Feb. 27, 2007
Old as she was, she still missed her daddy sometimes.-- Gloria Naylor
Posted in Family
My phone rang at 7:45 this morning. For some reason, it didn't strike fear in me. I guess it was early, but not that early. Not so early or late that you instantly know something horrible has occurred. But it was my mom, calling to tell me that my dad was in the hospital. She had talked to my brother, who received the call. He apparently had a stroke yesterday and also has pneumonia and possibly congestive heart failure. The long term prognosis is not yet known.
My dad and I aren't close. We are friendly, but only in a superficial, obligatory way. The same way you would be toward your Great Aunt Sally whom you only see at family reunions once a year. You give her a kiss because your mother tells you to, but you don't really know who she is or what she's like. My mom and dad divorced when I was a baby, and we moved back to Georgia while he stayed in Virginia. We usually saw him once every year or two when he came down for business or to see his sister. Don't get me wrong: I know without a doubt that I love him, but I've learned to live without him.
I have always rebelled against the idea that I lacked anything by being from a broken home, because to admit so would seem to indicate a shortcoming on my mom's part. Not so. She was great, but now, as a mother, I see how much children need a father. Not more than mom; not instead of mom; but seeing my kids with their dad makes me see how much I missed.
Now suddenly I am faced with his mortality, and I am not satisfied with the superficial. I guess I always believed-- dreamed--hoped-- that he would come to his senses and realize what a great gal I am and how much he's missed by not being a part of my life. (And now the lives of his adorable granchildren.) Suddenly I realize that it may never happen. And so I have this overwhelming sadness and regret and sense of loss.
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Feb. 27, 2007 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by callmekate
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I'm so sorry for the way you are feeling. This is a difficult situation. Do you feel like you need closure? Would it help to write your dad a letter, even if he's unable to read it? I know you don't know me but I have lost two dads in the last 21 years (wow, that long?) and, though I had good relationships with both, I am so thankful I had good conversation, or at least, good closure with both of them before they died suddenly. I'll keep you in prayer. Wish I could be more helpful. Take care.
Kate
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Feb. 27, 2007 - Untitled Comment
Feb. 27, 2007 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by Anonymous
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I'm sorry, Babe. I love you. Wish I could make it better.
-Jason
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Feb. 27, 2007 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by SeekingJESUSnTeachingKIDS
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I am so sorry for your sadness. I also have a distant relationship with my Dad. We saw him here and there as kids, but as we got older we saw him less. I have seen him only a few times over the last few years, I thought my kids would bring him around...guess not
:(. I also see what I missed watching my little ones with their Daddy. I will be praying for peace for you and that God would speak to you in a special way. I am always praising God that my kids, through prayer and God's hand, have something I never had with their Dad. God gives back what the locust have eaten away.
:>Michelle
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Feb. 28, 2007 - Untitled Comment
 Posted by nsremom
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I'm so, so sorry for what you're going through. It hurt my heart reading your post. It's hard having a distance between parents. I feel the same way about my father who I adore actually.....but don't know AT ALL. He is a mystery to me. We run out of things to say in 30 seconds.
What a great testament to you mother that you would stay strong to try and protect her raising of you. She must be a wonderful gal.
But, becoming a mother DOES change us and makes us see our parents in a different light.
Your kids are truly beautiful and he WAS missing out all these years.
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