Jan. 28, 2007
"It's All Good". Lazy Sunday Ramblings
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It's a cold Sunday afternoon here in Indianapolis. Off and on snow showers; lots of wind. Even as I sit and type - I glance out of the window and watch the wind brush the powdery white dusting of snow along the street. I love the summer; I love to sit on my porch with a glass of tea an wile away the day with my family. But there is just something about the winter that is comforting. We rarely give our firelace a day off in the winter months (and by winter months - we, sourthern transplants, mean October through April, sometimes May.) In winter we don't have that same revolving door that we have in the summer months. We enjoy having our children's friends over, but when those cooler months roll around and the windows are closed again and we are using, honest to goodness, wooden doors rather than the screen variety that serve as our doors in the summer....it's a nice respite. A chance to hunker down with the family, to bring out the board games, to enjoy big comforting pots of homemade chili. The change of seasons from year to year just screams *God*. Only He could be so brilliant and so creative. Van Gogh has nothing on Him. These folks here in Indy who we've called friends and family for the last six years have often questioned our sanity. Many times when asked where we are from and we respond "Florida", we've heard the remark "Then why would you move here?" I guess sometimes it takes someone to look at somethng with a fresh new perspective to appreciate the beauty and the simplicity of it. We didn't grow up with snow and the timely change of seasons every few months. Enough about the snow I suppose....I'll move on - if I must. With everything that's been going on around here with the whole crazy lawsuit, I've gotten a little behind in our schooling. We haven't neglected it, but we aren't where I'd like us to be either. This past week my husband was out of town being the awesome provider that he is, and I was here keeping the home fires burning. The boys and I got so much accomplished school-wise this week and I feel like we're finally headed in the right direction again. Not feeling as intimidated by those lessons that hadn't been touched in weeks anymore. Once again we're finding interest and enjoyment from the full gamut of studies. It Feels good to be back in a good place, feeling productive and enjoying the voyage to boot. And ya know what? Nothin's changed. Not a thing. We're still fighting the hardest battle of our lives. We're still confused and dumbfounded by the whole crazy (lawsuit) thing. But, His strength is made perfect in our weakness. It always goes back to Him. Why carry such a heavy load when I can put it down at His feet and walk unhampered. Who is this God that I put my trust in, my future in, my hope in - if not One who I can trust with my tomorrows? I'm tired of being enslaved to the pain of this relentless trial; it's been years and I guess I'm just a slow learner. At the end of the day - the bottom line is that His palm is big enough to hold me , His love is great enough to comfort me and His grace is more than sufficient for me. For years I've been praying for God to take this burden from me. But, I was missing the point alltogether. My prayer should have been for God to give me the strength to do whatever He places in my life, and the faith to trust Him to know best. As the old familiar hymn says - "I'm learning to lean". It's not about me - as much as it pains me to admit - it really isn't about me. It is a trial in my life - no question. But, it's all about Him. It's all for His glory. He'll remove it in His time...and that timing will be nothing less than perfect. I'm human and I'd be lying if I didn' t say that I still pray, plead rather, to God for this trial to pass. But, you know what? I'm gonna be okay regardless. He's alive and He's more than capable of protecting me and granting me comfort along the way until that day finally comes when it's time for this to pass. This really is a sunday ramble isn't it? I started blogging because I needed a way to voice my thoughts and my feelings and my opinions. My husband is a wonderful listener, but he also has a job that keeps him busy all day. My children....they're sweet, but they just can't understand the things that fall on a mother's heart. When you become a full-time mom, you don't, suddenly, lose all sense of opinion and concern in life. You just don't have this group of people who show up at the same time and at the same place each day who you can share with and debate with and have that adult conversation - that you do still crave even though you're home now. It's not really 'conversation' but it is a fulfilling way to open up my mind and spill out all that is running around up there....or at least some of it. Make it a great week. He's got it all tightly in His strong grasp - and because of that - It's All Good. |