It's been a while since I've written. It feels likes months, but looking at the date, I can see it's only been a couple weeks. We've been busy with life, getting things back on track, spending time together in real one on one time. Tim and I have a good marriage, but we've been sort of soaring...dancing...working out new steps.
The children...I've been hearing them again. It seems so long since I've heard their voices and smelled their necks and really touched them when I touched them. It hasn't really been long...it was only yesterday, and the day before, and the day before that. But the hearing and seeing and smelling and touching has become more real somehow. It helps, I think, that I smell the neck when I'm laying still instead of taking just a second, hearing the voice while I'm cutting a Jericho wall out of a box for my 6 year old, touching the shape of the skull of my daughter while running my fingers thru her hair and taking the time to hug for a while so that she breaks free first...and biting tiny pink toes with little nips that tickle and make Abe laugh his great old baby belly laugh.
Grief is an amazing thing. It hurts. It rips out your heart and doesn't seem to give anything back. But one day you wake up and feel the same old heart beating the same as it has all the years of your life. It's still the same but changed. Scarred a bit. A little more cynical. Or maybe just a little more realistic. And definitely cleaner.
Grief is like an shower inside the soul. All the peripheral, unimportant, superficial stuff is just washed down the walls of the heart and spiral into little whirlpools right down some drain somewhere, disappearing...and only leaving the important things behind.
That's what we've been doing the last couple weeks. Living the important things. Which is each other.
It's been good.
So now it's time to come back and write a little. I hardly know where to start. I have some "housekeeping" to do here. I'm going to be making some changes over on the sidebar. All of the adoption links will be put together. And I will be adding a section specifically for links to entries that will encourage homeschools, especially new homeschoolers or veteran homeschoolers who are seeing signs of burnout. I'll be putting up the link to the Homeschool Buzz Blogwatch in the same area. I would like to add entries to other homeschool blogs that are especially encouraging for homeschoolers needing an uplifting nudge. Let me know of any articles or entries you find especially inspiring and I'll see if they will fit in over there.
Meanwhile, I'm dragging up some links of some old entries of mine I wrote nearly a year ago to keep you occupied till I get back on board.
You're Not The Boss Of Me! (part 1)
You're Not The Boss Of Me! (part 2)
You're Not The Boss Of Me! (part 3)
How Lovely To Be Lissy On Tuesday
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