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IEW- Story Sequence (A Student's First)
We've been dabbling in IEW (Institute for Excellence in Writing) for a couple of years. Dabbling because this mom is unorganized sometimes forgetful. But I'm wanting to really focus a lot more on writing this year, both with IEW and Writing Aids.
In any case, this week's IEW lesson was on Story Sequence. The lesson used The Boy Who Cried Wolf as the story example. The student made an outline of the story (characters, setting, plot, climax, resolution) and learned to "tweak" the story to their own liking, thus creating an orginal story based on the structure of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
Kiddo gave me permission to post her work, so here it is...
First (ROUGH) Draft, as originally written, with spellings corrected for ease of reading here, however:
Fairies and Butterfly Nets (by student's name)
Once upon a time in a far away forest there was a fairy kingdom. And one little fairy namex Luxa had to watch the herd of butterflies. And as she watched them she thought sadly, "This is very tedious," and then remembered Queen Tatiana who had said, "Watch out for butterfly nets." Luxa wanted to see what would happen so she yelled at the top of her lungs, "Butterfly net! Butterfly net!" And laughed as all the little fairies came to "help" her. They looked around, then at her, and said, "Because of you we have to work longer. So don't do it again!" And Luxa didn't for a long time. But one day things were extremely dull. So she yodelled, "Net! Butterfly nets!" Again, all the fairies came fying and looked around. Realizing nothing was wrong, which made them furious, they said, "Don't ever do that again!" Because they shouted at her she cried. And looking up she who wasn't very brave in the first place, was terrified because she saw a real butterfly net. So she hoarsely called, "Help! Help!" Panicked, she yelled louder, "Butterfly nets!" But no one came. They thought she was lying again. "AAaaaahh!" Finally, the other fairies came but they didn't see Luxa or the butterflies anywhere.
The End
Now, as a rough draft, she met most of the criteria of the assignment
-- an "-ly" adverb, a who/which clause, use a strong verb, a quality adjective, and open a sentence with "because"
However, as is obvious in the above story, there aren't multi paragraphs. When questioned about this she said she wasn't sure where to start a new paragraph since it was all one story (as opposed to a "new set of facts" in a report or something.) We then talked about how the story progresses SEQUENTALLY and that would be a great breaking point for paragraphs. We looked again at the outline she'd made of The Boy Who Cried Wolf.
I read her story, as written, outloud to her, and asked her what she thought of it. She mentioned that she'd like to improve on it by using a thesaurus for stronger words. I wrote that on her revision note. We also discussed using a/an in a sentence as well as starting sentences with "And".
Other things we discussed and were written on her revision note were:
--Develop Luxa's (character qualities)
-- Describe the setting (create an image)
-- Queen's warning (explain better/more)
-- Fairies' 1st response to lie (grow it)
-- Change "yodelled" to a more fitting verb for the scene
--Fairy folk return to their tasks/work
-- Describe setting (later in day) & how Luxa was feeling/doing before the "looked up" part
--Add more excitement to the climax!
-- Anything else you can think of
She worked that same evening and typed in the rough draft.
The next day, during her lesson time, she worked in MSWord to revise her story, following the revision notesheet we'd created together.
She was quite pleased with her final draft. I think her first short story following this format turned out pretty nice, too. Here it is.
Final Draft:
Fairies and Butterfly Nets (by student's name)
Once upon a time there was a far away forest full of evergreens, oaks, and magic. In the heart of that magical forest there was a fairy kingdom. All the houses were built of white stone and set in a small clearing. There was also a sparkling river running along the edge of the clearing, where above banks of moss, butterflies flew. A tiny, lonely ten year old fairy named Luxa, who had wings that looked like a monarch's, dark red hair, and bright green eyes, watched the herd of butterflies.
One day as the sun was setting she was watching them and thinking sadly, "This is very tedious and I'm getting longely." She then remembered Queen Tatiana, who had warned, "Watch out for butterfly nets because if you see them then there's going to be humans attached to them! Those humans will try to catch the butterflies and they think butterflies are fairies, too!" Luxa wanted to see what would happen if she did see the nets and humans so she yelled at the top of her lungs, "Butterfly nets!" She laughed as all the little fairies came to "help" her. They looked wildly around for nets and humans but didn't see anything. They then all looked at her and said angrily, "Because of you we have to pick berries in the dark and that's very hard to do! So don't lie about that again." And Luxa didn't for a long time.
But one morning things were extremely dull. She she hollered, "Nets! Butterfly nets!" Again the fairies came flying and looked around. Realizing nothing was wrong, which made them furious, they said, "Don't ever do that again!" and flew away. Because they had shouted at her, Luxa put her head down into her lap and cried for about an hour. Then she heard a noise.
Looking up, she who wasn't very brave in the first place, was terrified because she saw real butterfly nets. She hoarsely called out, "Nets!" But on one came. The other fairies thought she was lying again. The nets were getting closer. She could hear the giants, called humans, laughing. She could see their dirty faces. Closer and closer they approached. "AAaaahhh!"
Finally, the other fairies came. Looking around they could see huge foot prints in the moss, but they didn't see nets, humans, butterflies, or Luxa anywhere.
The End
Quite a bit of improvement over the first draft, I'd say! While not a masterpiece, not too shabby. Kiddo was pleased and it was a nice introduction to this lesson. We'll continue the lesson next week. |
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