My mom, who is a personality consultant, has coached me well and....well ladies for us "not naturally organized types" the "Maintenance Program" (the staying organized by maintaining our home) is one we will always be trying to figure out. If it is a priority it will get done. However, as my mom puts it, I have just put my priorities on other things. Which she (who is VERY NATURALLY ORGANIZED and I really could have used that personality stuff for her when I was growing up) says that only after the personality insights, she is now understanding better how I think. I put relationships before house work, cooking, or anything else that deals with inanimate objects. If I have someone to do it with me I am more apt to do it than if I must do it by myself. I am in need of MAKING the Maintenance Program a priority in my life. It is between me and my Lord. As He is the one who created me with this relational personality. He is the one who has put passion in my heart for people and it is I who must learn to allow Him to direct that passion, and to keep my spirit at rest in Him when I know I need to "MAINTAIN" the house, the kids, the laundry, etc. As He is also the one who has blessed me with my house, my kids and our laundry.

I did find a comment from a seminar or some speaker once that was a bit piercing to my soul. It went something like this...With more blessings come more responsibilities. Hum, sounds like something my mom would say...lol. No really, I began to realize that with more "STUFF" came more responsibilities. Now that doesn't mean that I am not still working out my salvation with fear and trembling. There is a closet under our stairs that when I think I might need to find something in there, I tremble, every time...lol. But I did do a purge of some un-needed laundry, and a couple of rooms as well as toys, this past summer. This helped some. I know that this summer will be FULL of purging needs and I am praying I have the courage to face them and "Just Do It" (no I do not own any Nikes, but they had a good slogan). One recommendation that was also made was to be sure that if you keep something that it has a home, if not then either

a) you need to make a home for it - be it a basket or shelf or bucket or b) you need to throw/give it away!

I did get rid of a TON of stuff that would have made an amazing garage sale this last summer. I didn't keep it for the garage sale “we would one day have.” Instead I sent it to one of our church’s outreaches to give away or sell it in one of their garages sales. It was WONDERFUL being free of it all! We even had our garage back (till dh moved his office back into the house!)

            I am hearing the prompting of the Holy Spirit in this area again and he is telling me to "Get on the Band Wagon!" I know that as I get rid of the privileges that I really don’t need the responsibility load will be lightened and then I won’t have to be doing chores (hopefully) till 10pm every night to try and “maintain.” I will be freer to have people over as my house will always be ready for them. I will be free to do more without guilt, because my chores are done and my responsibilities are then taken care of. I look forward to the end result of this process. The process is itself not a pretty one, but I know what freedom feels like and I want to be bound no longer!

Okay, so I am going out on a limb here and telling the world (or at least it feels that way) that I truly DO NOT have it all together! Some reading my past blogs might think I have it all figured out or you might think that I think I have it all figured out. Well, not so my dear sisters, not so. I am far from having it all figured out. God just keeps pruning and pruning and then when I am thinking there isn't much more for him to prune he shows me another dead branch.
So what is this newly noticed dead branch, you ask? And how does one go about lobbing it off???? Got me on the second question, but the first I can easily answer. The new dead branch is one of distrust. I was raised in a home where the mind set exampled for me was "As a woman I must be strong and not depend on anyone for help. I must never show weakness. I am a woman and as much as it is okay for me to love a man I need not be dependant on one." Etc.
I first want to apologize to anyone who may have read previous posts on my bolg who thought "WOW! She is full of herself!" I never meant to sound prideful. I only wanted to share what God was showing me and doing in me. I am sorry.
Next, I would like to share more of what God is doing and how I am still trying to figure it all out. I try to write here once a month to keep my blog current and have come to this site more times this month not knowing what I was supposed to write. I had no words of encouragement or "wisdom" to offer. I now humbly come and say what has gone on in the past week.
God has shown me my distrusting heart, and that in this distrust I have feared his rejection as well as the rejection of others around me. I have not trusted that His love is unfailing but that, in many ways I have been striving to gain acceptance and love from Him. I still do not know what this trust looks like. I know that He is asking me to walk in the opposite spirit of this but I do not know what trust is. I was not trusted (even though I didn't really give reason to my mother to distrust me) as a kid or teenager. My siblings all gave reason. I was raised as I said above with not trusting others, especially those in leadership. I struggle trusting other women, people, even God.
I am in a trying season right now in which I MUST place my trust in God where the past could easily replay and it is not pleasant. But I hear Him calling to me to just trust Him in what He is doing. That He has it all worked out. I cannot see it. I am totally filled with anxiety over it. I do not want to go back to that situation in the past again. I felt left alone and abandoned by all around me, and by God.
So, I am following my own advice in previous posts, by coming against this attempt of the enemy to pull me into depression, self-pity, and the like. However I would greatly covet your prayers at this time that the Lord would give me a clear picture of what trusting Him looks like and that He would strengthen me to walk in it.
Thank you for letting me be real with you.
Blessings,
Patty T.