What is a Christian to do when their fire dwindles?

Three or four months ago, God blessed me by bringing me to a place of repentance and confession,  and setting me free from a 20 year long bondage of guilt and shame.  The freedom that engulfed me at this time, and in the months that followed was exhilarating. 

For years I had held everyone at arms length,  afraid that if I let them close they would find out who I really was and reject me, so no one was allowed close except for my husband and children, and even my husband was not allowed as close as he should have been.  After this revival, God opened my heart up.  My husband was welcomed to parts of my heart that had previously been shut off to all, even him.  My children suddenly had a mom who could teach them of God and His ways with confidence.   My relationships with those outside the family changed drastically too,  before I had always been withdrawn,  not willing to take a chance to get to know anyone.  Now I suddenly found myself at ease with people, able to talk and laugh, not afraid anymore of their reaction to me.  I started making friends, and was enjoying all of this thoroughly.

On a spiritual level, things took off as well.  I found myself enjoying a new kind of closeness with God.  An overwhelming thankfulness for His forgiveness and love.  I started seeing others through His eyes, as souls in desperate need of a savior.  Rather than seeing a person who selfishly loved drugs more than their family, I saw a soul in a dark prison of addiction, needing the light that only Jesus provides.  Rather than seeing a cashier who was rude and inconsiderate, I saw a woman who was having a hard day and needing encouragement.  During this time, I made mistakes, I sinned, but I repented readily.  Mostly, I was so in love with Jesus, and so free in Him, so full of joy, and I wanted to share that with everyone around me.  I began carrying tracts with me and giving them to people, telling them that Jesus loved them.  I signed up for jail ministry, and saw souls saved.  I went on homeless outreaches, and was so blessed to see God work.  Through it all I was filled with joy and thankfulness, thrilled to be privileged to take part in what God was doing.

Now, I am still experiencing freedom from the guilt and shame, I am still experiencing joy over that forgiveness.  But lately something is lacking,  I can’t put my finger on it.  I am still involved in ministry, I am still finding myself able to talk and laugh with others when I never used to be able to do that.  I am still experiencing closeness to my husband and kids that surpasses what I thought possible.  So what missing?  I think the most notable thing to me is that I am not experiencing that compulsion to share the gospel.  The tracts I purchased so enthusiastically are now  collecting dust.   In addition, my time in the word and in prayer, while a day rarely goes by without  devotionals, they just don’t seem to be going as deep.  Where is the heartfelt conversing with my creator?  Where are the tears?  Where is the fire?

I don’t want my spiritual life to consist of going through the motions,  while I know that salvation is not based on feeling, and while I know that God is there whether I feel Him or not, I still don’t want to stagnate.   I don’t mind so much if I’m not walking on cloud nine all the time, that isn’t the issue, I can deal with feeling down now and then.  What I am most troubled by, is not how I DO feel, but how I DON’T.  How can I look at people on their way to hell and NOT feel sadness, NOT be driven to prayer, NOT feel compelled to share the gospel? 

I don’t really know the answers to this.  I continue to seek God each day in prayer.  I ask Him to show me if there is something I am being disobedient in, and when He shows me something, I repent.  I ask for a fresh outpouring of His Spirit and I wait. I continue in the ministries He has called me to, and pray that He will use me.

I know that nothing I did brought that revival, it was the work of God alone.  While I did have to cooperate with Him by being willing to confess, it was He that gave me the desire and strength to do so.  I know also, that if the fire needs a refueling, it will be the work of God.  I will need to cooperate, by being in His word and being open to His leading, by obeying, but it will be He that kindles the fire.  So I just pray that He sustains me through this time, and revives me again in His good time.

Already as I write this, I am noticing that the coals seem to be kindled, and I am overcome with a desire to praise Him in song.