My teen daughters and I were talking about friendship recently. They are in turmoil over not developing close friendships with some girls. After listening to them tell about the on again, off again attitude toward friendship that teen girls have, I was thinking, "If feelings can be so fickle, why do you want that in your life?".

It's perfectly fine to have one or two close friendships. A gob of friends isn't necessarily always healthy. One can get into a lot of trouble in this type of setting.  My husband puts it best, "There are things that you'll do with a group of people that you wouldn't dare do on your own."

We can teach our children about what's valuable in friendships and how to choose your friends wisely. But, when it comes to wanting to belong, a lot of the teaching goes out the window. So, heartache is almost certain to follow.

I guess the next step in guiding our daughters (all of our children) is to focus on their leadership skills and ability. To teach them that they don't have to compromise who they are or their values to fit in. If anything, they should want to stand out and be known for doing what's right; to be a shining example. Who says that they have to follow? My husband claims that in high school, he was the peer pressure. His peers say him as a stand-up guy, stepped up their game and didn't talk about the "crap" that guys usually talk about in the locker room. They knew that he would call them on it.

I know that as MOM, I may seem stupid to my daughters and I have absolutely no clue what I'm talking about or how they feel. Number one reason is that I was never homeschooled and I don't know what homeschooled girls go through. I'll give them that; only the fact that I wasn't homeschooled. BUT, the people/teen girls are the same in any setting: public school, private school, co-ops and homeschool. Girls are shunned everyday and it has nothing to do with school affiliation.

My girls have to know that : 1)They can't please (nor should they strive to) everyone. 2)They should strive to be the best that God designed them to be.

I hope that this is an open dialogue between my girls and I as they get older and wiser. They do confess sometimes that I make valid points. We'll see.

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Posted by fruitbuns

It can be difficult sometimes. I have a teen, however she isn't fussed at all thankfully. She is a leader rather than a follower. I have seen how othere homeschooled teens can be influenced by their peers though, it creates a peer dependency.

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Posted by Zinnada

Although my girls aren't teens yet, I do often times get concerned about them developing friendships. I pulled our oldest out of a SS class due to the rude attitudes of the girls in the class. How the SS department was organized, she wasn't suppose to be in there anyway.

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Posted by bbullard

My husband and I have this conversation often. Personally, I feel the same way you do; 1 or 2 true friends are fine, and those types of relationships are worth waiting for. My husband the extrovert, however, is constantly looking to keep the party going, i.e., be around groups of people. He always asks them about who they meet when they go places, who they're talking to, who's talking to them. I think it's beautiful that they don't walk into rooms feeling like they need to please others. Anyway, we disagree on the nature of friendships for the kids, so it's harder to have this dialogue with them. Thankfully, I think the nature of homeschooling allows them plenty of extra time to marinate and sort some things out for themselves.

God bless, and I hope all is well.

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