Feb. 16, 2008 - The Good Wife's Guide...
I received the following in an email the other day. I have posted some of my thoughts on the subject after wards. Many of you may have already seen/read this before, I have. I personally find it a wonderful example of Jesus and his love through serving.
An Actual 1955 Good Housekeeping article.
The Good Wife's Guide
* Have dinner ready. Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.
* Prepare yourself. Take 15 minutes to rest so you'll be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. HE has just been with a lot of work-weary people.
* Be a little gay and a little more interested for him. His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.
* Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.
* Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc and then run a dustcloth over the tables.
* Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.
* Prepare the children. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimise all noise. At the time of his arrival, elimintate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.
* Be happy to see him.
* Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.
*Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first - remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
* Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
* Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
* Don't greet him with complaints and problems.
* Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
* Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
* Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
* Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
* A good wife always knows her place.
I have seen this article more than once and sat listening to others criticize it with an "I am not letting my husband or any man walk all over me like that" attitude. I look at this a bit differently. We are to be servants, first to God and Christ, next to our husbands and then to our children and then everyone else falls in under that. I can understand how hard it can be to serve in a world with a "woman's lib" attitude (my mother, though a Christian, is of this attitude). I also can understand and see the cause of this attitude in others. Injustices done to them or their mothers of abuse and control (such as the case for my mother) can open the doors for the enemy to walk right in, set up and fortify the strong holds of independence, and self serving and then our desire to show our husbands respect (this is a love language for them ya know?) , as we are instructed to do in Eph. 5:33 (and see how effective it can be in 1 Peter 3:1-2) goes right out the window. When we do not show them respect, we begin the cycle of them not being able to show us love (also Eph. 5:33 and 1 Peter 3:7).
Some of you may be saying or thinking...I have done this and my husband has no desire to lay down his selfishness and honor me in any way. He never asks me how my day went. Even if he does, he doesn't really care to listen.I really do understand. I have been there and you know what? My retaliating got me NO WHERE. In fact it made matters worse! My husband slipped further into a shell. You see, my husband tends to be on the passive side of things. I tend to be on the aggressive side. You and your hubby may have reverse roles from this and he gets aggressive with you and you want to "turtle up" and quietly sit back and think "there is NO WAY I am going to try and serve him like this magazine article would suggest! He doesn't deserve it!" He may not deserve it, but Jesus has placed you in a situation of choice. You will step out and do it for Jesus?
Let me quote 1 Peter here; "In the same way, you wives must accept the authority of your husbands. Then, even if some refuse to obey the Good News, your godly lives will speak to them without any words. They will be won over by observing your pure and reverent lives. Don't be concerned about the outward beauty of fancy hairstyles, expensive jewelry, or beautiful clothes. You should clothe yourselves instead with the beauty that comes from within, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is so precious to God. This is how the holy women of old made themselves beautiful. They trusted God and accepted the authority of their husbands. For instance, Sarah obeyed her husband, Abraham, and called him her master. You are her daughters when you do what is right without fear of what your husbands might do." (1 Peter 3:1-6 NLT)
I do not believe this last statement about "what your husbands might do" was not implying you should allow physical abuse or place yourself or children in any danger. What the Lord has been showing me is, if I clothe myself with the beauty of the spirit, the more time I spend in His presence the more meek and quiet - at ease and not fretting or worrying - my spirit will be beautified due to the peace that would rule and reign there and my trust and security would be in God.
My provision comes from God, not my husband. My comfort comes from God, not my husband. My daily concerns are left at the feet of God, not my husband. I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that God is caring for me and all I need will come from him. That nothing my husband does will remove God's hand on my life. This means that I can trust God to come to my rescue...here is the big one....EVEN IF MY HUSBAND FAILS.
WOW! That was a real revelation to me this week! I can trust God just as the women of old, and accept the authority of my husband. It doesn't matter if I think he is making godly choices or not. It doesn't matter if his choices cause us to not have any income for a whole month or two or even three, because my provision doesn't come from my husband. My security doesn't come from my husband.
Can you see this? Do you see how spending time with the Lord, getting intimate with the Lord, will place in you in a position of meekness and quietness of spirit. Your spirit will rest in peace because your confidence and trust is in the Lord to provide your needs rather than in your husband to provide and fulfill your needs, which he could never really accomplish anyway.
Think back to the day you got married. What did it mean to you? To your husband. This is the relationship Jesus wants with you. That closeness of spirit, he sees you and looks at you with the look of the bridegroom watching his bride walk down the isle. Song of Songs says in 1:1 "Kiss me and kiss me again." (NLT) Another version says it like this "Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth." Now, yes, I know that this book is a book to show a husband and wife how to live together, but it is also a wonderful love letter (very romantic one I might add) from our heavenly father to us. The kisses of his mouth represent that intimacy with Him. He wants to go to the places of your heart that you have never let anyone into, not really, and take those things and give you more of Himself there. Then trust can be deepened because you know He is totally trust worthy. He wants to heal the deep hurts. He wants to love you in those areas, those places so closed up in ways that only He can heal and love. He is the only one who will never hurt you as you open the doors of your heart to him there. Oh, opening those doors will be painful, no different than re-opening a wound that needs to drain so it can heal. Let Him prove to you His trust worthiness. Let Him come in, in the only way He can do it, gently and lovingly, and bring a peace to those secret places, that truly passes all understanding.
Bless you all and have a wonderful weekend. I hope you all are feeling challenged or encouraged to spend that time with Jesus and give Him your burdens. Get to know him as the Bridegroom who deeply loves his bride, because He really does love you that much!
If you are enjoying the article I posted at the beginning of this blog and are feeling the Lord to lead to you to show honor and respect to your husbands in this way then you may want to check out this book by Lori Flem
She takes this concept and practically applies it for the "modern" woman/wife for today's world. This article brings up some good points that I think should be very relevant to the Christian woman today, however things are not quite the same as they were then. Kids were gone most of the day at school and mom was free to be working all day at home, cleaning, baking and cooking (except those with very little ones - but even I remember those days and found it much easier to keep a cleaner house when the kids were not being taught by me). Lori will give you some practical ways to Bring Home Daddy from one home schooling mom to another (and she has twice as many kids as I do!).
Comments
Mar. 25, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Thanks for posting that. You know, we often take our dh's for granted and care for our children. Our dh's really deserve extra TLC. I need to pamper my dh more so he knows how appreciated he really is. Thanks for posting this. I am glad that I happened across your blog. :-)
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