At about 8:30 this evening, Violet came out to the living room and proclaimed, "Madame, I would like to invite you to come with me for a surprise."  So, being the obedient Mommy that I am, I followed her.  She stopped outside her door, picked up a clipboard, and said, "Excellent.  You are right on time for your appointment.  What is your name, please, m'aam?"

"Lady Anne Cordelia, the Lady of Shallot," I replied, immediately realizing that replying simply, "Mommy," would have been far too unimaginative given the circumstances and formality of the question posed to me.

She smiled.  "Right this way, please, and kindly remove your glasses and hair clip.  OK, please lie down right here."

"Welcome to my spa.  I am Miss Merriman, but you may call me simply "Miss" if you like."  I will be treating you to a massage today."  (then Miss Merriman asked in hushed tones, " Mommy, what day is it today?"  "Tuesday," I whispered, and we were back in character again at once)

"I would like to let you know that on Tuesdays and Fridays, we have our massages for free... actually they are free every day, but on Tuesdays and Fridays, we pamper you with free lotion."

My Colonial-era massage therapist suddenly disappeared, and soon I heard a smatter of scurrying sounds coming from the adjacent bathroom as a stool was being scooted across the tile and cabinets were being open and subsequently shut.  Then, as suddenly as she had disappeared, the proper lady plunked herself down on my lovely cushioned behind and announced, "I have chosen Warm Vanilla Sugar for you this evening for your lotion.  Now we shall begin the massage."

The pampering continued thus for nearly a half an hour, at the end of which Miss Merriman had to poke Lady Anne Cordelia several times to rouse her.  We went out of her room and she cordially thanked me for coming to her spa, then promptly asked, "Now can I have a turn, Mommy?" and smiled.  (Miss Merriman may be a lot of things, but clueless is certainly not one of them.)

So I went in and she knocked and I did my best rendition of a very proper spa owner, but nowhere near the level of Miss Merriman and her dramatic flair.  However, I stopped short when I poured the free Tuesday special Warm Vanilla Sugar lotion into my hand to give Miss Merriman her massage.  It looked suspicious.  Then I read the bottle:  Warm Vanilla Sugar Moisturizing BODY WASH!

This begins the point in the story wherein Miss Merriman and Lady Anne dissolve into gales of laughter, after which Lady Anne retreats to the spa's shower room to wash off the suds from her back and resolves to step things up in regards to both Miss Merriman's phonics lessons and attention to detail.  (she could read it, but didn't... just a grab-and-go mistake)

And thus concludes the story of the day spa from long ago.  The author sincerely hopes you have enjoyed it.