Sep. 18, 2007
The Risk of Loving
|
How do you say goodbye to something that's been a part of your life for half of your life? I know that there are some who don't get that attached to their animals, but I am not one of those. It doesn't take me long to get attached. Our sweet cat, Eenie, was 17+ years old. When I moved out on my own, at 18, almost 19 years of age, she was a stray kitten who wandered around the little apartment area where I lived. She had a brother too. We named him Moe. Crazy names, I know. My husband (boyfriend at the time) had just found some childhood stuffed animals that he'd had when he was little, and they were named Meenie and Miney, so he chose to name the cats Eenie and Moe. They were good names for these cats though because, they are unique names and these were definitely two very unique kitties. Eenie's brother, Moe, died years ago. We had not even had him for a year when he died. That, too, was a traumatic moment in time. Ya know, I'm not going to apologize for loving my animals. Some in my life, think it's just one of those things and you just go out and get a new cat and that's that. I'm not going to pretend that her death doesn't affect me. I'm not going to be embarrassed because I love so whole-heartedly. That's just who I am; that's how God made me. It would be dishonoring to Him to be anything less than the person He made me to be. I'm not good at keeping things bottled up inside anyway....I'd make it for a week ,at most, and then I'd cry a river. When you've had a pet for this long (over 17 years), the pet really becomes so much a part of your life, that it almost feels like I've lost my right foot or something. Something that I've always depended on and has always been reliable to me - is gone. I know that we'll adjust with time. It's been four days now and it's still too new to look past it. I've never lost something that's been with me for that long though, so I worry that I'll always be looking for her in different ways and never really get over her death. She was our one constant in life. Through all of our moves to new states, and new houses and all of the new babies that came into our home, one by one. Through everything - she's been right there. It seems very unnatural to live without her. Everyone should be so lucky as to have a pet as sweet as our Eenie. This was the most gentle cat. All she wanted was to love and be loved. But, she was so strong at the same time. We called her "Queenie Eenie" because she knew that she was the queen around our home. We have two other kitties, one named Tess, who we got for Eenie almost 9 years ago so that she wouldn't be lonely. And the other, named Callie, who was a stray that we brought in. Tess and Eenie have never been accepting of Callie. Tess and Callie used to fight outside before we adopted her, so Tess could not understand why on earth her arch enemy was now living in her home! Eenie didn't fight with her, because she was too old to really be that aggressive, but she did make sure that Callie knew her place when she came around her. Callie is a very wild cat. She lived on her own for years before we adopted her, and she was used to having to fend for herself. She catches mice from the field behind us and she catches the wild bunnies and birds and chipmunks. She's really big and fluffy and looks intimidating. But, not to Eenie. When Eenie came around Callie moved out of the way. Callie knew to be afraid of Eenie. Callie will chase Tess down, but the only time she would ever try to get to Eenie was when Eenie's back was turned. She'd always cower when Eenie could see her. There's always that risk that comes with love. I was telling my son several weeks ago, when his hamster died, all of the things that a mother should say to her child when he is heartbroken. "You were lucky to have had her", "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all", "It'll get easier with time". But, truly, there is nothing that can satisfy grief. |