Oct. 11, 2007 - I have no great witty title to give this post...

I hate it when i cant' think of a title to give a post...it is soooo boring! 

What is goign on?  I have not been wanitng to communicate to many people lately, certainly not post a blog about boring stuff, unhappy stuff.  I have just been down lately.  I really think htat God is taking away or making it seem like it- friends, so that I will have to just run to Him more.  And I do'tn understand it all.  I knwo that I have problems.  I am a messy housekeeper.  I get angry (I am workign hard on that, though), and I dont' love my kids like I should-or other people think i should.  But is that reason for people (I mean like family) to dis me?  I think my inlaws are some of the most critical, legalistic people right now.  they focus so much on what a person should be doing, not about their heart for God!  I dd not grow up in a churched famliy, a homeschooled famliy.  I understand a lot about grace.  personally-it is the difference between Peter and Paul.  i am discouraged and down about things with the famliy-things that AREN'T said, but i just feel- But when i clear my head and emotions long enough to see it as it is, I can just run to HIm and ask His forgiveness-He is the one that deals with me, not them , right ?  Anyway, I know what is right, I just hav to keep doing it.  I must seek HIm for all my needs and fellowship right now.  And try real  hard not to let their attitudes get to me-or take their condemnation...

So , about kids.  Does anyone have a hard time sometimes loving your kids the way you should?  I am quick in my temper to get upset with them-to get frazzled and annoyed.  i dont' get all giddy and gushy over them.  or feel surges of emotional love-sometimes...but when danny whines and whines and whines about every little hting and demands that I hold him (he is 3) or that he sits next to me-when i am on the phone or wen i have to hold one of the younger ones, etc...always at times when i can't do it at the moment...when Lana keeps getting out of her bed at night and playing, turnign onteh lights...after I took them through their routine good night.  When ally (4yo) encourages the others to get into trouble...or acts liek a dog and bites the whiner adn he comes yelling while i am trying to go to the bathroom...all of these thigns...They are normal, right?  but why dont' i find them as little blessigns?  arent' we supposed to do that?? ahhh...anyway, I find it hard to see them as blessings at times like these...I have 4 toddlers.  they are the most sinful little beigns!  at times :)...how can soemthing so sinful be such a blessing?  I am not beign evil here, just thinking and questioning out loud.

Well, on homeschooling.  One of te things about our littel group, the one my hubby belonged to and his mother belonged to, is dying.  there are few families there andmost of them are involved in a local coop called homegrown hearts.  Anyway, the thing about our little group is that we only meet maybe 2 times amonth!  I know I dotn' have much encouragement or exposure to homeschool moms and I think i need that a bit more-I have never homeschooled or been homeschooled.  So, i have been thinking about tryign out the coop.  I dont' know what i could bring...I don't know if it is worth it for my kids; they are so young yet.  I tlaked tomy cousin last night...who brought up the subject...which was teh first time that someon has asked me or talked to me about it.  She was surprised that it has made such a big difference in her homeshcooling.  she said that it has been so encouraging...everyone is so supportive and there is a great focus on God-each mother is required to take an hour for prayer... isn't that awesome?  there is much that is lackign from our littel group.  Why do we do this?  what is the point? does it really make a difference?  etc...my cousin said that it has reminded her why she homeschools, rekindled a love for teaching her children at home.  Anyway, So , now i will think on it more steadily...I can't join until next semester-which ithink begins in february. 

Well, i must cut this off for now.  thanks for reading.  I will write more later and post a couple of pics.  The kids helped me make "no pudge" brownies for mom's night out the other night.  they were a great help----licking the bowl! They enjoyed it.  well, take care for now!

h :)

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