Feb. 9, 2007
I Could Have Had A V8!
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My God is such a patient God. Boy, sometimes I guess I'm just a slow learner. Don't you hate it when you look back and have that "I could have had a V8" moment? Why does it take us so long to learn sometimes? I have been struggling for a few weeks with learning how to reconcile my trust in the Lord with my stress over our lawsuit. To me, it just seemed as if I was contradicting myself. Did I trust if I was still confused and unsettled over the whole thing? Was it okay to have that unsettledness? Did it mean that I had somehow fooled myself into believing that I trusted when, in reality, I did not? It's been a real tug-of-war for me, because I know in my heart that I trust God and yet, here I was still upset over something that I trusted Him with. I didn't know how the two could co-exist. But, I knew that both were very real feelings. Never doubt God's timing. I think sometimes that we learn at the pace that He wants us to learn. Or maybe at the pace that He knows that we are capable of learning. Just as we don't offer our children information that they are not ready for...He gives us one bite at a time so as not to have us choke on the enormity of it all. When He offers me something new and fresh from Him...it's at the perfect time; the time that He wants for me to learn it...the time when He knows that I'm ready for it. In the past week or two He's really opened my eyes to the fact that trusting is so much more than knowing He is capable of something. Before I would have been the first in line to tell you that I already knew that. And I did. But, I didn't *know* that - on the surface, I knew it - everyone who believes in Who God is knows that. But, I didn't realize that, in this case, I wasn't taking that knowledge down deep. I was still expecting my surface-knowledge of trust to be enough for something in which I needed a heart knowledge of trust. Bingo...I could have had a V8! I trusted that because He is God and He is the Creator that, of course, He was capable of taking this burden from our lives. Well, that's true - but, I forgot that it takes more than knowing that He can. I must believe that He will. Okay...so I had to look at it again with fresh eyes and ask myself the hard questions. Did I believe that He would throw me a life raft in this trial? Thankfully, when it was all said and done, I was able to answer yes to that. I think that my fear in looking at that question was that I was afraid that He had other plans and I really needed Him to have my plans. Silly me. So, now I'm on the right track. I trust, that He is capable of helping me and I trust that He will help me. Well, that's a whole different animal all together. Going back to the first paragraph I, now, see how the two fit together peacefully. I'm human and, of course, I'm going to be confused and, of course, I'm going to want my God to come to my rescue. But, I don't have to have the responsibility of that burden on my own shoulders. I can feel that way - while still leaving that heavy load at His feet. He never meant for me to carry it. Every now and then I start to pick it back up again and one thought into the stress of it all - I remind myself that I don't want it and I put it back down again. No way is it easy to have this be a part of my life for such a long time...but now that I'm walking away from it; leaving it with Him and not attempting to drag it around anymore...Oh the freedom. And the truth is that I wasn't carrying it around on my shoulders, I was dragging it around - it was literally a ball and chain keeping me prisoner. God says to take my every thought captive...rather than have it drown me - I take it captive, I weigh it, I determine if it is productive and truthful and if not - I toss it out. Well, it's a process and I'm getting there anyway. Why do we take such an elementary approach to God and His miraculous abilities? I want more than a Sunday school knowledge of His activity in my life. He hasn't changed. He's still the same God who, not only, kept Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego from being consumed by the fire, but He joined them in the fire. Do we think that He will do any less for us? I feel like I've been in the fire the last several years over such a simple, silly, lawsuit. But, He hasn't changed. He's in the fire with me too. He not only kept them safe, but they walked out of that fire that day with no burns, not a hair singed, their robes were not scorched and there was no smell of fire on them the Bible says. Why do we learn this and many other stories of miracles in our younger ,Sunday school, years and yet, forget what they really mean to a believer when the real tests come? This same God is my God and my God has endless resources. I love in Daniel 3:16-18 -- well I'll just quote it...I wouldn't do it justice to paraphrase: "Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to the king, "Oh Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter (not worshiping the golden calves). If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and He will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the images of gold you have set up." They understood what it was to trust that He could and that He would - they say that He is able to save us and that He will rescue us. And I love what they said next because I really have to wonder if it was said only to let the king know that it didn't matter either way, kind of as an afterthought not necessarily that God wouldn't save them -- but, hey, even if he doesn't -- whatever -- we're not going to serve your gods regardless. I found that funny. And, finally, I'm at that place where I can be thankful for the trial. It's not fun, it's not easy, it's downright draining. But, I love what God has been teaching me. I love how He's loved me. I struggle with being able to understand the loving nature of God because I don't have that in an earthly father - it's hard to grasp my Heavenly Father's love for me sometimes. But, He is so gracious and patient with me. A phrase that I heard long ago and have kept with me is: "Sometimes God calms the storm; Sometimes He lets the storm rage and calms His child." That phrase rings more true and more personally to me today than ever before. |