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Jan. 19, 2008
God-Led Child Training
God laid it on my heart, and my husband's heart, several years ago His important plan of raising up a godly seed. We committed to doing that for the Lord, and we radically changed our entire home (not just child training! Our house, our marriage, everything!). Since that time, especially since I feel the bulk of carrying out the child training rests on me since I am the one with the children all day each day, I have prayed intensely for God's help with raising my children the way He wants me to--according to His will for them. I have studied the Bible on the topic, read many wonderful books (To Train Up a Child, No Greater Joy, Shepherding a Child's Heart, IBLP materials), and listened to many wonderful sermons (especially those by Dr. S.M. Davis at www.solvefamilyproblems.com).
I have learned many wonderful Biblical principles and gained much wisdom. I have been given many examples and ideas by godly parents before me who took the time to share their wisdom (Steve & Terri Maxwell, The Mally Family, Kathy Morrissey, to name a few, and and even friends God has placed in my life).
But the most important thing I have learned is that all children are different, and God's plan and purpose for each child is different. And unless my child training is led by God day to day and minute to minute, I'm going to mess up!
My husband and I have established the authority structure in our home, we have made the boundaries clear, we have spent hours and hours training and teaching our children God's ways and God's Word, God's principles of authority, God's commands for children, and God's BEST in all areas of life. We try to be as consistent as possible, as discerning as possible, as wise as possible. We still make mistakes, but we learn and grow. I cannot ascribe wholly to any method, any ritual. Training must always be flexible, willing to go where God leads.
For example, there was a time there when it seemed like all I was hearing about in the homeschool circuit was "character training." Everyone was doing it. There were so many great stories and great examples of how to train godly character into your children. I looked for curriculum. I couldn't find one I that satisfied me. I tried writing one that satisfied me--God was not in that effort. Then I realized, I wasn't letting God lead. I was only looking to the example of others and making my own choice. When I prayed, God led me down a different path of study for my children in their spiritual growth, and they changed, and grew, and we had peace once again. Now, there have been periods where God has had me work on a certain character trait in a certain child--but only at His leading!
Here are some examples of how I have been trying to let God lead my child training. In my prayer journal, I write this simple request for each child, and I put a date by it.
Show me what _____ needs to learn next/reveal to me the next step in their direction and purpose.
Within a day or two, usually, the prayer is answered. I have a crystal clear answer for what to focus on next to help each child. I mark the date of answered prayer. Then I obey the Lord and teach/provide what He showed me. Then I place the same request back in my prayer journal and repeat the process again.
Let me share testimonies of how this played out this past month for all three of my children (13yo son, 8yo daughter, 2yo son).
On January 13, I wrote my prayer request in my journal for my 13yo son, and prayed for him several times. I asked God to show me how to direct and train my son in the next important step in his spiritual growth and towards fulfilling his purpose and calling in life. Before the day was out, God had laid a verse on my heart, "A wise son maketh a glad father." I felt prompted to begin encouraging my son to be wise by "making a glad father." Sometimes there is tension in my son's relationship with my husband, so this verse and thought coming to mind seemed to be of the Holy Spirit.
The Bible makes it clear that the relationship between father and son is crucial. Jesus Christ had only one motivation on earth, and that was to please His Father and to do His will. And we are called to have the same mind as Christ, which means my son needs to have the motivation, at this time in his life, to please his earthly father (in the same mind as pleasing his heavenly Father).
Once my son has built this attitude deeply into his heart--the attitude to live to please his father, in a few years, when he is a man ready to lead his own family, he will have established the same mind as Christ and be able to live to please God, his Heavenly Father, and do His will. That is because he will have established earlier the lifestyle of living to please his earthly dad.
I wrote down the verses, outlined some thoughts, and began talking about it with my son right away. It is God-led child training, and I know without a doubt it is the next step for my son. The tension that had been mounting in him is already dissipating. God revealed the problem and led me in what to teach.
Another confirmation that this was the area God wanted me to work: I no sooner outlined the verses and began to work on this area with my son than Satan attacked. My son, even though he instantly began making an effort to try to please his dad more, instead he started driving my husband more crazy than ever (and vice versa), and their communication problems went up several notches. I used Satan's fuel as my own. I shared with my son my prayer request regarding him, my answer to prayer, and how we were surely in God's will based on the test and trial that had arisen regarding the matter. My son is a fighter for spiritual things--I know he will fight to accomplish this next step in his life. And I will be praying for him through this.
And as soon as we are "done" in this area, I will be prompted to pray for God to show me the next step. Sometimes God shows me more than one thing to work on at a time--a little overlap. Sometimes it is a one-day lesson. Sometimes it is a long-term training. But God has never failed to reveal to me what is needed when I ask. (But that is the key, isn't it? WHEN I ask. Lord, help me to always remember to ask!)
On January 14, I entered the same request for my daughter, and began praying fervently for her. Three days later, on Thursday, January 17th, AS USUAL, instead of her choosing to work diligently at her chores and get them done first, she had gotten herself distracted and was busy in some invented project. She was very absorbed. I went to correct her, and the Holy Spirit said "don't." I let her be. I let her chores wait. When I saw over an hour later that she was finished with her project, I gently redirected her to finish her tasks, which she joyfully did. I struggled because I wanted to correct her for failing to remember the priority of chores first, personal projects later. It is a big problem for her. She has seemed to be subtly disobedient lately--at least lazily so. Always needing to be reminded of the simplest things (like putting away her pajamas!) But the Holy Spirit said, "Stop." I stopped. I did not correct this time. God was leading.
A little later, I walked upstairs and I saw the results of her "project." She had planned a "tea party." There were three things hanging on the door of her bedroom. At the top was a menu of what was being served: A variety of teas, hot chocolate (with or with out marshmallows). Below that was the "poster" announcing the event, decorated in colored markers with curling script letters, hearts, and different colored markers. It read:
________'s Tea Party.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
Time: 9:00 to 10:00 a.m.
Place: ______'s Room
All things are delightful, and a great opportunity to have fellowship, and have yummy tea, too!
Below that she had attached a sign up list with a pencil (it said, "Sighn Up). I saw her coming up the stairs, and the Holy Spirit prompted me again. I picked up the pencil and signed my name so that she saw me signing up as she came near. She was so delighted! Then I called her brothers and shared the "exciting announcement," and they signed up. Daddy signed up too.
My daughter transformed before my eyes. She is always delightful and joyful in spirit. But she was fairly bubbling and bursting with joy and delight. I sat down with her and listened to her plans. I listened to how she was planning to set up her room, and how she was planning to set up the tea and hot chocolate. I was very impressed at this 8-year-old hostess and event planner. I was an office manager for years, and had seen many secretaries and administrative staff who couldn't have done such a good and thorough job planning a simple meeting! God opened my eyes to some more of the gifts and desires He had given my daughter--gifts that need to be shaped and trained. The gift of hosting, serving, and organizing (won't she make a great wife someday?).
I patiently listened. I volunteered some suggestions--all of which she got so excited about. I then suggested we set our alarm clocks for 7:00 on Saturday, then I would help her make muffins for her party.
The next day, Friday, my daughter had no problem remembering her chore priorities, and being responsible and taking initiative. She was completely obedient.
You see, I hadn't totally had her heart, which was why she was being slack in obeying me and not trying very hard. I had sensed lately this breach in our relationship, and had been praying a simultaneous prayer. And God pulled it all together. By following the leading of the Holy Spirit, I had her heart back. The relationship was healed. And she wanted to please me and obey me. Her love for me started flowing freely again. And she wanted to please God. Because I followed the Spirit's leading to support her "project," I opened a door that had closed between us and her willingness to be trained. And, I started training her and helping her in an area where God wants to grow her gifts.
Amazing. I marked the prayer as "answered" in my journal.
Saturday morning, I made sure I was up waiting for her to arise with a smile on my face. I guided her as she did all the work to set up for her tea party--but still let her do all the work. I suggested the order in which she set up her buffet (mugs first, then the teas/hot chocolate, then the trivet with the hot teapot, then the spoons, honey, sugar, and marshmallows). I helped her make cinnamon struesel muffins and chocolate chip muffins. I helped her "time" everything. I helped get the rest of the family up and dressed. And the tea party started promptly at 9:00. She asked Daddy to open in prayer. The baby had a BLAST, eating in "sissy's room." We all had a wonderful time. My daughter said she would host another tea party next month, and asked her older brother to please prepare a devotional for the family.
Two weeks ago, I put this same prayer in for my toddler son. It seemed our child training had plateaued. He wasn't improving much in his obedience, even with what I felt was consistent rules, boundaries, authority, correction, and training. I had even stepped up my positive attention, reading him more stories, doing more "schoolwork" with him (something he loves), playing with his toys. We were still "stalled" and his willfulness was just BAD. He continued to exert his will and test boundaries that I felt he KNEW were firm. I didn't get it. I prayed.
God answered FAST. He used an off comment from my husband about "the rod" to bring to my attention that I had stopped being consistent in using it. You see, I am 37 weeks pregnant. Maternity clothes don't have pockets. I used to carry the rod in my pocket. I never needed to use it that much--just seeing it was enough to remind my son where the authority rested. But I had stopped carrying it around so much since well before Christmas. No pockets! Instead, I had lazily resorted to sharp verbal commands and swats with my hand, only using the rod if it was nearby. Most of the time it had been put away out of sight.
Then God brought to my attention all the verses over and over again about "the rod of correction.' The Holy Spirit flooded my mind with all the Biblical principles on how the rod is the symbol of authority--and all the ways it was used.
Needless to say, prayer was answered. Rod was restored to its proper place. Toddler son is MUCH happier, less willful, and needing many less corrections. My daughter and I even rejoiced at an important landmark yesterday -- baby's first "Yes, Ma'am!" Said with all enthusiasm and joy. Confirmation from God, too, needless to say.
I hope those short testimonies were an encouragement to you. In any case, I had to write them down for my own sake--to remind me to keep looking to God. It works! It is so easy for me to quit looking upward and fall into ruts of child training, or simply implementing a "good idea" that may not be at all what God wants for my children.
Lord, help me to follow you more! |
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Jan. 23, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Jenn