Little Women
• Mar. 25, 2009 - Things I've learned about dawdling and indepencence
What do you do with a dawdler? How can you help your kids be more independent? Very common questions amount homeschoolers, especially when the kids are between 7 and 10 or so.
We expect our preschoolers to need help and time. Most of our teens have gotten some independence (as long as we check up on them!). But we keep thinking our elementary kids SHOULD be doing better--and why aren't they. It would free us up so much, if they would just do what they know they should......
Kids are so different in when they can handle this. My 1st did pretty well with a list at about 8yo. My 2nd was more like 11! Eight years old seems to be the minimum age for most kids to start being more independent, but a lot are much later.
When my oldest was 8yo, the first thing I tried was a list. For some reason, this really clicked with her. She had really thought that, when she finished one thing, I would just give her another, so why rush? When she saw that there was a specific list, and a few days later, when she figured out that as soon as she finished it she was DONE, it was a huge thing for us!
My second had a much harder time, as she continued to get distracted from the list. She was probably 11 before she could really go through a list reliably. For her, I found a timer to be very helpful. I would set the timer for 20 minutes, then give her another 10 if she wanted it. After that, the subject was over, and she moved on to the next thing. At the end of the day, the rest was "homework."
Oh, how she hated homework! It doesn't make sense to me as an adult, but it felt very different to her. She might have taken 20 minutes to do 5 problems during school time, but as "homework," she could do the remaining 20 problems in 5 minutes! It may be that giving her mind a break helped her. It also, I think, was that it was so obvious that it was her own time she was wasting!
Eventually, we invested in a 3-light timer, that switches from green through yellow to red, which helped her a lot. She learned to pace her work better, and to be more aware of it passing. She loved this, until her little sister poured water on it. Sigh. (They cost $40, and I don't think she really needs it any more, so I may not replace it.) For the couple of years she used it, though, it was WELL worth the money to us.
Of course, the dawdling versus independence problem exists in other areas, as well.
We have successfully used the Managers of their Chores idea, where you put each chore on a little card, then tuck them into a plastic cover that clips onto their clothes. (These are like the ones used as nametags sometimes. I think you can get them at an office store.) They are easy to stick the cards in and out of, though. The kids are reminded by the feel of the chore-pack on themselves, and they just flip the card they are using to the back when they are done. My older kids prefer a checklist, but since we have just changed their jobs around, and they weren't doing very well at getting to them, I am insisting on the chore-packs for several weeks. Once they get all the parts down, I won't make the older 2 use them.
The latest thing we are trying is the workbox method. (Chores are still on the chore-pack for all kids, but 8yo has workboxes.) I used magazine boxes (about $6 or so for 3-6 of them at IKEA), on her desk. She does one, then moves to another. A couple of them have fun things. This is really helping my 8yo. My older 2 weren't interested--they are used to the checklists by now.
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