Sep. 12, 2008
Of This I Am Sure
|
Do you ever think that we should just all go back to Sunday school and learn to see God through a child's eye again? I'm learning that throughout life and it's valleys - God always brings me back to the simplest things. I've typed and deleted several paragraphs over and over. I don't know how to clarify my thoughts. I don't know how to organize four and a half years of pain into - easy to digest little feel-good paragraphs. We've felt very alone in our struggle over this frivolous lawsuit that was taken out against us back in 2004. Even most of our friends seem to insinuate (innocently and I believe without meaning to) that there must be more to it than we've shared because why would someone sue someone else so frivolously. I used to be that naive too. I wish that I could still be that naive. That was a nice existence....back when I thought that justice truly existed. It's a lonely place to be on this side of injustice. I was reading last month in the book of Job about how his friends continued to hold to this idea that he must have been at fault in order for this catastrophe to be overtaking his life in this way. Job must have felt so lonely. I think that where we go wrong, a lot of times, is when we insist on expecting from others what we should only expect from God. We can hope for the best from others. We can hope that others will act justly and rightly but once we expect that....then that is where we bring heartache onto ourselves. We can't expect, from others, what only God can consistently do. And that brings me back to the simplicity of those Sunday school days and those childhood lessons of God. They are more powerful now, once we've had to hold fast to their truths, than they ever were back in our Sunday school years. Folks, I don't know why people do mean, selfish things to others without regard for anyone but themselves. I don't know why people don't come alongside us and support us with a real heart for the injustice that we've suffered. I don't know why we can't expect from others the same excellence that we try to pursue ourselves....but what I do know.....what I do know --- cancels out all of that.... No matter what. Whether I'm living on the mountain top or whether I'm living in the valley, whether it's good news or bad --- No Matter What.....Of this I am sure ...I am SURE of the Goodness of God. Whatever it is. Whatever it isn't. Whatever it should be. Whatever it can be. Whatever I feel. None of it matters....because my God is good and whatever He does is good. Whether it appears good from my vantage point or not....I can trust...in the goodness of God. If I am sure of this. If I am truly sure of this. If I know this deep in my bones. Then nothing else matters. Things don't have to be carefree in my life for me to believe in the goodness of God. In fact, how shallow that would be. How easy it would be to declare that "God is good" in my perfect Sunday school teacher voice.....if I hadn't lived the goodness of God. If I hadn't relied on the goodness of God. If I hadn't seen the goodness of God with my own eyes and felt it with my own being. How shallow that would be. How thankful I am that He loves me enough to grow me and to bring me closer to an understanding of Him and His deep love for me. Sunday School 101. God is good. In childhood years...it's a feel-good fact that we learn and hide away in our minds and hearts for future use. In adult years....it's the difference between life and mere existence. It's the truth that develops faith. I've been saying for the last several months that I feel like my faith is being challenged. And I've had some look at me as if I'm the worst of sinners because I'm willing to admit that. But, to me, I'm thankful that my faith is being challenged. Faith is something that I never realized was grown. I thought it was just something that you had or you didn't. Nope. I have more faith today than I had before this began. I understand the goodness of God in ways that I never could have understood before. No Sunday school class could have taught me what I've learned during this trial. Without putting one foot in front of the other and walking through this fire, I would not have had the ability to understand what the Lord has so lovingly taught me. It's not about a "good ending" to a trial. Sometimes trials don't end well. Sometimes we just can't see what the Lord is so carefully fashioning in our lives behind the scenes. Sometimes we just won't have the satisfaction of having a human definition of "good" attached to what God calls good. Sometimes we just won't be able to put the pieces together this side of heaven. But that doesn't mean that it isn't -- Good! If I believe in the goodness of God, then whatever He does in my life, whether I perceive it as good or not....It IS good. I can't rely on myself and I can't rely on others. I can't look at what is and consider whether it is just or right or good or not. All that I can honestly do, is say to myself that I KNOW that God is good. Either I believe it or I don't. Believing it on the mountain top is just paying lip service to faith. Believing it in the valley....that is truly the reward. |