Nov. 11, 2009
The Stuff That Dreams Are Made Of
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Where is it written that life has to be perfect in order to be blessed? Today I am feeling very grateful for my imperfect, blessed life. Would I prefer that my husband wasn't spending Monday through Friday in Connecticut? Heck yeah. I hate this back and forth thing. We feel like human yo-yos. It's rough. BUT, I am blessed with a husband who loves me and accepts me for who I am. A husband who loves our children and takes care of his family. A husband who laughs with me. Honestly, laughter is the drug that I couldn't live without. This isn't perfect, but it's surely blessed. Would I prefer to not be living in Indiana again? Umm, well, yeaaaah. But, I have a beautiful, comfortable home. One that we built and had the luxury of picking out every detail, inside and out. A house that affords my children their own bedrooms (hotel living has a way of pointing out the blessing in this). A home that has the scent of home cooked meals every day. A home where boo-boos are kissed and games are played and laughter is heard. It's in Indiana, but it is, indeed, blessed. Would I prefer to have all of my children here with me? So much. Only God knows why we were never given the privilege of meeting some of our little ones this side of glory...but what a blessing to know that we will meet them one day. How does one live without the hope of eternal life? It's a blessing to be able to look forward to the future and know that there is more... And once upon a time....I did dream about being a mother. I had big dreams. I don't always live up to my own expectations....but my children...they exceed my expectations. Do I wish that they would get along better sometimes? Of course. Do I wish that they would put on their listening ears more often? Yep. Life with kids is imperfect chaos, but, may I never forget how blessed I am to be called their mother. The little, imperfect things that are whispering while the rest of life is shouting --- That's the stuff that dreams are made of. |
Nov. 4, 2009
My Pursuit of Loveliness
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This is my personal quest....loveliness. The dictionary has the standard gamut of definitions for this word, loveliness, but the one that is near to my heart, reads: "Of a great moral or spiritual beauty: a lovely character". This sounds simple -- and a surface level of loveliness -- really is fairly simple. I am a very giving and genuine person, so surface-loveliness comes naturally to me. This alone is not my pursuit. I've never accepted mediocrity in myself so this surface loveliness just isn't enough for me. My goal is to be the kind of woman who is selfless enough to respond lovingly to someone who has wronged me. To be the kind of woman who is humble enough to recognize that when people aren't acting kindly toward me that, it is most likely, they who are hurting and that it is far more lovely to respond according to that knowledge rather than out of self protection. It is important to me that I not make my decisions based on the actions or disappointments of others. I still need to be who I naturally would have been, regardless of what has been done to me. I, so very, passionately, strive for this trait in my life. I refuse to live a life that is based on reaction. Who does that make me? If I react to everything that is thrown at me....where am I? Seriously, that means that I would have defined myself based on what others are saying/doing and not proactively establishing myself! Wow, no thanks! In Luke 6:32-33 Jesus says: "If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even 'sinners' do that." Well, wow! So, Jesus is calling us out here....basically He's saying: "Hey folks...being nice to your friends....whatever! Repaying kindness with kindness.....easy peasy." The passage goes on to say in verses 35-36: "But, love your enemies, do good to them...... Then your reward will be great, and you will be the sons of the Most High, because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful just as your Father is merciful." The part that stands out to me in bold is: Because He is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. If it is what HE does, then it needs to be what I strive toward. Extending grace isn't always easy, in fact, when it really counts (that is, when it's not reciprocated), it is quite hard. I often wonder if I'm any good at it at all, because while I often make the hard choices and do what is right even when it isn't what I'd rather do.....I feel like it pains me. I feel like a doormat sometimes. sigh. I wonder if that's natural and a part of it all? I feel like it breaks my spirit a lot of times. But, in the end, I know that in being a woman of loveliness, I'm ultimately pleasing God and, possibly, allowing others to sense the love that God has for them. If I can put myself aside long enough to respond kindly in the face of acrimony, or even just simple apathy, -- then, maybe then, they will see a little bit of Jesus in me and determine to take baby steps toward dealing with what is really causing the issues in their own hearts. And, quite honestly, I already know what happens when I give what I get. If I give back the same nonsense that is given to me......I'm not better (worse in fact), they're no better for it. Everyone suffers. ALL that this does is satisfy the selfish side of me that wants to set the record straight. It's fleeting. Once it's all said and done and everyone's gone back to their own camps, nothing positive is accomplished. So, that is my heartfelt pursuit. "Whatever is Lovely", that's what I want to be the measuring stick of my character. I, desperately, want the overflow of my heart to always pour from my mouth in a manner of loveliness. Lord let it be so. |
May. 11, 2009
Go Rest High on That Mountain...
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For three weeks now, I've been trying to consider how on earth I would write something to memorialize my aunt who recently passed away. Well, the truth is...I can't. I could write more memories of her than this page could hold, but nothing that I could ever write would be enough. Words are inadequate. She was more than an aunt to me; she was a friend and she gave such good advice that was filled with wisdom. I know that she thought the world of me, and I hope and pray that I lived up to her feelings about me. I pray that I was to her - what she was to me....irreplaceable. There will never be another like you, Aunt Fay. Since I don't know where to begin or how to express my heart for my sweet Aunt Fay....I'd just like to use this space to say thank you to her. Thank You Aunt Fay for being everything that I could have ever asked for in an aunt....and in a friend. Thank You for trusting me enough to let me into your world; and thank you for being such an integral part of mine. Thank You for everything. |
Apr. 21, 2009
Suite 224 Contentment
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Lately I'm learning that this word that we throw around called "contentment" is a lot broader that I had realized. It seems that when I think about being content, I think about two different scenarios...the first being - satisfied in general with life. The whole "life is good" mentality. There are a few blessed moments in life when we get the reward of being able to feel this kind of contentment. The second scenario would be - that contentment that we feel that is divine, because there isn't a lot of reason to feel content when you look at the surface of life. Aren't those the two ways that we all think about contentment. Content with what you have and content with what you don't have. Right? Well, here I sit, in the 'bedroom' of hotel room number 224, that my family and I are calling home right now....and God is sharing with me that this thing called contentment is so much richer than that. He has such a gentle way about Him. He's so lavish with his guidance; so attuned to what I need to hear at any given time. He amazes me with his adept ability to know that I can't handle the whole thing all at once. In his warm way, little by little, He feeds me what I need and it's usually just enough to get me to the next feeding; just enough to keep me coming back to Him. Today, He's teaching me that the waters of contentment run so much deeper than I ever knew. He's teaching me that -- contentment can be found in the "being". You see, I'm not in that place where all is right with the world...there are a lot of loose ends that aren't all neatly tied up in my life right now. I'm also no longer in a place where you look at life and think that there is no other way to accept this particular lot other than to just be content with it and trust that the Lord has a plan. I'm in an interim phase at the moment. A phase where I can look back and see how far the Lord has brought us and there is this ever-so-shy light at the end of the tunnel, that we can finally catch a glimpse of occasionally. This interim phase is a little tricky on the heart. I want to praise and thank my sweet heavenly Father for bringing us to this place, and yet I also want to beg Him to bring that light closer and closer until we are seeing the sunshine and are out of that cramped, dark tunnel all together. And today, in His perfectly gentle way, He's sharing with me.....that there is contentment in the waiting too. I can be content just to be in this place where I'm not in the dark, but I'm not basking in the warmth yet either. It's not an all-or-nothing thing - this contentment. It's a gift. But it's a gift that I have a choice to accept. I want to accept contentment today. I want to choose contentment today. I want to feel content today. I don't need to have found the right house to live in yet. I just need to know that the One who loves me and graces me with His time and attention --- He knows. It must be okay - this interim phase that I'm in --- because He's content to leave me it in for a while longer. And if He's content with it, then I want to be too. |
Apr. 1, 2009
Who Says Blogging Isn't Rewarding?
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Last week I entered a contest that Hearts at Home was having. You guys know that I'm struggling to find the emotional and mental energy to write right now, so I adapted an old blog entry to use for the contest.... I'm just speechless to say that -- I WON! How exciting is that? Thank you to the staff at Hearts at Home. I'm flattered that it was enjoyed and recognized. I'm humbled and excited and lots of other adjectives that I can't quite articulate into words at the moment! I'll copy/paste the blog/contest entry again here for you to read, but if you'd like to see the contest entry go to: http://www.heartsathome.org and click on the "Drum Roll Please" section... Here is the copy/pasted version taken off of the Hearts at Home site:
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Mar. 26, 2009
Hi All !
Thank you so much to all of the sweet people who have been asking me to update this blog! I so appreciate your interest and concern and your willingness to read my silly ramblings.  Things have been really crazy in our life right now. We've recently made, yet another, move and are trying to settle into our new state again. We do hope that this move is our last. We are really ready to be settled. That simple life that I crave ..... well, it's a very distant, blurry mirage that I can't see very clearly right now, but I trust that the Lord will bring us to a place of simplicity and quietness soon. I promise to update more frequently again in the near future. I miss writing; it is my outlet and my lifeblood. Truth be told, I've felt very uninspired to write lately. Life has been so overwhelming that I just can't summon the energy and the inspiration to write anything noteworthy. I'm getting there though.....Lately I've had lots of thoughts roaming around in my head just begging to be written out.....Soon enough, I'll be back in such full-swing that you'll be ready for me to take another break, lol. Thank you for your support and love. Blessings and Peace  |
Sep. 12, 2008
Of This I Am Sure
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Do you ever think that we should just all go back to Sunday school and learn to see God through a child's eye again? I'm learning that throughout life and it's valleys - God always brings me back to the simplest things. I've typed and deleted several paragraphs over and over. I don't know how to clarify my thoughts. I don't know how to organize four and a half years of pain into - easy to digest little feel-good paragraphs. We've felt very alone in our struggle over this frivolous lawsuit that was taken out against us back in 2004. Even most of our friends seem to insinuate (innocently and I believe without meaning to) that there must be more to it than we've shared because why would someone sue someone else so frivolously. I used to be that naive too. I wish that I could still be that naive. That was a nice existence....back when I thought that justice truly existed. It's a lonely place to be on this side of injustice. I was reading last month in the book of Job about how his friends continued to hold to this idea that he must have been at fault in order for this catastrophe to be overtaking his life in this way. Job must have felt so lonely. I think that where we go wrong, a lot of times, is when we insist on expecting from others what we should only expect from God. We can hope for the best from others. We can hope that others will act justly and rightly but once we expect that....then that is where we bring heartache onto ourselves. We can't expect, from others, what only God can consistently do. And that brings me back to the simplicity of those Sunday school days and those childhood lessons of God. They are more powerful now, once we've had to hold fast to their truths, than they ever were back in our Sunday school years. Folks, I don't know why people do mean, selfish things to others without regard for anyone but themselves. I don't know why people don't come alongside us and support us with a real heart for the injustice that we've suffered. I don't know why we can't expect from others the same excellence that we try to pursue ourselves....but what I do know.....what I do know --- cancels out all of that.... No matter what. Whether I'm living on the mountain top or whether I'm living in the valley, whether it's good news or bad --- No Matter What.....Of this I am sure ...I am SURE of the Goodness of God. Whatever it is. Whatever it isn't. Whatever it should be. Whatever it can be. Whatever I feel. None of it matters....because my God is good and whatever He does is good. Whether it appears good from my vantage point or not....I can trust...in the goodness of God. If I am sure of this. If I am truly sure of this. If I know this deep in my bones. Then nothing else matters. Things don't have to be carefree in my life for me to believe in the goodness of God. In fact, how shallow that would be. How easy it would be to declare that "God is good" in my perfect Sunday school teacher voice.....if I hadn't lived the goodness of God. If I hadn't relied on the goodness of God. If I hadn't seen the goodness of God with my own eyes and felt it with my own being. How shallow that would be. How thankful I am that He loves me enough to grow me and to bring me closer to an understanding of Him and His deep love for me. Sunday School 101. God is good. In childhood years...it's a feel-good fact that we learn and hide away in our minds and hearts for future use. In adult years....it's the difference between life and mere existence. It's the truth that develops faith. I've been saying for the last several months that I feel like my faith is being challenged. And I've had some look at me as if I'm the worst of sinners because I'm willing to admit that. But, to me, I'm thankful that my faith is being challenged. Faith is something that I never realized was grown. I thought it was just something that you had or you didn't. Nope. I have more faith today than I had before this began. I understand the goodness of God in ways that I never could have understood before. No Sunday school class could have taught me what I've learned during this trial. Without putting one foot in front of the other and walking through this fire, I would not have had the ability to understand what the Lord has so lovingly taught me. It's not about a "good ending" to a trial. Sometimes trials don't end well. Sometimes we just can't see what the Lord is so carefully fashioning in our lives behind the scenes. Sometimes we just won't have the satisfaction of having a human definition of "good" attached to what God calls good. Sometimes we just won't be able to put the pieces together this side of heaven. But that doesn't mean that it isn't -- Good! If I believe in the goodness of God, then whatever He does in my life, whether I perceive it as good or not....It IS good. I can't rely on myself and I can't rely on others. I can't look at what is and consider whether it is just or right or good or not. All that I can honestly do, is say to myself that I KNOW that God is good. Either I believe it or I don't. Believing it on the mountain top is just paying lip service to faith. Believing it in the valley....that is truly the reward. |
Aug. 25, 2008
Alive in my Heart
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Is there one in every family? An Uncle Bob? Did my Uncle Bob know that he has always held a special place in my heart? Probably not, because I didn't go out of my way to make sure that he knew that - and he was a humble man...not one to automatically think of himself as important. I don' t know how heaven works, but I hope that he knows it now. I want to ask God why. But, I know that God doesn't share things with us, not so much because He wants to keep things from us, but because He knows that we can't understand His mind. Our human minds just aren't capable of comprehending His big picture. I know that He has the best at heart because that's who God is. From my human perspective, it just doesn't seem right. In a world filled with cruel and selfish people, why take away one of the few good ones? Along with my husband's grandfather who passed away years ago, my Uncle Bob was the best person I knew. I never felt judged by Uncle Bob. He always accepted me in a family climate that wasn't conducive to acceptance. I always felt like he saw the best in me. I will always appreciate that. I have a lot of memories of my uncle. From the time that he gave me my first Battleship game when I was a young girl, to the wonderful singing voice that he had, to the time that he walked around my wedding with a big camcorder on his shoulder taking video of my wedding for me. I didn't ask him to do this. He was just that way. He loved me, and I knew it. I don't know why. He had a lot of life left to live and he wasn't hurting anyone while living it. God has His reasons, I know....but I wish that it could have been different. I do know this though. Heaven is a much, much richer place than it was last week before he arrived. Our loss is heaven's gain, no doubt. And with his big voice and big heart a part of it, heaven's choir never sounded so good. |
Jun. 25, 2008
A Theif Called Time
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I believe that there is this time warp that you enter when you become a mother. Time is not what it used to be. And probably never will be the same again. One day you're expecting a baby and life is so exciting and you can't wait to see those tiny fingers and toes. You can't wait to hear "It's a boy" or "It's a girl". Then the next thing you know.....that baby is turning 13 years old! It all happens so quickly. We enter something that I like to call "hyper-time" when we become mothers. We have these precious newborns and then before we know it they're toddling around the house and before we know it still, they're preschoolers with their itty bitty back packs feeling so proud to be a "big boy". Then comes real school. We can't believe that our babies are in kindergarten, then first grade, then second, ........ Until one day, they go and decide that they're ready to be teenagers. Maybe my son is ready, but I'm not so sure about his mama! Blake told me the other day that he's been waiting to be 13 since he was 10 years old! No doubt that the kid is excited to be entering his teens. But, I feel cheated by this "hyper time". I still see the innocent little five year old face when I look at him sometimes. I still remember when his sweet blue eyes looked up at me with all of the trust in the world. Now, those sweet blue eyes look right into mine from the very same height....and they'll be looking down at mine by summer's end I'm sure. I'm not ready to be looking up at my son! He's my baby, he's not supposed to be taller than me! You know when your kids are little and you go into grocery stores and little old ladies like to tell you things like "enjoy them; they grow up fast". Well, darn if those little old ladies aren't right! They know from experience how this hyper-time steals our children away. All of those little moments add up so quickly. Before we know it they're too big to carry, and too cool to cry and too big to be our little boys. But in my mind's eye....he's still my precious little boy. How vivid a mother's memories are. I can close my eyes and remember his first steps like he just took them. And sometimes I think that he's learning to walk all over again. The awkwardness of growth spurts and that clumsiness that comes with them. His face has changed so much in the last year. He looks like a young man....not like a young boy anymore. My mother's heart is so conflicted. A part of me is so proud of him and loves watching him grow and meet the challenges of life with such strength. And a part of me is being dragged along kicking and screaming when it comes to this growing up thing. Inside I'm saying --- NO, he's my baby! He's my first child; he's the one who made me a mother. Can't time stand still for just a little while? To the world, I say, -- be ready. This is one great kid and he's coming at you faster than I can hold him back. In five short years, the legal part of my job will be over. He'll be 18 and technically he'll be a man. I know that a mother's job is not quite that cut and dry, but -- it's hard to think that I only have five years left with him at home before he'll be able to decide to live somewhere else or go to school somewhere else. And I can't hold him back. I've got to let him do his thing. I know he'll make me proud. Folks, this parenting thing really does get harder once the kids get older. Yes, when they are little, there are sleepless nights and fights over nap times and messy meal times and all of that is exhausting. But, none of that compares to the mental exhaustion of learning to let them go. Learning to trust them to their God. The God that you taught them to love when they were little. In comparison, those sleepless nights seem like a cake walk. And something tells me that I'll be replacing them with another set of sleepless nights soon enough. The kind where I'm waiting for him to come home at night, making sure that he arrives safely before I can settle in myself. Hold onto your babies.....even those babies who are bigger than you are now. Time is cruel and it stops for nothing. Be there in those moments. The big ones and the little ones. Make a difference while you can. For they really are only little for a moment. Happy Birthday Baby. |
Jun. 16, 2008
Groundhog Day
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Today is one of those days when I envy the groundhog. Don't you wish that you could just pop your head out from under the covers and look around just long enough to say "Nope, not today!" and pop your head right back under those covers?! I think that I want to declare a personal groundhog day. Think my family would go for it? Hmmm, I can hear the kids explaining that one to their friends -- "Can't play today, it's mom's groundhog day". Well, it's just as well, because I'm walking a fine line of self pity and I need to snap out of it. It's just one of those days where I feel so inadequate. Life is busy and tight. There are schedules to keep and things to clean and people to love. I'm blessed beyond blessed to have these people who make life busy and schedules tight. So, I just need a good friend to tell me the truth and shake me and tell me to get over myself. Any volunteers? (smile) Okay, so I'll do it myself. Here is my truth....God is so good. Beyond good to me. All that I have and all that I don't have and all that I will ever need -- it's all because of Him and in Him and through Him. He's given me so much and he's saved me from myself so often and He's rescued me and comforted me and loved me..... And I'm just not going to let satan steal my joy. So, please be patient with me right now and say a prayer or two for me. I promise I'll do the same for you when you need it. Isn't that what we're on this road together for? Maybe we can't declare our own personal groundhog days, but we can be vulnerable with each other. We can be real and come alongside each other and do this life-thing together as, I believe, the Lord meant for us to. So, tomorrow morning, I'll probably wake up bounding with energy and be ready to declare winter over, but today, --- can ya hold me up a little? God's just too good to waste a day on self pity! |
Jun. 9, 2008
Exercise Epiphany
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So, speaking of pilates...... This past weekend, I ordered a pilates reformer. You know one of those things that has the tension cords and all for you. I ordered it from Home Shopping Network. It's called Pilates Power Gym. I'm really excited about it but nervous too. Here's my deal.... I'm not a beginner at exercise. I exercise a lot and a lot of the newer things that come on the market for exercise, tend to be geared toward beginners. Like this other thing that I went hunting last weekend that I'd been hearing about. I did some research on it and decided not to spend the $170 that it would cost because it didn't look like it had enough resistance for anyone other than a beginner. I do a lot of things, but one of the things that I do is -- I have one of those little stair steppers - you know the kind that just has the base and you can slide it under a bed if you need to. Well, I started using that several years ago and have since worked my way up to the highest resistance level (level 12) and can do an hour+ on it easily. A lot of things on the market today don't seem to have any resistance or if they do, they tend to be too easy for me. Our neighborhood has a yard sale every year and we walk around the neighborhood looking at everyone's junk every year. Well, this year, someone was selling a gazelle, and my husband bought it for me for $20. Well, we get the thing home and honestly, it feels like a toy to me. Definitely not made for someone who is not a beginner. My kids love it though. They've been playing on it ever since. So, it occurs to me that it's time for me to get grown-up exercise stuff. Last week, my husband got a new computer. And because he is skilled and no beginner with computer stuff and this is his livelihood, of course, he got a computer that was not made for a novice. He got a much more expensive computer than the basic model. No big deal. It's what he needs for where he is. So, this epiphany that I had the other day is that --- why am I still trying to use basic exercise equipment when I'm not a beginner? I know I'm slow, but this was a light bulb kind of moment for me. It was a good moment for me to have though because it allowed me to give myself permission to buy what I need without all of the guilt. I've always wanted something that was more gym quality. But, I've never been willing to pay for it. This pilates reformer that I bought - it wasn't terribly expensive (although, definitely not cheap). But, for someone who loves pilates but has just been way too bored with the mat stuff....it'll be a good change for me. Apparently you get a much better workout with the reformer than you do with a mat class. I know that the whole term pilates can be intimidating, but if you haven't tried it...give it a try. It's not fru-fru like it sounds. And, it really does lengthen you. Ever since I started doing pilates -- I've gained a half inch in height. I doubt that I'd be able to gain any more; it's not a miracle worker. It's not a huge difference. But, I was 5'1" and now I'm 5' 1 1/2 inches. As you can see....I'm short, so I'll take it! I'm not one of those people who buys exercise equipment and lets it sit around and gather dust. If it works for me, I'll use it. If it doesn't, I"ll get rid of it. So, I'm not too nervous that I spent good money on something that I won't use. I'm pretty good about keeping my commitment to exercise. And I'm also not one of those people who goes to the gym. I'm not opposed to going to a gym, but at this point in my life, with homeschooling and housekeeping and other commitments, I'd never get to the gym, so it'd be a waste of money and I'd still be out of shape. For life as I know it right now....I have to exercise at home. So wish me luck....and maybe I'll be able to look good in a swimsuit again.....by winter, lol. :) |
Jun. 2, 2008
The Evils of Florescent Lighting
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Ya know, you think that you are doing fine -- and then one day, you, stupidly, decide to go swimsuit shopping. Ugh! Ummm, what was I thinking? And, here's the catch....the sad catch.....I'm quite fit and in shape. I bet that if we tried, we could get enough ladies to sign a petition to have swimsuits banned! Whether we're still trying to lose those last pregnancy pounds or whether we're in shape....it's one thing with which we all can commiserate....that dreaded swimsuit shopping! Seriously, you'd think that the girl who was working in the dressing room would have felt the whole "girl power" thing and given me a heads-up! Isn't that supposed to be all in-vogue right now? Nope, all she says is "how many items". She's no help. :-) So, okay, surely the dressing room lighting has something to do with it right? (Work with me here girls...right?) Whatever this lighting is....it is evil. Florescent, that's it -- I've decided that I hate florescent lighting! We should create a new dressing room style all together. Beautiful, feminine and modern lighting, happy music that makes you forget that you are spending money, some really pretty scent like honeysuckle or the like, and occasionally a little voice that says "That looks great on you!" I'm a huge exercise fanatic. I exercise every day and a lot. In part because I have to. My metabolism turned on me years ago and it just takes maintenance to keep my short little body from gaining weight. Would that I still had the metabolism that I had 20 years ago! But, if I'm being honest, I'm glad that I don't. I know that that sounds crazy but....if I had never had to.....I don't know that I ever would have changed my lifestyle from the one of that girl who could eat cheetos for lunch every day. Health is about so much more than weight. I may have started exercising and eating healthy to keep my weight in line, but as I've aged, I've learned so much more about health and being healthy is so much more involved and so much more rewarding than just being thin. And anyone who's read the archives of this blog knows that I'm a bit fanatical about health too. Anyway, truth be told....that swimsuit shopping horror....well, it does have a little to do with me. Much as I hate to admit it....I spend all of this time exercising and I've known for a while that I'm just not doing it very efficiently. Boy, looking at yourself in a swim suit in a dressing room mirror will drive that truth home in no time flat! I do a lot of the right things....but, I've fallen behind on doing pilates these last few months. If you ever wondered if pilates was worth all of the hype about it.....I'm here to tell you.....it is...and then some! When I'm faithful with the pilates, I'm always in the best shape of my life. I do other things too just because I'm short and I have to. (I'm secretly jealous of all of you tall ladies!) But, there is just something about pilates. You know it's good when you can even look in a dressing room mirror without making a pact to become an anorexic on your way out the door! (No, I like food too much to ever become an anorexic). (And just in case I now have you worried about me....I spent enough time being sick while pregnant to know that I never want to become bulimic!) Nope, I'm true to the natural, old fashioned ways of doing things and so.....guess that means that I need to dust off my pilates tapes before I darken the door of another dressing room with a swimsuit in hand! Just be careful ladies.....be prepared before you go swimsuit shopping this season. Mentally prepared that is. You walk into the dressing room all happy-go-lucky and you walk out wondering why you had that cookie earlier! Why are we so hard on ourselves? We would never, ever be as hard on our friends as we are on ourselves. I'd never see the flaws in my friends that I see in myself. Of course, we do have a responsibility to take care of ourselves, but we also need to learn to see ourselves as God sees us. He sees the inside. He sees the heart. That's where beauty lies for Him. It's easy to forget that while we're tending to the outside. The Bible says that "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks". I think that we can take that even a step further. Is there anything that we do that doesn't stem from someplace in the heart? Pilates is good and, for some of us, necessary....but, accepting ourselves and seeing ourselves as God sees us....now that's best. I don't know about you, but I struggle with remembering that "the good is the enemy of the best". I'm thankful that He looks at the inside and continually prompts me to do the same. (Now, if you see me heading toward a dressing room with a swimsuit in hand, please remind me of this would you?!) |
Apr. 14, 2008
This and That
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Yep, I'm definitely in Indiana. Still playing peek-a-boo with spring. We've had highs in the forties this week. The newspaper says the high will be 70 degrees on Wednesday though. I hope that it manages to stay in the 60s and 70s until fall this time. I don't mind cooler weather, but going back and forth makes it seem cooler than it actually is. I've been colder in these forty degree temperatures than I was all winter in much cooler temperatures. I'm in vacation mode. That's a good thing right? Well, I suppose it's a good thing if you are planning a vacation. Me? I'm just wishing I could get away with my family and enjoy just being together with them without all of the chores of life calling my name. I'm having to remind myself,constantly, that it's not a good time for a vacation. My husband has another business trip in a couple of weeks and the boys and I still have some school stuff that needs tending to, and we're paying off our 2nd vehicle next month so we want to have every extra penny available to put toward that early pay-off. But.... But, my heart is not buying it all. My heart wants uninterrupted time with my husband and children. It often competes with the chores and the "have-to's" in life....and it knows, all to well, how often those things tend to win out in terms of time and energy. So, in lieu of getting away from home and away from those tasks altogether....I need to be creative. I can do that. I think. My problem is that I'm sort of feeling exhausted right now and I just want the ease of getting away from it all rather than putting energy into being creative. I'm normally very creative when it comes to our family life. I guess it's time that I dust off the cobwebs and get some creativity back, for we need a little something extra right now. Don't you just hate it when you realize that, once again, you've found yourself in this trap of missing what's really important? Isn't it so easy to get caught up in the fact that the dishes haven't been done today and the laundry is behind and the lessons need to be completed and the bills need to be paid, etc.? Do you ever say to yourself that once you get XYZ done then you'll sit down with the kids? I'm guilty of saying that to myself on more than one occasion. Some days we just break out a game and gather the family and block out the white noise of life. I'm preaching to the choir here when I say that all of these things that we allow to distract us.....they're not worth it. I really believe in my heart that we are living the best years of our lives right now. At no other season in my life will I have what I have right here, right now, in this season. My children are all young and under my care. That's a hard thing, but that's a good thing. I don't have to worry about where they are or if they are safe, or if they are eating well or if they're happy in their careers, etc. They are here with me. I can know the details of their lives. I can protect them and I can train them and I can enjoy them. I don't have to call them and ask them how they are doing or if I can come to visit. They're here with me now. This is a blessed time in life......and how......sad.....how sad that I don't always appreciate this time for what it is. I want to blame the chores and the mundane "musts" of life....but truly, it's simply a matter of knowing the best and making a conscience choice to live out that knowledge. I won't let life happen to my family. I am not okay with looking back one day and saying that I didn't do all that I could to make this family unit a strong one. We are a strong family and that is not by chance. We work hard and we play hard and we love hard. And there will never be a dish that is clean enough to compete with that. |
Mar. 20, 2008
Out Came the Sun and Dried Up All the Rain
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Ya know, even the southern girl that I am (although finding myself quite at home here in the midwest), I love the season of winter. I love it's peacefulness. It's quietness. Some of the other seasons seem to shout, but winter...winter whispers. I love winter. You have to listen hard for winter's secrets, otherwise, you might just miss them. But, if you listen, she has such beautiful things to share. But, God sure had a good idea when it came to this whole 'four seasons' thing. The months between January and March are, typically, the homeschooling family's challenge. They are those months that tend to fall into the category of drudgery. But, finally, one day, the air warms....just enough to open the windows. We tend to have a few days of nice, warm air followed by another week or two of cold air....and repeat the cycle a few times.....before we truly get to that place where we can open up the house and sit on the porch and do our assignments outside and take walks, and watch flowers bloom and listen to birds sing. Spring is bashful around these parts. It doesn't jump out and and scream "I'm here! Did ya miss me?!" ....it kind of woos you with a little here and a little more there, until one day, you realize -- it's no longer winter. Something tells me that this year will whisk by even faster than the last. Seems to be the way of life. I find it hard to believe that it's Springtime already. My front porch has been patiently waiting for me though. It's good like that. The cool air takes this, displaced, Floridian indoors for months at a time, but that trusty porch of mine just confidently saves me a seat. It knows that the sun will implore me out again soon enough. It's almost like we've done this dance before. I'm reminded of that hymn that we can all recite blindly. "This is My Father's World". It was written by Maltbie Babcock in 1901. Those spring blossoms and that clean spring air; those chirping birds and the warmth of that welcoming sunshine....these things are not afterthoughts. These and so many other things, I believe, God hand-crafted as characteristics stemming from His ideal of Springtime. "This is my Father's world, and to my listening ears All nature sings and round me rings, the music of the spheres. This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought Of rocks and trees; of skies and seas; His hand the wonders wrought. "This is my Father's world, the birds their carols raise, The morning light, the lily white, declare their Maker's praise. This is my Father's world; He shines in all that's fair; In the rustling grass, I hear Him pass; He speaks to me everywhere." | |
Mar. 6, 2008
Is It 2009 Yet?
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Okay, so....did you think that I didn't have more 'stuff' running through my mind after all of those days off being sick??? (See previous entry). I can't decide if I like this political 'season' or if I hate it. I guess it depends on which day you ask me. I have quite a bevy of thoughts accumulating on the subject though! (Not unlike most of America, I'm sure.) And those thoughts seem to change from day to day. So, I'm just gonna dive right into "Miss know-it-all" mode...... Here's a thought.....So, John McCain is 71 years old??? And??? I don't know about y'all but the last time I looked at the man -- He didn't look like Orville Redenbocker. Come on, folks, he's not about to keel over, I don't think. In this 'new-agey' world that we live in, we're so quick to point out that "Forty is the new thirty" and "Fifty is the new forty". So, why can't "Seventy be the new sixty"? Okay, so seriously, I do get where folks are coming from. I do. But, I'm not thinking that we'll revert back to Europe, by default, should our president pass away at any point in his term(s). Surely, because of this "handicap", he'll choose someone a touch younger as a running mate. And speaking of this so-called, handicap.....since when is age not something to respect? Given the choice between older aged and experienced, versus younger aged and inexperienced.....when it comes to my president.....I'll take age and experience thankyouverymuch. As far as Mrs. Clinton is concerned, I'm less concerned about the age/experience connection than I am when it comes to Mr. Obama. Forty-seven? I mean, he's been qualified age-wise for the presidency for some 12 years now, but -- I'm not buying that his experiences leading up to the age of forty-seven have qualified him enough in my book. Political experience....hmmmm ??? I'm not feeling secure enough in his abilities, from what I've seen so far. And this is probably neither here nor there, but -- I'm just not all that impressed with his wife....so far anyway. Really, that is just me being petty. I don't care for Bill Clinton either. Not waiting in line for Nancy Reagan's signature, but.... Okay, I'll jump off of that soap box and move on to another..... If it were me (and for the sake of us all, lets thank the good Lord that it's not), I would take this whole "I never voted for the war" stuff and put Mr. Obama's feet to the fire a bit with it. Okay....so hear me out.... So, yes, we could write a whole boatload about the whole "WMDs" thing by now. Indeed there are those who have. Believe me....I'm not denying that things could have, maybe should have been different, but... Way back when.... When we had reliable sources telling us that we needed to protect ourselves from this threat. This threat that could make 9/11/2001 look like child's play...... And history supported this reasoning (come on now, Hussein and his history in this department is well known by most).... Can someone explain to me, why, exactly, Mr. Obama, held to his continued "nay" votes regarding the war? Now, I'm not talking about what we know now (or think that we know anyway). For the sake of this argument lets leave hindsight out of the picture here. At that particular point in time, we had every reason to believe that it was in the best interests of America to err on the side of safety and to err on the side of protecting our own --- and yet, this particular senator, continually rejected the notion that we should, in fact, protect our own against this known threat. And, say what you want, but Hussein and the like - were, are and will more than likely always be a very real threat to all that America stands for. Oh Mr. Obama likes to tout that his "vote never changed" He "never wavered". To that, I say -- Shame on you. Yes, that's an easy argument for him to say now...but, at that particular time....all I can see is a man who is unwilling to put the safety of our country in a place of highest import. At any point in time, but right now, especially, the last thing that we need, as a country, for a Commander-in-Chief, is someone who is allergic to national protection. National protection cannot be solely of a reactive nature, we have to be able to show some amount of proactive defense. I just don't get where he's coming from. And that's really okay....I don't have to get his reasoning...hard as I try. But, luckily for me, I happen to have a vote in the upcoming election. Can you tell that I have some pretty passionate views on the subject? Now, I realize that I am taking a small risk here.....but.....I like John McCain for president. I always have. He's been my favorite since day one. I really don't understand the reasoning behind disliking McCain for president because he knows how to compromise. Seriously folks....is this about ME or YOU or is it about our country as a whole? I don't decide who I vote for based on who makes me happy 100% of the time. The world doesn't revolve around me,me,me. Since when is having the ability to compromise and to build bridges a detriment? Please can someone explain this to me? So, every last detail of his senatorial record isn't in perfect alignment with what I might have preferred. Well, okay. And?? This is a bad thing? I'm supposed to be looking for a president who made enemies and prohibited progress, but by golly he stuck to his guns and he didn't compromise one iota....didn't accomplish diddly, but hey, he never wavered. Ummm???? Folks, their jobs aren't to go to Washington and to stick to their guns. Their jobs are to go to Washington and, to the best of their capabilities, be productive and work toward common ground in order to come together for the good of the country. Please tell me how encouraging divisiveness is for the good of our country? I want a president who knows how to compromise. Now, of course, I have my limits. I want my senators, presidents, etc. to stand firm on the non-negotiabes. Those particular non-negotiables are different for different folks, and I do realize that. I am very passionate about those particular non-negotiable issues that I hold near and dear. But, speaking generally....we NEED a president who is able to have enough diplomacy to find common ground and to find resolutions that can work toward good for all, not for one specific minority. Now, y'all know me....I'm as conservative as them come (as far as I'm concerned anyway), but I don't want a president who, come hell or high water, is only going to represent the desires of the conservative at heart. We are more than that. We want more than that. At least I do. I want a president who can work together with all in order to make this country all that it should be for the majority of folks in all walks of life and who hold strong to a variety of beliefs. And I believe that there is plenty that can be done toward that end that hasn't been done in years. And, for the most part, none of it has to offend anyone's sense of morality. There is plenty out there that needs to be done that has nothing to do with those moral issues on which most of us are proudly unwavering. Can't we at least begin there? Can't that be a healthy start? And, in my opinion, John McCain stands for a lot that I am unwavering on as well, so ---- again, I just don't get why everyone is so disconcerted with his candidacy. Now, I realize that my passions are quite vulnerable here, but -- show me one person who doesn't have some degree of passion when it comes to this election. Any election really. I do hope that I don't have any bones turning over in graves when I say this.....but, If I had only to choose between Hillary Clinton and Barrack Obama.....if those were the only two who I had to chose from - period. Of any party line. Just those two. I'd have to vote for Hillary. Never dreamed I'd ever have reason to say that. Never say never huh? And it has nothing...nothing....to do with race or gender. It has everything to do with having a known enigma versus an unknown enigma. So far, as of today, I just have a very uneasy feeling about Mr. Obama as president. And, don't get me wrong. I'm sure he's a nice, charming gentleman. I just don't have a good reason to feel secure enough to purposefully chose him for my president at this particular time in history. I must say that I'm thankful that I have another choice, and it is a choice that I wholeheartedly believe in. I may be in a conservative minority but I'm a McCain fan....I've had no reason, to date, to feel otherwise, personally. Now, I can't let the whole Hillary comment above end on that note....that would be so....unlike me. :) Here's one of my biggest qualms with Mrs. Clinton. The other day I saw a television clip where she made the comment to someone: "It's never too late to convert a Republican". Huh? Ugh! Being very transparent here....I really don't care if our president is Republican, Democrat, Independent, or a melting pot of them all. Seriously, what is this...high school? Why should I care? Yeah, yeah, I know that, typically, republicans are a good bit more conservative. And, I am a registered republican. I'm not trying to be a hypocrite here. But, I don't need a republican to be the president of the United States. I need someone who is committed to doing what is in the best interest of my country. Period. Yes, I typically, vote republican, and yes, I typically believe that what is in the best interest of my country, often falls into a more conservative class. But, honest to goodness, folks....I don't dislike Hillary Clinton for president because she is a democrat. I just found this comment of hers to be a bit shallow. And it confirms my belief that she would continue to divide us as a country rather than bring us together. We, as a country, are more than our political party preferences. And we need someone who wants more for us than that. |
Mar. 6, 2008
Babies Don't Keep
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Well, as much as I'd like to claim super-woman status....I'm not thinking that Super-woman is phased by the flu. It's a bit humbling for me to be sick for any length of time though, because I am a bit of a health fanatic. But, hey, whatever. I'm on the mend and -- I gotta be grateful for that! One thing about being down-and-out for several days, though, is that you really are forced to just stop everything. Of course, that's not an easy thing for adults who have families to raise and have a laundry-list of things to do running through our minds all day, every day. The result of all of that is that I've had more time than usual to think about all sorts of things. Bless my poor family's heart! I have more opinions running through my mind on every imaginable subject..... Can I just say that there is so much junk on television these days!? I've watched more television in the last few days than I have in a long time. Occasionally, I'd come upon some interesting things though. One show, that I watched, with some interest, but slightly more boredom was this, apparently, new show called "The Secret Life of a Soccer Mom". My oldest son will be 13 in a few months, so I've obviously been a full-time mom for quite a few years. The show itself was just something to wile away the time, but it got me to thinking.... Now, seriously, y'all know I'd grow a pinocchio nose if I tried to say that I'd be doing anything other than writing. I'm too much of an open book for anyone to have been caught off-guard there. But, this show seems to pose the question -- 'Was it worth the trade off?' -- For me, well, I never had a promising career in writing prior to having children...heck, I was only eight days shy of 24 years old when my first child was born. But, this got me to thinking (over-thinking, as usual), doesn't everyone sort of incorporate their passions into their lives in some way? Can I not have more than one thing that drives me to get up every morning? For me, I have no misgivings about my choice to be home with my children. It's the hardest job on earth, no doubt, but -- I'm not one to let that stand in my way. "Hard" = "challenge" to me, and challenge is a good thing for me. I'm too easily bored without challenge. I am of that, annoying, variety who when told that I can't do something....I say, -- "Watch me". I don't always succeed to my own satisfaction with everything that I try to do, but hey, that just goes back to not being Super woman again..... Ohhh, there are those days when I'd like to drive my children up to the nearest school house and drop them off at the door.....but, well, honestly, who doesn't have days like that? I feel lucky....more appropriately, blessed, to be able to do what I do. I feel, sometimes, like I have the best of both worlds. I can write and bore my friends and family to tears right here in blog-land and, yet, still be able to do what I feel called to do. Which for me, for such a time in my life as this, that calling is being home with my sweet, loud, beautiful, active, LOUD (ask me about my morning!) children. So, this question of ---Is it worth the trade-off? --- I dunno. Good grief....I'm not gonna go looking a gift horse in the mouth. I will tell ya that, had I missed those giggles, and those first steps and all of the many milestones of my children's lives....I'd look back with regret. Will I regret not finding my niche in the world of media -- maybe? On the bad days, probably. But, friends, in my estimation, the only significant similarity between apples and oranges -- is that they are both fruits. Beyond that....why compare two, very obviously, different things? There can be, and are, many facets that are the making of - me. I can enjoy writing 'till the cows come home.....but, that's not my biggest passion. I've got a family to raise and to love and to enjoy. And, so there ya go, --- my confession of the secret life of a homeschooling mother. It's just not all about me. Hallelujah. There are those who aren't called to the whole 24/7 motherhood gig....and I don't begrudge them that at all! Who am I that I should tell others what is in their own hearts? Nope, I'm not going there. The fact of the matter is that being a mom, no matter what else we do, is not easy for any of us. Why is it that folks can get so caught up in the nonsense of making comparisons and making judgments that we miss so much along the way? I want my mom-friends to follow their own passions. I want them to be whoever it is that God made them to be. And, I'm not arrogant enough to assume that God made them all to be like me! God's got a way to giving us all of the guidance that we need, and all of the support that we need to do what He desires for each of us to do. I've got enough difficult things to wade through in life without thinking that I need to set the bar for all of my mommy-friends. Boy, I sure wouldn't make a good god. I think that I'll leave that all to Him and I'll just be a friend to my friends. In this diverse world where some of us are at home, and some of us are also working outside of the home, -- I think that the biggest thing that we can all agree on is that --- Babies don't keep. Simple as that.....no secret to navigate. We all just want to enjoy our babies and treasure these moments in time that we'll never be able to revisit. And we all just want to do what the Lord has put in our hearts to do. So, I don't think that I'll be watching this particular program again. It's not a bad program. Just, to me, a bit irrelevant. As moms....we do what we do out of the outpouring of our hearts, and that, goes back to our grandmothers and their grandmothers -- it's a primitive thing -- it's not about our heads...it's about our hearts. |
Feb. 11, 2008
Yesterday, Today, and Tomorrow
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A lot of folks that I know will tell me that they don't always find the Old Testament relevant, or don't get a lot out of reading it, etc. On some level I totally get this frame of thought. And, once upon a time, I have felt the same way. But, for me, the Old Testament is beautiful. There is so much about the character of God and the love of God for His people in the Old Testament. For, at least, the last several years, I have found myself more drawn to the Old Testament books and have a deep appreciation for these records of a time that have been preserved for someone (me) (and you) in the year 2008 to learn about our God and the history of His people. Recently, I was reading and thinking about the miracles that were a regular part of life for the Hebrews. I was thinking about how awesome it must have been to have God speak, audibly, to you. This happened often in the Old Testament. How, humbling it must have been to see miracle after miracle, and, for some, to even have played a part in those miracles. Of course, I believe that miracles are just as much a part of God in 2008 as they were in Old Testament times. But, what is it about us today that we don' t expect His miracles? Or don't recognize them? Or, too often, define them as 'coincidence'? It's kinda sad to me. He hasn't changed. I was reading recently in Exodus about how the Lord told Moses to go to the Pharaoh and tell him that God said to allow His people to leave Egypt. Throughout this reading, you often, come across verses, such as this one in chapter seven verse three, ..."but, I will harden the Pharaoh's heart, and though I multiply my miraculous signs and wonders in Egypt, he will not listen to you." Of course, we all have read this over the years, and thought about this "hardening of the Pharaoh's heart" that the Lord caused. It wasn't coincidence that God was able to send plague after plague into Egypt while attempting to free his people from the bondage of slavery in Egypt. It's easy to wonder why God would allow this to go on and on.... I love in chapter nine where, God is telling Moses what to say to the Pharaoh and, there is the normal, 'Let my people go...', but then God goes on to say, in verses 15 and 16, "For by now I could have stretched out my hand and struck you and your people with a plague that would have wiped you off the earth. But, I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." We might not always understand God's ways and reasonings, but, He always has something good at heart. Earlier in chapter three, verse seven, He says to Moses, "I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of the slave drivers and I am concerned about their suffering." Do you think that the Hebrews were more than ready for God to set them free already? Enough of the plagues....lets just put the Pharaoh in his place and move on with this thing already? I'm sure. But, as always, like it was then and as it is now, it's not about us. It's all about Him and we know that in trusting Him, we'll be well cared for. I think that there are a lot of us who can relate to the Israelites, in that, we have or have had some plight that is, seemingly, unending. I think that this passage from the pages of history can bring comfort to us in such times. He heard His people crying, He was concerned about them. He had every intention of bringing them into the land that He'd promised their forefathers. But, all of that was second to His desire to have His name "proclaimed in all the earth". I don't understand why a neighbor would sue another? It makes no good sense to me. But, I have this sneaking suspicion that it has more to do with Him, than it will ever have to do with me. I pray that I can be the example that He desires for me to be, so that, even in this 'bondage', He is able to be proclaimed and recognized to all the world around me. His influence in our lives is just as real as it was in the Old Testament times. Maybe we are more wrapped up in ourselves and in our 'things' that we have a harder time finding God in things.....but, again, it isn't He who has changed. Take heart, not only is He the God of the New Testament who was born to die for us, but He is also the God of the Old Testament who has loved us from the beginning of time. |
Feb. 7, 2008
Anyone Seen the Sun Lately?
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I think that Dr. Seuss sums it up well: "The storm starts when the drops start dropping. When the drops stop dropping then the storm starts stopping." So, whose guilty of doing the rain dance? |
Jan. 11, 2008
2005 Resolution --- Take Four.
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Happy 2008. I haven't really made any huge 'resolutions'. I'm still working on the resolution that I made a few years back....simplifying. Who knew that it was so much work to simplify?! We have made good progress though. I'm hoping to complete that process this year. Of course, it will be ongoing since it's a habit and lifestyle that we hope to have for our family. We've never been ones to keep a lot of things. But, as anyone with a house full of children knows, your home can accumulate so much when kids are present. We've given away so much in the last two years. This year, I need to, finally, go through all of our baby clothes and maternity clothes and all of the other baby things that are packed away. Our youngest will be six in a couple of months and I guess it's time. We've given away the big stuff already, but all of the little stuff that's packed away still needs to be dealt with. I dread doing that, being the sentimental person that I am, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. But, there's more to simplicity than just living more minimally. We've been working on this as well. Homeschoolilng in and of itself adds to the complexity of life. We're learning new habits that can help here as well though, so -- maybe by 2009 I can make a different resolution. ( !! ) Our diets are pretty simple too, we eat all-natural. Organic when possible. Not having processed chemicals masquerading as nutrition makes one feel much better! I never thought that I had this person inside of me who did the whole 'all-natural' thing....but, here she is and she's growing on me a lot. Our desire to eat more naturally, eventually found it's way into choosing other natural products in our household. Natural cleaners are so much better than commercially made products. We're learning a lot in this new "granola" phase of our life (as one called it). I went into 2007 with one goal to begin this process of natural eating....and that was to avoid any products made with corn syrup. Then it evolved from there, and now eating and living more naturally has become second-nature to us. We wouldn't go back for anything. So, here I am beginning the year 2008 still trying to expound on the same goals that I set years ago. I really didn't know what all was involved in simplifying. It seemed like an innocent resolution at the time, but over the years, it grows into more and more areas of our lives. The process has been exhausting at times, but very worthwhile. I recommend that everyone try it. One step at a time, it's not hard. Like everything, it's a process. You can't jump from point A to point Z in one week/month (and if you're like me, YEAR), but every little bit helps and keeps you motivated toward the next goal. Happy, Simple, Natural New Year! |
Nov. 19, 2007
The Joys of Shopping.....Sorta......Well, Not Really.....
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I've decided that I hate (strongly dislike?)(no, I think, verging on hate)......... shopping for jeans and boots. Maybe I should write a country/western song? All I need to do is throw in a broken down truck, and I think I've got a song. :) I don't think that the makers of jeans are considering that rare shopper who happens to be 5'1" (read: short) who weighs roughly 115 pounds. Would it be that hard to make jeans that could fit a short woman who is thin? Seriously, I can't be the only person who fits this description. I believe that I tried on every pair of pants that were in the ladies department of Kohl's recently. I can think of better ways to spend a couple of hours. On the bright side, I think that I managed to burn quite a few calories in the process. :) And then there's boots. Before I moved to the North (midwest...whatever. It's north to me)....I never had a use for boots. I used to just wear sandals all of the time when I lived in the south. Well, sandals and Indiana winters are pneumonia waiting to happen. So, of course, I'm picky about boots just like I am about all of the other clothes that I wear. At least I'm consistent. I need boots that I can wear with dresses, so they need to be boots that go over my calves. No problem, right? Wrong. I exercise a lot, so my calf muscles are pretty pronounced (read: big). Zipping boots over my calves is near torture. Every time, without fail, I manage to get my skin caught in the zipper. My reaction to this, tends to cause every other woman in the shoe department to stare. And I wouldn't be me if I didn't have to have the right color, now, would I? I'm not into black or white shoes. So, black boots are out. I like brown. Apparently every other woman in the city who wears size 6 shoes likes brown boots better too. In my head, I walk away with thoughts of the "shoe natzi" in my head "No shoes for you". (remember the "soup natzi" from Seinfeld? "No soup for you"?) What the heck, since I'm on a roll with my country/western whine....what is up with the heals on shoes for the last several years?? Do people really wear sandals with two inch heals? Sandals with heals?? Ya know, I'm a 36 year old woman, I really don't prefer boots with big, huge, clunky heals. Call me old fashioned. (ha,ha)(that was a joke, please don't call me old fashioned.) :) Hmmm, maybe this has more potential for a blues song than it does a western song? How about a mix of the two. Bluester n. Funny how my spell checker keeps underlining this word in red as if it isn't a word or something. Go figure. :) |
Nov. 15, 2007
As the Tree, So Goes the Man
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The weather around these parts has been a little confused this year. There are some years when we still have enough warm weather on and off that we still need to mow the grass in November. This morning I went out to mow the grass while waiting for my sons to clean their rooms. (I have learned to find a project during this time rather than waiting on them....it's a long wait). No sooner than I got started, little pillows of cold start flying around. Just a few flurries, no big deal. But, it's got me thinking.... Ya know, like I (and most all) say every year, this year has gone by so quickly. Honestly, I didn't realize that next week was Thanksgiving until yesterday. How genius the concept of seasons. And so much like God to continually refresh and renew. We've had a lot going on this year, not unlike years prior. We spent the early part of the year going back and forth between Florida and Indiana watching this ugly thing called death snatch away my Father-in-law. Then the middle part of the year was spent dealing with, yet, more of another ugly thing called the "justice" system. (Or injustice as the case may be). My word is my vow....outside of God, we would have, long ago, become bitter, joyless apathetic people. Folks, believe me when I tell you, that there is a strength that is beyond your or my power to recruit. If you would have told me three and a half years ago that we'd still be swimming upstream in this nonsense, I would have told you to shoot me then. But, somehow, by His great love and mercy He's carried us through. Oh yeah....hard it's been....but, in the midst of it all, there's been a hope and a certain strength that only comes from an active faith in the One who calms the storms to a whisper. One thing about seasons is that, no matter what, as long as the earth continues to revolve around the sun, there will be renewal. There will be growth. When we first built our home, we had two newly planted trees in our front yard. At that time, they were weak and vulnerable - young and unreliable. But, today, four and a half years later, those trees are tall and have a strength that they didn't have before. They are maturing and we can, fairly well, rely on the fact that these trees aren't going to surrender to the elements. The hot summer days and the cold snowy nights, they'll have more ability to withstand. The seasons have given them growth and life experience that they didn't know before. As the tree, so goes the man. The seasons aren't meant to allay life, but to sustain life. With change and renewal come improvement and gain. Sometimes, thanksgiving overflows from our hearts and sometimes, thanksgiving is a sacrifice. During the difficult times, we give God that sacrifice of thanksgiving that says that we know that, while much pain is taking place, much growth and character are being formed. Being the humans that we are, we can't always appreciate someone else's pain unless we've strapped on their sandals for a while. We find security and trust in the person who we know has been where we are. It's not fun or easy; it takes you out of the shallow and plunges you into the deep before you ever feel ready to take that dive. These seasons of life....the pain, the joy, the excitement and the hardship.....they all show the footprints of God as he joins us through life. And I'm thankful for that. Overall....truly, it has been a nice year, and with never a dull moment, as usual. The seasons of the calender often go by much faster than the seasons of life do, but I love how the two agree in so many ways. They both, quietly and subtly bring about a refreshing change for the betterment of nature and of man. As obscure as it may sound....this thanksgiving I think that what I find myself most thankful for is the gift of seasons. |
Oct. 23, 2007
Baby Steps
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So, my 12 year old son asks me who I support as a candidate for the, upcoming, presidential election. Well, son, that's a loaded question. If I had my druthers John McCain would be my pick....but, it doesn't seem like that is a realistic possibility at this point. How I miss the days when the questions were more along the lines of "Mommy, why is the sky blue?" But, hey, I'm proud of the boy. When I was 12 the things on my radar were surely not presidential elections. Now....how to explain to him the questions about Iraq that he's been asking.... |
Oct. 17, 2007
You're Still the One
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I was so young. At the time, I didn't think that 21 was so young, but now, 15 years later, I'm a touch more aware of just how young I was when I entered marriage. We were so different then. Life was so easy and carefree. We were broke, but it was all that we knew so it wasn't anything that we couldn't handle. Our only car somehow managed to carry us wherever we needed to go. The house was always so clean....these three little boys who make it messy today, were but dreams back then. It seems like a different life. And it really was a different life. We were different people. We've grown individually and together. We've weathered a lot. We've laughed a lot. I don't think that we would have made it through the last 15 years without laughter. All these years later, we still have fun together. It all started with just the two of us and has now grown into this lively, chaotic, blessed family of five. Sometimes I miss the quietness of those early years, but I-know-that-I-know-that-I-know that we are living the best years of our life right now, in this moment. Watching each year pass by more quickly than the last, and our children, so rapidly, growing up before our eyes, I am so very aware of the fact that, all too soon another fifteen years will have passed. How quickly our lives become pages in the history books and memories in the photo albums. How precious today becomes when you realize how many yesterdays have passed. And today, I'm thankful for all that the last fifteen years have brought into my life. The good, the bad, the blessings, the difficulties - I'm ever thankful for it all because it has brought us right where we are now....and I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. Happy Anniversary. In the words of Shania Twain.... Looks like we made it Look how far we've come now baby We mighta took the long way We knew we'd get there someday They said, "I bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on We're still together still going strong You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss good night Ain't nothin' better We beat the odds together I'm glad we didn't listen Look at what we would be missin' They said, "I bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on We're still together still going strong You're still the one I run to The one that I belong to You're still the one I want for life You're still the one that I love The only one I dream of You're still the one I kiss good night. ....looking forward to the next fifteen.... |
Oct. 3, 2007
Making Wise the Simple
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If you're really quiet, you can hear some interesting conversations around my home. My five year old just had this to say to his nine year old brother: "Tanner, God made you and He 'respects' (expects) you to be nice." Pretty sound reasoning for a kindergarten'er don't you think? :) |
Sep. 18, 2007
The Risk of Loving
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How do you say goodbye to something that's been a part of your life for half of your life? I know that there are some who don't get that attached to their animals, but I am not one of those. It doesn't take me long to get attached. Our sweet cat, Eenie, was 17+ years old. When I moved out on my own, at 18, almost 19 years of age, she was a stray kitten who wandered around the little apartment area where I lived. She had a brother too. We named him Moe. Crazy names, I know. My husband (boyfriend at the time) had just found some childhood stuffed animals that he'd had when he was little, and they were named Meenie and Miney, so he chose to name the cats Eenie and Moe. They were good names for these cats though because, they are unique names and these were definitely two very unique kitties. Eenie's brother, Moe, died years ago. We had not even had him for a year when he died. That, too, was a traumatic moment in time. Ya know, I'm not going to apologize for loving my animals. Some in my life, think it's just one of those things and you just go out and get a new cat and that's that. I'm not going to pretend that her death doesn't affect me. I'm not going to be embarrassed because I love so whole-heartedly. That's just who I am; that's how God made me. It would be dishonoring to Him to be anything less than the person He made me to be. I'm not good at keeping things bottled up inside anyway....I'd make it for a week ,at most, and then I'd cry a river. When you've had a pet for this long (over 17 years), the pet really becomes so much a part of your life, that it almost feels like I've lost my right foot or something. Something that I've always depended on and has always been reliable to me - is gone. I know that we'll adjust with time. It's been four days now and it's still too new to look past it. I've never lost something that's been with me for that long though, so I worry that I'll always be looking for her in different ways and never really get over her death. She was our one constant in life. Through all of our moves to new states, and new houses and all of the new babies that came into our home, one by one. Through everything - she's been right there. It seems very unnatural to live without her. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a pet as sweet as our Eenie. This was the most gentle cat. All she wanted was to love and be loved. But, she was so strong at the same time. We called her "Queenie Eenie" because she knew that she was the queen around our home. We have two other kitties, one named Tess, who we got for Eenie almost 9 years ago so that she wouldn't be lonely. And the other, named Callie, who was a stray that we brought in. Tess and Eenie have never been accepting of Callie. Tess and Callie used to fight outside before we adopted her, so Tess could not understand why on earth her arch enemy was now living in her home! Eenie didn't fight with her, because she was too old to really be that aggressive, but she did make sure that Callie knew her place when she came around her. Callie is a very wild cat. She lived on her own for years before we adopted her, and she was used to having to fend for herself. She catches mice from the field behind us and she catches the wild bunnies and birds and chipmunks. She's really big and fluffy and looks intimidating. But, not to Eenie. When Eenie came around Callie moved out of the way. Callie knew to be afraid of Eenie. Callie will chase Tess down, but the only time she would ever try to get to Eenie was when Eenie's back was turned. She'd always cower when Eenie could see her. There's always that risk that comes with love. I was telling my son several weeks ago, when his hamster died, all of the things that a mother should say to her child when he is heartbroken. "You were lucky to have had her", "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", "It'll get easier with time". But, truly, there is nothing that can satisfy grief. |
Aug. 13, 2007
And the 11th President Waaasss?????
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It's that time of year again. Time to somehow fit that square peg (time) into a round hole (hours in a day). I'm not gonna lie, balancing home life and schooling isn't easily done. We began our new school year sometime in early July, but we started slowly and have been building as we go. Now, we are to the point where we've added everything in except for Language Arts (Which I haven't even ordered yet!). School is going great. We are enjoying our studies and love the new curricula that we've purchased. No complaints there....but trying to find a happy balance between home life and school life is always the challenge for the home school parent. Especially now that I have three school-aged children. These are the times when I wish that I had an assistant. You know, someone to do the laundry and make the appointments and to keep me apprised of all of the outside things that I need to remember and organize, etc. Homeschooling and life-in-general are very much interwoven for the most part, but there are always those things that just don't mix well. For example: Teaching history and mopping. They both need to be done regularly, but you can't kill two birds with one stone there - you must make some time available for both. We've had some really great homeschooling years and, truthfully, we've had some not-so-great homeschooling years as well. The common thread in all of those really good years has always been an atmosphere of casual excitement. Excitement for the learning process in general and excitement for being together and enjoying each other's company along the way. I don't "do" fake, so I won't even try to duck out of a major flaw of mine. Everyone who knows me well, knows that I'm a bit of a perfectionist. But, having three boys can teach one very quickly how to live in a less-than-perfect environment! I really have made so much progress in this area. I'd be living in the funny farm right now if I hadn't gained some perspective in this area. But, as everyone does from time to time, I occasionally fall back on what I know....and what I know is -- perfectionism. Well, at least my own brand of perfectionism. And, learning to live in this boy-saturated environment, where I'm not always completely comfortable....seems to be one of the easiest forms of perfectionism to learn to abandon (at least in part). For me, I find it harder to let go of that part of me that wants the world for my kids. Who do I think I am that I could actually provide the world for my children? It's not about things. They have too many things. It's about what I can do for them now to encourage them and support them as they become the people that they were born to be. As a homeschooling parent...that's a heavy trapping. How does this apply to homeschooling? Well, try looking at all of the great learning resources available to us. There have been many a time when I've gotten too caught up in the "gotta learn everything" trap - that in fact, we've learned less. There's less excitement and more pressure. Less bonding and more memorizing. I think that I went to a great school, but it was heavy in the memorization department. In my gut, I just feel that that is a futile attempt at teaching. Memorization doesn't equal learning. If it did....I'd remember who the 11th president was off of the top of my head. I have my place in it all, no doubt....but, it's, ultimately, not me or their father who will equip them with all that they need to become those people who God sent them here to be. Too much of a good thing is still -- too much. I put too much pressure on myself to make the experience what it can be and in the process, neglect to realize that we're missing what the experience should be. And those are the years that I'd rather not repeat. During those years, once again, I substitute 'the good' for 'the best'. It's tricky in homeschooling though because, on the surface, one would say that filling our minds with as much as possible *is* the 'best'. But, in fact, it's just 'the good' disguising itself as 'the best'. Yeah, they'll know a *little* of everything, enough to scratch the surface and get by in life....but, is this why we homeschool? My hardest challenge in homeschooling is myself. Keeping myself out of it enough that I can curb those desires to be the "perfect" teacher. Remembering to keep the "Main thing, the main thing". It's about learning to learn. And in the process, loving to learn. It's about being able to learn about our Creator and to build strong bonds among us as a tight family unit. I might as well be willing to leave my children's education up to the randomness of an 8 ball if I am not willing to confront and avoid those parts of my personality that cause this wonderful opportunity of homeschooling to be nothing more than school at home. So, who cares if we only get through the B.C. portion of world history this year?? Will A.D. not be there when we pick the books back up next year? What's important is whether or not we learned to love history. Whether or not we took our time and learned more about each other through this process of studying world history. What's important is not something that you can quantify at all. It's that certain richness of life, and passion for learning and 'knowing that you know' the satisfaction of making a difference in more than just your children's education...but in their lives as a whole. That internal calm that tells you that what you are doing IS important and WILL one day come back to you tenfold. What's the point of homeschooling if we're just filling our minds with facts, and not coming away with, both, our minds and our hearts filled? So, my prayer for the 2007-2008 school year is that I keep, in the forefront of my mind, the value of this time. This year will be gone as quickly as the last. I want to cherish this time for what it is. I, so desperately, want to avoid the trappings of 'the good' and remember that 'the best' is so much more valuable to their futures. I want to avoid the arrogance of my own desire for perfectionism, and stay focused on those little things that will make lasting memories - long after they've forgotten who the 11th president was. |
Aug. 1, 2007
Out of the Mouths of Babes
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My five year old is so funny and he doesn't even know it. In fact, he gets mad at you when you laugh because he's so serious about what he's saying. A few nights ago, I finally got all of my children in bed, and was on the phone with my husband (who is out of town right now). Then I hear this crying and fussing and I can't make out the words. I went in to see what he was so upset about -- and this was the conversation that ensued: Me: "What's wrong Grey?" G: "Tanner just took my bunny; mine was 'sposed' to be the 'banilla' one and he just took it." Me: "Huh"? G: "I wanted the 'banilla' one and he took it. I didn't want the chocolate one. He always just does that." Me: "Are you talking about Easter?" G: "Yes, and the 'banilla' one was mine." Me: "Greyson, Easter was months ago." (At this point I can hear my husband laughing through the phone...the phone that is not up to my ear at the moment). G: "I know mom, but it's not fair." Me: "Why are we talking about Easter? It was months ago." G: "But I wanted the 'banilla' one and he just took it and that's not nice." Me: "Okay, well, lets talk about this in the morning okay?" G: "Okay" Me: "Sleep tight, sweet dreams" G: "Sleep tight, sweet dreams" And, he has yet to mention it again. Do you have any idea how hard it was to hold back laughter during this conversation? Why he had Easter on his mind, and why he decided that he was jilted out of the 'banilla' bunny is anyone's guess. What, they both don't realize is that the vanilla bunny was meant for Blake! Couldn't exactly point that out to them because....how would we know?? Only the Easter Bunny knows for sure who the vanilla bunny was meant for. ;) I think I'm going to ask the Easter Bunny to make them all the same next year! |
Jul. 30, 2007
Comments
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I had to disable the comments section....boohoo. I'll hopefully have it back up eventually. Thought I'd state that so that someone doesn't think that they've lost their mind hunting for it. :) |
Jul. 27, 2007
I'm IT again...
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Sweet, sweet socalval from Just4homeschoolfamilies has tagged me. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this "tagged" thing.....still not the best at coming up with interesting, random facts about myself though. People love to talk about themselves and then you ask them to tell you something and they are suddenly speechless. LOL. TAG RULES:
************************** I know you're sitting on the edge of your chairs in excited anticipation, waiting to hear eight new interesting facts about me, so....1. I'm afraid of spiders. Not your normal girlie "Ack a spider!" kind of thing....my husband would be thrilled if that were all that it was. No, I can't even look at them without getting shivers. See, now I'm thinking about them and freaking out... 2. We built a house with woods behind us and a wooded lot in front of us....spiders think that my yard is heaven on earth. Yes, I freak out on a regular basis. Maybe that's why God gave me three boys. My own personal, live-in, spider killers. 3. And....to give you an honest representation of myself....I'm also the one in the background saying "Don't kill it". 4. No more spider talk. 5. My husband has dark brown hair and brown eyes....and all three of our children were born with blond hair and blue eyes. They say it can't happen...but, my sons are hear to tell you that it can. I have blue eyes and my hair is blond in the summer time. More brown in the winter now that I'm older. (The sun changes my hair color very quickly). Now the only one with really blond hair is my five year old. 6. My husband was born with a cleft palate. These days that's a fairly easy thing to fix. In 1968, I'm told that he wasn't expected to live. How far science has come. His father had a plane and they flew to North Carolina for his surgeries and appointments. (Apparently those were the best doctors for this at that time.) Kids now are 'lucky' - only three surgeries or so and they're on with life. I can't remember the number of surgeries my husband has had?? I think it was 30something. And still needs two more. 7. Eight? Really? 8. I don't like coffee. Love the smell of it - hate the taste of it. There it is kids....more than you ever wanted to know about me. And, there are eight of you who need to beware. Anyone outside of Homeschool Blogger wanna play? |
Jul. 15, 2007
Of Lilies and Sparrows....
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Sometimes God surprises me...how much I can see Him in the little things. I had this total God-thing happen to me this week. Honestly, if I wasn't aware of His presence in my life it would be kind of eerie to me. Earlier this month, I wrote out a check to pay our mortgage, stamped, sealed, etc., Then went out and placed it in the mailbox. I was the only one in my home who was awake yet that morning, and I remember -- taking it to the mailbox, banging the mailbox closed (we have an uncooperative mailbox) and then putting the flag up. I walked back inside and went about my normal morning routine. Never gave it a second thought. I'm not losing my mind....I really did this! Fast forward to this week. My son was sitting on the floor using his computer and I was talking to him. I looked over and noticed, what looked like, a bill on the floor beside him. I sweep this floor every day and there is no paperwork kept in this room at all, so this seemed unusual. He picked it up and handed it to me, and, surprise...it's my mortgage payment! Not mailed. I'm thinking...."What the heck?". Well, okay, no big deal, we'll just call and pay it over the phone (thank goodness we were not beyond the grace period and had no late payment). But, since then I've been going over and over the circumstances of that morning in my mind. I keep thinking that I must be missing something. God must be so impressed with my confidence in Him! (sooo said with sarcasm). But, there's another part of this story that makes this -- well, just a God-thing. A few days earlier we'd been doing our bank work, balancing the budget, paying bills, etc. Ya know, all that fun stuff. I never balance my checkbook....ever. How did we ever live during times when we couldn't look our bank info up on the computer?! We write in the date, check # and total and then every couple of weeks, we go back and look up our account on the computer and mark off the checks that have already cleared the bank and which ones haven't been processed yet. Hey, it works. Nothing out of the ordinary on this particular day until we come across a check that hasn't been logged. Hmmm. What happened to check #(000)? Nothing on the computer, nothing in the check register. We couldn't recall writing a check in the recent past. Strange. At this point, I'm really hoping that I didn't accidentally tear out two checks when I paid the mortgage...with one of them being blank of course. We decided to wait until it cleared the bank and then we'd write it in the register (because there is no way that I could be such a goof as to have sent a blank check to someone!). Oh that that were true! I am such a goof. I opened the envelope to pay the bill by phone....and found two checks. One written to my mortgage company and one....blank! Who does this kind of stuff? Really wondering, at this point, if I should be teaching anyone...let alone my own, precious children! And, yet, God saw what I missed. How that bill got back into my house is anyone's guess. Maybe one of the kids thought that the mail had come and brought it in thinking it was new mail?? Maybe the mail carrier missed it and put the new mail in with the payment so it was brought inside with the new mail?? Maybe it grew legs and walked back inside itself?? All I know is that He is such a tender-loving and faithful God. I'll forever wonder how that bill got back inside my home...but, I'll always know Who it was who was behind it all. How much we concern ourselves with the big things in life...and, yet, here God is watching over, even, the smallest details. Why do we worry about all of the nonsense that can consume us, knowing that we have this gracious God Who is capable beyond the limitations of our imaginations? How humbling to see His hand so present in my life. And how rich and satisfying a confidence we find in Him. Sometimes it's hard to mentally grasp that kind of love. I admit, it confuses me at times. Not that perfect love exists...heck, I'm a mom...I know the depth of pure, raw love. What confuses me, is that this perfect love has found favor with me. Ya know, I could get into the whole "Childhood, parent/child relationships" thing...but, --- all I can really say to that is "whatever". It is what it is. That is all meaningless at this point...but, what lingers, what scars and effects the adult-me is -- in understanding this idea of being the recipient of such love. Times were what they were and people are who they are....that's not what I'm talking about. I just always find myself surprised by such pure love directed toward me. This is probably my greatest, true challenge in life. But, His nature is such that He is not going to let me, for one second, assume that His love for me is conditional or lacking. He knows that I'm somewhat confused by it, but He's not worried. He doesn't change what He does or doesn't do...He just continues to consistently, reliably, faithfully love. And for this particular day in this particular week during this particular July in this year of 2007.....I'm deeply aware of the beautiful attention that He shows to all that He has created. The lilies, the sparrows, and....me. |
Jul. 6, 2007
My Son - Part Child and Part Man
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How did we, so quickly, go from baby teeth, toddler shoes and highchairs - to stereos, shoes bigger than mine and algebra? How precious those young days are and yet, now, to grasp them would be like trying to grasp the air. Those moments are gone. Those small voices and cute mis-pronounced words, those little feet, and sippie cups - they belong to a moment in time that passes so, so quickly. One day those moments are your reality, and then, it seems, the next moment you're left standing there wondering how they grew up so fast. How wise was the one who quipped "The days are long, but the years are short." My oldest son will turn 12 this Sunday, July 8th. I keep telling him that he can't be 12 because I'm not old enough to have a 12 year old. But, the child just keeps insisting that he is 12.... Makes me,even more, thankful that I still have one who is five....and still doing some of the things that we associate with the young years. But, I've been a mother long enough to know that he, too, will be 12 before I am ready. When all of my children were toddlers I always wished that I could, somehow, bottle up that 'Essence of Toddler' and save it for when those days were over. Even then, I had the forsight to know how much I'd miss that sweet time in their little lives. I wondered if I'd ever be able to stop having babies because there would always be a part of me that missed those little ones. I feel that I am much better with the younger ages than I am with the older ages. The young ages challenge you physically...you stay drained and tired, but the older years...they challenge you mentally. It's a whole different stage of parenting that requires so much more from you. A stage of parenting that is definitely not for the weak! How shallow we would be as parents, if we spent 18+ years never having to move beyond what is required of us during the early years of parenting though. I want to know my children more than I can know them through playing peek-a-boo and rocking them to sleep. The challenges are exhausting at times, but - how much we'd miss if they weren't. It is strange to watch this one who seems older every time I turn around and who looks so much like me, grow into this independent individual who has his own dreams to follow, his own mistakes to make, and his own bright future just waiting for him to create. How did I get to this place in motherhood? There I was - a, young 24 year old, new mother to this tiny little 8 pound, 3 ounce wrinkly faced, blue-eyed precious miracle. Here I am - the mother of a 12 year old young man. The young man who made me a mother and has been patient with me as we've weathered the good and the bad together, growing in our roles as mother and son. I feel like the little old lady at the supermarket. The one who tells the younger mothers, with the little ones in tow, something that they really can't understand yet. That heartfelt admonishment to -- "Treasure Every Moment". That familiar "Enjoy them, they grow up fast." The one who has that look in her eyes that tells a story - a story of her own years as a young mother and of her own babies toddling around, wide-eyed to the world around them. I've got much more to learn as a mom and many more years with children under my roof and, today, I choose to remember to be thankful for that...for tomorrow they'll be on to their own way. And tomorrow comes way too fast for this sentimental mama. Happy Birthday Sweet Boy.
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Jun. 28, 2007
Water Water Everywhere....
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So much for the drought here in my little corner of the world. I guess it hadn't rained for quite some time (I never really noticed much). Water companies were asking folks not to water their lawns on certain days (and it seemed like I would always read the paper and find this out after I'd watered my lawn all day!) Some towns and neighborhoods had restrictions on watering lawns or washing cars. I think that, maybe, most folks around here aren't used to temperatures in the high 80s/ low 90s. But us....being from Florida, we still had our windows open and felt quite comfortable with such cool weather. (This is one of the reasons we've stayed here so long...the weather is near perfect). Well, fast forward to this past week. No shortage of rain in these parts this week. Graduations at my sons' karate studio are coming up and my boys are ready to move out of their yellow belts. Yesterday, while driving them to their fourth karate class this week - the bottom must have nearly fell out of the sky. Talk about a gullywasher. So, here I am driving in near zero visibility, trying to find my glasses in my bag while looking at the road. (Realizing that -- oh yeah, my glasses are sitting on my chest at home.) Trying to focus on the road in 5:00 p.m. traffic while seeing nothing but white..... When I hear this louder than loud "Whooohooo" coming from the back seat of my van. My 9 year old wild child is acting as if he's never seen rain before. I continue to focus on the road when I hear, "Mom, we don't have an umbrella". Again, loudly, very loudly. Finally the rain has let up a bit and we can see the road. The boys are in awe of how much water has accumulated on the road because it was coming down too fast for the drains to accomodate it all. Now, my son yells up to me "Mom!" I'm thinking something is going on that I, the driver, need to know about. But, the scare wasn't scary after all - "The street is flooded" he says in a worried (loud) tone. So, finally, I say "Boys, I need to focus on the road ahead of me, I can't talk to you right now" The big boys continue to look out the back window as if they are living in the days of Noah and have never seen this - water that falls from the sky. I'm praying that my five year old doesn't fall asleep, reminding him that "we'll be there soon, stay awake". It's way too late for this tired boy to be taking a nap (hoping to avoid the bedtime battle with a child whose wide awake). When...here we go again...we're under another black cloud, heavy raindrops pouring. And, true to form, my 9 year old wants to chat again. "Mom" he yells "We need to get an umbrella". I am way too sarcastic for my own good...and it's usually in a fun way. But, at that moment, I'm thinking to myself..."Okay, yes, lets go to a store, park, walk in through the pouring rain, buy an umbrella, get back into the van and drive to karate....so that we won't get wet walking the five steps from the van to the entrance of the karate studio." Ya know, it really takes talent to think those thoughts while at the same time saying to your child, "We won't need an umbrella; we won't have to walk that far." Finally, we arrive at the karate studio...five year old still awake (barely), big boys wide-eyed from the great, water-world adventure ride they've just been on (in their imaginations anyway). We survived and didn't even get all that wet on our way inside. I'm happy to sit for an hour while watching a bunch of energetic children practice karate...I don't even bother to walk toward the bench...I sit right on the floor and watch from there. And, the funny thing is, that any mom knows that this is just a day in the life of a mom. Nothing special about this particular day....details are different...facts are the same. Sometimes I think that these little boys have way too much confidence in me...they're not scared or nervous - nothing but excited. My oldest, even saying that he hopes it'll storm on the way home too. I'm hearing things like "that was amazing" coming from behind me as I drive home. Scary to think that their confidence is in me; they know that I'm not going to let any harm come to them so they enjoy the scenery while I weather the storm. How I wish that it could be that easy for me to show that confidence in God. I need to look out the window more and just let God take care of the storms. And ya wanna know what? My husband was on the road driving to a meeting on another part of the city during all of this and I'm praying that he's not having difficulty on the roads. Later that evening when he calls, I ask him about it -- and his response? "What storm?"
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Jun. 23, 2007
Dust Bunnies Aren't Cute
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I've got a case of the 'blahs' these days; guess I just need to snap out of it! My house looks like someone picked it up and shook it around like a snow globe and put it back down. It'd be funny if it weren't so true. :) We had wood floors put in the entire dowstairs of our home this week. It was interesting having the refrigerator in the foyer and the stove in the dining room and the table in the family room, and - you get the picture. Things were moved around from room to room until the whole house was complete. And....something that I learned along the way -- I really need to get into the habit of dusting! Good grief! I'm surprised that my visitors haven't written "Dust Me" on the furniture on their way out. (Thank you friends!) It's a good thing that no one in my family is allergic to dust! I've always said that the one thing that I nevet get to is dusting...and I found out just how true that is this week. Dusting will now be somewhere near the top of the list so that it actually gets done...that was embarrassing! But, to put in a plug for the Dyson vacuum cleaner....when they pulled out our carpets, there was no dust in the padding. I love that thing! The carpet had been in the house for four years since we built the house. The first time that we used the Dyson we vacuumed the family room....and filled the canister! We vacuumed a lot before, but other vacuums were just sweeping up the surface stuff....the dyson goes down to the padding and actually picks up all of the dust out of the carpet. Our carpets looked almost new after getting the Dyson. They're a little pricey, but so worth the money. We were having to buy a new vacuum every year. So far, a year later, the Dyson is still running strong... So, I need to exercise, but my husband is sick and resting and I can't get the exercise stuff out. The boys are watching television and playing on the computer -- Saturday and Sunday are the only days when they are allowed to have "screen time" so they wake up on the weekends and run downstairs like it's Christmas morning. I've washed the dishes and cleaned up the kitchen from having a house full of workmen in it the last few days. Now...I've just got the blahs. I don't wanna read (maybe I'm getting sick, lol), don't wanna cook, don't wanna call anyone, it's raining so I can't take a walk....(apparently, I don't "wanna" write correctly either. :) ) I suppose that I really should get back to dusting - oh joy, I can't wait. :) |
Jun. 10, 2007
Legal Drama...yippee!
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Well, my head's coming out of the fog a little. Feels kinda nice actually. It's been hard waiting for this whole lawsuit to end. We found out last week that we'd need to file an appeal...and it was filed last week. Our lawyer says that it could take at least 1-2 years for an appeal to go through, so....more waiting. We're three years in, so what's a couple more? (said in my most sarcastic voice). But, at least we're done with all of the hearings every few months and different filing dates and, and, and. We feel confident that the appeal will go well, but the trial should have gone our way and it didn't, so nothing is guaranteed. If there is really any justice, we will win the appeal. Friends, be careful and mindful when you are voting for your judges. I was so naive...the lack of justice has caught me by surprise. I can't wrap my mind around how they could make decisions based on things that have nothing to do with the facts. How do they sleep at night? In our case, there are many possibilities. She didn't like our lawyer, she wasn't familiar with our lawyer, she is familiar with the other lawyers as they use her court more often, maybe some unknown reasons. Who knows? But, just a friendly admonition -- be very diligent when voting for the judges in your area. - you never know when someone is going to frivolously sue you and the next thing you know, you're living in something that you never would have dreamed for yourself. And unfortunately, I'm learning, that there are plenty of people out there who are 'sue-happy'. And, I'm also, unfortunately, learning that there are a lot of judges who abuse their positions. We hold tight to His promises and trust His plans, so it's all good. It's not all fun, but, we have too much to be thankful for, to wallow in defeat for too long. When it's all said and done...we have the Lord, we have our beautiful family, we have a roof over our heads and we're not wanting for anything. It's a good life...even if it isn't always an easy life. Now, can someone explain to me how to continue to live right next door to this person? LOL. We're on our best behavior, as much as it pains me to say, lol. She is very juvenile; blaring her radio when she sees us sitting on the porch, yelling at our children, eavesdropping - and more. But, as much as we can, we've taken the high road, or a higher one at least, and haven't reciprocated. We just ignore. But, it's rather sad, because we have good relationships with a lot of our neighbors and it just feels so unnatural to ignore someone who lives right next door. Oh well, whatcha gonna do? I guess we just pray for her and make sure that we run the other way fast if we see her coming at us with a weapon, lol. |
Jun. 7, 2007
Full-Circle Faith
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What is faith? Is there a difference between blind faith and faith that is explainable? I'll use the old standby for an example. I have faith that the chair that I'm sitting in will not fall. That faith is one that speaks for itself. It's a chair that's been standing for -- 35+ years. It's sturdy. It's reliable. Easy faith. Blind faith? It challenges you. I've learned a lot about blind faith these last few years. Did you know that there are even stages to this type of faith? The beginning stages are easier because you're so sure about your God and His character and His strength. There are good days and bad days but, all in all, you're relaxed and doing alright. Then comes this sort of lull. A time when you're kind of in this place of complacency. Not really feeling strong enough, outside of God, to think about it....sort of your version of "Let go and let God". Then one day you're in this new stage of faith. One that brings you to your knees. One of passionate pleas to God for relief. It's a painful place. But, it's part of the process I suppose. Next comes acceptance. Giving up the pain. Leaving it at the foot of the cross and breathing in the fresh air for the first time in a long time. But, ya know, you're human...and well, your lack of patience gets the better of you and you're back in this painful place of desperation. Of needing God to reveal Himself and set it all right again. This place is different from the last painful place though. You learned those painful lessons and these lessons now are new lessons to learn. You've given it to Him, but now, you just need for Him to come to your aide and grant mercy and relief. That place leads you right into a place of confusion and questioning and -- yet more pain. Where is He? When will He show Himself? Do His promises apply to me? This is a scary place. Thank goodness for me, this place has been fairly short-lived. I jump back in every now and then, but I only pass through for brief moments at a time, before God woos me back to His truth. And sooner or later you make your way to the stage that I'm in today. Feeling weak, but knowing that He is strong. Not always feeling Him, but knowing that He is near. Falling back on all that you've ever claimed to believe - in spite of the fact that, right now, it makes no sense to you. God hasn't made you privy to his plans and you're downright exhausted. Making the choice to continue on, push through, because what is this faith that you have if it can only trust in the seen? What have you been claiming all of your life? Are you a hypocrite? Surely, your faith is strong enough to find it's way through the darkness. It's a time when you're blind to His plan...but sure of His character. This phase I believe must be about waiting. About claiming His promises and accepting something because you know it to be true. Not accepting it because it makes sense...because it doesn't make sense to human eyes. It's truly that time when you believe because you have faith and you have faith because you believe. It's a testing of the faith in my opinion. When you don't deny what you've always believed simply because it's too blurry to understand right now. You determine that you will persevere....until. Yep, you make the choice. I can choose to decide that all that I have believed about God from the time that I was eight years old is a lie. I can decide that He isn't there since I can't see Him right now. I can decide that God is just another who I can never seem to please and that He's rejected me. How shallow my faith would be. Those thoughts run across my mind every now and then. I don't know if it's satan or just simply my human nature in a time of suffering. Either way, I admit to those messed up thoughts on occasion. But, at the end of the day, it's much easier for me to believe in the unseen than it is for me to deny my God. The options didn't include an easy choice this time. That's all that He gave me with which to work. I can't choose not to choose because in doing so....I've made a choice. So, I choose to walk blindly down this rocky path. It's the same narrow path that He's always guided me on and it leads to the same place, but this particular terrain is rough and unstable. I choose to trust that the same One who led me onto this rough patch is the same One who will, ultimately, lead me back onto the smooth, stable, reliable part of my path. He tells me in His word that in suffering and in joy to consider this - He has made the one as well as the other. So, I'm blind and unsure of each footstep, but I trust in the One who stole my heart as a child. Soon enough, I'll be into a new phase in my journey of blind faith. For right now, I'll just watch for Him. |
Jun. 4, 2007
Treasured Gifts
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I'm such a lucky mom! My husband and middle son (9 yrs. old) rode their bikes down to a creek that is near our home last week. They like to wade in the water and walk on the rocks and look at all of the yucky things that live in the water. (Not necessarily yucky to them, but...) I was at home with my other two boys in the front yard playing with the slip-n-slide. (Or, "slippery slide" as it's known to my five year old.) Well, my wild child and his dad come racing down the road on their bikes ...and the stories begin. Apparently my son..."saw lobsters" and "floated in water that was 6 ft. deep because there was salt in it". (God bless the dear, clueless, child). About 15 minutes after they returned my son calls out "Oh yeah, mom, I got you something", and starts to dig into his pockets. I'm thinking....another rock for my collection (my boys have made sure that their mom has the most awesome rock collection of any mom on the block). But, no...not a rock.... This time, I'm blessed with the gift of a --- Clam! Oh the joy in this child's eyes to bring home a clam for his mom. He's a sweetheart. I don't know if the clam is alive or not??? It's still closed so I'm thinking it might be alive...but, honestly, how does one tell if a clam is alive or not??? So, now on my kitchen table is sitting a clam in a mason jar full of water. His name is "Mr. Clampy", I'll give you three guesses which one of us named him...and here's a hint...it wasn't me! I guess I should use the word "He" loosely. After finding out how to tell if he's alive, I suppose I should find out how to tell if he's a he. Sometimes I feel like this is the time in my life that I want to stay in forever. I've heard older women say that these times, when they were home with their young children, were the best years of their lives. In this time of my life, I know that they are safe and well fed and well loved. I still have them under my wing to nurture...and enjoy. God sure knows how to give such good gifts. These boys of mine confuse me on a daily basis, and make sure that I am not idle with any of those crazy things called "breaks"...they give me plenty to clean! But, when again, will I ever be able to look into the, bright wide, eyes of my son as he proudly shows me a gift, that he lovingly picked out just for his mama? This is treasured time. This is my opportunity to make a difference in the lives of these young charges of mine. What a high calling; what trust the Father has placed in my hands. How I pray that the love and security that we try to lavish on them will create a ripple effect that will change the deep-seated habits of past generations, making a difference in the future of many generations to come. I often get caught up in looking back -- back to when they were infants and toddlers and so cute and cuddly. I miss those days. But, truly, I don't want to look too far backward or too far ahead. I want to enjoy this moment in time; a time that will surely pass by all too quickly. |
May. 29, 2007
And Don't Eat The Birdseed....
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Things you never thought you'd say....seems to be a daily occurrence around my home. I'm learning this boy life as I go, and I can't say that I understand yet ,what exactly makes them tick. One thing that I can definitely say that I've learned is that - I have a lot yet to learn. The things that come out of my mouth every day surprise, even, me. Especially me. Don't lick your toes. Don't pee on your brother. Don't eat the cat's food. Where are your underpants? Don't chase the ice cream truck. What is this and why is it on my table? Don't step on your brother's head. Do you have a death wish? Yes, that is a beautiful rock, sweetie. Whose toothbrush is on the floor? Spaghetti for breakfast? Get off of the roof, right now! What would possess you to drink vinegar?! And that's just the short list... No, there's never a dull moment at my house. Sometimes I look around and wonder "who just said that...surely not me?". Being the only female in a house full of men makes for one very eventful life. I guess you know you're a parent when your day starts with "Good morning, son....did you know that your shirt is on backward?" |
May. 27, 2007
Can Ya Stand Another Seven?
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Ack, I've been gone for so long that I didn't even realize that another sweet soul has some interest in me and mine. Thank you Anissa and proverbsmomof3 for being interested in this crazy life of mine. I swear I'm going to figure out how to put links to their blogs...if the race doesn't end too late tonight I'm going to try to get my husband to help me out so that I can put those links to your blogs into this post. Here in Indianapolis they black out the Indy 500 until after it has already finished so it comes on pretty late here. Seven more things huh? Okay, here goes... 1. I don't know that I could survive with out a porch. It never really gets all that hot here in Indiana, so I pretty much live on my front porch every day once the chill is out of the air. Even when it rains, you can find me on the porch. The only problem with that is that the laundry and dinner haven't learned to do themselves yet. Gotta work on that. 2. I love to read. I'm not a fiction-girl though. Anything but fiction. 3. I always thought that I'd get a tattoo when I turned 30. It's now been almost six years since my thirtieth birthday and -- no tattoo. My husband wasn't that thrilled with the whole idea. I was just thinking something small...on the inside of my ankle....something cute, no skulls or anything. I'm too much of a girlie-girl so I'm not talking some biker-chick scary tattoo. But, it's probably a good thing that my husband isn't keen on the idea because -- really, who wants to be anywhere near those needles? I'm not a chicken....I can do pain. But, I want to, at least, get a sweet new baby out of the deal if I'm gonna be in pain! :) 4. I hate daylight saving time. After we moved to Indiana we enjoyed five years of life without the bi-annual changing of clocks. But, Indiana is now, sadly, among those states that practice DST. It was nice while it lasted. 5. Seven things huh? 5. I can't draw to save my life. Thank goodness I've yet to be asked to draw in exchange for my life. 6. I've broken most of my toes many times over (not all at once). I live in sandals and, well, I guess I can be a klutz?? 7. I can sing alright, but instruments are not my thing. My husband plays every instrument known to man, and me....dog owners from the next town over would be unhappy with me if I tried to play an instrument. Seriously. Please visit the sites of these two ladies who I've been "tagged" by and get to know them as well. I need to pick two folks to return the favor to -- hope to do that soon. So beware, lol. Visit Proverbsmomof3 at: Proverbs 22:6 Academy Visit Anissa at: me and my guys |
May. 5, 2007
So, Apparently, I'm It.
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I'm pretty daft when it comes to computer stuff, so this "tagged" thing is kind of new to me. I will do my best to comply -- I'll try not to bore you...LOL (I think) :) Seven things that you don't know about me. Hmmm.... 1. accck! This is not so easy... 1. (for real this time): I've lived in three different states and four different cities since I married in 1992. 2. All three of my children were born in different cities. Three different hospitals, three different doctors, Two in cities in Florida and one in Indiana. 3. I am certifiably crazy....I actually like exercise. 4. I would love to go back to school and finish college. 5. My favorite food is potatoes (except for sweet potatoes...yuck). My favorite dessert is key lime pie. 6. My least favorite chore is mopping. (could that have anything to do with a large kitchen and three little boys who looove to get muddy and track through said kitchen many, many, (many) times a day?) 7. I'm addicted to iced tea. Still awake? ;) |
Apr. 24, 2007
"What You Talking 'Bout Willis?"
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Yesterday the boys and I were discussing what we wanted to finish up before summer break. Just an ordinary conversation on an ordinary day. Then...those crazy children started making statements like "I used to like History but I don't really enjoy it anymore" and "yeah, we don't like history anymore" and "It's just not interesting anymore". Ack! What?? I quickly inspected to make sure that they were, indeed, my children. Yep, their mine. But.... I love history! Surely they are confused....surely they don't mean these bizarre things that are coming out of their mouths! Okay kids, History - it's that subject with all of the interesting things that happened long ago, blah, blah, blah. Yes, mom we know what history is. Why couldn't they say that they hated math... *that* I can understand; that, I can get on board with. Lots of deep breaths later we get to the root of the problem. They don't like doing the index cards and the timeline, etc. Funny thing is that I had decided to ditch the timeline; I just hadn't informed them of that yet. The index cards...well, I get what they are saying...but I'd always hoped to push through them thinking that they would make an awesome review tool for the bigger tests that are still to come. They're telling me that they don't learn anything from doing the index cards. Hmm. After this entire school year of doing a timeline that started out fun, but quickly became a chore, and just more of the dreaded busy-work...I had decided that it was time to let it go. Ya know, you've gotta take what works for you and be willing to leave the rest. My kids were not learning anything from coloring some little pictures and taping them to a line. They were so busy rushing to finish it that it was a meaningless task for them. I love the idea of being able to look at something that gives a chronological order of events, but, shoot, I can buy a timeline and save us all the frustration. The index cards...well, we are using The Mystery of History and the author suggests an index card of facts from each chapter that we keep in a small index card binder. I'm not sure if they are benefiting from this or not. It's a great study tool, and a good way to seal it all into their little brains a little better as they write out the facts. But, I can understand why they aren't all that enamored with it. But, still, I'm going to have to give that one some more thought....I'm thinking that the good might just outweigh the bad on this one and they will just need to suffer through it. In my oldest son's defense he did say that he wanted to study politics instead. He says that they are listening to a political show on the radio at night in their room. Oh, if only he knew how politics could make you pull your hair out at times...or many of the politicians at least. I'm planning to do another election study with them next year. We did one in 2004 during the campaign/election, but they were younger and precious little of it sank into those brains of theirs. During the 2008 elections the older two will be 13 and 10 so it'll come to life a little more for them this time I'm sure. But.... History - not interesting?! Sacrilege! I'm going to chalk it up to spring fever. Yeah, that's it....they're not crazy...they're just -- ready for summer. uhhh, yeah, we'll go with that. ;) |
Apr. 19, 2007
Bye-Bye Partial Birth Abortion
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I have such a passion about the whole topic of abortion, that I really don't think that I can begin to start rambling thoughts on the topic -- oh if I had more time this morning! This president may have had his share of mistakes, but his appointing of conservative, God-fearing, life-respecting, supreme court judges is definitely a blessing - and so appropriate for such a time as this. I don't understand a world that values "convenience" over life. Where does a woman's "right to choose" end and a child's right to life begin? How did death - murder, become so protected, and fought for in this country? Praise heaven for those who have worked so diligently to bring about this partial birth abortion ban. Those years spent fighting upstream in a world that is so apathetic to life and to the protection of our youngest - those years were not in vain. Oh if we could ever get that to encompass all abortion. It's more than a victory though. It has eternal value; value well beyond what one can know in this life. Lives saved, lives lived, and ultimately, mothers who are grateful that they weren't able to do such an unfathomable thing to their child. It may only be one piece of the great big puzzle that is abortion, but praise God, that stay has been lifted on the ban. There's still a long road ahead, much more to accomplish toward protecting our smallest citizens, but when it comes to partial birth abortions - thank Jesus - Not Today! |
Apr. 14, 2007
A Day in the Life of Asperger's Syndrome
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Ya know, a lot of folks are surprised when I tell them that our oldest son has Asperger's Syndrome. I guess that I don't refer to it that often because I don't want him to be defined by a label. I've been thinking about this the last week or so. Yes, he has some differences, but don't we all? I think that the reason that Asperger's (or autism or the like) are "labels", so to speak, is because they have such social 'symptoms'. They wear their differences on the outside...most of us are able to conceal our differences on the inside. I don't want to label him, I don't want him to label himself (therefore limit himself) and I don't want others to label him. But, at the same time....this is a fairly big part of who my son is. Or at least, why he is who he is. I don't want to deny him what is rightfully his either. I don't want him to be embarrassed by the "label". I really just want him to be known for more than the label. Known like we, his family, know him. He's more than a child with some eccentricities, he's not Aspergers - he's just a child who happens to have Aspergers. Asperger's Syndrome is on the spectrum on Autism. It is on the high functioning end of the spectrum. I don't consider it a form of autism really, because I don't want to insult those parents who are dealing with a child who is on the opposite end of the spectrum. I know that the work involved in training an Apergers child doesn't begin to compare to the work involved with rearing an autistic child. In some ways I feel like a hypocrite because having the label is, somewhat, easier when it comes to explaining his eccentricities. Before we began homeschooling, his teachers just didn't understand him and didn't respect his differences. I know that there are many faithful teachers who are very accepting of their students....but our experience has not been so great. His second grade teacher was really good for him; she was the only one who showed patience with him. We began homeschooling at winter break of that year though so he had little time with her. No one really understands why autism is growing at the pace that it is. There is, obviously, some genetic component but there has to be an environmental component as well. Otherwise, it wouldn't be increasing to the degree that it is increasing. My son is your every day average child to the distant observer. When you spend one-on-one time with him is when you really see his differences. They aren't wacky differences....just noticeable differences. For example, Aspergers children often are very intelligent and memorize facts on subjects that are of interest to them....and then, literally, lecture others on these subjects. They are oblivious to social cues that others are bored or that others might want to contribute to the conversation, or even that others are trying to end the conversation. It's not a wacky difference, but it is a very obvious difference when you spend time with my son. These children can often over react to small things. They don't seem to recognize that they are being watched or noticed when in public situations - so if they get hurt and naturally scream their heads off....they will do this in public as well, without any thought to embarrassment. They don't notice things that are right in front of their faces. They don't pick up on body language well. There are a lot of symptoms and they vary from child to child. Even just the spectrum of Asperger's Syndrome alone is a very broad spectrum. I wish that we would have realized that our son had Aspergers earlier in his life. When he was four years old and in his first preschool class, the director of the preschool gave us an article that she'd found on Aspergers (and this was years ago when it was, even, less known than it is today). She thought that he may have a form of Aspergers. We read the article but really didn't see our son in the symptoms described enough to 'diagnose' him with Aspergers. Funny thing is, that years later, as he aged, he grew into more of the symptoms and he is now, at 11, closing in on 12 years old, a classical case of an Aspergers child. I've read that the typical age for children to be diagnosed with Aspergers is around 11 years of age. Given our experience, I can understand why. A lot of the symptoms are social in nature, and a lot of younger children haven't matured to the social level that Aspergers is most noticeably recognized. When our son was, I believe, five years old his pediatrician sent him for an MRI so that they could take a look at his brain and have more insight into our concerns. The neurologist told us that he was able to see one part in his brain that was "different" but that he wasn't sure if he'd develop Autism or not. This diagnosis makes more sense now. Looking back over the years we were able to see signs from the time that he was two years old. If he hadn't been our first child, it might have been easier to notice. When our second, and then later, our third son came along it was a little easier to notice that there were/are, indeed, differences. I'm proud of my boy. I wouldn't have him any other way. He's a bit more challenging to parent than the 'average' child, but he is my child and that's all that matters to me. I couldn't love him more or be more proud of him. He is a very well behaved child; the most compliant child that I have. He's a very loving child. He's very interesting and fun. He's a great kid, and - how could this mom ask for more? It was for this child that I prayed...the one who God hand picked for our family....and it is this child who is a wonderful addition to our crazy-busy, chaotic, blessed life. There are gobs of engaging books out there on the subject, but one that I've found helpful is _The Asperger's Answer Book_ by Susan Ashley, PH.D. The subtitle is: The Top 300 Questions Parents Ask. To the, every day on-looker, he's your typical preteen boy. But, to those of us who know him, he's much more and really it these differences that make him who he is...and he's a great kid......and there's nothing wrong with that! |
Apr. 12, 2007
Winter Anyone?
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It's been snowing all morning. Nothing new for Indiana...unless you consider that it's mid-April! Enough of Old Man Winter already! What happened to spring? We got a little taste of the sun and the warmth of a welcoming front porch - and now....winter again. Easter egg hunts indoor, coats, heaters - winter is revisited again. The first year that we lived here it snowed into May. But, we've been spoiled the last few years and they have been warmer than usual for Indiana. I love winter and I love snow....but, ya know, I love spring too! I'm ready for it's return. Apparently, that won't happen anytime this week...maybe not even next week. Well, what do we teach our children? Enjoy what you have while you have it. Live in the moment. Live! So, I suppose I should practice what I'm preaching. I'm going to get some laundry in the wash and do some language arts with the kids, and maybe, make some hot chocolate and pretend that it's December. Somewhere around August we'll be yearning for the quiet beauty of snow again. And, even in April, it is serene and calming and nature at it's purest. This is the day that the Lord has made.....I will rejoice and be glad in it. |
Apr. 3, 2007
"I Think I Can..."
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I have spent the better part of this morning looking up curriculum for next school year. I guess you know that you have spring fever and are ready for summer break when you are more focused on next year's studies than you are on this year's studies. It's just been one of those years....so much chaos - so little time. We're leaning toward Teaching Textbooks for our oldest son for math next year. He enjoys math and advances well in it so this should be something that will help break up the boredom of the workbooks. I haven't had him take the placement test for it yet, but looking at the table of contents, it looks like he'd be doing the 7th grade study. One of the many things that I love about homeschooling is that our children can advance at their own paces. Where they are, is right where they need to be and that's a good feeling. For our middle son, we are leaning toward Math U See. This is a brilliant child, but he gets bored with workbook pages. This program seems to be a good option for him. I really hate busy-work for the sake of busy-work, and it really doesn't appeal to my children's sense of wonder and excitement. It's not something that will bring them to a place of curiosity so that they will delve into these things naturally. They could sit at a desk all day long and do busy-work at our local public schoolhouse; that's not why we homeschool. I came across a curriculum that I'd never heard of before and am a bit intrigued by it. I guess, when the separate parts are used together as a whole unit, it could be considered language arts. It is called "Cozy English Courses". http://www.splashesfromtheriver.com/ It looks like something that my children would really take well to from what I can tell. I've read some reviews that seemed positive, but I don't know anyone, in real life, who uses this. For the upcoming 2007-2008 school year I've been seeking out something different for my boys for math and language arts. They have learned well with what we've used over the years, but these two subjects really just seem to be the bane of homeschooling for all of us. My knowledge of math ends with algebra so I'm beginning to get lost with what the children are studying these days. Then there's language arts. I actually enjoy grammar and I love writing, but truthfully, it can all get really dull really fast in the learning department. Especially to young boys who just don't care if they spell right or not, and who don't even consider legible handwriting to be an option. And we're back to that evil word again: busy-work. That's what it becomes because they don't naturally have a bent toward language arts. This curriculum seems as if it might be a step in a better direction for us. I don't know that they'll ever be jumping out of their seats to do language arts, but I can always hope to find something that resonates more with them. We're still using and loving The Mystery of History. I'd hoped to be a bit farther along in volume one before the fall, but - it is what it is. We'll finish up volume one and move on to volume two next year. We're also planning to continue using the elementary Apologia studies for science. This is one subject that boys enjoy in their sleep. Science and boys - you can't have one without the other. We've been doing the astronomy study this year. I'd like to use the botany study next year. My children plant things every year...with very little success, but they enjoy it. It would help if their mother knew the first thing about planting....as usual, I'll get as much, if not more, out of our studies than they will. Another one of those benefits of homeschooling. Until we exhaust our options with the "Millers" series of books, we'll continue to use those as a part of our Bible studies. My kids really enjoy peeking into the Miller's life and finding out what they are up to next. I like that they are aimed at teaching character lessons rather than Bible stories. We've been doing Bible verse memorization this year and it's been a great addition to our routine. I believe that Bible is always everyone's favorite subject. Yet another benefit of homeschooling - not a whole lot of Bible studies going on in our local neighborhood school. Now, the challenge is to stay the course with our current studies. I can't look too far forward, otherwise I'll have to check myself into the funny farm. Getting to summer break this year is going to have to be a one-day-at -a-time thing for me this year. God's been so good to bring us this far in this crazy-busy year, so I know that He'll be faithful to see us through. Like the"Little train that could" I'll keep plugging along telling myself "I think I can, I think I can". |
Mar. 29, 2007
Back on the Homestead
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We're home and back in the saddle again - well, maybe, on a good day. It sure is hard picking life back up and remembering where you were. We were home for a week when my husband had to turn around and travel to Las Vegas for work. Finally, we are all here and healthy and moving forward with daily life again. We had planned to go to the mountains where we spent our honeymoon in October. It will be our 15th anniversary and we've never been back. The children have never really been to the mountains. But, it's hard to think about traveling again right now! Guess we should give it another month or so before making that decision. While we were away two of the boys had birthdays. Our middle son is now nine years old and our baby is now five years old. I, so vividly, remember their births and the hospital rooms and bringing them home - it's hard to believe that they are growing up so fast. We get a small break from birthday season before we start it over again in July. We and our oldest have birthdays in July. Our oldest will be 12....and well....I'm in denial. It's so true what they say -- "The days are long, but the years are short". I don't know who it was that gave them permission to grow up on me like this?! :) I'm in the process of trying to prepare some for next (school) year. Looking into Teaching Textbooks for my oldest. I'm not a math girl, so this will, hopefully, be a lifesaver for us. I'm trying to search for a similar program for Language Arts. Maybe I'm just hoping against hope, but I'd love to find something that fit in with life better. Math and L.A. are easily the bane of homeschooling for me. (Largely because someone, I won't say who, hates grading....bet you can't guess who that is?!) Spring fever with all of it's many symptoms has set in around here. This is the time of year when everyone starts longing for summer break I believe. We'll be working into the summer some since we've had to take so many breaks this year. That's okay though; we'll make the most of it. My motto seems to be "Ya do what ya gotta do". No sense in complaining. As homeschoolers, we have the advantage of having that flexibility. So, it's all good. But, for now, back to the grind.... |
Feb. 25, 2007
On The Road Again
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Those 900 mile trips with 3 children in tow -- those are the kind that make you really miss your own bed, your own kitchen, the ordinary in life... We've been out of town; my Father-in-law is dying of cancer so we've been down south for a while. We've been home for a few days only to find out that mid-week we'll need to retrace that familiar path, most likely to bury my husband's father. We seem to live by the phrase "Ya do what ya gotta do". When we lived in NC, we drove to Florida for Easter and less than 12 hours after we got home, we were back on the road again...for my grandmother's funeral. Not an easy trek but I am glad that we made the original trip so that I was able to see my grandmother one last time this side of heaven. Same song with my Father-in-law, it will be hard to make the trip again, but the initial trip down was of much value, especially to my husband. Something just feels so wrong about watching a man's body die while his mind is so alive. He and my husband were able to laugh and enjoy one another's company and learn more about each other than they ever really knew. It's a bitter-sweet thing...wish that they could have known each other this way long ago. So, even though it's not the easiest trip to make....I can sing the next line of the song "....just can't wait to get on the road again..." Not because it's a fun trip...if only. But, because we had the opportunity to spend valuable time this past week with a man who we'll only be able to spend time with in our memories soon. Whether financial with the expenses involved, or whether in terms of the physical discomfort involved with such trips...you can't put a price on the preciousness of that one last goodbye. |
Feb. 9, 2007
I Could Have Had A V8!
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My God is such a patient God. Boy, sometimes I guess I'm just a slow learner. Don't you hate it when you look back and have that "I could have had a V8" moment? Why does it take us so long to learn sometimes? I have been struggling for a few weeks with learning how to reconcile my trust in the Lord with my stress over our lawsuit. To me, it just seemed as if I was contradicting myself. Did I trust if I was still confused and unsettled over the whole thing? Was it okay to have that unsettledness? Did it mean that I had somehow fooled myself into believing that I trusted when, in reality, I did not? It's been a real tug-of-war for me, because I know in my heart that I trust God and yet, here I was still upset over something that I trusted Him with. I didn't know how the two could co-exist. But, I knew that both were very real feelings. Never doubt God's timing. I think sometimes that we learn at the pace that He wants us to learn. Or maybe at the pace that He knows that we are capable of learning. Just as we don't offer our children information that they are not ready for...He gives us one bite at a time so as not to have us choke on the enormity of it all. When He offers me something new and fresh from Him...it's at the perfect time; the time that He wants for me to learn it...the time when He knows that I'm ready for it. In the past week or two He's really opened my eyes to the fact that trusting is so much more than knowing He is capable of something. Before I would have been the first in line to tell you that I already knew that. And I did. But, I didn't *know* that - on the surface, I knew it - everyone who believes in Who God is knows that. But, I didn't realize that, in this case, I wasn't taking that knowledge down deep. I was still expecting my surface-knowledge of trust to be enough for something in which I needed a heart knowledge of trust. Bingo...I could have had a V8! I trusted that because He is God and He is the Creator that, of course, He was capable of taking this burden from our lives. Well, that's true - but, I forgot that it takes more than knowing that He can. I must believe that He will. Okay...so I had to look at it again with fresh eyes and ask myself the hard questions. Did I believe that He would throw me a life raft in this trial? Thankfully, when it was all said and done, I was able to answer yes to that. I think that my fear in looking at that question was that I was afraid that He had other plans and I really needed Him to have my plans. Silly me. So, now I'm on the right track. I trust, that He is capable of helping me and I trust that He will help me. Well, that's a whole different animal all together. Going back to the first paragraph I, now, see how the two fit together peacefully. I'm human and, of course, I'm going to be confused and, of course, I'm going to want my God to come to my rescue. But, I don't have to have the responsibility of that burden on my own shoulders. I can feel that way - while still leaving that heavy load at His feet. He never meant for me to carry it. Every now and then I start to pick it back up again and one thought into the stress of it all - I remind myself that I don't want it and I put it back down again. No way is it easy to have this be a part of my life for such a long time...but now that I'm walking away from it; leaving it with Him and not attempting to drag it around anymore...Oh the freedom. And the truth is that I wasn't carrying it around on my shoulders, I was dragging it around - it was literally a ball and chain keeping me prisoner. God says to take my every thought captive...rather than have it drown me - I take it captive, I weigh it, I determine if it is productive and truthful and if not - I toss it out. Well, it's a process and I'm getting there anyway. Why do we take such an elementary approach to God and His miraculous abilities? I want more than a Sunday school knowledge of His activity in my life. He hasn't changed. He's still the same God who, not only, kept Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from being consumed by the fire, but He joined them in the fire. Do we think that He will do any less for us? I feel like I've been in the fire the last several years over such a simple, silly, lawsuit. But, He hasn't changed. He's in the fire with me too. He not only kept them safe, but they walked out of that fire that day with no burns, not a hair singed, their robes were not scorched and there was no smell of fire on them the Bible says. Why do we learn this and many other stories of miracles in our younger ,Sunday school, years and yet, forget what they really mean to a believer when the real tests come? This same God is my God and my God has endless resources. I love in Daniel 3:16-18 -- well I'll just quote it...I wouldn't do it justice to paraphrase: "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "Oh Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter (not worshiping the golden calves). If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the images of gold you have set up." They understood what it was to trust that He could and that He would - they say that He is able to save us and that He will rescue us. And I love what they said next because I really have to wonder if it was said only to let the king know that it didn't matter either way, kind of as an afterthought not necessarily that God wouldn't save them -- but, hey, even if he doesn't -- whatever -- we're not going to serve your gods regardless. I found that funny. And, finally, I'm at that place where I can be thankful for the trial. It's not fun, it's not easy, it's downright draining. But, I love what God has been teaching me. I love how He's loved me. I struggle with being able to understand the loving nature of God because I don't have that in an earthly father - it's hard to grasp my Heavenly Father's love for me sometimes. But, He is so gracious and patient with me. A phrase that I heard long ago and have kept with me is: "Sometimes God calms the storm; Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." That phrase rings more true and more personally to me today than ever before. |
Feb. 8, 2007
Unnaturally Natural
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Death - ya know for such a natural thing - it sure feels so unnatural. Everyone dies eventually. The old saying has a bit of truth to it "Only two things are sure in life - death and taxes". Maybe a few more than that, but... Death is so natural that when we are born our bodies are already aging. Death is so elusive and so mysterious that we don't really think of it as anything other than a natural ending to life. It's hard to see it fully for what it is until it's enveloped you or someone you love. The process of watching one in those last days of life, something seems so wrong about it. I know it isn't wrong in any way really. It just doesn't feel right. Planning arrangements, knowing soon you'll see your loved ones for the last time and eat your last meal. See that familiar route home or watching your favorite television show for the last time. I dunno - maybe it's just me, but really - for something so natural - it just feels so very unnatural. Makes you realize again how short a life we live. Whether we live to be eighty or don't live past twenty - it's all so brief. Seems the elderly are the ones who know this best. Life just slips away; before you realize you're not so young anymore, and not so healthy anymore. Reminds me of a saying I heard not too long ago: "My greatest fear is not failure, but succeeding at something that really doesn't matter." We only get one trip around this life. It's so easy to become complacent. But, watching one die, a process as natural as birth - you feel so helpless. You would do whatever you could...but there is just nothing to do but provide comfort. I feel so small as I watch this larger-than-life thing called death. |
Feb. 5, 2007
Confessions Of A Finally-Fan
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I finally did it - actually watched a Super Bowl game for the first time. Well, some of it anyway. I couldn't help but root for the home team. Here in Indianapolis, folks have been quite excited....and last night, that excitement poured over into the streets and onto Monument Circle and into every home and bar in town. There was no station in this city other than CBS last night. Early into the game I ran down to the store to grab a few things that we needed. The streets were almost bare, the parking lot filled with only employees cars....felt almost like a ghost town. My van made fresh tracks in the snow, as I was one of the few not glued to the television at that time. I and a few others had the store all to ourselves last night. We've been in Indianapolis for 6+ years now, and it's only been in the last year and a half or so that we've finally started feeling some loyalty toward the Colts. Really, for me, it started when Tony Dungy lost his son. It was then that I realized how blessed this city is to have this man as our coach. How impressed I am with his faith and his character. Then, of course, having the home team be a part of the Superbowl has helped to personalize the team more for me. I knew a little about Peyton Manning, can't live here and not know a little about the man; it seems he's pretty much royality around these parts. But, I learned even more about him and about others on the team due to the focus on them and the Superbowl. I know that our neighbors to the west aren't feeling the excitement this morning and I found myself feeling badly for the Bears last night. I'm sure that the city of Chicago has been filled with team spirit and pride these last couple of weeks just as Indianapolis has been. We're only 3 hours away and we visit Chicago occasionally; it's a nice city. But, you know going in that only one team can win - of course that doesn't really take away the sting of losing. So, they've finally done it....they've finally made me a Colts fan. I'm not a fair-weather-fan, they've been wooing me for a while now and I would have felt this way regardless of a win last night. But, seeing the excitement of the players, seeing the tears in their eyes and the smiles that they couldn't remove from their faces if they'd tried. The pure joy and pride that they felt as a team....it personalizes it even more and you can't help but walk away from that with a little bit of excitement yourself. Indianapolis is a great city, and is certainly about more than speedways and racecars. We've all done our share of complaining about how much the new Colts stadium is costing everyone...so maybe we'll eat our words for a little while and happily hand over our earnings for a change. And, speaking of that, we'll be off to buy our new Colts sweatshirts today! |
Jan. 28, 2007
"It's All Good". Lazy Sunday Ramblings
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It's a cold Sunday afternoon here in Indianapolis. Off and on snow showers; lots of wind. Even as I sit and type - I glance out of the window and watch the wind brush the powdery white dusting of snow along the street. I love the summer; I love to sit on my porch with a glass of tea an wile away the day with my family. But there is just something about the winter that is comforting. We rarely give our firelace a day off in the winter months (and by winter months - we, sourthern transplants, mean October through April, sometimes May.) In winter we don't have that same revolving door that we have in the summer months. We enjoy having our children's friends over, but when those cooler months roll around and the windows are closed again and we are using, honest to goodness, wooden doors rather than the screen variety that serve as our doors in the summer....it's a nice respite. A chance to hunker down with the family, to bring out the board games, to enjoy big comforting pots of homemade chili. The change of seasons from year to year just screams *God*. Only He could be so brilliant and so creative. Van Gogh has nothing on Him. These folks here in Indy who we've called friends and family for the last six years have often questioned our sanity. Many times when asked where we are from and we respond "Florida", we've heard the remark "Then why would you move here?" I guess sometimes it takes someone to look at somethng with a fresh new perspective to appreciate the beauty and the simplicity of it. We didn't grow up with snow and the timely change of seasons every few months. Enough about the snow I suppose....I'll move on - if I must. With everything that's been going on around here with the whole crazy lawsuit, I've gotten a little behind in our schooling. We haven't neglected it, but we aren't where I'd like us to be either. This past week my husband was out of town being the awesome provider that he is, and I was here keeping the home fires burning. The boys and I got so much accomplished school-wise this week and I feel like we're finally headed in the right direction again. Not feeling as intimidated by those lessons that hadn't been touched in weeks anymore. Once again we're finding interest and enjoyment from the full gamut of studies. It Feels good to be back in a good place, feeling productive and enjoying the voyage to boot. And ya know what? Nothin's changed. Not a thing. We're still fighting the hardest battle of our lives. We're still confused and dumbfounded by the whole crazy (lawsuit) thing. But, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It always goes back to Him. Why carry such a heavy load when I can put it down at His feet and walk unhampered. Who is this God that I put my trust in, my future in, my hope in - if not One who I can trust with my tomorrows? I'm tired of being enslaved to the pain of this relentless trial; it's been years and I guess I'm just a slow learner. At the end of the day - the bottom line is that His palm is big enough to hold me , His love is great enough to comfort me and His grace is more than sufficient for me. For years I've been praying for God to take this burden from me. But, I was missing the point alltogether. My prayer should have been for God to give me the strength to do whatever He places in my life, and the faith to trust Him to know best. As the old familiar hymn says - "I'm learning to lean". It's not about me - as much as it pains me to admit - it really isn't about me. It is a trial in my life - no question. But, it's all about Him. It's all for His glory. He'll remove it in His time...and that timing will be nothing less than perfect. I'm human and I'd be lying if I didn' t say that I still pray, plead rather, to God for this trial to pass. But, you know what? I'm gonna be okay regardless. He's alive and He's more than capable of protecting me and granting me comfort along the way until that day finally comes when it's time for this to pass. This really is a sunday ramble isn't it? I started blogging because I needed a way to voice my thoughts and my feelings and my opinions. My husband is a wonderful listener, but he also has a job that keeps him busy all day. My children....they're sweet, but they just can't understand the things that fall on a mother's heart. When you become a full-time mom, you don't, suddenly, lose all sense of opinion and concern in life. You just don't have this group of people who show up at the same time and at the same place each day who you can share with and debate with and have that adult conversation - that you do still crave even though you're home now. It's not really 'conversation' but it is a fulfilling way to open up my mind and spill out all that is running around up there....or at least some of it. Make it a great week. He's got it all tightly in His strong grasp - and because of that - It's All Good. |
Jan. 20, 2007
Just Let The Rain Fall
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Well, the shock is sort of wearing off a little. The shock of being fully in the right, having evidence that proves as much, everyone in the courtroom knowing that - even the opposition....and yet, still, no justice was served. Ya know, I could never be a judge...or a lawyer for that matter. I'd never be able to represent someone whose motives were not honest. I'd never be able to enter a judgement that was not fair. I guess that we're finding out the hard way that there is a lot of corruption in the legal system. For example, the opposing party took a chance and put in a definition from the1968 version of Black's law dictionary - and the judge made her decision based on that definition - when we had 7 current definitons that directly contrast the 1968 definition. A lot has changed in the world since 1968! A lot. How much Jesus must have felt betrayed and oppressed....I'm feeling such entrapment and a lack of credibility in the system that was created to protect - and yet how little that compares to what He must have felt. He was blameless. He was made out to be guilty. Everyone who could have stood up for Him betrayed Him and denied Him. The governernment system that was in place to judge impartially did not act objectively...and ultimately - the only perfect, sinless man this world has ever known was crucified. Publically, apathethically, callously. We, also, weren't protected, were not guilty, were betrayed by those who knew the truth and witheld it in order to protect themselves. There was nothing imapartial or objective about the judgement that the court came to in our case this past week. I've walked in similiar shoes before....being blamed for things you couldn't even make up much less do...but, in that time...I was able to wash my hands of it and walk away. I had a choice whether to stay or not. In this instance, there are no options other than to continue to stay the course. So... Toward that end, I am finally taking a deep breath. It's been a surreal week because I never really imagined that something so unjust would actually happen. But, as always, we know that nothing happens outside of His allowance. So, as the song posted earlier says, again I say Amen - and it's still raining. But, now instead of that bitter, cold, heavy rain - I'm feeling the warm, calming, summer shower. The umbrella isn't necessary anymore. It's a refreshing rain that makes you want to take off your shoes and dance in a puddle. The kind that gives you the freedom to stretch out your arms and let the rain fall...because you know that the rain can do no harm. You know that, in fact, the rain is good for the earth, and similiarly good for the soul. The threat of wind, and thunder are but a memory. The kind of rain that renews nature on a hot summer day - the kind of rain that gently, beautifully brings you a peace that is not of the earth. I know that He has a purpose for all that He requires of me. Right now, I know that what He requires of me is faith - a faith that walks blindly in the dark, a faith that can't see past the next step. A faith that savors the warm cleansing comfort of standing in the rain and watching the rest of the world go by. Knowing that I'm safe within the sphere of His protection. A raincoat - an umbrella - would only serve to bring my focus back to myself and what I can do to remedy life's disappointments. How much more pleasant to kick off the sandals and roll up the pant legs - and just let the rain fall. |
Jan. 16, 2007
Umbrella Anyone?
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The song that I just posted "Praise You in This Storm" has come to be a song that I treasure lately. There's just something about music that is comforting....especially when it's themes ring so true in our lives. Our life group just started a study on James. I've done studies on James before...very indepth ones in fact, but....those weren't especially stormy times in my life. James doesn't leave anything to question when he says "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." (v. 1-3) Pure joy, you say, James? Sometimes it feels more like diluted joy than it does pure joy. I've been thinking lately about joy and one word keeps coming to mind - hope. I suspect that hope has a lot to do with joy. I don't think that God is asking us to wear a mask - to pretend that we aren't hurting. But, what I do think is that the reason that we can smile through the pain; the reason that we can laugh and find happiness in life in the midst of trials - is because our hope is deeply set in something - rather Someone - Who is all that we need; who is capable of doing above and beyond all that we can ask or think. What is joy without hope? Does it exist? More and more I feel that joy and hope are synonymous. Our joy is rooted in our hope. Our hope isn't wrapped up in the world...it isn't measured by victory over trials. We have this precious gift called hope that assures us that, regardless of our experiences in this life Jesus' sacrifice affords us the hope of another life...one without sin or pain. We have confidence that there is always One who is witness to every life experience. He is the hope that allows us to continue to press on when, even the next breath seems daunting. We know that He is at work and that His good will and pleasure will be carried out. We are confident that the world cannot compete with His plan; it just isn't sufficient outside of God's influence....He is the puppet Master. I suppose that we are at the peak of the storm and that, hopefully, (there's that word...hope) we'll find that downhill path soon. Feels like we're still very much in an uphill battle though. There isn't time or words to offer detail enough to give but a small glimpse of the struggle we're facing. In brief, our neighbor has been at odds with us over a fence that we built 2.5 years ago. She sued us a year and a half ago saying that we didn't have approval from the Home Owner's Association Board to build our fence. We did seek and gain the approval of the HOA to build our fence and have more evidence to that end than we really even need. This week, she won her suit against us in spite of the surmounting evidence that we submitted. It's hard to retain faith in our legal system...but again, I go back to the fact that our faith, our hope, isn't in our legal system. A verse that I stumbled across last year: "Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice." Proverbs 29:26. Yes, we'll have to once again "seek an audience with a ruler" (the judge) and ask that our case be reconsidered....but ultimately, it is God who will ensure justice. A Perfect case point of hope. I'm not saying that the pain isn't real - indeed the heart is heavy at this moment. I'm just saying - that we're blessed to know that it isn't over; where there is God there is hope. How, I wonder, do those without God get through the roller coasters of this life? This short passage decribes well where I am at this moment. Jeremiah's response to his representation of Jersulam's pain in Lamentations 3: 19-26 "I remember my afliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him." The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Guess we'll be needing that umbrella longer still as we try to wait quietly for His perfect timing. |
Jan. 16, 2007
Praise You in This Storm
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I heard this song one day on the radio while I was driving home. Actually, God gave me this song that morning. It captures the heart of what I'm feeling lately. By Casting Crowns: I was sure by now That You would have reached down And wiped our tears away Stepped in and saved the day But once again, I say "amen", and it's still raining As the thunder rolls I barely hear you whisper through the rain "I'm with you" And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm I remember when I stumbled in the wind You heard my cry You raised me up again My strength is almost gone How can I carry on If I can't find You? As the thunder rolls I barely hear You whisper through the rain "I'm with you" And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands and praise the God who gives And takes away I lift my eyes unto the hills Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord The maker of heaven and earth I'll praise You in this storm And I will lift my hands For You are who You are No matter where I am Every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand You never left my side And though my heart is torn I will praise You in this storm. |
Jan. 4, 2007
What Kind of Teachers are We?
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My pastor made this comment in church this weekend. I so wish that I could remember who he gave the credit to, but I didn't catch who wrote the statement. A mediocre teacher tells A good teacher explains A great teacher demonstrates An excellent teacher inspires As a homeschool mom I've really given this some thought throughout the week. I tell, I explain, I demonstrate....but do I inspire? I think that in some tangible ways my children have found inspiration through our school days. But, where I really don't want to be found lacking - where my hunger is - is not academic in nature. Do I inspire them to be all that they were born to be in Christ? May I remember that I don't just aspire to train them in knowledge but also in wisdom. I plan to keep this comment in a prominent place with our homeschool materials. There will be those, inevitable, days when things will be anything but inspirational. The Lord will certainly be faithful to draw my eyes to this reminder - to reach farther and higher than explanations and demonstrations --- to stretch myself, even further still - to inspire. |
Dec. 30, 2006
Footprints Across Our Heart
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In saying goodbye to the year 2006, my heart can't help but want to linger in the past just a little. I know that there are many of us who have lost babies long before their time. I know I'm not alone...but this is a club of which none of us ever wanted to be a member. For those who are also lingering in the past a little with me, and saying goodbye to those we'll not meet again this side of heaven....this is for you. Footprints Across Our Heart The door is closed. The lights turned off. The closet stands bare. All the room once waiting... For the child that should be there. Sorrow wells up inside of us. Our tears, an endless flow. All because we miss the child... The child we'll never know. No camping trips, no soccer games, Nor late evening talks. No baseball camps or shopping trips No shaded mountain walks. We have not even memories To help through times like these We only have each other, As we go down on our knees... To plead with You, our Father To take this pain away... to help us know Your love Will guide us through each day. We may never know the reasons For this terrible tragedy; But we can know You love us Through all life's mysteries. Our time was far too brief; It was over before it's start... But our little angel left behind Footprints across our Heart. Author Unknown |
Dec. 23, 2006
Thank You
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Have you ever considered the sacrifice that the military families make for us. Not just in a time of war, but as a practice overall. Lately I've been thinking about those men and women who haven't had a Christmas at home with their families in years. Those who have to leave their young babies, toddlers, children when they are called. I can't fathom leaving a young child - how hard that must be. Fathers who aren't present for their child's birth and are virtual strangers to their litle ones once they do return home. Also, for the families that remain at home....a mother being a single parent (in essence), how tired she must be when she falls into bed every night. How many new skills she must learn to keep the household functioning -- those jobs that the man of the house always did. Celebrating birthdays from afar, year after year, yours and those of your children, loved ones. And, then in those times of danger....putting themselves in harm's way - willingly. The mothers who have lost sons to war - my heart goes out to them. They'll never be the same. What a mix of pride and pain that must be. As a mother of three sons -- this hits a little too close to home. I wouldn't dissuade any of my children from joining the armed services if that was what they chose. It's impossible to know what these mothers are feeling without having lived what they are living. An awesome task it must be to carry on with ordinary life, knowing that your baby is thousands of miles away, and his safety is uncertain. By the grace of God they carry on - one day at a time, day after day, year after year. What a sacrifice! During this Christmas season when homes are warm and hearts are happy, when all seems right with the world....my mind wanders to those who can't share this time with their loved ones...because those loved ones are away -- serving. Making these United States a better place, protecting our freedoms and working to create democracy for others. And some who only have their memories left to hold...how I pray for peace and comfort as they learn to navigate this new life that they've been thrown into. How hard that tug-of-war must be between learning to live a 'new normal' and not wanting to leave behind that space of time that your loved one occupied. Thank you hardly seems enough. Today I say thank you to all of those whose lives are, in any way, effected by this selfless representation of humankind. Thank you for your commitment and for your sacrifices....the ordinary daily ones that don't gain attention, and the ones that change lives forever. I thank the soldiers, I thank the mothers, I thank the families. We don't take forgranted the cost that they assume on our behalf. May they know that this world is a better place because they lived. |
Dec. 19, 2006
Let's Just Call it a Year!
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I've been trying to figure out when to begin Christmas break. Am I the only one who's going to just go ahead and surrender and declare winter break? I have some fun things that I printed out that are holiday related and some crafts that I want to do with the boys. I remember when my children were in public school....they didn't do much other than 'fun' stuff that week before Christmas break (or rather "Winter Break"...not allowed to use the word "Christmas" in pulic schools anymore...what is this world coming to?) I often ask myself why I'm expecting so much when the public schools aren't doing much this week....but then I remind myself that I don't want to mimic the mold of public school. My goal is not to replicate 'school' at home, but to give them something better and of greater value. I do believe that it is more valuable for them to have a mother who is willing to set aside the books (which none of our hearts are into right now), and remember the face of Christmas through children's eyes. We can't go back in time and experience that wonder and magic of Christmas as we saw it then, but we do have an opportunity to re-live it through our children's eyes...which really is so much more fulfilling. So, away with the books and maps and all that resembles 'school'. That'll still be there waiting for us come January....but my children...well, they'll only be 11, 8 and 4 for Christmas - this one year. I can't bottle it up and experience it later; this moment in time will never come back around. So I'm callin' it a year and I'm going to seek out that sparkle in their eyes and try to remember -- and -- allow my boys to teach me something instead of the other way around for a while. |
Dec. 13, 2006
The Hardest Job on Earth
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Parenting....of course. Yes, there are the sleepless nights, the sick babies and the arguing children - but, as we all learn at some point or another....that's the easy part! When we had our first son, the pastor's wife at the church we attended told me "This is the easiest that it will ever be". I heard her....but wasn't able to really comprehend what she was saying. Can one even comprehend that without living it? It's like trying to tell someone how much they will love their children....they'll never know that love runs so deep until they have a child of their own. I'm sure that I still have a lot to learn about the challenges that come with the blessing of children. I haven't even reached the teenage years yet! Our oldest is 11, and the sweetest child, beautiful inside and out. Our middle son is 8, closing in on 9 all too quickly...this child has the energy of a tornado and a heart of pure gold. And our baby....a precious little boy, all wrapped up in this little bundle of blonde hair and blue eyes, with a desire to live life with such abandon and imagination....he's 4 now...three months shy of five. How did that happen? You love them so much and you want to do right by them. You want to give them your best and be everything that they need in a mother. And yet, you're human. And, perfection belongs to God alone. We can do our best and ask that they be patient with us and forgive us when we make mistakes, and most importantly....point them toward the One who is their everything. Train them to seek God and no matter who disappoints them in life...they'll have the One that they need the most. Kind of like in our schooling - we teach our children how to learn and then we watch them fly. We don't teach them everything, we just teach them where to go to find the answers. Same difference. We do our best, knowing full well, that we are simply human and along with our love and acceptance we teach them where to go to find the answers. God is their most precious resource and if we let them leave our nests without Him....They could find a cure for cancer, and yet still lack wisdom. I often say that this homeschooling thing is really more of a 'lifeschooling' thing. There is so much more to this endeavor than head-knowledge. It's not an easy task to fit it all in....we're not about to give our children a shallow education - not to mention that 180 day state requirement. Yet, at the same time, we know that this is such a miniscule piece of the puzzle that is our children. It's a delicate balance, an awesome assignment. If you choose to do it well, it is the hardest job on earth. Not because of all of the work that they cause, not because of all of the sacrifices, not even because of the inevitable difficult times. It is the hardest job on earth because they are our most precious treasures and we want only the best for them. We want them to be productive, educated, loving, able, generous, loyal.....content adults of tomorrow. That's quite a responsibility. That's why, at the end of the day, you train them how to go to their maker for all of their needs...because as hard as we try, we'll never be able to do it without Him. Intimidating at times? Definitely. A challenge? No doubt. But....oh the joy that we would have missed! What those children don't know, what they can't know until they are parents themselves....is that the pleasure is all ours. |
Dec. 4, 2006
Smow!
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No, that wasn't a typo. Our youngest
son used to call snow..."smow"....so now, of course, my husband and I
say "smow" a lot. That little boy is now 4 years old and
thinks that mom and dad...aren't so bright....he tells us "it's
snnnnow, not smmmmow". How much our language has been effected by
our children. We haven't had a lot of snow yet this year....and we're rather impatiently waiting. We awoke this morning to snow on the ground. Not a lot, but beautiful all the same. Have you ever noticed how different the world around us looks when it is snow-covered? New, clean, fresh, bright, pure. Everything that was before - is no more. Now, it's just a blanket of white. What's been covered over isn't visible anymore - what remains visible is this new unblemished canvas. This gentle breath spills out of the heavens and graces us with a fresh outlook on an, otherwise, ordinary morning. Snowflakes spill from heaven's hand Lovely and chaste like smooth white sand. A veil of wonder laced in light Falling gently on a winter's night. Graceful beauty raining down Giving magic to the lifeless ground. Each snowflake is like a falling star Smiling beauty that's spun afar. Till earth is dressed in a robe of white Unspoken poem the hush of night. Poem by Linda A. Copp |
Nov. 29, 2006
Help for the Harried Homeschooler
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Have you read this book? ( _Help
for the Harried Homeschooler_ by Christine M. Field) I've
recently finished reading it. This is one book that I'm glad that
I purchased. If you haven't read it - I am not hesitant in the
least to recommend it. I think that I paid around $10-$11 for it
at Rainbow Resource. There are a lot of treasures tucked into
this, easy to read, book. I highlighted so many things that stood
out to me so that I could go back and look over them even when I don't
have time to re-read the book. I don't think that any one comment
is better than another so I'll just pick one for an example: "A pearl is formed when an oyster reacts to a tiny piece of sand. God uses the same principle in my life as a mom and a homeschooler, using the irritants that seem to be part of my daily experience to produce something of greater value than I ever could have imagined." And for good measure...here's one more... "Feelings are an important part of our experience as humans, but they are not us. Our feelings are just our feelings. They change. Only the love of God endures. Burnout calls us to recognize that and to base our sense of our own worth not on our feelings of the moment but on God's opinion of us. He finds us worthwhile even when we are feeling lousy." Consider adding it to your list of "books to read". I'm glad that I did. |
Nov. 25, 2006
Perspective
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"God bless you, I really needed
this" Those were among some of the words that we were on the
receiving end of this Thanksgiving morning. We decided to help
with a county-wide Thanksgiving charity dinner this year. It's
just the five of us up here in Indiana, so why not? Since our
youngest is still just four years old, we chose to help with the meal
deliveries -- thinking that it would be easier for him to participate
without being underfoot. Nothing like a little perspective to take your focus off of your problems and put it back on Jesus and all that we have to be so thankful for. Such a small 'sacrifice' for us and yet it blessed many. Sacrifice?? Honestly, it blessed us as much as it blessed those who received the meals. We got up early -- so what? We received so much more than we gave up - where's the sacrifice in that? Among the innumerable things that we have to be thankful for...I'm thankful for the opportunity to give back, to help others. Thankful that we are healthy and strong and able to do for others what they are less able to do for themselves. Thankful for the opportunity to teach our children about servanthood and giving. One dear elderly woman asked me as we were walking out "Are these all your children?" I confirmed that indeed they were all mine. Her response? "You are truly blessed". That I am. Those words "God bless you, I really needed this" have not left the front burner of my mind and really have made an idelible imprint on my heart. How I pray that in all of life we are able to be that paradigm that our children can look to for their standard of servanthood. Even more so, that they set the bar even higher as they grow older. I pray that God will open our eyes to the many ways that small sacrifices, small inconveinces, small contributions of time and energy on our parts can mean so much to others. And maybe, possibly, perhaps..... probably, certainly, surely...without doubt - mean even more to us. |
Nov. 24, 2006
To Watch or Not to Watch?
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Why would anyone watch something that takes
the most negative of extremes and paints this as a picture of
homeschooling? For me, the only purpose it would serve is to make
my blood boil. But, then again, I want to make an educated decision about any media attention that is brought to my lifestyle. I can't really say if it's a fair assessment unless I am willing to sit through it. I'm going to record it on DVR, but I haven't decided if I will watch it or not. Not that I'm a Dr. Phil fan, but it just disappoints me that someone with some, obvious, sense of intelligence could put this kind of spin on something that, overwhelmingly, is a very positve, healthy thing for children and families in general. I can't understand why he would not give a balanced view of the topic if the objective is to educate the public about homeschooling? All I can figure is that - that is not his objective. I don't hang on every word that comes out of the man's mouth....not by any stretch of the imagination. I rarely record his show...only if nutrition or exercise are involved usually because those topics are of interest to me. I don't care for his sweeping statements overall...seems like he has this pat answer for everything and I don't believe that there is a pat answer for everything in life. My personal opinion is that he thinks a little too highly of himself - or at least of his opinions. But... I'm still debating...to watch or not to watch? That is the question. |
Nov. 20, 2006
Wisdom With The Millers
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For years I've been hearing how good these "Millers" books are....so why did it take me years to try them? We've recently begun _Wisdom with the Millers_ and it has been quite well received by my gang. For me and my little monkeys (read: boys), the best part isn't so much the stories as much as the interaction and discussion that occur as a result of the stories. Don't make my mistake - if you haven't tried this series, go ahead and give it a try; I doubt that you'll regret it. (just send me the bill if you do, lol). They are very inexpensive and the chapters are short and sweet so they don't add too much to an, already packed, homeschooling schedule. I wish that I would have tried them earlier, but...God's timing is always careful and deliberate...and, as always, I'm sure that He had a little something to do with it. |
Nov. 18, 2006
Thankfulness 101
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It's easy to say....I'm thankful for my
family, ya know? But that's so obvious. It's easy to single
out the obvious...but what about the not-so-obvious? Digging
deeper there's a wealth of the ordinary, and the extraordinary that I'm
thankful for. Health. Good friends. A warm home and the finances to pay for it. Food on the table and the ability to provide it. Sweet Tea. A welcoming front porch on a lazy summer day. For the sorrows that eventually brought joy in the morning...opportunities to see God's faithfulness up close and personal. Hot chocolate by a warm fireplace. Reliable vehicles. Snow blanketing our surroundings. Making snow men with wide-eyed children. Walks alone with my husband. Walks together with my family. Making puzzles with my 4 year old. Making pies with my big boys. A contrite heart. The ability, calling, pleasure of teaching my children at home. Memories. Music. Seasons. God's unchanging love. Books. Butterflies. Patience. Cats. Rainbows. Crashing waves of chaos (how boring life would be without those who cause the chaos). Calm waters of peace. Freedom. Compassion. Love that covers sins. Fruit. Time. Rest. Mercy. How futile it is to attempt to produce a master list from the thankful heart. It's comparable to chasing after the wind...know anyone who's managed to catch the wind lately? Just as there are no directions sent home with a baby, there is no "Thankfulness 101". It's the air we breathe, our very existence requires humble, thankful hearts. So, here's my shallow attempt for one morning...from among the ordinary and the extaordinary of life. |
Nov. 15, 2006
Thankful Thanksgiving
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I'm sure it's no surprise that the theme of thankfulness has been running through my mind in these last weeks. Well, maybe it'd be more accurate to say that it's been lollygagging through my mind lately. I seem to be internalizing Thanksgiving more this year than in years past. I have so much to be grateful for. The trials of life - they're ever present - that's just.....life. But, deep down, in the core, thankfulness permeates my heart. Throughout it all...when it's all 'right as rain' and when it's all gloomy and overcast...He's always there, in the shadows, by my side, loving me. In light of my thankful sentiments of late...today I want to share one thing that I am thankful for. Hopefully I'll have opportunities to share others throughout this month of Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for my darling husband. This man is in the kitchen, at this very moment, fixing supper (yes, I'm a displaced southerner). It's been one of those crazy-busy days, and bless his heart - he took pity on me. Gotta be thankful for that, right?! But it goes beyond him spelling me from supper duties this evening. I'm thankful for a year of health for him. I know it's vague but a girls gotta keep some things close to her heart ya know. :) I really can't do justice to thankfulness in general by attempting to list all that I'm thankful for...who really could? I would think that the same would be true for, even, those who don't know Who it is that they are thankful to for it all. What do we do with these grateful hearts - keep them to ourselves? Pridefully gloat as if to share some credit with God? Why not pass it along? I'm not talking about manners here - please, thank you, and may I... Remember the story in the Bible that refers to the employer leaving town and entrusting the three servants with the talents? It's the same principle - multiply what you have received so that it compounds. Our thankful hearts, touching others' lives and, in turn, spawning thankful hearts....not to us, heavens no, but thankful hearts to God. Not just in times of plenty, not just in times of blessing...but in times of want and in times of hardship. In my mind's view, this is what the sacrifice of praise is all about. Even when it's dark and we can't see where He's leading - still we offer a sacrifice...one of praise....one of thanksgiving. A genuinely thankful heart can't help but spill over into the world around it...can it? Pilgrims, indians, pumpkin pie, cranberries....it's Thanksgiving alright....but along with all of the tradition that surrounds Thanksgiving....I just wanna have a Thankful Thanksgiving most of all. |
Nov. 11, 2006
How Much Is Enough?
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Boys and girls are so different. I
don't have any little girls but I once was a little girl. I know
that God wanted to grow me when He decided to bless me with a house
full of boys. I love them to pieces but....I just don't
understand them sometimes. These children mess up the house
faster than I can clean it. Of course, we all lower our standards
of cleanliness once the children come along - in favor of time with
them. Children are only little once...and the house can
wait. So, in my effort to live comfortably in my own home without spending countless hours cleaning it day after day, I've decided that -- we have more than we need. We aren't ones to hoard things -- if we have it and you need it - it's yours. We move a lot so we have frequent opportunities to purge what isn't necessary. But... That isn't what I'm talking about. We have a big house and I'm only one woman. Yes, the kids have chores, but...see paragraph one...it doesn't stay picked up for long! What I'm talking about really goes back to simplicity -- my apparent theme for the last few years. Lately I'm going through every corner of my home asking myself one simple question - "How much is enough". How many towels do we really need? How many dishes do we really need? How many toys do we need? How much is enough? We give things away a lot, to charities, we don't hang onto things unnecessarily...but, when it comes down to basic household items - how often do we give it thought? We received umpteen towels for our wedding 14 years ago...and those are now the ones that are in the boys' linen closet. Well, in the linen closet for short periods of time before they are on the bathroom floor! So, a few weeks ago I had this epiphany....How many towels do they really need? I realized that if I don't want to wash loads of towels every week...why not remove the source all together. So, I bagged up all but 4 towels and left them in the closet. Why didn't I think of this before? Same with dishes...it seems the sink is full before the dishwasher ever finishes the previous load of dishes. Again I ask..."How much is enough?" How many cups do we need, plates, bowls?? So, I packed up most of our every day dishes. Maybe God didn't enlighten me until now because He wanted to teach me something. Maybe I needed to learn my limitations or to realize that my ideal was higher than is possible for a homeschooling family. The hours simply are few, but the demands are abundant. You al ways have to give up something in order to gain something else. I don't believe in "having it all". Everything cost you something else. I don't even want it all. What I want is to make sure that I am making the best choices for the time that I do have. I'd rather live with less (albeit enough), than to spend precious hours of my children's adolescence doing the mundane tasks of routine. What I want is to be able to look back and have few regrets. I don't decieve myself - I know that there will be, and already are some, regrets. But, I will have failed them as mother if I don't make every effort to make those regrets as scant as possible. And I will have failed myself because there is nothing on earth that can replace knowing the hearts of your children. My compromise isn't really a compromise - it's more of a fresh beginning. It's God gift of sight for that next step. All I have to do is follow the next step; I don't need to see the whole path...as long as He gives me light for the next step then - it's all good. We don't need a gaggle of miscellaneous "stuff", however useful it may be. We need to let go of that which takes our time and focus off of what is most important and can't be replaced. Towels? They'll make more....if I ever need more. |
Nov. 8, 2006
Who's Teaching Who?
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Ever notice how much one learns about
himself after becoming a parent? Hmmm, never realized all of
these things that I've seen in myself since becoming a mother - good
and....not so good. Love...a love that would cause you to throw yourself in front of a train to protect your babies; and we used to wonder what all the fuss was about when people would talk about this love. Oh, that's what all the fuss was about. And not just our love for our children - but having that love, suddenly, opens our eyes to God's love for us. God loves me, even more than, I love them? Wow. Patience...never knew that I could spend 24/7 with three little boys - the normal kind - the kind that are busy and loud and silly and rough, and did I mention loud? Not only spend day after day with them - but miss them when I am not with them. And of course, I never knew how impatient I can be at times. Yep, it's true. Children can be such effective teachers. Seeing myself in my children, them repeating to their siblings, the same impatient phrases that I used with them only hours earlier. Humility....when you have to ask your sons how use the computer. Oh they're little sweethearts and they show me what I need to know with great excitement...and then rush off to write mommy a "how to" page incase she forgets. And the humility that comes with asking their forgiveness when necessary. The lessons are extensive and so much more than I could replicate here. Isn't God so wise?! Only He could bring along these fresh young souls, full of life and energy and love and creativity and vibrancy - knowing full well that His intention all along was for them to teach us as much as we taught them. Maybe more. He's tricky like that :) |
Nov. 7, 2006
Goodbye White.....Hello Orange
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My big boys are no longer beginners in
martial arts. They moved up to their orange belts this past
weekend. They started martial arts 4-6 weeks ago, and they have
enjoyed it more than I ever dreamed that they would. The girlie-girl in me never appreciated the attraction to martial arts. My middle son has been asking for years to try it, but he's the jock in the family and he likes, and excells at, every sport that he tries. I held off on martial arts, trying to see if there was another sport that he would delve into with abandon -- in part because of the expense of martial arts. For the life of me, I can't figure out why it costs so much?? What I never knew was that martial arts is so much more than learning some kicks and self-defense. Moms of boys, energetic boys, loud boys, busy boys....I'm writing this paragraph to you especially! My boys are learning discipline, goal setting, manners, listening skills, pride in a job well done, respect, and so much more. Who knew? Our martial arts studio is a little different and in addition to everything else that is naturally learned with the sport, they are also teaching a "life skill" every month. Things like integrity and self control. Things a mother works for years to accomplish, and here, concealed in this most vague of places, you find this team of people who are willing to, even want to, come along side you and help you train these boys to be men. Who knew? |
Nov. 3, 2006
Simplicity
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In the midst of life's bedlam, there is
one space that I find more and more valuable over the years...sometimes
it's found, sometimes it's sought, and yet other times it seems so
abstract that one wonders if there ever really is a state of
simplicity. I wonder if, simplicity is merely a state of mind rather than a recognizable way of life...maybe just a way of being. No, I'm not saying we should all become simple-minded in order to escape the realities of every day life. Contrarily, I feel compelled to look at it from the perspective of affording ourselves the simplicity that comes with being at peace with oneself. Therefore, making the realities of life more transparent and less daunting; clear in focus, not blurred by emotion, "what ifs", or even, the all too frequent, "whys". The more that I consider the 'art' of simplicity, the more that I long to fill every space of my being with this tranquillity. Assuming that this simplicity is an art - maybe the art involved is the art of choice. One has to choose to be in a state of serenity, regardless of the 'controlled chaos' of life - maybe even in spite of it. So, if I choose a mental state of being that is based on a simplified lifestyle...then doesn't it stand to reason that, consequently, this will trickle down to those around me? Creating a better world -- in my small corner of it, at least? But, the art isn't in living simply, it is in choosing to live simply. And the art of choosing to live simply, for me, is in choosing to remind myself endlessly of who I am compared to Who God is. Choosing to lay the burdens and trappings of life at His feet and walk in trust. Trust in trust. Trust in the only One who is always faithful. So, when I boil it all down, to my, altogether too complicated way of thinking, Simplicity equals Trust. So, why does it seem so elusive, so often? Thank God, he's a God of patience. (Who, but me, could make a query into simplicity - so, simply.....difficult?) :) |
Oct. 29, 2006
The Good Is The Enemy Of The Best
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The conflict continues to rear it's ugly
head; the internal one. The one that can't seem to figure out how
to find balance. The one that doesn't want to give up the best
simply for the good - knowing that it's not a fair trade. Yes, it's "good" to get that math lesson in, and throw in Language Arts for good measure, day in and day out. In fact some would say it's necessary. I'm not sure that I'm not in that camp...mentally anyway. Emotionally - I want to laugh and read and play and run and giggle and *know* my children. Really know them. Hear their hearts speak. Yes, we laugh and read and play and run and giggle and know one another...but, all too often, after the "good" has taken it's place in the affairs of the day. Lets face it...the "good" of school seems to be so all-consuming. The fear that they won't succeed, the fear that we won't succeed...that we'll fail them as 'teacher'. The fear that they won't know what they need to know, when they need to know it. The fear that it's wrong, even, to put the books aside more often and -- enjoy the "best". Intellectually, heck yeah -- we know to keep the main thing, the main thing - God, character, relationships, love, service... Why does the conflict present itself so often if we know the best and we long for the best, indeed, crave the best? Daily remind me, Lord, that before these are my charges, they are Yours. The struggle for balance seems intangible at times - but when my mind is at peace and in the stillness of that midnight hour - when everyone else is alseep and I'm alone with my thoughts....they always bring me back to the best. Thank You Lord for those moments of clarity in a life filled with chaos. Teach me to trust. Remind me, daily, hourly, that the good cannot begin to fill the shoes of the best. As long as the best is accomplished...the good will find it's proper place among the rest. The good, indeed, is the enemy of the best. |