Category: Home and Schooling

I've just posted a page at our site with details about a habit training system I've created for our family.  We've been using it successfully now for a little over a month with great results.  Details are here if you'd like to check it out.

I would like to use this blog entry to record comments/questions from anyone that would like to try using the system.  So if you have a question or comment, please post it here for everyone to read and for everyone to benefit!  I will be hosting a new blog soon and will put an updated link here when it's ready.

Thanks!

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Comments

Posted by gnjlopez

Hey Deb,
This looks really good. I might be able to try it.

BTW...I owe you an email. I'm so sorry. We have just been so busy. I am praying for you though. Somehow the Lord always makes sure I have time for that.

Blessings,
JEN

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Posted by Anonymous

"These habits are written on the fronts of the cards (you can use sticker labels - use our free template here). " I couldn't seem to get this particular template to do anything. Any suggestions?
I just found your site and love it!!!
Thanks so much.
Karen

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Debra Fogelbach's Reply:
Since I have the original document itself, I can just type mine straight onto the cards. However, this document is not easily shared.

So I made the little spaces for each of your habits on the card the same size as an Avery sticker address label. The label template you're downloading is done in Microsoft Word.

It should open to a page with 3 columns of rectangles for you to fill in and print using a label sheet. (Make sure you're viewing it in "Print Layout".) However, you could also just print out the cards and write the habits directly onto the cards.


Edited by NotebookingPages on Wednesday, February 20 at 4:02 PM

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Posted by rose

Thank you for this wonderful post. It has helped me a great deal. Rose~homeschooling mom

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Posted by beachnut

I love this idea! Would you be willing to share the list of habits (and descriptions) you have currently developed for your kids? Rather than recreate the wheel, I'm sure I could use many of the ones you already created with my 7yo and 10yo, in addition to some of my own.

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Debra Fogelbach's Reply:
You can view/print the current list I'm working with here:
http://www.notebookingpages.com/uploads/PDF_Files/Character & Habits/npc_list_of_habits.pdf

You'll see lots of chore-related cards. Each child has one or two chores for each meal. We've tried a variety of ways to assign chores. For now, they have a list and that's their list for probably the next six months. It's much easier than trying to rotate chores like we used to do. They learn their "jobs" very well this way. Plus, I can keep better track of who's staying on top of their chores and not since it's not constantly changing. I'm trying to keep this all as simple as possible! :)

The rest of the cards are more related to attitude and their personal character traits. These are my main focus with the cards and so I add these cards slowly really waiting to see the habit form. As I see other "weak" areas we need to work on, I write them down for future cards.

The Laying Down the Rails book from www.SimplyCharlotteMason.com has an entire section devoted to listing all sorts of habits to work on with your kids.

Edited by NotebookingPages on Wednesday, February 20 at 11:58 PM

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Posted by KarlaKAkins

I just found these. I am eager to use them. I have kids with disabilities and I'm hoping these visual cues will help me help them succeed! Thanks!

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Posted by Janelle Renae

Thank you so much Debra, for sharing this with us. I have been reading Laying Down the Rails but haven't been very successful at implementing the ideas. This will give us the accountability we need. I'm so excited to get started!

Blessings to you and your family

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Posted by kesiy@hotmail.com

This sounds like a great idea and just what I need for my two 9-year-olds. Thanks for sharing!

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Posted by counterculturalmom

Hi Debra,
I like this idea, especially in terms of having specific habits for the kids to work on. I think it is good that you are requiring 75% rather than 100% (that would seem somewhat legalistic to me, and unattainable, perhaps).

It sounds like a lot to keep up with, though. Especially with several children.

This is what I have been doing....let me know, if you would, how you think your system improves upon this simpler system I've set up.

I give each child a cup with their name on it. I put a certain number of tokens in the cup. Every time I see them being faithful to one of the habits on my list (they know which habits we are working on....saying "yes, ma'am", "what's next", volunteering to help, doing chores without being asked, etc.) I take one token out of their cup. When their cup is empty, they get to choose a reward from a list of optional rewards....they can empty a cup in a week or they can empty the cup 3 times in a week....it just depends on them. The younger kids have about 35 tokens in their cup, the oldest has 50.

This is very simple to keep up with....but your system may be worth the extra time to set it up. Let me know what you think!
Molly
http://www.counterculturalmom.blogspot.com

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Debra's Fogelbach's Reply:

We used a similar system with colored cups/chips when our kids were all younger. Since they weren't tied to specific responsibilities or character qualities, it became ineffective for the kind of "training" I'm trying to accomplish (meaning that I want these traits to become a natural part of who they are eventually - a true "habit" without any needed prompts from mom). The cards are very specific, so both the kids and I know exactly where their weaknesses are and what we need to focus on. I'm amazed at how well they are working for us really, esp. with my four older kids ages 9-13. A big part of this may be in the goals they set for themselves. They have become very diligent in trying to maintain their averages. There's definitely a cushion of "grace" built in since we've kept the goal at 75% and most of their goals are based on cumulative averages over a period of days. So even if they have a lousy day, a good day will help average them out. It's been very balanced, which I love. Discipline is easy and smooth, they just give the card and they know that the consequence is going to take from what they chose as their own goal. Having a "system" has helped me to be better overall at my parenting since I have to stay accountable each day to counting their cards and such. I'm sure there are ways to tweak this to make it better for each family. I've tried so many different things over the years that sometimes I feel like just throwing all discipline out the window LOL! So as well as this is going for us, I'm keeping it.

I'll have some little updates and "tweaks" to share later, but I want to make sure they're working for us before I share them. :)

Edited by NotebookingPages on Saturday, February 23 at 4:33 PM

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Posted by jcdice4

I am not sure if I am understanding the system completely. Do you mark on the cards during the day when you see the child doing or following that habit, or do you just wait until the end of the day and base it on their overall behavior? Do you simply remove the card from their pile for the first misbehavior in that area? Thank you! I really like the way I think this system is set up, as we are looking for something easy to track to train our children in good character.

Debra Fogelbach's Reply:
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Here's a copy of the link to our webpage with more details (in case you missed it):
http://www.notebookingpages.com/index.php?page=152

When they "break a habit", they give me that particular card and I hold onto it until the end of the day. At the end of the day, they count up their points and write it on their calendar in their notebook.

For continued misbehaviors in the same area, I sometimes deduct additional points (whatever was on that card). I simply write -5 or -10 on their calendar page so that at the end of the day I know to deduct this amount. If this continues to be an area of weakness though, then I look for ways to help this child build strength in this area. This is part of the training process and what I designed the cards for in the first place - to help me and the child identify their weak areas so that we can nip them!

I do not chastise the child for this repeated behavior (unless it's flat out disobedience). Instead, we thank the Lord for helping us to identify this weakness and pray for a plan that will break this habit and build a new one in its place. Always pray! The Lord knows the heart of your child and will guide you to the action(s) needed to help your child. Making any discipline system work for your child is going to require you to be on your knees. It is an awesome responsibility to train up a child. However, the Lord does not leave us empty-handed. He guides us into all truth and provides an abundance of wisdom, if we just ask.

One of my favorite books for learning creative ways to train & discipline children is "Creative Correction" by Lisa Whelchel.

Edited by NotebookingPages on Sunday, February 24 at 6:11 PM

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Posted by Anonymous

Hi Debra,
I read about the cards a few days ago and thought and prayed over it and it does sem a good way to handle some Character traits that the kids have. my question is, are you using it with all your kids? Even the Kindergarten ones?
I am not sure my little fellow wil really know it is not a "terrible" thing if he looses the card, I see fights that i really do not think a neccessary coming at us, any ideas?
I would really love to try it but the setting up seems hartd to do (We would have to start with some easy chores since at the moment both boys are just helping when they really fell like it and TAHT HAS to chnage...
Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!
Thank you,
Dagmar


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Debra Fogelbach's Reply:
Yes, I am using it with my youngest ones as well. They each have about 10 cards. They are basic things like: make your bed, brush your teeth, clean up after your meal, etc. and then things like use kind words, clean up your play messes, etc. Now, with them, I also have a little chart I made with some picture clues that hangs on the back of their door. For younger kids, you might want to do something similar to what Molly suggested above. It may help to have something more visual for them to see their progress because they're not going to understand percentages, etc. We just count the number of cards they have left and work toward a point total for our 6 & 7 yo's. But you could do as she suggested and for each card they have left, put a colored chip in a cup or maybe a marble or similar small item. When they fill the jar to a certain point or number, then they have a special treat. You may start small (expecting them to do maybe 1/2 of what's expected without reminders) and then gradually build this up to the 75% mark. I'll never expect perfection or 100%, but you could make this a special treat by giving them a day off for a certain number of 100%. For me, if they are achieving lots of 100%, then that means there's room for new habits to be developed . . . slowly one at a time.

Edited by NotebookingPages on Wednesday, February 27 at 3:23 PM

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Posted by JohnnysGirl

Wow, that looks like a great idea. I need something similar to that.

Just found your post and I'm looking forward to reading more. °Ü°

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Posted by beachnut

Thanks for sharing your list of what habits/character traits you're working on. I can't borrow the book you suggested from my library, nor can they get it through interlibrary loan, and I cannot afford to buy it right now. So, your specific habit list will help me get started. Thank you for sharing!

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Posted by Ruby in Montreal

Debra,

I've been a fan of your notebooking pages for some time, but these cards really are a special gift.

I will be trying them out with our kids as soon as I get everything printed up & ready to go. Your emphasis on the kids being accountable without anybody being enslaved to the system is an inspiration!

Thanks so much for sharing,
Ruby
http://ruby3881.wordpress.com

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Posted by littlebrowngirl

Wow nice blog!
Mind if i add you/you add me?
-Hannah

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Posted by Cyndi

Debra,
Thanks for sharing this idea. I think I and my children could really use this. I am a little scared as to how diligent I will be checking this each day, though. Any suggestions for remembering when the end of the day comes and your tired. That's when I usually forget things.
Also, the March 20th post has a web address to see your list of character traits that your working on. I can't seem to get this to work. I searched for the list on the notebooking site and the only thing that came up is the article about the cards. I didn't see a list. Can you help me with this?

Thanks
Cyndi

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Posted by Cyndi

I"m sorry it's not March 20th, it's February 20th that has the web address.

Thanks again,
Cyndi

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Posted by Anonymous

Thank you for this wonderful system. My family has been enjoying it for about a month so far and it has helped us tweak our schedule, routines and character training to be so much more effective.

I just blogged about how this looks in our home.
http://delightinginhisrichness.blogspot.com/2008/04/discipline-and-character-training.html

Thank you!
~Erin
http://delightinginhisrichness.blogspot.com/

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Posted by boysrus

Thank you so much for these - they are great! Blessings, Dee

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Posted by MommaBear9

I am planning on using TOG this year and probably longer. How long have you been using it. I borrowed by friends yr1 to read through and ended up falling in love with it. We have 7 children 11 and under w/5 officially in school this next year. Tapestries seems to fit well with large families from what I have read so far. My husbands is 100% behind it. How hard is the first year? Sorry for all the questions, hope you don't mind:) Your system looks great I would love info. We have Managers of their Chores by the Maxwells. I like it and don't. Very labor intensive to set up or make changes. Have a great day! Randi

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