Jul. 15, 2007
Of Lilies and Sparrows....
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Sometimes God surprises me...how much I can see Him in the little things. I had this total God-thing happen to me this week. Honestly, if I wasn't aware of His presence in my life it would be kind of eerie to me. Earlier this month, I wrote out a check to pay our mortgage, stamped, sealed, etc., Then went out and placed it in the mailbox. I was the only one in my home who was awake yet that morning, and I remember -- taking it to the mailbox, banging the mailbox closed (we have an uncooperative mailbox) and then putting the flag up. I walked back inside and went about my normal morning routine. Never gave it a second thought. I'm not losing my mind....I really did this! Fast forward to this week. My son was sitting on the floor using his computer and I was talking to him. I looked over and noticed, what looked like, a bill on the floor beside him. I sweep this floor every day and there is no paperwork kept in this room at all, so this seemed unusual. He picked it up and handed it to me, and, surprise...it's my mortgage payment! Not mailed. I'm thinking...."What the heck?". Well, okay, no big deal, we'll just call and pay it over the phone (thank goodness we were not beyond the grace period and had no late payment). But, since then I've been going over and over the circumstances of that morning in my mind. I keep thinking that I must be missing something. God must be so impressed with my confidence in Him! (sooo said with sarcasm). But, there's another part of this story that makes this -- well, just a God-thing. A few days earlier we'd been doing our bank work, balancing the budget, paying bills, etc. Ya know, all that fun stuff. I never balance my checkbook....ever. How did we ever live during times when we couldn't look our bank info up on the computer?! We write in the date, check # and total and then every couple of weeks, we go back and look up our account on the computer and mark off the checks that have already cleared the bank and which ones haven't been processed yet. Hey, it works. Nothing out of the ordinary on this particular day until we come across a check that hasn't been logged. Hmmm. What happened to check #(000)? Nothing on the computer, nothing in the check register. We couldn't recall writing a check in the recent past. Strange. At this point, I'm really hoping that I didn't accidentally tear out two checks when I paid the mortgage...with one of them being blank of course. We decided to wait until it cleared the bank and then we'd write it in the register (because there is no way that I could be such a goof as to have sent a blank check to someone!). Oh that that were true! I am such a goof. I opened the envelope to pay the bill by phone....and found two checks. One written to my mortgage company and one....blank! Who does this kind of stuff? Really wondering, at this point, if I should be teaching anyone...let alone my own, precious children! And, yet, God saw what I missed. How that bill got back into my house is anyone's guess. Maybe one of the kids thought that the mail had come and brought it in thinking it was new mail?? Maybe the mail carrier missed it and put the new mail in with the payment so it was brought inside with the new mail?? Maybe it grew legs and walked back inside itself?? All I know is that He is such a tender-loving and faithful God. I'll forever wonder how that bill got back inside my home...but, I'll always know Who it was who was behind it all. How much we concern ourselves with the big things in life...and, yet, here God is watching over, even, the smallest details. Why do we worry about all of the nonsense that can consume us, knowing that we have this gracious God Who is capable beyond the limitations of our imaginations? How humbling to see His hand so present in my life. And how rich and satisfying a confidence we find in Him. Sometimes it's hard to mentally grasp that kind of love. I admit, it confuses me at times. Not that perfect love exists...heck, I'm a mom...I know the depth of pure, raw love. What confuses me, is that this perfect love has found favor with me. Ya know, I could get into the whole "Childhood, parent/child relationships" thing...but, --- all I can really say to that is "whatever". It is what it is. That is all meaningless at this point...but, what lingers, what scars and effects the adult-me is -- in understanding this idea of being the recipient of such love. Times were what they were and people are who they are....that's not what I'm talking about. I just always find myself surprised by such pure love directed toward me. This is probably my greatest, true challenge in life. But, His nature is such that He is not going to let me, for one second, assume that His love for me is conditional or lacking. He knows that I'm somewhat confused by it, but He's not worried. He doesn't change what He does or doesn't do...He just continues to consistently, reliably, faithfully love. And for this particular day in this particular week during this particular July in this year of 2007.....I'm deeply aware of the beautiful attention that He shows to all that He has created. The lilies, the sparrows, and....me. |