Homeschooling from the Heart - Heavy on my Heart - You Bloggers and E-mail Loopers (updated)

Homeschooling from the Heart

My Dad and Me

For God so loved the world that He gave His
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth on
Him should not perish but have everlasting life. John 3:16

Mar. 4, 2006

Heavy on my Heart - You Bloggers and E-mail Loopers (updated)

While Missey's family is certainly on my heart and in my prayers, I woke up this morning very burdened for all those people out there affected by her death -- especially pregnant women. I am burdened that fear -- a paralyzing fear -- might grip them, and rob them of the joy of their family -- their pregnancy. I am burdened for children -- those who have seen their Moms and Dads weeping -- those in Missey's homeschool group. Are they wondering if they might suddenly lose someone so dear -- so close?

The second to last post I wrote concerned loving big, but holding loosely. A tough balancing act. How do we even do that, and not live in paralyzing fear that today might be the day the other shoe drops? We can't think like that. We can't live full -- live big -- love big -- and wait for the other shoe to drop.

What we do, is we go to Him -- daily, and often in the day. We ask Him to guide us. We ask Him to be with us, whatever comes. We tune our hearts -- often.

See, we are living in the knowledge of what happened to Missey, outside of the grace that is there for her family and loved ones. First, God created us to go into shock, and that is something that somewhat protects us in our pain. It still hurts plenty. There are all the miracles that happen around the family and loved ones -- one death I am aware of, the deceased had a favorite hymn. Unknowingly, the church chimes in town were set to that particular hymn, which ironically (or not) began playing just as the funeral let out, and folks were gathered outside. It was not lost on this man's wife, but rather was one more way (there were MANY of these) that God was saying "I know -- I'm here." There is going to be a grace that is going to carry Missey's family for a long, long time.

You -- we -- who heard about this situation, and sit horrified -- we aren't in the grace for THEIR situation. We have to know that -- God help us (He will) -- if and when something very difficult happens in our life -- His grace will be there for us. For our families.

We've heard about a lot of very hard things lately. There are many who are walking in great difficulty, with sick children, death. It's very hard. The globality of what we live brings a lot more of this to our breaking hearts. This IS a world full of sickness and death. It's the fallen state that I've written about. But think about it -- many are NOT sick. Many in your homeschool groups (bring it local) are not dealing with such difficult things. I have to talk to myself like this whenever I fly. I have to tell myself "Look how many planes take off and land, and everything is fine." Chances are, things will go along fine for you, in your pregnancies -- in your lives. God help us (He will) if something should go wrong, His grace WILL BE THERE. But chances are, it won't. Do you understand?

One day, my pregnant daughter, near her due date (very near) came to tell me her water had broke. She and her family were living with us at the time. A homebirth was planned, so she called the midwife. The midwife told her to let her know as soon as she got any labor pains. That was 5 A.M. At about 7, her (then) 2 year old woke up. She was going to be in my care that morning, and she was MISERABLE. I put my hands on our counter as I listened to her whining in the background, and I bowed my head. I prayed, "Lord, whatever my role today -- give me your grace -- help me to do whatever it is you have for me to do." I then walked up our stairs to quickly get dressed and take on my "role" -- what I thought it would be. God had a completely different role in mind. I didn't even have my shirt on when my daughter screamed. I ran down our hall, buttoning my shirt. She was in the bathroom, and needed help, but she had locked the door. She finally managed to unlock the door, and we got her into my other daughter's bed. Within 10 minutes, I delivered her baby. Well, she did all the work. The chord was double wrapped around the baby's neck, and I quickly took care of that. We left the chord attached, and watched for massive bleeding by changing the chucks. I received instructions on what to do via telephone (the midwife) which I had headphones on with a phone jack. My (then) 14 year old ran up and down the stairs bringing receiving blankets, towels, chucks. My (then) 12 year old watched the whining 2 year old. My son-in-law stood close to my daughter, and did his own share of running -- getting the phone for me and dialing the midwife. My husband had no idea what was happening, and ate a bowl of cereal at the kitchen table. Sorry, I had no time to yell down the stairs "Oh, sweetheart, I'm delivering a baby up here!" He figured it out right at the end, just after the birth, and when I walked out of the door of that bedroom, he had tears in his eyes -- and of course, so did I.

I could not sit down for two days. Adrenaline wouldn't let me. During the surreal delivery, I had lost my legs (couldn't feel them) and was simply floating there, hovering -- or so it felt -- during the whole delivery. I did something I had never done in my life that day, and it nearly knocked me out. But God's grace had sustained me. I didn't know my role that morning. God knew it. He helped me. Entirely. Completely. He was in that room. Later that day, my daughter and I relived that surreal moment -- "Did that even happen?" Yes, and God was there. He is there in the most joyous moments. He is there in the most difficult. He is simply there. Period.

Sometimes our role involves wonderful things involving life. Sometimes it involves difficult things, involving death or sickness. Sometimes these things totally take us by surprise. Mostly our roles involve very predictable circumstances, and His grace is needed for that too.

In your living life to the fullest -- go ahead. Life is sweet -- family is beautiful. God invented that. In holding loosely, simply go to Him. Ask Him to help you, come what may. And expect that things will likely just move along -- but also expect that if they do not stay status quo, HIS GRACE WILL BE THERE.

You are not living in the grace for Missey's situation, if you are sitting outside it, hearing about it. You may not hear all the little things that God will do for that family.

Live in your own grace for today. Love. Live. Praise Him. Have lots of praise music going, surround yourself with good teaching. Begin your day in His Word, in prayer -- even if it means only a moment for you mothers of very young children. Rejoice! This is the day that the Lord has made.

His grace is sufficient, for you, every single day -- come what may.

I wish I could give all of you a big hug, and get one back as well.

I Know Who Holds Tomorrow I sang and recorded this for my Mom when she was sick back in '97, and uploaded it now for Tom and his family. We all need to trust God for tomorrow -- today we love big, and hold loosly - that is, leave all matters in His hands, trusting Him completely.

For the latest update (as of March 9) on Missey's family, go HERE

• Post A Comment! • Send to a Friend!

Comments

Mar. 4, 2006 - Thank You

Posted by Robin

Thank you for this post today. You've said so well what I've been thinking about and you helped me to put it all in perspective. Ever since I read about Missey's death yesterday I've been so down. Wondering how I was get up this morning and do all I had to do feeling like this. And I don't even know her! But I will carry on because God is here with me today giving me the stength to do all I need to do for MY family. God Bless you and keep on writing~~it's touching my heart.

P.S. I love the birth story.