Oct. 8, 2009 - Let's talk self-control!

What do you think of when I say the words "self-control"?  If you're like me, you conjure up an image of yourself controlling your temper or avoiding a food temptation or doing the right thing in spite of your surroundings.  Basically, taking charge of 'self' in any given situation. 

The last 48 hours have brought a new definition to light in my mind.  I've come to the realization that self-control also has the implication that the only person you can truly control is self, and the only person that I will give account for is self.

Think about it.  There are plenty of people and situations that we try to control.  Each failure to do so results in a sense of frustration and feeling of failure.  Maybe it's trying to control a spouse and the habits that you don't think are acceptable.  Maybe it's trying to control a situation that you really have no control over.  Maybe it's a rift with another that you've tried to make right but the other party is unwilling.  All of these things are examples of times when you can't control anything but yourself, yet if you try, you set yourself up for a life of perpetual frustration!

Today, my focus is specifically on the area of children.  Years before I ever had my first child, I read and re-read a popular (amongst Christians) child training book.  I won't tell you which one as I don't want to pick on it or its authors.  I think there is a lot of wisdom in the book and that it's a useful tool.  However, this book left me with the impression that if I would train my children as infants in 'cause and effect", that I shouldn't have any more trouble out of them after a certain age.

So, I trained and I trained. I tied strings of fellowship.  I was as consistent as I had the strength to be.  As my children grew, guess what?  They developed wills of their own!  I was totally unprepared for that. After all, I'd read and followed 'the book'. 

The more my children would fuss with each other or display a bad heart attitude, I would become discouraged.  I mean, I prayed for widsom, I disciplined according to God's Word, I trained!  And guess what?  My children still weren't perfect! {gasp}  Can you believe it???  Don't get me wrong. I have good children but this mama wants godly children!

The other day,  a dear friend wrote me with regards to an entirely different situation.  In her letter, she said, "I tell my kids that... if there is a problem in a temporal relationship, it is directly linked to a problem with an eternal one."

Well, just knock me over with a feather.  There was my "uh-huh!" moment!  In that moment, the Lord showed me that I can do everything right yet my children still have a choice.  They each have a free will. 

2 Corinthians 5:14  For the love of Christ constraineth us; ....

The word 'constrain' means to compel or force; to urge.  Up until a certain age, our children are constrained to obey us, either out of a desire to please us, a reward to achieve or a punishment to avoid.  Something constrains them.   At some point (and I believe it's probably different with each child), they cease to be constrained solely by their parents and move into the area of being constrained by God's love. 

A child can't be constrained by the love of God until they know the Lord as their Savior.  My children all profess to be saved, so what they need is a closer walk with their Savior. They need to have a personal relationship with him that goes beyond salvation. Until they understand and realize how much the God of heaven loves them, His love will never constrain them to do right.  It's a tough job and a topic for another post. 

The point being is that they seemed to have moved from a place of being constrained by me and into a place where they need to be constrained by the Lord.  The balance is shifting. I cannot force them to be what God wants them to be. I can correct outward actions and I can teach them godly character but I cannot change their hearts.  This was such an eye-opening realization for me!

Self-control has taken on a new meaning.  I can only control *myself*....and in doing so, I can be a good example for my children to follow.  We can constrain (compel) our children to live right by providing a godly example or we can constrain them to do wrong by our example. If we model a heart that seeks to please God, the Lord can use that to urge them to do right.  If we model (for example) a life of laziness, than our children will be compelled to follow in our footsteps, making the Holy Spirit's job all the harder.

Self-control....such a small word with such big implications. 

eta:  I was heading out the door when I posted this. I got to thinking about how this post may be perceived.  Please understand that in no way do I think my work is done.  Far from it. My children are only 11, 7 & 7.  I guess the point I was trying to make is that I have finally realized that I can make my girls do the right thing because "I said so" but only God can bring obedience of the heart.

Our biggest struggle is with the "me first" attitude.  I make them do right, I have them memorize Scripture, we pray for selfless attitudes but true heart change takes time and to some extent, maturity. 

So....we keep pressing on, knowing that God's Word will not return void.

Have  blessed day!

©2009 Adorning Grace 

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Aug. 19, 2009 - Shaping Our Future...Today!

I don't believe in coincidences and it is by no coincidence that I came across the following entry today.  I don't remember how long ago I wrote this but the Lord knew that today I needed my own reminding!
~~~

I realized something this morning.  I saw clearly how my actions as a mother today affect teh future that my children will live in.  How?

I have three daughters.  If this very day I purpose to raise them according to the Word of God, then when they marry, there will be three new households established for God's glory.   Just one me could produce three new households that bring honor to the Lord!  And further, if I have taught my daughters correctly, they will submit their homes to God.  They will accept God's blessing of children as He gives them.  What if God chose to bless each of my girls with, say...five (number of grace, you know!) children?

Now, I have not only raised three daughters and prayed in three godly son-in-laws, but I have been blessed with 15 grandchildren.  One life submitted to the Lord could help to usher in 21

What if every mama committed to training her daughters to be godly help meets, keepers at home and to reject feminism and embrace God's plan for her fertility?  How would that impact our world twenty years from now?

God's people aught to be different.  The world tells young women that they can make it on their own but God's design is for them to be a help meet to their husbands. 

The world tells them to put their careers first but Jesus says to be a keeper (literally, a guardian) AT home.

The world says to put off child bearing till you've fulfilled your dreams.   God says that children are an heritage and you're blessed if your quiver is full of them.

The world says "give us your children to teach and train" but the Bible commands the parents to train their own children.

Rejecting the world's philosophy isn't popular, sometimes isn't easy and not always convenient.  However the blessings of godly living far surpass the riches of this world, and living God's way will make a difference for eternity!
for His service!
©2009 Adorning Grace

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May. 24, 2009 - Regret: The Ultimate Sleep Robber

Regret. Yes, one small word that is absolutely awful to live with. Regret can keep you up at night; indeed, it is keeping me up this very night. It's a miserable companion and one that I wish I could bid farewell to.

There are a great many things that I have come to regret in my life. During my teenage years, I regret my rebellion and the grief that I caused my parents. In my early adult life, I regret things that I did that cannot be undone. As a wife, I regret that I have not been the help meet to my husband that he deserves. As a mother I regret that I have not been consistent enough with my children. As a child of God I regret that I have not done all I could to serve Him. Yet none of these things are keeping me awake when I should be getting a good night's sleep.

Tonight, my mind is going over the events of the past two years. Swirling around in my mind and through my memory are things that I could have done differently and yes, things that I have come to regret. If I could relive them, what would I change? I would:

• Be thankful for all that I have instead of focusing on what I do not have
• I'd realize that just because I'm right does not mean that I win.
• I would focus on being a friend to those in need instead of waiting for others to befriend me.
• I would praise God, testify of His goodness and do all that I could to encourage my pastor husband instead of waiting for others to do so.
• I would enjoy the treasure of family instead of taking them for granted.
• I would cast my burdens on the Lord instead of carrying them myself.
• I would look at myself first instead of blaming others.
• I would not take for granted the privilege it is to be in the Lord's service.

way in my life and now I am reaping what I have sown. How many of the changes in our family could have been avoided if *I* had let the Lord have His way?

See, that is the problem with regret. You must live with its consequences every day. Yes, the Lord forgives but only time heals. Some things can never be corrected or forgotten, no matter how much we'd like them to be. Mistakes often have to be lived with.

Maybe you're like me and can't sleep tonight. Maybe you're asking, "What can I do?" when you're living out the results of your mistakes? You know, I don't have all the answers but one thing that I am sure of is that the past cannot be undone.

However, (and here's the bright side!) tomorrow is a clean slate!!! Praise the Lord! Beginning the very moment you open your eyes, YOU can do things differently! You can be more kind, more thoughtful, more consistent or loving or spiritual or whatever it is that you need to be. Do you regret not being a better wife? Be one today! Have you not been consistent with your children? Be consistent starting NOW. Is your walk with the Lord lacking? This very moment, spend some time with Him in prayer. You don't have to live the rest of your life with regret.

The future has yet to be written. So stop living in the shadow of your past. Ask forgiveness where needed and purpose in your heart to take "regret" out of the pages of your future's vocabulary!



© 2009 adorninggrace

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