The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? I the LORD search the heart, I try the reins, even to give every man according to his ways, and according to the fruit of his doings.
Jeremiah 17:9-10
God brought me under "motive conviction" the past few days, and I felt pressed by Him to record my thoughts here in this journal.
My husband recently told me that I was still "controlling." I was very shocked to hear it. ME? I mean, for several years I have worked and changed and transformed into a submissive, loving, supportive helpmeet. I have literally felt the controlling side of me just melt away. I wanted to be hurt by his comment, and I wanted to just brush it off. I found myself thinking, "He is clueless. He just doesn't know me."
Also, he recently hinted that I am a complainer. I have tried so hard not to complain in any way! How can he discount all the ways I have changed? I am not even remotely the same as I used to be!
Well, if he doesn't know me, then who does?
Don't you just love the book of Proverbs?
The way of a fool is right in his own eyes: but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise. (Proverbs 12:15)
Hear instruction, and be wise, and refuse it not. (Proverbs 8:33)
Reprove not a scorner, lest he hate thee: rebuke a wise man, and he will love thee. Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be yet wiser: teach a just man, and he will increase in learning. (Proverbs 9:8-9)
The Holy Spirit quickly convicted me, and I realized it was time to swallow my pride and seriously consider my husband's point of view. I prayed for God to show me my own heart, and to reveal to me where there was still a problem in the area of control. And one thing that God opened my eyes to was my wrong motives.
Every time I serve my husband, or submit to him with the wrong motives, it is my flesh trying to control what I am getting out of the situation. Somewhere, deep in my heart, my wrong motives are basically depicting the outward attitude (no matter how subtle) of, "If I do this, then I will get this in return." For example, "If I become a better helpmeet to my husband, then he will change, he will love me more, and my marriage will be more happy." That is controlling! My husband's spirit discerns that! Let me give you a couple of examples:
For example, when I work hard each day to train my children, care for and manage our home, and have a hot home-cooked meal on the table at 7:00 as my husband walks in the door, often I find myself looking for his approval of my efforts. Does he notice that I'm doing a good job? Is he appreciative of walking in the door to happy children, a hearty meal, a clean house? When I am not doing my work as unto the Lord, I am merely manipulating to get my husband's approval, and he senses that as controlling and conditional, even if I don't mean to do it or if I don't realize I am doing it.
Another example that is much more obvious to me is my recent desire to be pregnant again. I am so much more motivated to try to be pretty, sweet, charming and alluring when I want to get pregnant! That is so controlling! How can my husband not sense it? It is so difficult to turn off "me" sometimes and let God have His way!
Also, when I am disappointed by my husband--because I have put my expectations on him and not on Christ--my husband can discern my disapproving and "complaining" spirit, without me having to say a word. When I am dissatisfied because I don't feel things are fair, or I see him make a mistake (most often the type of mistake I make myself such as speaking to the children out of anger or being crabby), I may be loving and supportive on the outside, but I can be complaining on the inside. He picks up on that, I am sure! We women don't have to say a word to be complainers at heart or in spirit!
How do we fix this problem? We need to check our motives REGULARLY and make sure our service is only for God, and that our expectations and approval are desired only from God! I need to remember I don't get my strength and happiness from my husband's love and approval (though Satan likes to convince me it makes a difference!).
My soul, wait thou only upon God; for my expectation is from him. He only is my rock and my salvation: he is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory: the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in him at all times; ye people, pour out your heart before him: God is a refuge for us. Selah. (Psalm 62:5-8)
I used to regularly do a motive checklist to help me stay on track. It is time to do it once again. I base most of this from what I learned from the Rebuilder's Guide published by the Institute of Basic Life Principles. (I wonderful book that I have recommended more than once on this blog!). Below is my motive checklist. Hopefully you will see how the "wrong motive" is self-centered, and the right motive is God-centered.
Goal: To seek after God and learn His ways
Wrong Motive: To repair my marriage, to be more healthy and happy in body, mind, and spirit
Right Motive: To make my ways pleasing to God
Goal: To read the Bible daily
Wrong Motive: So that God will bless me
Right Motive: To learn the character of God and His ways
Goal: To meditate on Scripture and pray every night
Wrong Motive: To get to sleep faster and to have a peaceful sleep
Right Motive: To engraft Scripture into my soul so it becomes a part of my daily decisions
Goal: To overcome temptations
Wrong Motive: To be free from spiritual conflict
Right Motive: To be strong in the Lord and fruitful for His glory
Goal: To get under God-given authority
Wrong Motive: To let others take the responsibility for my actions
Right Motive: To confirm God's direction and avoid destructive temptations and behaviors
Goal: To be totally dedicated to God's will
Wrong Motive: To make up for the failures in my past
Right Motive: To allow the power of Christ's Spirit to work through my life
Goal: To be accountable to others
Wrong Motive: To have them keep pressure on me
Right Motive: To remind me that I should be just as aware of my accountability to God
Goal: To memorize Scripture
Wrong Motive: To be able to quote them
Right Motive: To engraft them into my mind, will, and emotions
Goal: To put Scripture truths on the walls of my home
Wrong Motive: To let others know that I'm seeking God
Right Motive: To be daily reminded of spiritual responsibility
Goal: To have a continual awareness that God is watching and weighing every thought, word, and action
Wrong Motive: To turn every conversation into "spiritual talk."
Right Motive: To grow in wisdom and to give others a hunger and thirst for God's truth.
Goal: To be a better and more faithful steward financially
Wrong Motive: So that God will bless me
Right Motive: To grow in faith and to help meet the needs of others for the purpose of God's work
Now, on a more personal level:
Goal: To have humility
Wrong Motive: So that God will bless me and reward me both now and eternally
Right Motive: So that God can work through me to help others for His names' sake
Goal: To be a Godly wife
Wrong Motive: To have a good marriage and strong family, so that my husband will appreciate me more and love me more
Right Motive: To be pleasing and obedient to God
Goal: To be a Godly mother
Wrong Motive: So that my children will be strong in the Lord, so that I will be not ashamed to take them into public places and show them off, so that they will call me "blessed."
Right Motive: To prepare them to make their ways pleasing to God and to grow spiritually
Thank you, Lord, for the precious conviction of your Holy Spirit! So faithful and unfailing to teach and to guide! All glory and praise be to You, my God. May your name be exalted over all the earth!
And blessings to you all, dear readers.
Mrs. E |
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Nov. 22, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Kristy