|
Jun. 5, 2009
God-Led Child Training: A New Pub Table
I have been praying fervently to God to lead me in the training of my daughter, who is no longer a little girl (now 10). He had pressed upon my heart that it was time to shepherd her through the gate from little girlhood into young womanhood. I was at a loss for how to take the next steps, how to keep her heart, how to guide her, and how to teach her more intimately the things of womanhood, keeping her heart while at the same time preparing her to become, independently, the woman God has planned for her to be. The only experience I have had with teen-aged daughters is my memories of the type of teenager I was myself (and the type my friends were)--and that was not a pretty picture. I had no respect for authority, especially my own mother, I was irresponsible, lazy, selfish, disrespectful, obnoxious. I succumbed to peer pressure on all sides and, knowingly against my parents' wishes and commands, dabbled and experimented in all types of rebellion and ungodly things, ungodly relationships, setting myself up for troubles, depression, and failure. God didn't rescue me from that troubled path until about 8 years ago.
So, here I am, with no experience whatsoever either being a godly teen-aged girl, or raising one.
So I have been praying, and praying, and praying. One thing I do know is that God knows the plan He has for my daughter, and what must be done to get her there. If I rely solely on Him, I know He will lead. He ALWAYS does. Always. With every child, in every phase, at every age, with every specific need. Sometimes even moment-by-moment.
And here I wanted to record a bit about how He is answering my prayers and leading, and the fruit that I am already seeing as a result.
One of the first things God led me to do was increase her responsibilities in order to develop more sense of responsibility and encourage her maturity. God led me to do sort of a "promotion." My oldest son, who is nearly 15 and finishing his last few high school courses in preparation to start CollegePlus soon, got promoted out from under me regarding household chores and sibling care. Over the past few weeks, I have been working with him, training him to set his own schedule and goals for completing his school, to set his own schedule for work--both for his responsibilities at home (yard work and other outside responsibilities as assigned by Dad) and for the people who hire him to work for them (yard or garden work, construction/project help, etc.) He gets no more daily direct orders from me or a managed checklist from me for schoolwork and chores. He is still exhorted to be alert to the needs of his family, siblings, and home, and pitch in with a servant's heart. However, he has been promoted to self-management, taking his future more into his own hands. I am playing more the role of counselor now, yet still am able to make a command of him should I need to.
My daughter, then, was promoted into bigger responsibilities--just like the ones her older brother had carried before her. I explained that it was now her "prime" season for home management and parenting on-the-job training. I sat with her and had her tell me all she could about the responsibilities of caring for a home and for her younger brothers and sisters. We set some new expectations for her, increasing her chores and responsibilities, including some more responsibility in caring for and training the little ones. I explained to her that by the time she was as old as her big brother, that she needed to be ready to manage herself as well--giving her a vision for growing up in the same way she sees her older brother growing up--to be independently led by the Lord to an individual calling.
As we then began working more together and she began learning to increase her responsibilities, I noticed some spiritual issues surface. Little weeds of selfishness and laziness sprouted as her flesh resisted some of the extra work (we're not talking much--we're talking a little more laundry, a little more dishes, a little more work on floors, and a little more regarding caring for the little ones). I saw looks of rebellion and dissatisfaction on her face. So, we ended up having a heart-to-heart talk one night, assessing her spiritual condition and her relationship with the Lord. She cried and renewed her spirit. She resolved afresh to be pleasing to the Lord in all her pursuits, and increased her prayer time throughout the day as she sought His help and sought to please Him in all she does. I was so thankful to the Lord for how the chore changes led to this spiritual growth, which is absolutely necessary before we delve into more of the things I am needing to teach her that require more spiritual maturity.
In the midst of all this, I was still praying for God to show me specifically how to teach her the "girl" things she needs to learn in the near future--about her changing body, and how to have her gain godly knowledge of marriage, sex, and more. I was at a complete loss about how to go about this! At the same time, Dad started a construction project in her bedroom to build her a walk-in closet. We have an old farmhouse which has very minimal closet space, yet the rooms are very large. The boys' room got a walk-in closet last year. Dad started hers a couple of weeks ago. And better yet, he gave us permission to redecorate her room--furniture and all (her furniture was an ancient, falling-apart hodge podge of hand-me-down freebies). What a blessing! What a great, grown-up, mother-daughter project. On our days out, we began stopping by furniture stores with a notebook in hand, looking at different things, getting ideas, and writing down the possibilities. One thing she found that she really liked was a pub table--one of the tall round tables with two bar stools. As we talked about it, we both liked the idea more and more.
And we bought it. It was expensive. I tried to have second thoughts about it, but as I continued to pray about my daughter and her needs, and whether or not it was wise to buy the table, I felt completely confident that it was the thing to do. Every time I hesitated or prayed, I felt God instantly pressing upon me that it was right to get the table.
Now her room remodel is nearly complete. Instead of her two old, rickety twin beds, she is getting a new day bed with a trundle, complete with a beautiful new quilt and pillows she picked herself. In one corner, she put a new reading chair (one of the big round ones she can curl up in). Beside the chair is a basket with her journals, and a little table for her Bible and glasses. And in front of one of her windows is her new pub table. It is lovely. She chose a beautiful tea set--a real one, full size--that matches her decor. It sits on a tray on the pub table, with a little napkin holder and four little plates.
And what a blessing that table seems to be. She had a friend over to spend the night, and they made tea and sat at the table and did devotions together. She invited her little brother (age 4) in to have a special breakfast with her, where she set the table with a fresh pot of honey-chamomile tea and some chocolate donuts. And that table, it is also the place for her and me. We can sit and look out the window, talk heart-to-heart, study, and do classes together--girl classes-- while the little ones nap or play on the floor nearby. It is a special place--a grown-up place--a place to do and learn grown up things. And, one day when she moves out to a place of her own, she now owns a beautiful table that she can use as a breakfast or tea table!
And, even more amazing is that over the past two weeks, her spiritual growth has been very obvious. Instead of the selfishness and "oblivion" she used to have to the needs of others, and her resistance to the increased chores, a huge transformation has taken place. She is now jumping to get things for her little brothers before I can even lift a finger (get a spoon, get a drink, take the little one potty, etc.). She is completely in tune with a new heart attitude. She has transformed in her household responsibilities, and now, between her and me, she and I are keeping the house in better shape and more organized than it was when her older brother was still doing his share! I have commented over and over how I have noticed her helpfulness, her diligence, her work ethic, and her servant's heart. I asked her, "What helped you make the change?"
She said, "Well, I've been praying more, like you've shown me. But it is also really helping because I've been doing my personal Bible study at my new table." (She works through the Bright Lights study materials independently).
Who knew?
God knew. He always leads! He is the one who knows the plans He has for my daughter. And as I keep seeking Him, He will keep guiding me as I guide her, every single little tiny step of the way! It's amazing! I could have never thought this up on my own! Thank you, Lord.
As I close, here is a photo of her special breakfast with her little brother. I think it is really wonderful how this table is growing her relationship with him! She really enjoyed serving him and making him feel special!
 |
| •
Post A Comment! •
Send to a Friend!
|
Comments
|
Posted by Anonymous 
Jun. 6, 2009 - Awesome