What a great day. I really feel like we turned a corner. In an attempt to control the power struggles I seem to have with my 7 year old when it comes to school, (I have been starting to worry about our relationship being very strained.) So, I have been using a different approach. I have been more laid back about school. Some days we didn't do it at all. I have been putting him in charge of some things.
I read a post on my Weaver Yahoo group that said "Inspire not Require". I really like that. I have been trying to find ways to do that. Lang Arts has always been a struggle with Hayden. Lately I have been doing the writing, while he 'writes' the story. I figure that by the time he gets to college he will be writing on his own....and yes, he might have bad penmanship if he doesn't practice 10,000 times, but most of the people I know with bad handwriting are successful doctors (me excluded!)….. We have also been writing about something he loves instead of what the book is saying to write about. This is not easy for me. I am kind of a 'by the book' person. Not as much as my brother (sorry Jimmy!) but going "outside the box" is not something that come naturally to me. I can almost hear a collective “DUH!” from all you homeschoolers! Gee…who would have ever thought to lay off the pressure and work with something he’s interested in???  Like I said, I’m inside the box…… Anyway, today he ASKED to do LA!! Yes, he WANTED to write about Pokemon! I dropped everything I was doing and sent him to get his journal….. I am hoping that one of these days he will ask to do the writing himself. I tend to write slowly in order to make my penmanship legible! (and that’s after writing “I will not forget my homework tomorrow” until I had hand cramps when I was in school. Did that make my penmanship better?…..NO…..it did make me not like writing……or my teacher)

My girlfriend, Denise, called me yesterday to ask me if I wanted to be a founding member of a Blue Thong Society chapter with her. (thier logo looks like it could be a thong bikini or a thong flip flop.... I won't say which I prefer) The group is all about (in my view) celebrating strong women and getting together to bond. It's basically a social club, but we would have a charity to raise money for.

Here is my dilema....One of their mottos is "Fight the Frump"......Five years ago when I was a Trust Administrator for a hoity toity bank, I would not have worried about that motto. Fast forward 5 years..... it happened gradually, but I would have to say that the 'Frump" is winning this fight! Still...... I wouldn't mind being frumpless.....
On the group's web site is this quote.....

"We’ve worked, rebelled, rock ’n rolled, raised families and never failed to stand up for what we believe in. Now we’re ready for our ‘next rally’: a time for us, our girlfriends and that second adolescence we’ve been hearing about in the news. "

It sounds cool to me! I would have to work on the waredrobe though......did I mention that they have a signature blue martini?? hmmmmm

I have to say that I definitely feel a peace since I decided to HS again next year. A lot of my friends don't agree with this thought, but that is one reason why I love them...because they love me anyway! It has been a struggle for me to separete HSing with the rest of life. I thought that if I liked a friend, I should like THEIR thoughts on education.....I know better now.....(right???)  A few of my friends I have had for over 20 years! I love them!!! But I have kept my HSing thoughts from them because I did not want them to judge me or think that I was judging them (because they don't HS)....this thinking has put a wedge between us....on MY PART.  I don't want to 'brag' about how great HSing is because I don't want to make them feel bad, but I also don't want to complain about how hard it is, because I don't want them to say "See.....I didn't think you could handle it."       

I love and MISS my friends, and I need to find a way to figure this out!  Pray for me!

Today my boys and I had FUN!!  I know that seems like an odd thing to be excited about, but it was a big thing for me to relax and just giggle and play. I took time off from stressing about choosing curriculum...preparing our portfolio.... am I doing enough.......am I doing too much......... I was really starting to think that I forgot how to have fun!

I might do it again tomorrow!!

God woke me up this morning. There is a steady rain falling, and I had taken the back seat of my van out to deliver something, and there it was sitting on my driveway. He woke me up and said, "Gina, go get the seat." Of course I lay in bed for five more minutes trying to convince myself that it was already wet, so getting out of bed at 2:30 in the morning really was not necessary......I finally got up and not only did I move the seat, but I also did the dishes, cleaned the kitchen, did laundry.....

This morning's experience pretty much sums up my life lately. I have prayed for many years. I went to 12 years Catholic school where we studied and recited daily. But I don't think I ever knew how to really pray. For the last few months, I have been attempting to learn how to pray. It feels ackward sometimes, but I am definitely getting the hang of it. It hasn't been till the last couple of weeks that I have felt like God is responding.  My biggest stuggle lately has been deciding whether or not to homeschool next year. This was our first year, and it really didn't go so great (too long a story for right now...).  A couple weeks ago, I went to an information meeting about a 'private homeschool' program. Basically, they teach for one day and send all the work home with you to complete all week. It sounded perfect!  I really thought this was the answer. No planning. No more stressing about what curriculum to use.......all the decisions were made for me.....PERFECT! Well, we got to the part where they would interview my son (whose in 1st grade) to see if he is "pure enough".......I sat the rest of the meeting going over how I was going to get my rock-n-roll husband to cut his hair and say the right answers for the interview and what music I was going to play for my son so he could tell them that "I listen to Bach at home".  Everyone was so nice! I really wanted it to work out, but by the time I was leaving, I knew that this was not for us. I was devistated!!  Is this the sign from God I was waiting for? Was this Him telling me to put the boys in public school next year?. I was driving home, and through my tears I prayed one more time. I said "God, I need to know what to do. If you have been sending me signs, I don't think I'm getting them. I need a CLEAR sign. Should I homeschool my boys next year? I will do whatever you tell me." I looked up, and I was passing a church that had a sign outside that read "Don't give up on yourself...God hasn't"  WOW! It is so over-whelming (in a good way) to feel like God is with you AT THIS VERY MOMENT. With everything else going on in the world, how does he have time for ME right now?????  Of course, I cried some more, but then a peace came over me. For a long time, I have felt that God was calling me to homeschool, but I kept pushing that aside to get to the practical answer. I don't know why, but now I know that God has laid it on my heart to homeschool my boys. It's not practical....it's God!

I am really starting to enjoy homeschooling now.  Everyday is not perfect, but they are getting better. One thing I've started doing is trying to have fun with WHATEVER we're doing. I tend to stress when things don't go exactly as I planned (don't laugh!).  With a 6 yos and two 3 yo, I am starting to see how rediculous that is!  I have been spending most of my time PLANNING how to do it perfectly, and not much time actually doing things......that has just added to my frustration....you can imagine!

I have also started working on myself. That's hard for me to admit. I feel guilty not spending every moment doing for the kids. I have been listening to "The Secret". This has helped A LOT. It's all about possitive thinking and faith. 

Well, that's all for now....

Thanks to you that sent me notes of encouragement! They really helped!!

Today has not been my most productive teaching day. I have been HSing for just about  2 months now, and today is my worst day....so I decided to look up some other HSers and see if anyone else has bad days.  Now I am making my own blog....My first!

My 6 year old is at the table doing worksheets...exactly what I wanted to avoid, but at least he's doing some school work....I have been struggling with the fact that being a "fun mom" does not come natualy to me....I wish it did! I have always wanted to be the 'fun mommy'....it seems like it takes money... to take them places, etc. Since HSing does not pay well, there are days that we don't have the gas money to go to the park.....not that I'm saying there aren't free things we could do.....we live 2 blocks from the river...talk about nature walks!  I think the lack of money makes me feel paralyzed sometimes. This is what I am going to work on. I will ask God to help me make the best of what we have..... sounds easy, right?