Peter woke up with a giant chip on his shoulder.  The look on his face spelled trouble.

I tried to ignore it and kept him close in the hopes that he would not get himself in trouble or strike out in malice against one of the children.

I was preparing breakfast when Peter said, "Mom, is Liberia garbage? Are all the people there bums?"

"What?" I exclaimed. "Where in the world did you hear that?"

"Dad. And Dad said I could never go back there because it was just garbage there. Even when I'm a man."

I put breakfast on hold, settled Peter into some work, and called Tim.  I had to know what in the world Peter thought his father said.

You've got to be very careful what you say to little boys.  Especially little boys with broken hearts.

Tim had indeed spoken frankly with Peter about the spiritual and economic climate in Liberia.  Because people loved evil...magic, fetishes, material possessions and riches over love...the country had become a bad place for children. And there were many evil men still desiring evil for Liberia.  Peter had been making up a magical place called Liberia and wanted to return there so badly that he only felt anger and resentment at being held in America. Tim told me he was going to fight those lies with all he had because he was certain that those lies were what was causing Peter's misery and anger at reality.

Peter's little boy mind translated all of that into "garbage" and "bums" and his anger toward his daddy was evident.  Tim was tearing down Peter's dream world, and it made Peter furious.

So Peter and I talked.  I tried to explain what his daddy had already explained, but Peter stared at me stonefaced.  After a little while, I saw a crack in Peter's countenance, and then tears began slipping silently down his face.

"Does this mean my mother was a bum? That she was evil?" he asked.

"Oh, Peter! No!" I said.  "Daddy and I are talking about evil men, men who love evil or because of evil in their hearts want to destroy Liberia. We are not talking about mamas."

"I thought Daddy meant that my mama was a bum," he said.

"No! Your mama was a good woman. When you first got here, I had to rock you to sleep every night. And you curled up in my lap like a little boy who was used to being held by a good mama.  And you rubbed your hand on my neck...right here...like this, and I said to daddy, 'This little boy's mother really loved him. You can tell he had a loving mama.'"

Peter continued to weep.  I kept my distance so he could grieve with some dignity for a few moments.

"If she loved me, then why am I here?" he asked.

The most important question in the world to an adopted child.

"Because she loved you.  She had Hepatitis C, and there were no doctors, and she was dying. She knew that her little boy would be left with no one to try to find him food. He would be left alone among people who kill and steal and lie and hurt others for little reason.  She loved you so much that she couldn't live with that. So she arranged for you to come live with us.  She must have loved you very much to break her own heart so that you could have food and love and a home.  Remember how hard she cried that time just before you left?  She cried because it was very hard to send you away."

Peter wept. I tried not to.

"Daddy and I are very, very angry with the wicked men who destroyed your family and Solomon's family. We are glad that God gave you to us, but are angry that there had to be a reason for you to live with us.  We want to see good in Liberia, so that boys don't have to be sent away from their mamas anymore.  And our prayers are that God will raise up good, godly men and women from the hundreds of Liberian children living in America right now.  And that those men and women will go back and tell the people about Jesus so they will love goodness and turn away from being wicked."

"Me?" Peter asked.

"Maybe," I said.

Finally, he came over to me and let me hold him as he sobbed.

I don't know how much of what I said was true about how Jenae felt.  I know it is true that she had Hep C and was very ill and is most likely no longer alive. I know it's true that she cried very hard before Peter left, tho I'm not entirely sure it was because of Peter leaving. I know that she had to sign the relinquishment papers, so she was very aware of what was happening to Peter. And I know that life was very hard for Peter over there because the 4 year old was smaller than our 2 year old when he arrived, and his little feet hurt whenever he walked, and his legs were so bowed that he could barely manage them. 

Peter ate breakfast, and has been high as a kite since then. There was some relief to know that his mama loved him. That he was so cherished by her that she did this awful thing because it was the best for Peter.

He does not want to be like the wicked men of Liberia, who love lies and hate love and obedience. 

It's an amazing sad thing that in my house are children who have seen the face of evil and know how its wicked fingers can rip and tear, and there are also children who only know evil as an word describing something that is happening somewhere else in the world.