Jun. 25, 2008
A Theif Called Time
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I believe that there is this time warp that you enter when you become a mother. Time is not what it used to be. And probably never will be the same again. One day you're expecting a baby and life is so exciting and you can't wait to see those tiny fingers and toes. You can't wait to hear "It's a boy" or "It's a girl". Then the next thing you know.....that baby is turning 13 years old! It all happens so quickly. We enter something that I like to call "hyper-time" when we become mothers. We have these precious newborns and then before we know it they're toddling around the house and before we know it still, they're preschoolers with their itty bitty back packs feeling so proud to be a "big boy". Then comes real school. We can't believe that our babies are in kindergarten, then first grade, then second, ........ Until one day, they go and decide that they're ready to be teenagers. Maybe my son is ready, but I'm not so sure about his mama! Blake told me the other day that he's been waiting to be 13 since he was 10 years old! No doubt that the kid is excited to be entering his teens. But, I feel cheated by this "hyper time". I still see the innocent little five year old face when I look at him sometimes. I still remember when his sweet blue eyes looked up at me with all of the trust in the world. Now, those sweet blue eyes look right into mine from the very same height....and they'll be looking down at mine by summer's end I'm sure. I'm not ready to be looking up at my son! He's my baby, he's not supposed to be taller than me! You know when your kids are little and you go into grocery stores and little old ladies like to tell you things like "enjoy them; they grow up fast". Well, darn if those little old ladies aren't right! They know from experience how this hyper-time steals our children away. All of those little moments add up so quickly. Before we know it they're too big to carry, and too cool to cry and too big to be our little boys. But in my mind's eye....he's still my precious little boy. How vivid a mother's memories are. I can close my eyes and remember his first steps like he just took them. And sometimes I think that he's learning to walk all over again. The awkwardness of growth spurts and that clumsiness that comes with them. His face has changed so much in the last year. He looks like a young man....not like a young boy anymore. My mother's heart is so conflicted. A part of me is so proud of him and loves watching him grow and meet the challenges of life with such strength. And a part of me is being dragged along kicking and screaming when it comes to this growing up thing. Inside I'm saying --- NO, he's my baby! He's my first child; he's the one who made me a mother. Can't time stand still for just a little while? To the world, I say, -- be ready. This is one great kid and he's coming at you faster than I can hold him back. In five short years, the legal part of my job will be over. He'll be 18 and technically he'll be a man. I know that a mother's job is not quite that cut and dry, but -- it's hard to think that I only have five years left with him at home before he'll be able to decide to live somewhere else or go to school somewhere else. And I can't hold him back. I've got to let him do his thing. I know he'll make me proud. Folks, this parenting thing really does get harder once the kids get older. Yes, when they are little, there are sleepless nights and fights over nap times and messy meal times and all of that is exhausting. But, none of that compares to the mental exhaustion of learning to let them go. Learning to trust them to their God. The God that you taught them to love when they were little. In comparison, those sleepless nights seem like a cake walk. And something tells me that I'll be replacing them with another set of sleepless nights soon enough. The kind where I'm waiting for him to come home at night, making sure that he arrives safely before I can settle in myself. Hold onto your babies.....even those babies who are bigger than you are now. Time is cruel and it stops for nothing. Be there in those moments. The big ones and the little ones. Make a difference while you can. For they really are only little for a moment. Happy Birthday Baby. |