Sometimes, we just need a boost. Let's face it, regardless of your situation, there are bad days and rough times. Over time, I have emailed many encouraging messages to wives asking for help in tough times and tough situations. And those encouraging messages have also served as a huge resource and much needed boost for myself. I go back and read them, too. Right now, with a newborn in the house, plus a 17-month old toddler, and the three older ones, trying to recover, get my energy back, deal with all that--I definitely need a boost for my marriage. My poor husband is patiently hanging in there and being so sweet and supportive and helpful. Here are a few vitamins for us all: You might need just one or two, or depending on your situation today, you might need the whole vitamin pack. In any case, be encouraged and exhorted, ladies. Your God is faithful and true.
VITAMIN G: GOD
God is all you need. A relationship with Him and Him alone. He is able to provide for you all you need right where you are, in your marriage, with your children. You don’t need church (for those of you whose husbands won't go, or won't let you go, or insist you go to the "wrong" church). You don’t need a husband that agrees. You need to submit yourself to God and to God alone. You need to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. You need to have faith and trust that God can answer and help you in your present need. If you don’t love God this way, and if you don’t have the faith to trust Him to help you in your present situation, then you need to pray with all your heart to have those things. God can release you from bitterness and sadness and despair, and heal your hurts, and shine His light right down into the darkness and hopelessness you are in and show you exactly what steps to take. Seek God first—then all the things you need—including affection, and love, and help, and peace—will be added unto you. If you don’t understand that concept, then pray to. It is God’s will that you know Him, love Him first above all things, and seek Him first, then He will show you the rest. He knows your heart, your hurts, and everything about your situation—He knows it better than you know it, and knows exactly what needs to be done. Seek Him and you will find all He has for you. You will be in my fervent prayers.
VITAMIN F: FAMILY
Sometimes, it can seem so unimportant and meaningless, the things I do all day--like sweeping up Cheerios, wiping off the high chair and scrubbing up the food under it for the 100th time, giving baths, picking up, picking up, picking up---always picking up--, taking the baby potty and changing diapers--you know what I mean. Cooking, cooking again, cooking again, piles of dishes... But God has made it clear to me that if I do these things with my heart perfect towards Him, then there is nothing I could do that would be more pleasing. He gave me my family, and gave me my role. I am to do it with all my heart for Him. He has made that so perfectly clear to me--and the more I do it with all my heart, even sweeping up the Cheerios, the more of light I shine for Him. That is my ministry. That is the ultimate way God works through me for the good of His kingdom. It is His plan that I look to the "saving of my house," just like Noah did. God showed me from His word that the ONLY people Noah took on the ark with him were his family--and they are the only people God commanded Noah to take. The world was coming to an end, everyone was doomed (much like the times we are living in today), and he was called faithful for saving his family. Contrary to what you will hear expounded by many preachers, it never says anywhere in the Bible that Noah tried to preach to or persuade anyone else, and in Hebrews (11:7), Noah was listed in the "faith hall of fame" for preparing an ark to the saving of his house." I have no greater calling than to just serve the Lord in faith by attending to the saving of my house--the complete care and shepherding of my children, with all of my heart. God will use that for His perfect plan. I just need to obey.
VITAMIN T: THOUGHTS
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever tings are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8
When is comes to husbands, it can be so easy to dwell on the negative. Even the littlest thing can upset me for hours, if I let it. Not to mention how I can stew for days or weeks over his "big" faults or mistakes. When I was 9 months pregnant, it was easy to get upset. Right now, in the afterglow of having a newborn, I am mostly feeling grateful and loving.
But regardless of my "seasons," in Philippians 4:8, God teaches me what to think on every day. I am to think on the things that have virtue and are worthy of praise. My husband's mistakes and faults do not qualify. I am not to think on them. I am to think on the things that are just (thoughts that don't judge him), things that are lovely (thoughts about him that please me), things that are of good report (the good things I would be able to tell others about my husband), and the true things (the selfish way I see things is not the whole truth). I think that because I do this, these are the thoughts that come across on my blog when I write about my husband. When I think of the things that fuel my anger, I am sinning, because anger is selfish, and "me-focused," not God-focused. What's hard is, we are human. It is so much easier to think of the negative, and you can be sure Satan helps prompt that. If you love the Lord, you will understand His command for how to direct your thoughts to help your spiritual well-being.
So, I think of the good things. No matter how many bad things I could list, I shove that all aside and only "think on" the good. I let God take the bad--it is His job to handle that, and to help me with the hurts and frustrations I feel. I pour that out to the Lord. And when I find myself thinking on the bad, I use that as a reminder to STOP and start thinking on the good: how handsome, how smart, how he is able to fix our cars, or our home, believing in the fact that he DOES love me, he DOES love the children, the stories he reads to the 4-year-old at night sometimes, how he bought ice cream as a surprise for the kids, that he taught the boys to ride their 4-wheelers, that he's there as my companion, when I need a hug, or comfort, or advice--all I have to do is go to him. I think of all the things that led me to love him in the first place--all the things that made me smile. I think how fortunate I am to have a lovely home with a husband and children.
I understand that God made my emotions. I am not an unfeeling robot. I feel hurt and upset and angry sometimes. But those are my cues to turn to the Lord. That is why He made emotions--they to help us cry out to GOD--not cry out to others. God gets an earful about my hurts, my sadness, my stress. He hears it, but what's even better is, He understands it. Completely. And He still allows it, and He knows best. And because He is my Lord, I trust Him. I keep my eyes on Him and Him alone, and press on in pleasing just Him. And despite the hurts, I let God's love pour through me onto my husband. I serve God fully by serving my husband in a way that pleases my Lord. I don't judge my husband, or bear bitterness (for long, with God's help).
I understand your stress, and your aching, aching heart. I know exactly how you are feeling. God is able to help. God does know what He's doing. He knows exactly where you are, what's happening to you, and why. He knows all your needs, better than you. Can you trust Him? Can you serve Him? Can you give all your burdens to Him and focus on Him? Philippians chapter 4 continues on to say, "I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." Dwelling on thoughts that are negative--as in, your husband's faults or mistakes--will keep you from having any strength. God commands us NOT to think on these things, so when we do, we are disobeying and we are sinning, which only reaps consequences of sin (stress, frustration, sadness, sickness, and more). You must live "through Christ," seek to please Him and obey Him, give the Lord your burdens, think on the good things, then your strength will return, because you will have HIM.
VITAMIN J: JUDGMENT
There are so many other things God has taught me that help me in my marriage on a daily basis. One thing that the Holy Spirit often brings to mind is the fact that God, in His Word, commands us over and over not to judge others. He also tells us to never esteem ourselves better than another. When I get angry at my husband, (which is a natural thing to do--the Bible says we will get angry), it is a sign that I am esteeming myself better than him--I am thinking my needs are more important, that I am right and he is wrong, that I am better and he is worse. Instead of becoming ensnared by my anger, I must use my anger as a SIGNAL that I am sinning--not a signal that my husband is sinning. We are all sinners. We are all equal. No sin is greater than another. The Bible says that the person who commits one sin is as much as a sinner as the person who commits them all. It can be difficult and confusing because, as his wife, his sinfulness hurts me personally. But he is no different than me, or any other human. God died equally for us all. I am sinning against my Lord when I allow myself to be ruled by my selfishness--my anger. I use my anger and hurt as a sign to remember that God loves my husband the same as He loves me. That, in God's eyes, my husband and I are equally sinners. I also remember that I hurt my husband, too, and because of his love and commitment to me (he married me, didn't he? I know he meant good when he made that decision!), I know he overlooks and forgives so many things I do that hurt him! I am to love others as I love myself. I am to see them as God sees them. I pray often for God to let me see my husband through His eyes, and because that is God's will, He does just that. I don't stay mad for long. God so sweetly helps me remember that my husband loves me, and is committed to me, despite his faults. God gives me gratefulness, and fills me with love so that I can be a blessing to my husband instead of a "judge." I am truly grateful, from the bottom of my heart, for the gift of my husband, for his commitment to me, for his love for me. I vowed on our marriage day to love my husband unconditionally. Any time I am angry, I am breaking that vow. The only way to love unconditionally is to let God love my husband through me, and stay out of the way with my sinful, selfish flesh. With God's help, I keep that vow. And that's a vow I always meant to keep with all my heart! I can only do it when I love God first with all my heart (remember the greatest commandment is to love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength. All else hangs on this!)
I really get to exercise this area during pregnancy. I know I don't have to tell you how overwhelming it feels to have a baby (and many others of all ages) to care for while at the same time have a baby growing inside of you. The tiredness, and the hormones... It can be such a trial. But I strive to reach up and take the trial willingly, and God helps me all the way. He is the one who allows all things for me, for my good. My weaknesses become my strength as I cry out to Him more and more and more.
VITAMIN H: HONOR
Think of our children. God's "first commandment with promise" is for children. The promise is that if children honor their father and mother, then things will go well with them, and their life will be prolonged. If you do a word study on the word "well," it means prosper, thriving, successful, wise, esteemed, safe, secure, at peace.
I rob my children of that blessing when they see anything in me that reflects displeasure in their Dad. My children--even the smallest--can pick up on my exasperation, my anger, my stress, even if I am not directly vocalizing my anger. If I want things to go "well" for my children (if I want them to prosper, thrive, be successful, wise, esteemed, safe, secure, and at peace), then I will do all that I can to help them keep this commandment. I will do all I can to ensure that they honor their father. If I don't honor their father, then they won't either. I do my best to make sure my children honor their father. If they become upset with him, I defend him. I teach my children the ways of forgiveness. I teach my children God's principles. I praise their father to them. I promote their gratefulness. If my children see or hear my displeasure in my husband, (which, I am sad to say, they have on many occasions), they automatically learn to not give honor to their father. I have been doing my best over the past several years to correct that and to make sure they honor their father. That means I must be instantly forgiving and gracious, that I must submit to my husband as unto the Lord, and that I must rely even more on my Lord. It means I must not judge my husband in any way, and think only on the good things. For the sake of my children, I am exhorted by the Holy Spirit to continue to press on to be pleasing to the Lord in my marriage and to trust Him.
If you ask my children--any of them--at any given moment, what they think about their father, I know exactly what they will say. They will say, "I have the best dad in the world. I'm glad no other man on earth is my father." I've heard them say this over and over. I am doing my job. They will obtain God's blessing and promise!
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I have more vitamins to share... I just need some time to do that.
God bless you all, and you are all in my prayers.
--Mrs. E |
Posted by Anonymous 
Jul. 24, 2009 - Untitled Comment
I look forward to reading the rest of the vitamins.
God Bless
Vicki