Jun. 7, 2007
Full-Circle Faith
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What is faith? Is there a difference between blind faith and faith that is explainable? I'll use the old standby for an example. I have faith that the chair that I'm sitting in will not fall. That faith is one that speaks for itself. It's a chair that's been standing for -- 35+ years. It's sturdy. It's reliable. Easy faith. Blind faith? It challenges you. I've learned a lot about blind faith these last few years. Did you know that there are even stages to this type of faith? The beginning stages are easier because you're so sure about your God and His character and His strength. There are good days and bad days but, all in all, you're relaxed and doing alright. Then comes this sort of lull. A time when you're kind of in this place of complacency. Not really feeling strong enough, outside of God, to think about it....sort of your version of "Let go and let God". Then one day you're in this new stage of faith. One that brings you to your knees. One of passionate pleas to God for relief. It's a painful place. But, it's part of the process I suppose. Next comes acceptance. Giving up the pain. Leaving it at the foot of the cross and breathing in the fresh air for the first time in a long time. But, ya know, you're human...and well, your lack of patience gets the better of you and you're back in this painful place of desperation. Of needing God to reveal Himself and set it all right again. This place is different from the last painful place though. You learned those painful lessons and these lessons now are new lessons to learn. You've given it to Him, but now, you just need for Him to come to your aide and grant mercy and relief. That place leads you right into a place of confusion and questioning and -- yet more pain. Where is He? When will He show Himself? Do His promises apply to me? This is a scary place. Thank goodness for me, this place has been fairly short-lived. I jump back in every now and then, but I only pass through for brief moments at a time, before God woos me back to His truth. And sooner or later you make your way to the stage that I'm in today. Feeling weak, but knowing that He is strong. Not always feeling Him, but knowing that He is near. Falling back on all that you've ever claimed to believe - in spite of the fact that, right now, it makes no sense to you. God hasn't made you privy to his plans and you're downright exhausted. Making the choice to continue on, push through, because what is this faith that you have if it can only trust in the seen? What have you been claiming all of your life? Are you a hypocrite? Surely, your faith is strong enough to find it's way through the darkness. It's a time when you're blind to His plan...but sure of His character. This phase I believe must be about waiting. About claiming His promises and accepting something because you know it to be true. Not accepting it because it makes sense...because it doesn't make sense to human eyes. It's truly that time when you believe because you have faith and you have faith because you believe. It's a testing of the faith in my opinion. When you don't deny what you've always believed simply because it's too blurry to understand right now. You determine that you will persevere....until. Yep, you make the choice. I can choose to decide that all that I have believed about God from the time that I was eight years old is a lie. I can decide that He isn't there since I can't see Him right now. I can decide that God is just another who I can never seem to please and that He's rejected me. How shallow my faith would be. Those thoughts run across my mind every now and then. I don't know if it's satan or just simply my human nature in a time of suffering. Either way, I admit to those messed up thoughts on occasion. But, at the end of the day, it's much easier for me to believe in the unseen than it is for me to deny my God. The options didn't include an easy choice this time. That's all that He gave me with which to work. I can't choose not to choose because in doing so....I've made a choice. So, I choose to walk blindly down this rocky path. It's the same narrow path that He's always guided me on and it leads to the same place, but this particular terrain is rough and unstable. I choose to trust that the same One who led me onto this rough patch is the same One who will, ultimately, lead me back onto the smooth, stable, reliable part of my path. He tells me in His word that in suffering and in joy to consider this - He has made the one as well as the other. So, I'm blind and unsure of each footstep, but I trust in the One who stole my heart as a child. Soon enough, I'll be into a new phase in my journey of blind faith. For right now, I'll just watch for Him. |