Little Women

• Mar. 25, 2009 - balance between obedience and child's needs

I seem to be on a roll, today, with the "helpful philosophical" posts.

This one was posted elsewhere, originally, in response to a question about a 6yo who is struggling with "obeying" during reading time, sitting still to do work, writing when asked (as opposed to just when she wants to), etc. I thought there was a lot here that could apply to other similar situations, as well. Hope it helps someone! :)

There is a balance at issue here, I think.

On the one hand, you do need her to obey. Some kids are really challenging, and we have to stay on top of this. It makes homeschooling hard, but it also makes us do what we would really NEED to figure out a way to do, anyways--deal appropriately with our child's behavior.

On the other hand, she is only 6yo. Many 6yos have a hard time with a variety of things, from sitting still to writing much to paying attention.

--most kids go through a time while learning to read when they CAN read, but it's really, really hard for them
--most kids find that the excitement of what they WANT to do carries them through hard things like writing, but without that excitement, it's too much
--many kids have trouble with things like lighting, too much excitement, too much of little brother running around playing, etc

Even for me, if something is really hard (like balancing the checkbook) I tend to put it off as long as possible. If something is hard but interesting (maybe reading a good book, or going to the zoo even though I know I will be very tired afterwards), I will push through and do it anyways. If I've been out under store lighting, with loud music, or too much kid-noise, I cannot function well.

I don't see that as an obedience issue. I see that as "let's learn to do what we need to" but also as "let ME be sympathetic to something that is genuinely hard for you."

My 2nd was my biggest struggle in this regard. I learned a couple things, over the years.
--at 6yo, she could do 45 minutes of seatwork. It could be anything from math to science, but after 45 minutes, she was DONE. She just couldn't handle any more
--I followed someone on here's advice and we did EVERYTHING orally, except hand-writing itself. If the purpose of the page wasn't handwriting, we did it orally. For her, that was HUGE. (For other kids, it might not be, but you might find some-thing else that would be good for yours.)
--I learned when she was getting upset, to stop and give her a hug. This was hard for me, because I was thinking "discipline," but what she needed (as God showed me, when I finally asked!) was love. After a bit, she can settle down and do her work. She was well past 6 before I learned this, but I think it would have worked sooner, as well.
--My sister pointed out--there is no reason to fight a 6yo over learning to spell "CAT." They will figure it out by 3rd grade or so, anyways, so why waste the effort!

For what it's worth, I think 6yo is the HARDEST age to teach. We start feeling like they need to buckle down. We wonder if they will EVER learn to read or sit, and our own reputation feels on the line. We think, "it's time NOW," but often, they are just not ready.

It is a balance, though, which you have to find for yourself, through prayer.

I'm not sure I've got it right, for us, yet.