil and flour--sometimes no matter how much food I cooked, even though I cooked exactly what I had bought and planned on our menu, we never seemed to have less in the house. It just stretched and stretched!  Sometimes no matter what I put in the grocery cart, as long as I stuck to just what I needed and carefully planned for, being a good steward for the Lord, the grocery bill never got too high.  It miraculously rung up low and and affordable--no way to explain it!

But I will try to tell you a little more of God's blessings:

As we were heading into this Christmas, we had absolutely zero money for Christmas.  Nothing. 

Well, that's all relative isn't it?  This is America, after all.  When I mean nothing, I mean not what I WANTED to do for Christmas on a modest level.  I could have had the children make pencil cups out of juice cans and shopped at the dollar store--but that's not Christmas for most of us, is it?  I just wanted to give them some of the basics they desperately needed--two of my boys didn't even have winter coats yet this year!

But what really hurt me is that every year for the past four years, our family has invested much time and effort into making a special calendar for our relatives.  These calendars are carefully planned and designed, and we all come together to create them.  We make hand-made scrap-book style pages with scriptures, pictures, photos, artwork, etc.  They are tradition for us, and our family really seems to like getting them.  They all get excited when they hear we are working on them, and start asking about them around November.  They say, "Have you started your calendars yet for this year?  I can't wait to get it!"

When I realized we would not have the money for the supplies to make the calendars as gifts for our family (we make about 15 each year), my heart literally ached like it was splitting in two.  For two nights, I lay in bed and could not stop the tears.  I was very hurt and upset about this.

But I gave it to the Lord and thanked Him earnestly for the hardship.

Two days later, I was unexpectedly given a catering opportunity--literally dropped right out of heaven--that paid me more than enough money to fund our calendar project plus provide a little money to buy some of the gifts we wanted to get for the children.  I felt so cared for by God.  I know that He knew my disappointment and hurt, and He took pleasure in providing for me.

And when it came to Christmas, I was perfectly willing to accept that God would give us less this year.  I had asked for it, right?  I talked with the children about this, and told them that if they were willing, we would structure our menu around beans and potatoes and other such basics to help us stretch our budget to help us have a small Christmas, maybe with some gifts of things they needed most.  I taught them the above principles of thankfulness. They were cheerful and on board.  We were happy, thankful, and content.

But God did not stop there.  The blessings have continued to come. 

Our freezers are packed full-every square inch-of venison from hunting season. We still have about 15 pounds of fresh salmon from the fishing trip my husband and son took with my Dad to Lake Michigan earlier this year. My Dad continues to hunt quail and pheasant and gives many of them to us. The abundance of meat for our menu has increased.  A friend gave me some old "Taste of Home" magazines, which had plenty of wonderful recipes for salmon, quail and venison, and over the past few months, I have found some incredible ways to cook these things.  We eat so well!  Better than ever.

In addition, another lady from our church somehow gets lots of food given to her--cast-off from restaurants, grocery stores, and food banks.  She doesn't cook, and for some reason, over the past two months, she has been calling and offering most of it to me. We have been inundated with fresh produce, spices and seasonings, and dairy products.  Many of these things were things we could not regularly afford:  Fresh spinach and greens, fresh mushrooms, green onions, cucumbers, leeks, apples, oranges, pineapple, carrots, celery, cilantro, fresh parsley, potatoes, and more.  Last week, we got a beautiful head of chinese cabbage, along with carrots and sliced mushrooms.  I made the most amazing stir-fry with those items, venison strips, and a sesame garlic seasoning.  What a blessing! 

My aunt, for no reason--just out of the blue--sent us a brand new Vitamix.  I think that is why we have been getting the above provisions.  At first I had mixed feelings about the gift--we have never been able to afford much in the way of fresh fruit or produce of any kind.  But now we have so much being given to us! We have been putting just about everything in there to make fruit and veggie smoothies.  So healthy for the family--especially the toddler and the baby! 

A good friend loaded me down with 11 boxes of cereal and 4 jars of peanut butter--a HUGE help and stretcher for us, especially because we have had an unusual amount of house guests!

My  husband was offered a small project; the extra few hundred dollars was definitely going to help with Christmas.

Then, we opened a Christmas card from some friends, and out fell $300 in cash.  They said that God had laid us on their hearts.

God has provided enough that the children aren't just getting what they need for Christmas (socks, pants, coats, boots, etc.) but each is even getting a nice present of something they will enjoy.  What a blessed way to celebrate Christ's birth--the gift of His life given for us.  And, we have been able to give to others so much, too, as God has led. 

At this point, I was amazed. God was just pouring provision out of heaven for us for Christmas.  And our Christmas list was not for frivolous things--I really  wanted to provide some of the clothing, coats, and shoes our children still needed for winter but we had not yet been able to get (can you believe, we were even out of socks pretty much?)

More provision: My baby son needed new jeans.  He had outgrown the 12 months and needed 18 months.  My cousin had given me a bunch of her sons'  old baby clothes, including lots of wonderful jeans and cords and khakis--but they started at size 24 months.  With the money God provided, I planned to buy the baby two or three pairs for Christmas. 

Last week, we met my aunt for lunch.  We took her and her family some homemade baked goods for Christmas, and some small gifts for her and her family-including my cousin who had given me the above-mentioned baby clothes.  When we went to her car after lunch, she unloaded two garbage bags full of clothes into my truck, sent by my cousin.  More baby clothes.  When we got home, I opened the first bag.  I pulled out three pairs of brand new jeans, size 18 months (2 Gap, one Levis).  Two pairs of new cords (Gap), and two pairs of Khakis (Gap).  All size 18 months. My aunt had also bought the baby a new outfit for Christmas--denim overalls, size 18 months.  Amazing.  Also included in the things for the baby from my aunt and cousin:  Two brand new  blanket sleepers (needed) size 18 months, of course, and two amazing winter coats, one lighter and one heavier (both from Nordstroms and hardly worn).  Talk about God's provision!  I had been squeezing the baby into a size 6-9 months fleece hoodie! The baby's complete Christmas list crossed off in one big checkmark!

My toddler son needed jeans desperately.  I planned to buy one or two pairs for Christmas if we could.  But four weeks ago, a friend from church gave me a garbage bag full of clothes with three pairs of like-new jeans as well as church pants.  He also got tennis shoes and hiking boots.   My aunt gave him new pajamas. 

Then, a couple of weeks ago, my daughter and I stopped at a local thrift store as we were looking for a few pieces to finish off the costumes for her local children's theater play (Scrooge).  I looked for some of the things our family needed, too.  Coats, winter clothes, maternity clothes.  I started finding things and pulling them off the rack.  A brand new (with tags) shirt for my oldest son, just like a favorite he had outgrown, beautiful sweaters and jackets for my daughter, maternity clothes for me--piece after piece, brand name, brand new, on sale.  Many of the things cost less than one dollar.  When we got home and went through the things we had bought, I was amazed.  We had brand new or barely worn sweaters and jackets from Land's End, Eddie Bauer, Columbia, Old Navy, J. Crew, Banana Republic, and more.  Out of curiosity, I looked up the catalog prices on some of the things, and some of them were $60 and $70 dollars a piece new.  I paid less than $1 or $2 for each. Amazing. 

I got dressed the next day and told my husband I felt like I was rich and had just gone shopping at my favorite designer stores and was wearing a brand new outfit.  (Then I remembered from ages past lessons I had learned about the fleeting satisfactions of such things).

I asked God, "Why?" It was so wonderful! Such provision!  But I had asked for less!

The blessings and provisions have not stopped there.  The things I mentioned above are just the beginning of a long list.  Here is a list of other things I needed, was out of, or even just wistfully thought about in passing (wouldn't it be nice to have...) that I'm sure God just laughed as He blessed me and dropped them from Heaven:

Pickles (6 jars, gherkins, break & butter, dill slices--I never buy these)
Canned pineapple (10 delicious cans!)
A crate of valencia oranges and red delicious apples
Saran wrap
Aluminum Foil
Ziploc bags (I can never afford--now I have over a dozen boxes in both sizes, with the zipper close!)
3-way light bulbs (I have one, and seriously had just thought, "I wish they weren't so expensive! Now I have 8!)
Dishwashing soap
Shower cleaner (not Comet, but the good spray-on stuff that is hard for me to afford)
Paper towels
New bath towels (12)--so big and fluffy I'm still reaching for the old tattered ones!
Chicken and beef broth (an important staple)
Tupperware--I was almost completely out and was frustrated as I was trying to scrounge up a container to share some homemade venison chili with a friend. Now I have more containers in more sizes and in more types than I ever had or would have dreamed of having.
A butter dish--Bluebird Pottery (a special collectible type handmade in this region and very pretty)
Minced onions (haven't bought them for years, but often wish I had them. Now I have 3 jars)
New bed sheets for our king size bed
A new bathroom scale (handy when you're pregnant)
Diapers (via a $25 dollar gift card to Wal-mart from an anonymous donor)
A basket for my daughter's crocheting projects--woven wood, cloth lined, with leather handles
Batteries
Tape refill rolls for my dispenser (been out for a year)
Hiking boots for my oldest son and daughter (Red Wing, brand new)
Winter coats for all the children

And on and on and on... each of the things above, it's like they only had to cross my  mind, not even in a wishful way, because I'm  not nearly as covetous as I used to be and much more content.  I think of things, but don't often wish for them, the thought is often a thought of contentment with what we already have.  But it's like things crossed my mind, and God was happy to give them to me.  So specific to my needs!  I am amazed and delighted!  And I'm sure I've forgotten to mention things--there have just been so many.  I've never been so blessed before.

**Added 1-1-09*** I still spoke too soon.  Alright! Who's praying for God to bless us? Since posting this post, we have been given a nearly new kitchen table, walnut, Amish style, seats 10 easily--GORGEOUS! (the table we had was falling apart and we were getting afraid to have guests sit in the chairs for fear they would crash to the ground and it was a pinch to seat 6, and we had to keep a table cloth on it at all times because the top finish was ruined), a 32-inch tv (before we only had a 20" one my husband won in a raffle over 10 years ago, and we had just noticed that it was hard to see the picture and read the text on it while watching wide-screen format DVDs from the Creation Museum), a new school desk and chair for my son with all types of great drawers for organizing his books and papers--a nice one from Office Max or Staples  (his other one needs to go to the burn pile and we had been watching thrift stores for a nice one), a new computer desk/armoire for my son's room--another thing we had been watching for (one he had in there went to the burn pile, it was scrap, too), a red chenille sofa with matching plaid easy chair (our sofa history is sad, indeed, the one before last needing burned, and the current one bought used 12 years old for $50--and this one is so classy and very nice!), and a host of other miscellaneous pieces, including extra dining chairs (walnut and oak), and a three-drawer stand (walnut).

I also forgot to mention the stainless steel professional quality Jenn-Air range, with griddle and grill, and convection.  The old gas range I had, I had forgotten what it was like to have something cook or bake evenly!  I had often thought that the stove I had was akin to cooking on a wood-fired stove!  This new one (well, new to us--it is a few years old and given to us by friends doing a remodel) is fantastic and cooks and bakes like a dream!  And so beautiful.  For Christmas, my husband was able to buy me a a new matching stainless steel microwave and a new matching stainless steel toaster oven.  With the beautiful new kitchen table, I'm just left a little overwhelmed!

Very overwhelmed, actually!****

I asked for less  if that was God's will, yet God gave me more (so much more!) during this season. I don't yet know why, other than that God is good and He loves to give us good things. 

But it will not change my original request to God.  At all costs--whatever He must take from me--Lord, please draw me closer to You and may You be glorified in my life.

But most of all I am thankful for Him, and the hope that He gives me for redemption and eternal life.  My faith is wholly placed in Him and His death on the cross that gives me the gift of eternal life.  What joy!

Be thankful!
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Dec. 24, 2008

Still here!

Hello all, and Merry Christmas!

I just wanted to write a note to tell you I'm still here and still writing.  I actually have a blog post written and ready to post, however, it doesn't go up until my husband gets a chance to read through it--and he's been pretty busy.  I'm sure he'll be able to over the next few days.
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Oct. 23, 2008

Real Men Don't Do Workbooks

I dusted my oldest son's desk this morning. Again.

Since he was was about nine, I began praying fervently for God to help me guide him and train him through his teen years, to help me turn him into a godly man and a manly man, prepared and ready to carry out God's plans for his life.

Before I was following Christ, the thought of the teen years really made me nervous. I saw so many kids "go bad," --kids from good families, kids who seemed to have good relationships with their parents, kids who seemed to have it all.  Not to mention my memories of the kind of teen I was myself:  sulky, depressed, rebellious, defiant, and pretty much an all-around idiot.

But once my husband and I started following God and obeying His Word, I realized that the teen years definitely didn't have to include trouble of any kind.  I realized that God designed families so that the parents could in fact train the children into adulthood as respectful, responsible, happy, joyful, spiritually strong individuals.

But I didn't exactly know how to go about it. I had certainly not experienced it, nor ever seen it.  But I knew that following God's Word in parenting, training my children, managing my home--I knew with God it could be done. So I prayed.

One of the first things God led me to do was to "turn my son over" to his father.  Yes, he was still under my teaching and training all day long, but whenever possible I placed him under his father's sole authority for decisions. I sent him to his father for all counsel.  I encouraged that relationship as much as I possibly could. 

That was a hard change for me, letting go.  But God revealed it, so I did it.

Then, I started excusing him from school any time any other type of project came up where he could "work."  Firewood, mechanical repairs, home repairs, painting, mowing, trimming, helping Dad at work, etc.

By the age of  10, my son could mow our entire yard on a riding mower (2-3 acres).  By 12, he had taken over all the yard work, including trimming, clearing, weeding, landscaping, and whatever else was needed. He had become proficient at using and minor fixes for mowers, four-wheelers, and various wagon and trailer attachments.  By the age of 12, it was routine for my son to go help with work with Dad whenever Dad had a project--mechanical, construction, or home repair.  He could change a flat tire by himself on any vehicle. He had acquired a rifle and was learning to shoot, and talking with other men about learning how to trap.  He was saving for his own 4-wheeler.  He had helped collect all our family's firewood, and managed it through the winter. stocking the house wood box and the house wood pile from the barn, paying attention to the types of wood, the size of logs, and the dryness of the wood.

By 13 he had acquired a bow for hunting as a gift--a nice 50-lb. With gifts and his own money, he had it outfitted with sights, a "trigger," bought his preferred arrows and tips, a case, and various other accessories.  He arranged to go target shooting with an adult friend, and he learned how to shoot well.

Now, he is 14.  We started school several weeks ago, but I haven't seen hardly hide nor hair of my son.  He certainly hasn't been at his desk much!  Where has he been?

He has been:

Working outside on the mowing, trimming, hauling, clearing, etc.
Harvesting apples, corn, tomatoes, elderberries, etc.
Working on his or dad's 4-wheelers.
Fixing our or someone else's cars
Working for someone else doing yard work or landscaping or painting, or other maintenance work (he has built a good reputation in our community for being a hard worker and a good worker).
Cutting down trees, hauling logs, splitting and stacking our firewood for the winter (with Dad, of course)
Helping a friend install kitchen cabinets
Hunting (he got his first deer on his first day with his first arrow and first shot!  He liked that!)
Helping a friend install tree stands, move tree stands, set up distance markers, etc.
Butchering deer.

I give up.

I pinned my son down long enough yesterday to get his Algebra lesson done.  Then he went hunting.  This morning,  he got up and went hunting because he had arranged with a family friend to do so (I don't try to discourage him making his own plans with other adult men).  He came in from hunting, then left to go split the rest of the firewood for winter.

I thought I saw the light at the end of the tunnel.  ALL the firewood for the winter is now split and stacked. My husband and I talked about the new rule that our son may not go hunting until all his schoolwork is done for the day--so afternoon/evening hunting only unless he does double schoolwork.

Then, our friend came in with the news that he had just shot a big buck, so both my husband and son disappear AGAIN to go get the deer and get it tagged.  And now, where do you think my son will be?  In here doing school work?  No.  Butchering the deer.

And the garden fence still isn't torn down, and the garden still isn't tilled under... 

And--what do you think of the tone of this post?  Am I complaining? Am I frustrated?  No.  I have tears in my eyes as I type this.  I am so grateful and thankful to the Lord. I praise Him for His answered prayers.  Not just thinking about  how my son is becoming a manly man, but also a godly man.  I am now believing that he might be the strongest spiritually of all the members of our family, my husband and myself included.  God is growing his heart spiritually, and it shows in how he responds to his father and mother, and how he responds to God.  It shows in his discernment and how he allows the Holy Spirit to bring things to his mind and to lead him

We will get the book schooling done--this season will pass.  He's only 14 and has been zipping along fine. We confirmed this with standardized test and teacher assessments. We've already got a few CLEP tests planned, have contacted a local college about enrollment next fall, and we'll probably be using CollegePlus to help fast-track his education (getting college credit at the same time as his HS transcript credit) so he'll get school  DONE (what we feel is a reasonable, responsible, helpful amount) and do what he enjoys most:  being a man.

Praise God!
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Oct. 6, 2008

How I will put the Baby Weight Back On!

Gradually, over the next several months, until the next Baby E makes an appearance.

Praise the Lord! What a gift! A sooner-than-expected surprise gift!

At this point, I truly have no words to describe what a blessing this is to me. God is so good, and so merciful!
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Oct. 2, 2008

How I Lost the Baby Weight

After mentioning it on an earlier post, some of you asked how I lost the baby weight (baby E was born in February). I've had this post in draft for some time.  It has required much prayer and meditation.  This is an area  where it is difficult for many women, including me, to be open and honest.  It's often just a longtime habit to hide so much of our real struggles in this area!

At first, I wanted to take the spiritual approach in this post, and write this like an advice column, like I do in almost all my other posts.  But then I realized that this is an area that is not entirely spiritual for me.  It is largely so, but there are still parts of the weight loss struggle where it is all I can do to just blunder along, mired down in self-control struggles and obsessions.  So, I'm going to take more of the "personal journal" approach.  Also, as is typical for me, this post has turned out to be rather lengthy.  I guess it would be hard to honestly sum up a 25-year struggle in a short post.  Over the years, I've grown spiritually as well as in personal experience, and lots of things came to mind as I meditated on my weight loss methods and ideas.  Maybe you will be encouraged or inspired by reading my story, and maybe you will get some helpful ideas! 

If you don't make it through this post, at least know that down below I recommend the book that helped me in a HUGE way:  The Diet Alternative by Diane Hampton.

After having the baby, I settled in at 35 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.  Our family eats fairly healthily and responsibly, and at first I simply tried cutting back my calories, to no avail.  I only lost a couple of pounds.  I knew I would need to exercise.

I tried walking 2 miles a day, to the end of our road and back.  That was not working for me.  It used to work for me (this is the fourth time I have successfully dropped the baby weight), but not this time.  This time, I am too old!  The arthritis in my feet, ankles, knees, hips, and back made it too difficult to walk away from our home, especially considering that I was carrying a newborn on my front and pushing a 40-pound toddler in the stroller.  In addition to problem of the mosquitos eating me and the baby (I didn't want to use bug spray because I was nursing), I would get to the end of the road, be a mile from home, and my feet or back would seize up, and getting back home was just miserable.

I prayed for a treadmill.

God gave me a treadmill in mid-July. A friend who is moving gave me one. 

When I got the treadmill, I had 30 pounds to lose.  I got on it.

When I first got on the treadmill, my goal was to do 30 minutes a day.  The first day, I could barely do 7 laps (1.75 miles) in those 30 minutes, and I could only jog for less than 1/8 mile at a time.  Every day I got on the treadmill, I tried to go a little further in that 30 minutes.    I have had the treadmill for 10 weeks now.  Today I did 9.5 laps in 30 minutes, and I jogged almost 7 full laps straight (almost 1.75 miles).  My next goal is to do 10 laps in 30 minutes. 

I don't always do a 30 minute session.  Sometimes I do 60  minutes, and instead of running, I walk at a 5% incline as fast as I can.  Once, doing this (with a little jogging), I did four miles in 60 minutes. 

Whatever I do, I really try to work out--I keep at a hard pace and push as much as I can.

My goal is to exercise before the family wakes up so that I don't have to take away from them to exercise during the day.  Sometimes I am able to do this.  If I don't do this, then I can trade some of our rest time or project time in the afternoon for treadmill time, but what makes that difficult is the fact that I need a second shower when I do this.

I don't exercise every  day.  I do most days, if I can.  Sometimes my feet or ankles are too sore and swollen from arthritis, so I will give them a break.  Sometimes, there are just more important things to do.  But if I miss the morning workout, I do try to get one in at some point if I can.

I dropped 10 pounds the first week I worked on the treadmill, in addition to eating less.

As for other toning exercises, if I am watching TV or a video (not often), I will do sit-ups, leg lifts, or crunches.  When I lay in bed at night, sometimes before I go to sleep, I will do some sit-ups or leg lifts or arm lifts.  When my husband and I were watching the Olympics late after the children went to bed, I got lots of sit-ups in then!  When I walk on the treadmill (not run), sometimes I will do some arm exercises at the same time.  I have no set goal or routine for these extra exercises.  I just do them if I think about them.

Here is the one toning exercise that works the best for me.  I sit on the couch, then scoot my behind up to the very edge where I balance on it at an angle like a teeter-totter, legs straight out, only my toes touching the floor.  I put my hands behind my head, or put them up and hold on to the top of the couch behind my head (for stability), then pull my knees up towards my chest.  I try to do three sets of 10.  My stomach muscles feel firmer by the next day every time I do this exercise.

For how I eat to lose weight, I definitely do not have any routines or rituals.  I do know that this time around, it was much harder, I think because I am just getting older.  For the first time in my life, I saw the scale go up 3 pounds and a waistband get tighter just  for eating a piece of cake.  I had heard about things like that happening, but I never believed it. I just thought women were exaggerating.  Now I believe it!

I don't have the money to buy special diet foods, so I don't buy frozen meals, snack packs, fresh fruit or produce.  I just have to be simple, repetitive, and have self control.  I pray a lot.  I meditate on scripture a lot, especially scriptures about self-control (fruit of the Spirit) and gluttony (Hast thou found honey? Eat so much as is sufficient for thee.) I also don't believe in following fad diets (Atkins, South Beach, etc.)  I believe we need to be able to exercise self-control and eat wisely regardless of the situation we find ourselves in, regardless of the food God provides.
 
In general, I do most of our family's baking with whole grain flour (bread, biscuits, pancakes, muffins, tortillas, pizza crust, noodles) and cook with lean meats (salmon, venison, chicken, quail), and vegetables.  We use lots of beans and brown/wild rice.  The salmon, venison, and quail are provided through the fishing and hunting of my immediate and extended family.  A lot of our vegetables are provided by our garden, or my dad's or grandfather's.

 I do not generally cook breakfast or lunch for my family, so I eat my own thing for breakfast or lunch, and I cook dinner and eat dinner with my family.  Sometimes I cook breakfast (pancakes, eggs and potatoes), and I may or may not eat any.  Until dinner time, I try to just eat so much as is sufficient for me, and I limit myself to the types of things that I feel are best to eat for losing weight.  I eat one thing for breakfast.  If I need a snack, I eat one thing.  On a typical dieting day, until dinner time, I will probably eat up to four things from the following list.  When I need to curb my appetite because I don't think I am truly hungry, I drink a cup of herbal tea.  If I still feel hungry after drinking the tea, then I assess that I probably really am hungry and eat one thing from the list.  Sometimes I just get downright shaky and I know its true hunger.

Here is what I try to stick to:

Yogurt
Cereal (1 cup serving with skim milk)
Whole grain bread (one slice), toasted
A piece of fruit (if we have any)
Fresh or frozen vegetables (I like lima beans!)
Brown rice/beans
Oatmeal
An egg
Leftover lean meat (salmon or chicken), about 2-4 ounces, if we have any.

I do sometimes buy a couple of extra things that I feel "help" me.  If I can, I buy light yogurt (like Dannon).  I also buy good coffee and a couple of nice, flavorful herbal teas.  Sometimes I will chew a piece of sugar-free gum.

I do try to break (and keep broken) the habit of putting things into my mouth.  I generally, as a rule, avoid diet soda, sugar free drinks, and any other low-calorie snack (like plain popcorn or celery or whatever) that would enable me to continue to put things in my mouth habitually all day.  At one point in my past, I was a smoker!  I know that part of the oral habit is the motion itself as well as the chewing and the action of swallowing! (sounds weird, but it's true).  I try to be aware of the habit of putting something in my mouth because of that, even if it means I would be putting in something with no calories.  Sweet stuff poses the biggest problem for me, because I get used to the taste of sweet.  That's why I avoid sweet drinks, and try to stick to water or unsweetened coffee or herbal tea.

It is very hard, if we have sweets in the house, for me to stay away. Some days I can. Some days I don't.  One way God really has helped me in this area is through the example of David in the Bible.  Remember the story where David wanted water from a particular well so badly that his men risked their lives to get the water and bring it to him?(2 Samuel 23)  He had a fleshly craving for something that tasted good to him.  When he got the water, David realized how his flesh had ruled his actions and even endangered the lives of others (think about that!). So instead of drinking the water, he poured it out on the ground as a sacrifice to the Lord. (Yes, there are many other factors and lessons from this story, but you get this point!)

The Holy Spirit has brought this to my mind many times.  Sometimes, when I find I have a cookie in my hand, or something else I craved and just had to get, I will remember this story, I will walk over to the trash can, and throw it in (or throw it down the garbage disposal)--REGARDLESS OF THE COST.  I will thank the Lord for being with me, and helping me be aware of my fleshly desires, and offer what I was eating or about to eat--what I wanted so badly, as a sacrifice to Him, to praise Him for His goodness, and as an act of my faith (especially faith in His provision) and my loyalty to Him, and as a symbol of His Lordship in my life.

Although I set goals for my weight loss, I try to be flexible.  I try, instead of setting a goal in stone, to assess the areas where I still can see and feel fat.  If I have flabby areas or jiggly areas, I still feel I have weight to lose.  I know that any extra weight I can get off will help the arthritis in my feet, knees, and hips. At this point, although I'm looking much better and fitting into all my pre-pregnancy clothes, I still have plenty of those areas (and doctor just said to lose 10 more to help my feet!).  I will probably not lose much more in size, but I'm going to try losing one pound at a time, and stop when it seems my body should stop and I feel healthy and feel like I'm at a place I can maintain good health.   At nearly 6 feet tall, when I feel I'm a good, healthy weight and size, I'll stay about a size 8-10, and stay in weight between 170 and 180 pounds (right now I'm at 182, all size 10's fit, and a lot of 8's).  I weighed 215 after the baby was born.   I weighed 210 when I got the treadmill in July.

As a balance, however, I do like to have some accountability.  Right now, I have a weight ticker, like a thermometer, drawn up the side of our school room marker board so that my children and my husband can see my progress (or regress). 

And through it all, I pray, pray, pray.  I try to constantly abide in the Lord, and glorify Him in all that I do.

I try to walk with Him, and live for Him, and submit to Him always.  Especially in regards to this area of my life.  This area is the toughest for me. Even tougher than dealing with anger, or patience, or keeping my house clean, or anything else! I have a lot of struggles in this area.  What struggles?

What I eat, how much I obsess about what I eat, how much time I spend exercising, how much time I spend obsessing about getting the weight off and why I want it off, and the vanity and pride, and even immodesty (because of what clothes fit and how they look) that tries to creep in having a thinner body.  I like being a healthy weight because it is so much easier to get dressed--clothes fit easily.  But I struggle against the fleshly nature that makes me feel prideful in pulling on the smaller clothes.

More on the vanity and pride (yes, I am confessing my faults here, as honestly as possible):  I definitely have signs of vanity in my life still, and I continue to pray for God to make me aware of when I am doing any of the following so that I can repent:

-Being overly concerned with how I look
-Being uncomfortable receiving compliments
-Feeling depressed or anxious because of my weight or size
-Comparing myself to others

All in all, this area is full of spiritual weaknesses for me, but overall, whether I'm dieting or not, my goal is just to live for Him.  I belong to Him.  Jesus is my Lord.  I long to please Him.  My goal is really not just to be a healthy weight.  My goal is to be a godly woman, and that includes a healthy weight.  Why?  Because it is a testimony of self-control.  I'm not saying that you have to be perfectly thin to be a good testimony--that's silly.  But you and I both know that, in general, someone who is seriously overweight most likely has, or has had, a self-control problem in the area of eating. 

A few years ago, a drunkard we know was speaking with a pastor about his lack of self-control regarding alcohol. The pastor said, "I don't know what it is like to face the battle you face." While rubbing his belly, the drunkard replied, "Really?" Because that pastor was overweight, his testimony in the area of self-control seriously affected his ability to minister to the drunkard (BTW: the pastor was deeply affected by the comment and started working hard to lose weight).

Sure, it is also possible to be overweight and still exhibit the fruit of self-control.  I know where I stand on this (when I am overweight, I can honestly evaluate whether I am lacking in self control), and you know where you stand on this.

But what else makes a godly  woman?

A godly woman is (this is from my journal this week):

-Quick to listen, slow to speak, and when she does speak, it is words of wisdom, exhortation, and love.
-An eye and an ear for others, full of care and compassion
-Calm, peaceful, free of worry or stress, calming to others
-Still (she knows that He is God)
-Fruit bearing (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faith, meekness, self-control)
-Never hurried--even when hurried! Serene, relaxed
-Flexible according to God's leading and promptings
-Puts other's plans, comforts, and desires first
-Modest in dress, behavior, and conversation
-Meek, humble, serving, and the first to ask forgiveness
-Biblical priorities are clear and in order
-Is home, focused on husband, children
-Has rest, trust, and faith in the Lord

A great book that helped me "turn the corner" on weight loss and make it a spiritual journey instead of a fleshly one is The Diet Alternative by Diane Hampton.  This book helped me realize that, basically, if I am abiding in Christ, I am going to have self-control.  I am going to eat as He would eat, if He is living through me.  For example, if He would not eat 4 donuts, then I wouldn't if I am letting Him live through me--where I am weak, He is strong! His actions become my actions!  I highly, highly, HIGHLY recommend this book.  Weight loss has been a struggle my whole life.  I have read many books and tried many pills and diets (in the past--before walking with the Lord), but when I picked up this book 5 years ago, all that changed forever.  I no longer need diet help except abiding in my Lord.  This book also helped me realize how to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit and to respond to His promptings.  Especially regarding anytime I am "sneaking" food (as in, I don't want the kids or my husband to see me eating that--you know what I'm talking about! That's a tough one, isn't it?!)  If I am sneaking, it's probably not something I should be doing!  I am now very aware of "sneaking" and the Holy Spirit helps me avoid this.

Another area where God transformed my mind is He taught me that it is OKAY TO THROW FOOD AWAY! You see, most of us are taught that it is a "shame to waste food."  And, "think of all those starving children in Africa."

Here is what God taught me instead.  Pay attention!

It is actually MORE of a sin to eat more than you need than it is to throw extra food away.

You see, it is easy for God to provide too much food, and it is very often that He does just that, especially here in America, where He has blessed most of us with an abundance.  We are not being a bad steward just by throwing away the food left on our plate once we've eaten "what is sufficient."  I am not being a bad steward by throwing away the pizza crusts (I always eat mine, I'm talking about every one else's!), or that stale donut, or what's left on the kid's plates, or even the four bites of sandwich someone left with that expensive lunch meat and cheese!  God provided the Israelites 100 times more quail than they could have eaten.  The ones who ate too much were judged harshly.  Even though I'm sure some of them were thinking:  "We don't want this quail to go to waste!"  God knew in their hearts that they were really just greedy and filling their fleshly lusts.  They didn't realize that their thought process of "Let's not waste this" was actually just an excuse to feed their fleshly lusts.  If they really KNEW God, they would have realized God could have provided quail in any amount at any time.  God was more concerned with their self-control and their hearts being perfect towards Him, and their faith in Him and His provision.  Subsequently, He provided them more  manna than they needed each day.  They were commanded to just eat enough, and then throw away the leftovers.

So, how does this affect me?  I remember that my God will always provide my needs and that it is a sin to eat more than is sufficient for me. I still make efforts to be a good steward of my grocery budget.  Often times I cook meals so that the family has leftovers for another meal or for lunch.  However, I get the leftovers off the table and put away quickly.  Also, many times (much more now than before), I throw away or get in the sink, as quickly as possible, the crumbs/leftovers that I would have a tendency to "finish off" like the extra frosting in a bowl (get water in the bowl!), the extra piece of PBJ or grilled cheese my toddler didn't eat (into the trash), and things like that.

I fully believe God will honor you and bless you with His abundant provision if you do not worry about throwing away something because you are worried about what it cost you.  God is bigger than the 75 cents that a candy bar cost you.  Or the $1.00 for that extra cheeseburger from the dollar menu.  Or the 50 cents the stale donut cost. Throw it out!

Another way God has transformed my  mind is helping me to remember that if I don't eat the thing I want today, it's not like I won't ever get the opportunity to eat that thing again.  Let me see if I can explain.  Growing up, we did not have a lot of money, and therefore, not a lot of treats (fast food, ice cream, candy, pizza).  When we got it, we ate every crumb.  Why? Because we didn't know when we would get something like that again.  I still have a tendency to subconsciously think like that, as ridiculous as that may seem.  I now am able to respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit that reminds me God will always provide me good things and right things.  I don't need to overeat now just because there is a treat provided at the moment.  There will be plenty of good things in my life (the manna principle, again!).

I am also learning that there are times to just drop the dieting thing for a season.  For example:  PMS week (like this week).  It is all I can do to get through that week spiritually without worrying about losing weight!  In the first place, I instantly go up 5 pounds.  I also feel achy, irritable, tired, unmotivated, and sometimes downright discouraged.  I have learned to just wait it out, abiding in the Lord.  The extra five pounds goes away after about 5 days, and then I am able to get back on track.  Believe it or not, ice cream is a comfort to me during this time!  When I am feeling overwhelmed, discouraged, and tired, sitting with a hot cup of tea just doesn't cut it as much as sitting with a little bowl of Moose Tracks.  It is easier, when I am feeling this lousy, to thank God for the blessings and get a smile back on my face with Moose Tracks than with herbal tea (although I'm sure God would get me through it without the ice cream, this is something I enjoy and count as a blessing).  I blunder through those few days, focusing on my biblical priorities (loving my husband and children and not making them the target of my irritability as much as possible), take a deep breath, and get back on track.  Usually, the quick 5-pound drop when my body gets back on track is a great motivator and a great way to start back in trying to lose another pound or so!

Another example of when I dropped the diet for a season is when my mother in law came to visit.  It was not feasible to exercise (the treadmill would have woken her up, and we stayed too busy to fit it in later in the day).  I ate responsibly, but I didn't worry about it and just enjoyed her visit, and made sure meal times were enjoyable and a blessing to her.
 
But in closing, the biggest thing I have learned about dieting is this:  Abiding in Christ and growing in self-control affects all areas of life.  Not just dieting.  We need temperance in all areas of our flesh:  our tongue, our work, our choices of activities, our spending... For me, dieting is not just dieting.  It is letting Christ grow me in temperance in all areas of my life. Last night in a class, I heard Nancy Leigh DeMoss say on CD that the Bible says that if you can learn control of the tongue, you can control all other areas of your body.  She didn't give the scripture reference, but I am going to look for it this week.  That is really encouraging!  Dieting is not about dieting!  It is all about Christ!  Bearing His fruit! Glorifying Him!

Once I lose the weight, I still need to have the self-control and eat responsibly to maintain the healthy weight!  Our family eats a lot of whole grains, beans, rice, and vegetables.  We generally eat a low-fat diet altogether.  We eat vegetarian dinners once or twice a week.  Generally, I bake sweets only once or twice a month--which ends up being more than enough, because I somehow end up buying donuts or cinnamon rolls for the kids, or ice cream, at least once a month.

Here are some scriptures that God has used to personally encourage me, especially in my personal struggle with weight loss.  These are the ones I meditate on most often with regards to losing weight, staying focused on Christ, and trying to repent from my areas of weakness when it comes to losing weight:

Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD and depart from evil.
It shall be health to thy navel, and marrow to thy bones.
Proverbs 3:7-8

Honour the LORD with thy substance, and with the firstfruits of all thine increase.
Proverbs 3:9

Hast thou found honey? eat so much as is sufficient for thee, lest thou be filled therewith, and vomit it. Proverbs 25:16

It is not good to eat much honey: so for men to search their own glory is not glory. 
He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls.
Proverbs 25:27-28

Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.
I Corinthians 10:31

Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong. 
2 Corinthians 12:10

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, temperance: against such there is no law. And they that are Christ's have crucified the flesh with the affections and lusts.  If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. 
Galatians 5:22-25

Dearly beloved, I beseech you as strangers and pilgrims,
abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul;  
I Peter 2:11 
Do you get that?  If you don't learn to abstain from fleshly lusts, including your lust for excessive food, your soul--your spiritual walk--will struggle! You will war against it! Whew!

And beside this, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue; and to virtue knowledge; and to knowledge temperance; and to temperance patience; and to patience godliness, and to godliness brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness charity. For if these things be in you, and abound, they  make you that ye shall neither be barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 
2 Peter 1:5-8

Blessed is the man that endureth temptation: for when he is tried, he shall receive the crown of life,
which the Lord hath promised to them that love him.
James 1:12

He that saith he abideth in him ought himself also so to walk, even as he walked.
I John 2:6

Whosoever abideth in him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen him, neither known him.
I John 3:6

Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me. I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.
John 15:4-5

A messy and difficult post, but that is my story. Some of it may sound crazy--but I'm sure I am not alone when I say the weight loss experience is overall a crazy journey.  I am still growing in this area! 

And please remember, if you are reading this, I am praying for you!  You do not walk alone if you are walking to follow Christ!

Until next time, may the Lord keep you and bless you.

Mrs E.
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Sep. 1, 2008

This Year's Curriculum

Our school start date this year is a week from next Monday--about six weeks later than usual due to how our calendar has shaped up this year.  I've had the curriculum chosen since May or  June, for the most part. Here is the list of what we are using, keeping in mind that my son is 14, my daughter is 9, and my preschool son is 3 1/2 :

Language Arts:
  • Easy Grammar (5/6 for the older--he's finishing it up in the next month or so, 4/5 for the younger)
  • Spectrum Word Study Grade 5
  • Writing Strands, Levels 3-6 (3 & 4 for the younger, 5 & 6 for the older)
  • Writing Poems, Grades 4-8 (for both)
  • Speak Up by Kayla & Cami Reish (Training for Triumph)--this is for both, a great guide for outlining, writing, and delivering different types of speeches--This will be the third year we've used it--a great resource!
  • Vocabulary Mastery 2 & 3--This is an 11th/12th grade vocabulary workbook
Reading books include:
  • 24 Lamplighter Publishing titles (for both children)
  • Henty novels (for the older) (all are available from Vision Forum)
  • The four-book Church History series by Mindy & Brandon Withrow, available through Veritas Press (THE BEST!  Click here for to read a review of these books that I feel is very accurate.  This is just a review for the first book, Peril and Peace.  The other books are also reviewed on this same site, and they are titled, "Monks and Mystics," "Courage and Conviction," and Hearts and Hands.")
  • And who knows what else--my children read everything I can find for them!
MATH
  • Making Math Meaningful Level 4 (9 year old)--we switched to this last year and loved it!
  • VideoText Interactive Algebra--we started this last year and we loved every minute of it and can't wait to finish it up this year--it's a 2-year course covering all of Algebra I and II.  We will try to finish Algebra II this year and do the college CLEP test as well!

GEOGRAPHY, HISTORY, SOCIAL STUDIES, GOVERNMENT
  • Ancient Civilizations and the Bible, and Romans, Reformers, and Revolutionaries:  This is the brand new history curriculum from Answers in Genesis that matches the Annals of the World as well as my wonderful timeline (see next item)!  Woohoo!  I love this curriculum and am so excited to dig in!  I have been reading it for almost a month now to prepare for the start of school, and the more I read, the more I love it and the more excited I get!
  • Ussher's Annals of the World
  • Adam's Chart of World History:  If you haven't seen this, you need to check it out.  Utterly amazing and fantastic! It was my best find of the year last year.  It is a world history timeline from Creation through about 1870 (when the author lived), and the center line of the timeline starts with Adam, follows his geneaology through Christ, and then follows from Christ up through modern times with known and documented dates.  Then, all of world history is fit on to that biblical timeline, including the rise of civilizations AFTER Babel (Egypt as well).  Fantastic!  It is also BEAUTIFUL and amazingly well-priced, considering it is a 25-foot long, two-foot tall accordian-style line.  It is gorgeous.  We keep it folded and turn it open like a book to the section we are working on.
  • History Through the Ages Timeline Notebook
  • God's World News--fantastic for social studies!  We subscribe to the top  level for my son, and the next level down for my daughter. We use this for geography, too.
  • Uncle Josh's Book of Outline Maps (all the states, all the countries, all the continents). My children each have one of these where they plot all the locations they read about in their God's World News publication
  • Civics Activity Book (National, State, and Local Government), by A Beka (for both)
SCIENCE
  • Switched On Schoolhouse 300 for the 9yo
  • The Rainbow 2-Year Science for the older.  This one looks fantastic and we can't wait to start it!  He should finish this one faster than 2 years and then move on to their HS Chem course called The Spectrum
OTHER

  • Balancing the Sword:  This is a phenomenal book at an incredible price.  For about $55 you get two large, hardcover books that each are a study guide to the whole Bible.  There are an average of three to five questions per Bible chapter in each volume, and illustrations of famous artwork, actual artifacts,  charts, and diagrams throughout.  The questions are generally non-doctrinal and help the student learn the bible content, while you (and the Holy Spirit) can teach discernment and interpretation. For $55, you get two volumes, and each volume covers from Genesis through Revelation.  The kids have already started this. My daughter started in Genesis in Volume 1 and my son started in Acts in Volume 2.  They each started a spiral notebook.  They read one chapter a day and answer the questions in their notebook. If they see any helpful or interesting illustrations, they can copy or sketch them into their notebook.  I'm thrilled with this product!
  • The Word on Health by Dr. Michael Jacobson, and What the Bible Has to Say about Healthy Living by Rex Russel, M.D. (for health for both)
  • How to Manage Your Money, Biblical Counsel on Personal Finance (for the older)
  • Rosetta Stone Spanish
  • Garfield's Typing Pal (this is a very fun typing tutor and we've used it very successfully  for two years.  My 9yo types over 20 wpm, and my 14yo now types over 40 wpm. It is far better than 2 other typing programs we have evaluated)
  • Mind Benders from The Critical Thinking Co.
  • Private Piano, Voice, Guitar and Music Theory lessons (music is my children's No. 1 choice for extra-curricular activities. They love it!)
  • K*I*S*S* Guide to Photography by DK Books-- A great book we will be using to help the children with their digital photography skills, teaching a lot about photo composition.
PRESCHOOL

After spending last year learning to identify letters and numbers, count, follow mazes and trace simple paths along dotted lines, circle things, identify shapes, and color according to instructions, this year so far we've got lots of marker board books for tracing shapes, letters, numbers, and pictures (great for independent work).  I've also found some great workbooks for tracing letters, numbers, shapes, and more.  I've also got the pre-K workbook from The Critical Thinking Company, plus other worksheets on opposites, matching, sequencing, and more.  His writing skills are coming along.  He just this past week showed that he is almost ready for phonics and reading work.  He started, on his own, listing words that start with a letter, and he has been asking me to spell words for him and sound them out.  I will start the search for a good Pre-K/K phonics program because I think he will be ready in the next few months or so.  I'm thinking about Explode the Code.  Any suggestions?  What do you/did you like best for your 3.5-4yo who was starting to learn phonics?

I think that's about it on this end!  Have a happy new school year, everyone, and may God bless it as you strive to teach and train your children for His glory!
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Sep. 1, 2008

Homeschooling: The End Result

At the start of each new school year, I always find myself meditating quite a bit on our homeschooling goals.  When we started homeschooling five years ago (this will be our sixth year), God was so gracious to reveal to us right out of the gate how to make our long-term goals spiritual ones, not academic!  He showed us how we needed to make sure our children were raised to love God first and be spiritually ready and spiritually and academically equipped to follow His plan for their lives.  Since then, we have striven to keep our home and homeschool Christ-centered, and we always evaluate our children's hearts towards God as the "report card" of how we're doing (a daily evaluation!), in addition to assessing their regular academic progress.

Every year, God helps guide each child more specifically, and reveals more to us about how He wants to lead our family through all the homeschooling years.  This past week, I was VERY encouraged by reading these few paragraphs from an article by Michael Pearl in the latest No Greater Joy newsletter. The article is addressing the mistake some parents make by over-protecting and over-controlling their children while raising them, hoping to rein in their fleshly desires and keep them "spiritually safe," but failing to equip them to function on their own as responsible adults who can make their own decisions and exercise their own self-control.  These paragraphs really inspired me!

What is pitiful is the whole process is done in hopes of getting the perfect will of God, but one vital ingredient is missing—encouraging your children to become responsible, autonomous, well educated, and experienced adults as soon as possible. You should have trained your sons to be men by the time they are fifteen, independent by the time they are eighteen. Your daughters should be capable of living apart from the family by the time they are eighteen and should be allowed to make their own life’s decisions somewhere between the ages of eighteen and twenty. Unmarried, grown (18 years old) children may remain at home; it is good if they do; but the parent-child relationship should evolve into an adult-adult relationship by the time they are sixteen to eighteen years old. Parents should have earned the right to give advice, and kids should have grown in wisdom enough to ask for it. But a parent should never invoke his parental authority on a grown kid. It is demeaning to both and akin to not being potty trained.

To teach a student to drive or fly a plane and then always make him be in the company of his parents is degrading. You teach them so they can become independent of you. Whose need is being met when a Father treats a 22-year-old girl like a child, dictating the parameters of her choices?
 The glory of a parent is to work himself out of a job, to stand back and see his kids fly solo. I expected to have supplanted myself by the time my kids were eighteen. And so it was. Long before that, I began to confer with them adult to adult. I have stepped back and allowed them to make decisions that I knew were not the best choices, and sometimes I was wrong; they were wiser than I.

To read the rest of this article, titled Cloistered Homeschool Syndrome, click here.

A couple of years ago, I wrote an article titled "Preparing Sons and Daughters for Adulthood" and listed all the things I was teaching my sons and daughters.  Here is an update of that.

Preparing Sons and Daughters for Adulthood

Here some areas we are or will be training to prepare my son for manhood: Woodworking, construction, electrical, plumbing, HVAC, household repairs, and auto mechanics (cars, mowers, tractors, four-wheelers).  Every time Dad works on household repairs, cuts firewood, or works one of our cars or four-wheelers, our two oldest sons are excused from school to go work with Dad.  The oldest is now able to do some simple mechanical repairs on his own.  And, you wouldn't believe how important and grown-up our three-year-old felt when he removed the loosened lug-nuts from the tires by himself when helping with a brake job!  He grunted and acted tough for about two days after that!  Right now, they are working on building walk-in closets in the bedrooms, rerouting our dryer vent, collecting the firewood for the winter, and... I forget what else.  After one day of instruction, my oldest son finished the task of weather-proofing the play set (cedar).  Also, my oldest just got asked to help a friend remodel a new home--mostly installing new kitchen cabinets and appliances, and laying new flooring (laminate wood, linoleum, and carpet).

Here in the country where we live, hunting is a very popular thing both for sport and for necessity.  My husband, being raised more in the city, is not much of a hunter yet, but is warming up to it.  However, he just mention it to my oldest son and he can hardly sit still.  A friend hunted on our property last season and shared all the venison with us, and I spent the winter learning all different ways to cook with it.  We LOVED it and can't wait for more (I made homemade summer sausage, too! It was wonderful!) Both my husband and son will be deer hunting this season!  Also, when my son heard that muskrat and raccoon skins sell for $12 a piece, and we have two large muskrat homes on our property and coons galore---  Well, let's just say I told him he's on his own on that one.  I don't even want to hear about it, see it, or know about it in any way.  Ewww…. But I wish him all success!

We are also planning to teach our son and daughter all the basic computer skills:  word processing, spreadsheets, database, basic web design, basic programming, and set-up/networking.  They have learned some so far, but still have  a ways to go.  My son is getting old enough to go ahead and start taking some of these as college courses.  And now that the "end is in sight" for our eldest,  praise God for answering our continued prayers to help us get our son done with all his schooling by helping us find College Plus!

I also encourage my son (and daughter)  in caring for his younger brothers and sister.  I'm teaching them to teach them and shepherd them--the way they will one day for their own children.  We're also starting to have our children write family devotions and share them.  I also help them learn how to write down and share their testimonies in a way to encourage others (part of writing class).

My daughter has been my apprentice chef for several years now (she is now 9).  Whenever it is dinner time, she is by my side working, helping, learning.  We continue to build on her kitchen and cooking skills.  I teach her evaluating and reading recipes, adapting recipes, doubling, measuring, mixing, stirring, appliance use, stove use, pans, pots, setting the table-you name it, I want to make sure she knows all I know and even more.  She is getting adept at measuring accurately, mixing thoroughly, and seasoning to taste.  She is currently--especially now that it's canning season--practicing more on her peeling, dicing, slicing and chopping skills (starting last summer when she helped dice the tomatoes for 50 quarts of homemade salsa). She LOVES being proficient in all these skills.  I know it is fulfilling for her, and I explain that it is fulfilling for her because its godly!  I love that, on those ocassions when asked,  my 9-year-old can fix an entire meal for the family without any help from me at all.  Just this morning, she made homemade whole wheat waffles without a smidge of help, and they were delicious.  We ate every crumb!  She is a fantastic baker, too!  This year, as part of her "home ec" class, she will be starting a scrap-book type cookbook using all our favorite and best recipes collected from my custom book, our favorite cook books, and all the ones we have ever clipped from magazines.

Speaking of negative comments, I got called a candy-eating couch-potato (or something like that) the last time I shared information like this.  I'm assuming the commenter imagined I treat my children as slaves while I lay around and do nothing. Not only does my daughter just glow with fulfilled purpose and a sense of accomplishment by learning all these things that God designed her to be, but don't people realize how much effort goes into this type of whole-hearted godly training?  I feel I would be a couch potato if I failed in training my children in this way! And I would feel that way if I sat around on the couch and bossed them around, rather than providing constant training and direction.

My daughter also helps me manage our family's chore charts, and works with me on my chores, too.  I let her help write the checklists and type them into the computer!
 
Other areas where I am training my daughter:  Honor and reverence for daddy and brothers (always seeking to serve and be a blessing), how to plan to be a helpmeet someday, how to plan and organize the homeschool (she  helped me get it set up for all the children this year, including the curriculum and supplies), sewing, gardening, canning and preserving, home decorating, embroidery, card-making, letter-writing, writing, shopping, budgeting, household chores and management (vacuuming, dusting, cleaning of all kinds, organizing, sorting, getting rid, how to have a yard sale), infant care, child care, teaching, piano, voice lessons, and other musical instruments, typing, and how to design simple documents in a word processor by choosing fonts, font sizes, etc., data entry (how to make a spreadsheet-she has already done some of these, too), hair cutting (what little girl doesn't love cutting hair), hair styling, choosing clothes for all family members, training and correcting her younger siblings, time management, first aid, crocheting, quilting, … that's all I can think of off the top of my head.

My daughter LOVES crocheting right now.  Family members will be receiving scarves, afghans, and other various crocheted items this year as gifts!  What a blessing!

Also, another fun thing I have done with my daughter:  This year, (and this is the second or third time we have done this), while Daddy and older brother were out of town for 10 days on a fishing trip, I went on a mommy diet (still had 30 pounds of baby weight to lose-HAD! PTL!) and put her in sole charge of menu-planning, shopping, and cooking for herself and her little brother (3yo).  For 10 days, she managed the kitchen single-handedly and did a GREAT job.  She and her little brother grew so close as she cooked especially for him lots of special things that they normally do not eat that were just for the two of them (really special was getting frozen dinners with mac-n-cheese, fish sticks, and broccoli--he loved that!). What a great practice for her!

Well, as always, I cannot thank God or praise Him enough for His continued hand in our lives, His continued guidance, and His continued answered prayers.  Lord, keep us in Your will!
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Sep. 1, 2008

Canning Season! Whew!

Nothing serious in this post!  Just a glimpse into my canning season this year for anyone who is interested--the harvest from our garden and our little pseudo-farm. 

--48 quarts of organic tomatoes (red, yellow, orange, black plum, romas of various  sorts).  I've got another 8 quarts or so sitting on my counter to do today. That will get us through the year. We use about one quart per week for spaghetti, chili, or soup.

--51 pints of homemade salsa, three different kinds:  A black bean jalapeno (made with a blueberry sized tomato called a "Mexican Midget), a corn chipotle (made with cherry tomatoes), and a veggie habanero (made with yellow pear and sun sugar tomatoes).  Another 50 pints of "every day" salsa is forthcoming:  that will be tomato with roasted green chiles.  I'm dicing and freezing the tomatoes and bell peppers as they come in and will finish the salsa when I have enough tomatoes.  I'm also waiting on our green chiles to come on so that I can roast them, dice them, and freeze them.  It will be good because we have about 15 different varieties of tomatoes of every size and color, and we have purple, orange, yellow, and red bell peppers.  (My father blesses us with these tomato and pepper plants each year:  He starts about 250 plants each spring and shares with us!).  This homemade salsa is one of the gifts we give out for Christmas--the whole family comes together and works on it!

--19 quarts of pickled hot banana peppers.  My grandfather grew these this year.  He LOVES growing hot peppers.  These are especially pretty because I didn't pick them until they had turned every shade from chartreuse to deep red, so the jars are beautiful!  My grandfather also gave us about 50 pounds of red potatoes (the potato bugs got mine this year!)

--8 pints of elderberry syrup for sweetening hot tea (my boys' favorite).  I've got another stock pot full of elderberries in the fridge that will make another 8 to 10 pints today.  That should get us through the year.

And still to do:

My apple trees are LOADED this year.  I'm hoping to get lots and lots of applesauce put up this year, but I won't be able to get to it for a couple more weeks.

I will be picking up a load of concord grapes from my friend this week.  That will make our grape jelly for the year.

I have never canned pears, but I am considering it, because our two pear trees are loaded, too.  We'll see!

Our corn came on strong, then dried out before becoming fully ripe.  We're going to go see what we can salvage from it today.

I just gave away the last of the cucumbers today.  This year I just wanted to see if I could grow them.  I've determined anyone can grow cucumbers!  We had so many!  Next year, I want to learn to make different types of pickles.

I thought my grandfather grew beets this year, and I was planning to pickle them using a great recipe I found using ginger and fresh rosemary.  But he didn't have beets.  I will plant some and try next year.

We pulled and cleaned 40 pounds of onions.  We had lovely cabbages (miniature purple and green--about the size of a softball) and beautiful lettuce (baby romaine and miniature iceberg).  Our broccoli is looking nice--I'll probably freeze it this week. Our peas died (I've never done peas successfully--I need to plant them earlier), and the popcorn is showing promise.  I hope the popcorn works out because it's a favorite snack around here, and we planted the "rainbow" variety where the kernels are every shade of purple, red, and orange.  I planted a new strawberry bed this year, but according to small-fruit culture advice, we pinched off the blossoms this year so that it would be a better yield next year.  Can't wait!

And all I can say now is, "Whew!" And, "Thank you, Lord, for this bountiful harvest and your unfailing, abundant provision for our family."
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Aug. 28, 2008

How to Handle Negative Comments

I know HSB recently sent out an email on this topic. I scanned it, but decided I wanted to pray about the issue and let God lead me on how to deal with it.  I also know many bloggers have had to learn how to deal with this. 

We all know the Bible tells us to "rejoice ye in that day and leap for joy" when you are hated, reproached, separated, and called evil for the Son of Man's sake (Luke 6:22-23).  I know that I am a follower of Christ, I know that I know Him, and I know where I stand with Him.  But humanly, it is still difficult to be thought of as evil when attempting to follow wholeheartedly the One who is not.

So, based on a recent string of negative comments, I have decided to post what God revealed to me about how to respond.  This is the scripture that He pressed upon my heart.  It speaks for itself and no further explanation is needed.

Now Korah, the son of Ishar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, and Dathan and Abiram, the sons of Eliab, and On, the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men: And they rose up before Moses, with certain of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty princes of the assembly, famous in the congregation, men of renown: And they gathered themselves together against Moses and against Aaron, and said unto them, Ye take too much upon you, seeing all the congregation are holy, every one of them, and the LORD is among them: wherefore then lift ye up yourselves above the congregation of the LORD?
Oh! This sounds almost exactly like so many of the negative comments, does it not? Same words! Same meaning! Same tone!  I am going to leave any future negative comments--not delete them--and you will see for yourself!

And when Moses heard it, he fell upon his face.
Numbers 16:1-4

And when king David came to Ba-hurim, behold, thence came out a man of the family of the house of Saul, whose name was Shimei, the son of Gera: he came forth, and cursed still as he came. And he cast stones at David, and at all the servants of king David: and all the people and all the mighty men were on his right hand and on his left. And thus said Shimei when he cursed, Come out, come out, thou bloody man, and thou man of Belial: The LORD hath returned upon thee all the blood of the house of Saul, in whose stead thou hast reigned; and the LORD hath delivered the kingdom into the hand of Absalom thy son: and, behold, thou art taken in thy mischief, because thou art a bloody man.

Then said Abishai the son of Zeruiah unto the king, Why should this dead dog curse my lord the king? let me go over, I pray thee, and take off his head.  And the king said, What have I to do with you, ye sons of Zeruiah? so let him curse, because the LORD hath said unto him, Curse David. Who shall then say, Wherefore hast thou done so?

And David said to Abishai, and to all his servants, Behold, my son, which came forth of my bowels, seeketh my life: how much more now may this Benjamite do it? let him alone, and let him curse; for the LORD hath bidden him.  It may be that the LORD will look on mine affliction, and that the LORD will requite me good for his cursing this day.
So, that is how I will handle negative comments from now on.  I will fall upon my face before the LORD, in submission and repentance and for Him to reveal and work in me and through me however He chooses, including if that means I retract or correct bad writing or wrong writing.  And, from now on I will leave the cursers "alone" and let them curse, and not delete their comments-- for the LORD has bidden them.   It may  be that God will requite me good for the cursing!  Based on Luke 6:23, He definitely will! And their words will represent their own testimony.

God bless all of you who try to glorify His Holy Name by your exhortations and testimonies on Homeschoolblogger!  Keep striving for Him and for Him alone.  God bless each reader and writer richly.

--Mrs. E
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Aug. 28, 2008

Help Meet Challenge

The women's Bible study I attend recently gave a challenge:  To return to the next study with a list of ways you made an effort to show your husband you cherish him.  That was a very helpful and convicting challenge.  I realized that although I was very happy to be helpful, submissive, forgiving (for the most part except for one recent incident involving a wild turkey that took me a while to get over), conceding, yielding, and supportive--I realized that I did not make efforts to actually show how I love and cherish my husband.  I assumed he would know my love and dedication to him based on my helpfulness. I realized I didn't even know what I could do to show this to my husband.

I prayed.  God revealed to me in His Word that He never actually commands wives to love their husbands, specifically.  He commands me to submit to my husband and to reverence my husband (Eph. 5:33).  The husband is commanded to love the wife, however (Eph. 5:33).  Hmm. I prayed some more.

God did reveal to me several areas where I can grow--ways I can cherish my husband, and He really is teaching me a lot about how to reverence him.  I may explain those things specifically in a future post.  But also during this time, especially after hearing the reports of the other ladies in the group and all the wonderful, sweet things they did for their husbands,  I was reminded of a great "Help Meet Cheat Sheet" that once appeared on a different blog that was always very helpful to me.  There are so many great ideas on there that it keeps me motivated to keep trying to fulfill my God-ordained design and role as my husband's help meet, submissive to him as unto the Lord, and to reverence him.  I am copying it in below.  God bless you, your marriage, and your family, as you seek to fulfill His plan and purpose.

HELP MEET CHEAT SHEET
This is not a checklist, or list of standards; it is just a cheat sheet of ideas.


1.    Refuse to miss a day of Bible Reading
  • Do not read in front of your husband – keep it private to avoid conflicts that some marriage have about "trying to be more spiritual"
2.    Pray before reading your Bible, “Open my eyes, Lord.”
3.    Teach the Word to your children through the course of regular interactions
4.    Make a commitment to prayer.
5.    Make a habit of prayer.
6.    Acknowledge any sin God reveals to you and confess it to the Lord.
7.    Pray for your husband.
  • Pray for God to bless him as the leader of your family.
  • Pray for God to bless him as a man of God.
  • Pray for God to grow him spiritually.
8.    Pray for your children.
  • Pray for them to grow strong in the Lord.
  • Pray for them to be trained up in the way they should go.
  • Pray that you would be able to train them the way God wants you to.
  • Pray for God to bless them.
9.    Seek to know your God-given role as a wife and mother.
  • Find books, sermons on CD or DVD, articles, and blogs while you study and meditate on God’s Word and the teachings that apply to the most important things in your life:  being a wife and mother!
10.    Keep a song of praise in your heart at all times.
11.    Keep a prayer in your mind at all times.
  •  “Lord, be with me at work at this moment and let me be a testimony.”
  •  “Lord, give me the energy to joyfully do my job for just five more minutes.”
  •  “Lord, thank you for the home you have provided me.”
  •  “Lord, thank you for this hot running water.”
  •  “Lord, thank you for a husband and children. Help me to be the wife and mother You want me to be.”
  •  “Lord, bless my child and help her to grow to be a strong Christian.”
  •  “Lord, bless my husband wherever he is at this moment.”
  •  “Lord, I am so angry right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
  •  “Lord, I am so hurt right now, I’m just going to tell you about it.”
12.    Study and know your husband.
13.    Be a servant to your husband.
  • Let me get that! (water, keys, coat, shoes, seconds at dinner, ketchup, dessert, the remote, a snack, a tool, etc.)
  • Keep his clothes clean and put away so that they are easy to find.
  • Keep his “area” neat (favorite chair, desk, his side of the bed, his toiletries)
14.    Follow his leadership at the slightest opportunity (where to eat out, how to handle a home situation, whether or not to go somewhere, whether or not to buy something, what to watch on TV, how to fix something, etc.)
15.    Readily accept his advice for any situation and acknowledge that it is good advice, and thank him for it.
16.    Don’t be contentious or resistant to him in your spirit.
17.    Don’t embarrass your husband (your speech, appearance, behavior, neglect of your family or home)
18.    Prepare for his arrival each day (make sure his first perception of the house is that it is clean—even if it’s only the entry way and the area where he sits to relax, have a smile on your face, freshen your hair, clothes, or make-up, have the children clean and occupied, and have a smile on your face.)
19.     Never belittle him or make cutting remarks of any kind, even in jest.
20.    Speak a sincere word of praise or appreciation whenever possible:
  •  “I don’t understand how you can fix that. I’m completely clueless.”
  •  “Thank you for fixing that. I’m so fortunate to have a husband who can do that.”
  •  “Absolutely you made the right decision.”
  •  “You are absolutely right.”
  •  “You couldn’t have handled that (work situation, etc.) better.
  •  “That was very smart.”
  •  “That was totally the right thing to do.”
21.    Meet his gaze showing your love and acceptance of him—do not avert your eyes to show your hurt or disapproval and to punish him.
22.    Respond readily to his physical affection.
  • Do not be stiff when receiving a hug or a kiss.
  • Do not resist physical advances:  Pray instead. God will provide the grace.
23.    Offer a warm hug, a warm smile, and an unexpected kiss of approval and appreciation.
24.    Do not be financially independent. Let him control the finances.
  •  Even if you have always controlled and balanced the checkbook, start checking with him on budget amounts and spending decisions.  Immediately concede to his input of any kind.
  • Look for every opportunity to praise his wise financial decisions.
  • Do not spend money foolishly—make sure he never has to worry about how his wife will spend money.
  • Check with him on any purchase that is not a necessity.
  • Do not argue or resist his financial decisions, even if you know they are bad ones.  Pray instead.  (Your silence and support is actually more powerful of an influence—try it and you will see!)
  • Remember that whatever decision your husband makes, it is God’s will for you.  Your resistance and interference will actually cause more problems.
25.    Do not take matters into your own hands. Defer to your husband’s decisions whenever possible.
26.    Do not be your husband’s conscience.
27.    Do not nag. Ever. It is never a life or death matter.
28.    Show loyalty to him at all times.
  • Never seek counsel outside of him without his approval.
29.    Encourage and wholeheartedly support any idea or goal he shares with you.
30.    Listen with your eyes, your ears, and be aware of your body language.  It doesn’t matter how busy you are. Stop and listen and show him he is important to you and that you support him.
31.    Share his excitement over anything.
32.    Laugh at his jokes
33.    Look at him with admiration when he is around his peers to inspire their respect. (It is your job from the Lord to reverence him and to make him look good at all times.)
34.    Always  seek to make him look successful.
35.    Spend the time and effort needed on your appearance because it shows you reverence your husband.
36.    Dress to please your husband.
37.    Dress modestly so he does not worry that you may be trying to attract other men.
38.    Remember what your husband likes:
  • Cook his favorite meals.
  • Keep his favorite snacks handy.
  • Keep his favorite beverages handy.
  • Wear clothing you know he likes on you.
  • Wear your hair the way you know he likes.
  • Wear a perfume you know he likes.
  • Keep the children quiet, entertained, happy, engaged--whatever he likes!
39.    Care for your clothes and his clothes.  Eliminate unused clothes.
40.    Create order in his environment (one step at a time is fine)
  • Organize the bathroom cabinets
  • Organize his socks and underwear and keep it that way.
  • Make a permanent and tidy place for his pocket stuff (wallet, keys, change, receipts, screws, batteries, business cards).
  • Keep track of his “stuff” however you can
41.    Keep the home free of clutter
42.    Train your children to be neat, clean and organized
43.    Keep a meek and quiet spirit
44.    Do not speak in anger
45.    Stop a backbiting tongue by silence (Proverbs 26:20)
46.    Ask your husband your spiritual questions.
47.    Expect nothing from him (put all your expectation for fulfillment on the Lord, especially in moments where you feel empty or alone)
48.    Do not have the “marriage is teamwork and you’re not pulling your share” attitude. YOU commit 100% to your husband, regardless of how you think he is performing (you will only answer to God in the end for the kind of wife you were to your husband).
49.    Learn to prioritize (quick prayers often clear up moments or days of confusion).
50.    Organize one drawer, shelf, or area a day until your home has a place for everything and everything in its place—then keep it there.
51.    Train the children so that they make him proud.
52.    Train the children to love him and respect him.
53.    Never say a bad word about your husband to your children.  Don’t even suggest in any way to them that he is not the “dad” he should be.
54.    Do not try to solve any of his problems without his consent.
55.    Overlook his faults.
56.    Overlook his little mistakes.
57.    Overlook his big mistakes.
58.    Forgive any offense that hurts you as quickly as you can (urgent prayer will take care of this—pray until you feel your anger subside and your pleasure in your husband return.  At first this may take a few days.  After a while, you will cut it to a few hours.  With continued practice, you will be able to forgive, with prayer and God’s help, within a few minutes to a few seconds)
59.    Remember DAILY back to the beginning of your relationship and all the things that attracted you to him.  Recall the smiles you had for him them and smile them all again.
60.    Stop for one minute and thank the Lord for your husband.
61.    Pray for God to bless your husband as the leader of your home and as the provider for your family.
62.    Smile.
63.    Laugh.
64.    Have joy.
65.    Be lighthearted and create a lighthearted mood in your home.
66.    Make him proud of his home, his wife, and his children.
67.    Make sure that he would be proud to invite his boss to dinner.
68.    Ask him for advice whenever you can, and always take it seriously—and tell him what good advice it is. 
69.    When he tells you about his work, tell him how good he is at his job, in his position, and praise his strengths at work (his leadership, his diligence, his honesty, his integrity).
70.    Try to make all your words positive.
71.    Never talk bad about his friends or coworkers.  Do not affirm when he talks bad about someone. You can nod sympathetically, but do not  verbally agree.
72.    Do not be negative.
73.    Keep your speech clean and pretty—becoming to a lovely wife with a sweet spirit.
74.    Do not correct him.  Especially in front of others. Let it go unless your life is on the line (it really doesn't happen often!)
75.    Do not criticize him about anything.  Not even about a shirt, how his hair looks, how he spends his time, what he spent his money on, or…anything.
76.    Pray for God’s strength and grace whenever—WHENEVER—you feel tired, angry, or that you just can’t do it.  Even if it means praying 2,000 times a day.  All you have to say is one word, “HELP!”  He will.
77.    Pray for God to reveal to you the opportunity to do something on this list whenever possible.
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Aug. 25, 2008

Do You Want a Permanent Vacation?

So many want to be godly wives and mothers. They want an organized home and homeschool. They want godly children who are trained for the Lord.  But, for some, despite all efforts, the house is a mess, the children are wild, schooling and chores are never caught up, the marriage struggles, and there is never, ever, EVER enough time.  Is this you?

Imagine this:

A friend suddenly says you can live in their vacation cabin for one year.  It is tucked away in the woods, on the edge of a beautiful lake, surrounded by hiking trails, wildlife, and picturesque views.  No TV, internet, or cable.  Just a small town about 45 minutes away where there is one large grocery store and a library.

The cabin is empty except for the basic furniture.

So, you pack. 

You pack one set of bed sheets per bed.  One towel and washcloth per family member.

Just the school books you will be working out of for now with the necessary school supplies.

Your Bibles, a hymn book, some journals.

Five changes of clothes and two pairs of shoes per person.

One family game, and one multi-aged toy (Legos or building blocks, perhaps).

That's it.  That's all you take.

Could you "get it all done" while you were at the cabin?

Did you know you can accomplish this same "vacation" state at home?

GET RID OF STUFF!

I cannot stress how important it is to not be attached to STUFF.  Stop the collecting, stop all the toys, the video games, the time and money-wasting hobbies, surfing the internet, shopping through catalogs, yard saling, soccer, karate, TV, running around, co-op classes, swimming lessons, remodeling your home, scrapbooking... JUST STOP!  Click HERE to understand this more.

"BUT!" You wail, "My hobby is important to me. My collection is sentimental!"

Where does Jesus rank in importance and sentimentality?  Would you choose Him over your hobby or your collection?  If you're not able to get it all done and your life is a continual state of chaos, you do not choose Him. You are a slave to your stuff.

"BUT!" You wail, "My Bible study, my church activities, and my fellowship with others are my Biblical calling and are important to furthering God's kingdom!"

Are you a wife?  Then your Biblical calling and priority is to be your husband's helpmeet.  Are you a mother?  Then your Biblical calling is to raise your children in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.  That comes first.  God's plan for growing His kingdom is worked out through the roles He created for men and women and families from the foundation of the world. You will not further the kingdom more by teaching a Sunday School class than you will  by just being who God has designed you and called you to be:  Your husband's wife and your children's mother. The order of priority is critical. If you think you have a calling outside your role as helpmeet and mother, and that "calling" takes away from making your husband and children your top priority, then you are thinking wrong. You have been deceived. Click HERE to read more about Biblical Priorities.

"BUT!" You wail, "My children's toys and video games, and internet, and movies, and TV shows, and super heroes are just fun! You're not against fun! We choose godly things! These things should stay, right?"

Who do your children think is more fun and more cool?  Their Disney princesses and Superfriends?  Or God.  How have you decorated their rooms?  Why do you need them to play so much?  So they will stay busy because you don't have time to train them and be with them?  Does that movie/toy/book/show/game grow them in godly character and bring them closer to the Lord?  If not, how are they growing spiritually?  Click HERE to read more about how you may be training your children in idolatry instead of training them to love the Lord.

"BUT!" You wail, "I just want to raise godly children who love the Lord!  The stuff I own has nothing to do with that!"

Then I ask you to consider your own appetites and the appetites your are creating in your children by the stuff you and they feed on daily.  Click HERE to read more about how to build an appetite in your children for God and for godly things.

"BUT!" You wail, "I just want... "

It's not about what you want.  If you are truly a follower of Jesus Christ, a true Christian, then it's about what God wants.

Are you willing to pay the price?

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.  Mark 10:21-22

Then one of them, which was a lawyer, asked him a question, tempting him, and saying, Master, which is the great commandment in the law?  Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.  Matthew 22:35-40
Love the Lord. Not your stuff.
Love the Lord. Not your hobbies.
Love the Lord. Not your collections.
Love the Lord. Not your toys.
Love the Lord. Not your movies.
Love the Lord. Not your internet.
Love the Lord. Not your TV shows.
Love the Lord. Not your extra activities that take you away from your husband and children.

Love the Lord.
Follow Him.

 Do you truly want to follow Him?  Or are you afraid to let go of your "riches."

You cannot have both.  Ask Him, and you will see.

Take a piece of paper.  Draw a line down the center and make two columns.  On the left side, write "Putting the Lord first and His priorities."  On the right side, write a list of everything you don't want to give up.  Then, ask the Lord, one by one, if those things on the right fit over in the left column.  If they don't, then you must choose.  Just like the rich man.  Jesus never commands you not to own stuff.  He just commands that you be willing to walk away from it at the drop of a hat and not be attached to it.  If you are attached--addicted--it is better for you to not have it at all.

Just some food for thought.  Once again:

Then Jesus beholding him loved him, and said unto him, One thing thou lackest: go thy way, sell whatsoever thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come, take up the cross, and follow me. And he was sad at that saying, and went away grieved: for he had great possessions.  Mark 10:21-22

 The world will think you are crazy. Your family, your friends, and even some of your church leaders.  But if you are reading this and God is calling you, then you know His calling is clear.  And I will be praying for you, as I do for all who stop to read things here.

I beseech you therefore brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God. Romans 12:1-2
BUT! You wail, "I can't get rid of anything.  My husband is the one who wants all the stuff!  That would be disobeying him and upsetting him!"

I hear that one a lot.  A LOT!  And in a lot of cases, if you ask the husband, he will say it is his wife who has to have all the stuff.  It is almost always his impression that she shops too much, buys too much, wants more clothes for herself, for the children, wants a better car, wants a better home... and on and on.

So, without knowing your or your situation, all I can ask you to do is evaluate yourself.  Are you attached to stuff?  And if your husband truly would get upset and not understand if you got rid of a bunch of things, don't try to convince me you're not more creative than that problem!  You're certainly creative when it comes to getting all the stuff.  Get creative when it comes to getting rid of it or becoming unattached to it.  You can have the TV, but not turn it on.  You can put things away out of sight and out of mind.  You can fill a back closet or a spare room with things you don't need cluttering your daily life.  Remember, God doesn't command you to not own it. He wants you not to be attached to it, enslaved to it, engulfed by it, and waste away your days drowning in it!

 God's yoke is easy and His burden is light.  If you can respond to this calling and let go and follow Him, you will be able to get it all done.  You will have rest.  And you will be effective and successful for His kingdom and for His glory. And you know it.  If you don't know it, then you don't know Him.
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Aug. 25, 2008

This Year's Schedule

I have had some requests again to share my daily schedule on this blog. Since I conveniently just wrote it in an email to share with someone in my women's Bible study group, I will post it here in brief.  Our daily schedule includes all our chores and schoolwork with the goal of having a fully managed home each day.  Keep in mind, each day, I do let the Lord lead.  Things change daily at His leading, but the following schedule is our general framework for every day that we are home. 

My checklist  system:  You will see me refer to the "checklist" below.  My children each have a daily checklist that lists their daily chores and their daily independent school work.  I print each child a new checklist every Monday morning, and there is a checkbox for Monday through Friday for every chore and every school assignment.   The checklist is a two-column page.  The left column is schoolwork, the right column is chores.  The left column says, "Monday," then under that has the checkboxes for each independent school work assignment, then below that it says  Tuesday, etc.  At the bottom of the chores column after Friday, there is a section titled "Weekly," which is for our once-a-week chores, such as cleaning out closets, scrubbing toilets, tubs, and sinks, hosing off the front porch, changing sheets, etc.

Some notes on our chores:

All the daily chores and weekly chores are divided up between myself and the older two children (son 14 and daughter 9).  This list includes everything it takes to keep our house the way I like it kept:  from the general cleaning, laundry, vacuuming and dusting, all the way to the details such as straightening every bookshelf, washing refrigerator shelves, washing the inside of the microwave and under the stove top, washing the fronts of the kitchen cabinets, and keeping all the drawers organized. Almost all these chores are on their daily checklists.

On my son's checklist, when it says "bookshelves," that means it is his job to check every bookshelf in the house and make sure the books are straightened and put away properly, arranged from tallest to shortest where appropriate.  My daughter's checklist has a chore called "refrigerator shelf." She does one refrigerator  shelf a day--takes everything off, wipes it down, puts everything back.  Everyone's checklist says "Clean drawer."  This means that the children and I each choose one drawer to organize and clean out each day, whether it be a kitchen drawer, or a clothing drawer.  Sometimes we do two or three--when you keep on top of them it only takes a few minutes.  My son's assignment is the floors, which means sweeping and spot cleaning the tile floors daily, and washing them once a week.  The younger children are learning to take over this chore.  My oldest also wipes out the inside of the microwave and under the stove top every day (his checklist says "microwave/stove").

My chores are: Each day, I do the bathrooms (wipe down toilets, sinks, and pick up--my son does the floors), I pick up the office (my jurisdiction), keep my desk clean, clean my bedroom and make my bed, and do two loads of laundry.  The younger children put away the laundry.  Until this year, my oldest did the laundry, but he is growing out of that and working on bigger outdoor projects now, plus planning some college credits. I manage the kitchen and do all the cooking and cleaning.  My daughter, 9, helps with the cooking almost always, and it is her job--jurisdiction--to put away every clean dish, whether it is from the dishwasher or washed and clean on the counter.  

My oldest son does yard work every day in addition  to the weed whacking.  Clearing, weeding, sweeping, mowing, pruning--whatever else.  We have 10 acres.  In the winter, he manages the firewood.

Here is our schedule/order of business:

The children wake up by 7:30 a.m.  All chores must be done before eating breakfast.  We usually do the "upstairs" chores first:  All the bedrooms cleaned and beds made, laundry put away, picked up, vacuumed if needed, and a drawer or two organized.  If it's "closet day" (we clean out our closets once a week), we take an extra five or 10 minutes to do that.  I do the ironing, never more than about 2 things a day, if any.  Then the children get dressed (showered if they need it), brush their hair, then tackle their "downstairs" chores.  This may sound like a lot to do before breakfast, but it actually takes us very little time as we touch up all our chores before dinner, and then we all get a head start on chores just before bed, so many of them are already done when we wake up in the morning.

Breakfast is usually eaten around 8:30.  Most days, breakfast is "make it yourself."  Cereal, eggs and toast, oatmeal, yogurt.  About once a week, my daughter and I get together and make pancakes, breakfast burritos, homemade biscuits, muffins, etc.

Then, the children start their independent schoolwork by around 9:00, working at their desks.  From 9:00 to 11:30, we do this independent school work--listed on their daily checklist.  Grammar and Language Arts workbooks, Balancing the Sword (a Bible Study book), a multiplication drill for my daughter, a math lesson and assignment, a writing assignment (Writing Strands), Spanish, Typing, Piano and Voice practice, guitar practice, journaling, geography, and science (The Rainbow for the older one, Switched-On-Schoolhouse for the younger). They take turns at the computer for their Spanish (Rosetta Stone) and typing--15 minutes each.  Piano, guitar, and voice practice is 15 minutes each.  They love to practice longer than that, but that is for free time.  I teach their math separately at this time (Algebra 1 for the older and 4th grade for my daughter) and give their assignment. I also work with them on their writing and give their writing assignment for the day, whether it's an outline, a draft, a revision, or a final.  I answer questions as needed, do school work with the preschooler. 

How I manage the 3-year-old:  He works with us whenever we do chores. He is learning to do many of them well, and he loves working. He can put away laundry, and he has even washed the kitchen floor twice by himself--he gets it cleaner than his brother with all the soap suds he makes!  During harvest season, he asks to help, and I find ways he can help. When dad cooks on the grill, he wants to help, and dad finds a way for him to help. This is important! This is training time! Then, when we start school work, he has three choices:  If I am available, he can work with me on his school work and do some lessons.  If he is not working with me, he must be doing his independent school work at his desk--he has some coloring and preschool things he can do on his own, such as write-on/wipe-off letter and number books, coloring books, and workbooks from the dollar store.  If he chooses not to do schoolwork at his desk he may play with his toys--any of his toys--in the school room on the floor. Quietly.  If he does not want to work at his desk or play with his toys, he must sit on a chair and do nothing.  Those are his three choices!.  He does fine playing toys and doing school work, for the most part.  I usually get to work with him on his preschool stuff for 30 minutes to an hour during this time.

The baby, 6 months old, usually takes a little nap from 9:30 to 10:00, then he happily plays on the floor or in a saucer during this time.  In between helping the children with their school work, I may bake bread or goodies, or work in the kitchen--like preparing tomatoes for canning or salsa!  If that is the case, my 3-year-old is often my helper for these projects. He loves to bake!

At about 11:30, everyone is ready for a break.  Laundry is switched and a load quickly put away, if necessary. If it's nice, the kids may head outside for some bike riding, or basketball, or sledding in the winter, playing on the swings, picking berries--whatever.  If it's cold, they like to read, play games together, play Legos, or sometimes I let them play computer games or hide and seek.  My daughter likes to crochet or sew.  My son likes to clean the garage or tinker with his 4-wheeler.

12:30 is lunch.  Peanut butter sandwiches or leftovers.  That's it, usually!

12:50, we put the little ones down for nap. We usually take a 1/2 hour rest, too.  I get extra reading and study time in. Sometimes I nap, too.

At about 1:30, we do our "teaching classes," the classes where I teach them together.  History (3 times a week) , health (a few times a year), government (once a week), Bible (a few times a week), Ohio History (a few times a year), Poetry (a few times a year), Speech (two speeches a year), Art-when I feel like it, and whatever else.

We finish up this section of the day by about 4:00 usually.  Then it's project time or free time.  Right now, that means I'm canning tomatoes, salsa, and applesauce.  I may have the children help.  Sometimes I  sew, my daughter and I do an art project (we love to paint!), we crochet, or we make cards.  Sometimes we bake something special for Daddy for dinner. My oldest son works on cleaning the garage, or he works outside on yard work, and takes his little brother with him to help.  My daughter likes to write books, write letters, draw, crochet, and practice singing. My son will play the piano or guitar for an hour or two. Sometimes we pick berries, or do photography, or play baseball, or hit golf balls, or ride 4-wheelers... you get the idea! 

At about 6:00, we do "chore touch up time."  We finish up the laundry for the day and get it put away, and get everything put back so the house is clean and nice for Daddy.  Then my oldest son takes the 3-year-old to play something fun while my daughter and I have some girl time.  The two of us feed the baby his dinner and together we cook our family dinner. We often sing while we work in the kitchen, practicing her voice lesson assignment, or working on a new song.

7:00 is dinner.  I clean up while Dad and the children do family time, then I join them.  Usually this is a game, or something outside like fishing or riding 4-wheelers, or playing baseball.  Sometimes the older children still have some "homework" to finish up. Sometimes the children do something on their own while my husband and I do other things--he likes to work on his computer/study the Bible, I like to check email, work on Bible study outlines, write articles, plan the next day's history lesson, plan next week's menu and shopping list, etc.  Sometimes we watch a movie or show--we've watched some of the Olympics lately.  Last night, my husband and my oldest son repaired my son's portable DVD player, which he uses at his desk for math.  They ordered a motor from eBay and took the whole thing apart and replaced it.  My daughter and I scoured through a stack of old "Taste of Home" magazines that a friend had given us. We clipped recipes for our files so that we could throw the magazines away.

At 9:00 or so, we start getting ready for bed, which means a head start on next day's chores.  The children actually look at their checklist and start checking off the next day's chores so that when we wake up, there's not much to do!

Everyone's in bed by about 9:45!

That's how the schedule in our house goes! This is a very flexible schedule. If we have an appointment or an errand, it is very easy to still get things done by putting our chores and schoolwork in where the free time goes--we just rearrange some of the time blocks.

If you read this, then know that I have said a prayer for you today for God to bless you and your upcoming school year.  I pray that God will help you manage your home well, and find solutions and a schedule that works for you, your children, and your family. 

God bless,

Mrs. E.
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May. 8, 2008

Training Children in Idolatry

I was recently posed the question, “How do you ensure that your children develop a God-oriented heart?”

I am participating in a small group study of Ted Tripp’s book, Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  Mr. Tripp explains how man is designed by God to worship.  That is part of the need God creates in us—the need for Him.  Because of this, humans are easily bedazzled and impressed.  We are designed that way.  God designed us that way so that we would fill that need by choosing Him, worshipping Him.

But how can children choose to fill the urge and need to worship with God when many (most) parents throw at them anything and everything that awes and impresses them?  If a little boy likes Spiderman, it is not long before he owns Spiderman underwear, Spiderman pajamas, Spiderman light-up tennis shoes, eight Spiderman t-shirts, all the Spiderman toys, Spiderman movies, Spiderman books, Spiderman coloring books, Spiderman dinnerware, Spiderman sheets, comforters, curtains, wallpaper border, and a sleeping bag…. Same goes for Dora, Sponge Bob, Blue’s Clues, Batman, Disney, Barney, or whatever the child starts to show an interest…

Hmmm.  How are children going to choose to be in awe of and worship an invisible, infinite, omnipresent, omnipotent God when we continually give them tangible, visible, understandable gods.

Wasn’t that the Israelites’ problem?  They were used to living in Egypt with tangible, visible Gods.  The Pharaoh was a hero, who called himself a god with super powers.  He was visible, tangible, audible.  People were easily awed by him. There were statues, hieroglyphs, and action figures of him and his gods to see, touch, and feel.  When Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt, God became real to them through the plagues and His supernatural works and protection.  But, when Moses disappeared for a few days to the top of Mount Sinai, how quickly did they forget the invisible God and clamor for their tangible ones? 

And just like parents do, when children are impressed or pleased and they run out and buy the Spiderman toy, Aaron ran out and got the Israelites their golden calf.  It’s so much easier to just please them, to make them content, than it is to train them and teach them about the invisible God! 

Think about how God tried to solve this problem for the Israelites.  He commanded them, when they got to Canaan, to destroy and/or drive out EVERY inhabitant of the land and to not mix with them.  God knew how quickly the Israelites would be lured and awed and impressed by the tangible, visible, false gods of the Canaanites, and their groves and altars and trinkets and jewelry and idols.  And they were. Even the most “godly” of them thought nothing of having “idols” decorating their homes. 

Isn’t that just like today—where even our Christian leaders think nothing of filling their homes with idols to entertain and awe their children.  The Israelite girls copied the dress and styles of the beautiful and popular young girls of the Canaanites—much, I’m sure, in the same way young girls today copy the style and dress of their favorite Disney channel star.  They couldn’t resist the beautiful groves and fascinating rituals/gatherings that were all the social rage if you were “cool.”  Much like today we can’t resist the movie theaters or the TV or the video games, or the clothing with the idols plastered all over it.

Have you ever had a Godly leader suggest to you to consider turning off your TV?  To not  watch movies?  Isn't this the same thing as God telling the Israelites to drive out/destroy the Canaanites. 

We parents take the easy route.  It is easy to let our children idolize things because they are designed by God to worship and idolize something. Giving them their idols keeps them happy and content.  We like to see them excited, loving something, and taking an interest.  We cater to their desires and their passions, help them amass their collections. But don’t we most want to see them excited about God?

Don't get me wrong--I'm not saying we shouldn't build a healthy appetite for our children in Godly interests--things they will one day be able to use for the Lord.  But we must be discerning.  When it comes to activities and the things we allow our children to put first in their lives as priorities--how does it measure up in the long-term plan towards Godliness and a life that serves God and makes a difference for His kingdom?
 
How many parents, as their children get older and older, start to complain and worry when their children aren’t interested in putting God first?  Yet, they do not realize they are the ones that gave their children the idols that taught them to not put God first.  How can we complain when our children aren’t excited about God when all their lives we’ve encouraged their excitement about their favorite cartoon characters, pop stars, and movie stars? It is hypocritical.

I am certain someone reading this is offended. I am not telling you what to do. Do whatever you feel is right before God. But please, consider, do you want your children to grow up with a God-oriented heart? Remember the first and great commandment:  Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, with all thy mind, and with all thy strength.  That should be your ultimate goal for your children.  You want them to grow up to seek first the kingdom of God. How you do that is your business, and your responsibility as steward of these children.

Might I suggest you try to be objective, take a step back and look around. 

  • How have you decorated their rooms?  What characters are on their clothes?  What movies/TV shows do you encourage? What toys do they collect?
  • Do they know more about Dora or Spiderman than they know about Jesus?
  • Or, more specifically, are they more impressed by Batman than they are by Jesus?  What would hold their attention more?  A Bible story or a Batman movie?

Oh, it is so easy to just let them love these things.  But is it harmless?  No.

Is it easy to train up children in the love and admonition of the Lord?  No.

But what do you really want for your children?

I have been really working to help my 3-year-old grow in awe of God and Jesus.  Although he knows who Dora is from a book given to him by an aunt and a toy phone I let him buy with a gift card (because he liked the phone, not because he loved Dora), I do not feed him the TV show or any other Dora things.  It would be so easy to please him and buy him these things and teach him to “worship” Dora.  He doesn’t have a clue who Spiderman is, or Batman, or Blue.  He just received some really obnoxious Spiderman underwear and pajamas from a well-meaning relative -- and while we appreciate the thought and gesture, we got rid of them.

Unfortunately, we cannot completely control all the environments he is exposed to. He learned who Barney is by (sadly enough) going to church where the toddlers were pacified with Barney videos. I can’t avoid these “idols,” but I don’t have to feed his desire!  It is so easy for a child to be awed by a “god” they can see, feel, touch, and hear—and wear on their underwear and sleep on in their sheets, and play with in video games, and play with in their toys.

How do I make my child awed by an invisible God more powerful than they could imagine? 

First of all, I must not get him used to visible, tangible, imaginable, audible, worldly gods.  If my child is used to being awed by the superhero he can see and be entertained by—mindlessly—how is he going to get his mind around the concept of an infinite God with greater powers and far greater wisdom than one who fixes problems the way we want  them fixed?

First of all, I eliminate the competition.  That’s what God would do. That’s what He commanded the Israelites to do.  Smash the golden calf. Destroy all idols—and avoid those who would encourage you or tempt you.

Then I must, like Moses did for the Israelites, show and prove God’s majesty to my children.  I must sow in my child the concept of the most Almighty, most powerful, inconceivable, omnipotent, infinite God. When I talk to my toddler, I tell him how Jesus made him, and how Jesus made everything, and how Jesus is everywhere and he can see us and hear us.  I explain, as often as possible, why we do the things we do in order to please Jesus.  I ensure that my toddler hears the name of Jesus umpteen-thousand times more than he ever hears the name “Spiderman.”  It is my job to make Jesus real to my children.  I tell my toddler Bible stories, tons of awesome Bible stories! The impressive stories of Jesus' miracles—great stories! Creation! The Flood! Babel! The Plagues on Egypt! Parting the Red Sea! The Walls of Jericho! David and Goliath! Raising the dead. Healing the sick. Feeding the thousands. Better than anything Spiderman ever did!  I can take him outside  and show him the wonders of creation.  I can show him each sunset and tell him that God made it especially for us--painted fresh. And by speaking constantly of Jesus, my toddler, hopefully, will feel like he knows Jesus, and can picture Jesus as He was, and know the character of God through Him. 

As my children get older, I encourage their prayer and conversation with Jesus.  I teach them how to listen and be sensitive to the guidance of the Holy Spirit.  I don’t numb or obliterate this relationship with God by giving them shallow satisfactions daydreaming about movie stars, pop stars, and sports icons.  I guide them in their prayers, helping them to recognize God’s answers to prayer, to feel His grace, and accept His love, and see His Providence. When they ask me questions, at times I prompt them, "Have you asked God what He thinks?"

I teach them how to study the Bible by sitting with them, and reading with them, and helping the Word of God come alive verse by verse.  I help them apply it, and then as the Lord works in their life, I help them to see the results.

Many of my friends and family have known for a long time that I don’t do “idols,” but I don’t know if they really know why.  Many of those who buy gifts for my children know not to buy anything Disney, or Superheroes, or not even animal prints.  But do they really understand why?  It’s not just a preference.  It is a desperate and determined attempt on my part to make sure I don’t fill my children’s need for God with empty idols that would so easily impress and entertain them.  I want my children to be awed by God. Perhaps I have failed to make my reasoning clear to them.

And when we’re "bored" around here, with nothing to do, God help me, I will not turn on the TV and give my children idols.  I will draw them close around me, and tell them more about the immortal, invisible, most-high God, the creator of heaven and earth.  I will tell of His greatness, His love, His majesty, His infinite wisdom, His power.  I will tell the stories of His faithfulness, His miracles, and His wonderful providence.   I will fill that God-given desire to worship by giving them God to worship. And when I fail to do so, I pledge that with God's help, I will do better next time.

The Bible tells us to be in the world and not of the world.  If I can (God help me) train my children to know God, to hear Him, to see Him, to feel Him, then when they are in the world, they will not be impressed by any cheap imitations. They will be able to go anywhere, do anything, and they will not be swayed, deluded, or diverted from the One True God in any way. They will know how to walk in the Spirit and not after the flesh.

To go deeper, read my post on Children’s Appetites…

And may God so richly bless you and pour His grace upon each of you, dear readers, as you seek His best.  You are in my prayers.
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Mar. 31, 2008

Getting It All Done (What can a 2-Year-Old Do?)

For the past several weeks, we have been adjusting to having a newborn in the house once again.  This is my fourth baby, but this time it is different.  This is the first time I've had a newborn AND a 2-year-old toddler at the same time (my older ones are all 5+ years apart).

I've had to pay more attention to my toddler's training.  I've had to be more consistent. I've had to be sure of what my expectations are for my toddler, and then follow through.  But it's not just my toddler!  There's a whole ship to run here --and we just keep running it tighter and tighter, little by little. 

Here is my list of my "expectations" of what a 2-year-old can do, and things we are successfully training and teaching ours to do.  I do not want to give the impression that he does all these things perfectly; he does not. But most days, he meets the expectations.

These are the things that have helped IMMENSELY in keeping the sanity around here (my sanity, to be exact), and have made it so that we are (mostly) back on track with our schedule, our school work, and our chores. 

Our two-year-old will be three soon, but here is what we expect at this point in time:

1.  Instantly and happily obey reasonable and simple commands (such as, "Come here," "Put your truck away right now," "Pick up the pencil under your desk," "Bring mommy a diaper for the baby.") This is the area he seems to test most often.

2. Stop whining or fussing when told, and be happy. Sometimes it takes a few minutes of sitting somewhere  by himself to "regroup"--but senseless, habitual, or "pay-attention-to me" spoiled whining and fussing is never allowed to continue more than a couple of minutes.  Scowling or pouting in rebellion to parental authority is not allowed.  We help him check his face in the mirror.  He must make a choice to be happy to obey and stay under his parents' authority.

This does not include the cries of a wounded heart or bodily injury! There are times for real cries! Discernment must be used! Sometimes, a tiny "boo-boo" can be blown up into a big fuss for no reason--we don't allow it.  But sometimes a tiny boo-boo can come with a big fall or a big scare, and comforting is needed!  Sometimes a tired toddler has a true outpouring of sadness or disappointment . That takes comforting and reassurance.  Parents know when their child is truly hurting, and know when they're fussing or crying or whining for no reason. Think you don't know?  If you find yourself getting irritated when you hear the whine or fuss, and feel irritated about having to comfort them or deal with them, it's probably because you know deep down they shouldn't be upset!  If you find yourself wanting to scoop them up and kiss them, desperate to take their hurt away, then it's probably a true hurt. Often you can tell by the tone of their voice.

3.  Put away his own clean clothes neatly and in the right drawers.

4.  Help put away the clean clothes for the rest of the family (he has been shown exactly where things go and how).

5.  Help sort dirty laundry into different bins and loads (for example, whites, reds, darks, and "jeans & towels.")

6.  Pick up his own toys and put each in the right place, and put other children's things away in the right place, or even other household things (any one's shoes back to the right closet, trivets off the table and back where they belong, baby toys/things put away, etc.)

7. Put away the clean silverware out of the dishwasher (sharp knives taken out first)

8.  Set the table neatly--entirely unassisted--once the dishes are placed within reach (including filling water glasses from the water cooler)

9. "Dump" or stir anything while baking/cooking (and rarely stir hot pans ONLY with careful help and supervision)

10. Knead pizza dough, place pepperoni on pizza, sprinkle shredded cheese on pizza, place balls of cookie dough on cookie sheets, cut biscuits and place on cookie sheets, place frozen french fries or tater tots on cookie sheets, etc.

11. Dry dishes and put them away (the ones within reach, such as pans, silverware, etc.)

12. Help wash floors with a sponge

13. Vacuum (he has his own electric "stick" vacuum) or sweep (has his  own broom that dad cut down to his size).  I don't expect perfection!  I expect him only to work willingly and happily alongside the rest of us.

14. Pull off dirty pillow cases (very funny and can take several minutes!), and help put new ones on

15. Carry out an "assigned" activity at an assigned place for an assigned (reasonable) amount of time.  For example: 
    -Read your library books for 15 minutes. You can put them away when the timer goes off.
    -Color at your desk until I'm done teaching math to your brother.
    -Get your blocks and some cars and you may build garages right here on the school floor until 10:30 (he likes pretending he can read the clock).

During those assigned times, I do not allow him to get up and wander or break the "boundary" I have set.  If I am teaching math in the school room, he must stay in there, and he may not even cross a finger out the door of the room.  If I have told him to sit at his desk, he may not get up! If I have told him to sit in a certain place to read, he  must stay in that place.

16. Help bring in firewood (one piece at a time)--but, boy! Does this work ever make him feel grown-up, tough, and strong!

17. Help shovel snow--I don't expect him to do much himself, but I do expect him to have the "happy working" attitude as he shovels and does what his older brother does.  Incidentally, the attitude is not a problem.  He LOVES shoveling (and eating) snow.  He feels important and strong!

18. Help pick up sticks in the yard before mowing.

19. Help plant seeds in a garden, help pick beans and tomatoes and corn, etc., help weed a garden, and hold the hose to water a garden (2-year-olds are experts at handling a spraying hose!)

20. Help wash the car

21. Help his sister dust.

22. Run the pedal on the sewing machine, closely following "stop" and "go" commands.

23. Play board games (Candyland, Finders Keepers, Hi Ho Cherry O, Memory, Uno)

24. Do school work:  He can identify some capital and lowercase letters on flash cards and make the sounds that go with each, identify some states and countries on a map, identify many shapes and colors, draw simple lines through a simple maze or trace a simple pattern of dots (to form a line or a circle), color with specific colors, follow simple coloring instructions, practice counting, identify some numbers ("2" and "5" are still confused a little bit, but Uno is helping, and "6" and 9" will be figured out soon, I'm sure!).  School work is always more fun when you get a marshmallow or a raisin each time you correctly identify a letter or number, or answer a question correctly!

That's all I can think of for now, but there are other components to keeping things running well in this home! Never is an expectation created without thorough and consistent training. He has needed to be shown everything. Some people assume a child will understand by "common sense." The reality is "common sense" exists only after it is developed.

My older children know their expectations for chores and independent schoolwork, and they are expected to get it done.  We have been "pressing" on for five years now, trying to get a handle on chores and school work, and little by little, things get easier and easier.  Now, the latest rule is that all upstairs chores are done and every one is showered and dressed before eating breakfast (beds made, rooms clean, laundry started for the day, and any clean laundry put away, vacuumed if necessary, closets or drawers cleaned out or straightened, if necessary).  After breakfast, downstairs chores are done (which are easy, because we've learned to get a head start on them the night before just before we go to bed!), then each of the older children start their independent school work.  I then flit between nursing the baby, doing schoolwork with the 2-year-old, and teaching/helping the older ones.  In the afternoon, when the 2-year-old goes down for his nap, that's when I do any necessary  "teaching" portions of school, such as history, or math for each child.  But I teach history once a week for about 1.5 to 2 hours, and I give independent assignments, so a whole week of history subject is taught in one day.

In addition, if I am nursing the baby or need to get something else done (or even just need a rest after a restless night with a newborn), I expect that I can ask either one of older children (sister, age 9, or brother, age 13) to take the toddler to play for a set amount of time (usually 30 minutes to one hour).  Not just keep an eye on him, but happily engage in play with him:  play-dough, make a craft with glitter glue, punches, and markers, play  Legos, fly a kite outside, read books to him, set up a hot wheels race track or build towers with blocks... .

And that is what is happening right now.  I've been getting many emails asking for me to post something again, that since the baby is sleeping soundly, I sent the toddler outside to play with his older sister (today, my oldest is helping Dad fix one of our cars that broke down--he always is excused from his regular routine around here if Dad has a project like that!).  I told them to play outside until 1:00, then they will come in for lunch, the 2-year-old will take his nap, and sister will get back to her school work.  It is now 12:55, so, with that, I will sign off.

In Jesus' name, keep pressing on! It can be done!  It can be!

God bless you!
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