Nov. 11, 2008
Get Real....
I have found that I deal with a lot of post partum issues from about 3-5 months after a baby is born. At this point it is always so long since I have felt rested that I cannot remember what it's like. The baby is big enough to want to be entertained, but not big enough to do it on her own. Add that to the fact that life has resumed full throttle, and it's a recipe for disaster in my abilities to manage.
That said, this time has been worse than ever before. The stress is even entering my sleep. My dreams are full of forgetting children in stores. The other night I dreamed we went on a three week vacation and I forgot to get someone to feed the animals. I didn't remember about them until 2.5 weeks into the trip.
Last night I could not sleep for the stress, this morning I woke up with a tension headache, and could already feel the pressure starting in my shoulders and back. Can anyone else relate?
So I laid there, waiting for the baby to fully wake up to be fed, and tried to give myself a pep talk so today goes better than yesterday. (Don't even ASK about how bad yesterday was...) I thought I would share it, in case some of you out in blogger land could use the pep talk also.
1) Many people say God will not give us more than we can handle. While it is true that He does not give us more temptation than we can handle without a way out, He very regularly DOES give us more than we can handle in our own strength. Just ask any mom of little ones. We CANNOT do it by ourselves. We so desperately need Him. If we can do something in our own strength we will not be begging Him for His strength on a day by day (or moment by moment!) basis. (I can do ALL THINGS through Christ who strengthens me...)
2) We need a mentor. A Titus 2 encourager. Someone who has been there, done that, and survived to tell about it. Sometimes I just need the reminder that I WILL survive this time. And maybe even miss it someday. That remains to be seen. I'll keep ya posted. 
This is hard to find. I really have not found it in real life often, but with the internet, have found many people out there who are a step ahead of me in life, and doing it much better than I am. They are an inspiration that I can do it too.
3) That said, we need to find someone we can be real with also. Most people don't really want to know how we are doing. They either want to keep the image of perfection (which is only an image, you know. It doesn't exist.), or they just really don't care. It is important to have some "Grump Therapy" - a friend to meet with for coffee (or tea), and just be real with her. I sometimes just need someone who is also swimming in babies... and living to tell about it!
4) Don't compare yourself to others. There are other mothers who really have things together. I remember one time when I was moaning to Eric about the cleanliness of one of my friend's houses. He reminded me that she only had two children and they went to school every day. Sounds ridiculous, but I was so busy comparing myself to her that I had missed that fact!
I am in a unique situation... I have 9 children. That is a large family even by large family standards. I have adopted children who have brought along their baggage. I have 6 children I am schooling... 1 with learning issues, and one learning to read. I have a 3 year old, an almost 2 year old with special medical needs, and an infant. Put all those things together and it makes it a bit silly to compare myself with someone else. [This said, I DO have one friend who also has most of these things, and is a much better mom and housewife than I am. She inspires me! I wish I was that good!]
5) My last tip for right now - Don't take on guilt which is not yours. I am so good at this. I feel guilty for so much. A lot of it is not mine to feel guilty about! This is a biggie for me. I am called to do things others are not called to do! Sounds obvious, but I really don't need to feel guilty about that! I need to do what GOD has called me to do and not feel I need to explain or defend myself to those not called to do it. And I don't have to feel guilty about the things others are called to do, but I am not!!! How often we put our unique calls onto others and expect that if they are walking a good Christian life, close to God, they will walk, eat, dress, etc. exactly like us. That is not the case, and I for one am thrilled. I love the individuality in the Body of Christ.
OK- my pep talk is over. My children are up and I am off to try to have a better day than yesterday. If you are going through a rough time, feel free to e-mail me. I'd love to support you, and in doing so, support myself. Life is hard. Doing what God has called us to do with diligence and consistency is even harder. Keep on, Mama. You can do it. Just keep doing the next thing.
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Comments
Nov. 11, 2008 - Thanks for sharing and for the encouragement
 Posted by Anonymous
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It is really hard not to compare! I try to remind myself that others have different priorities and "skeletons" in their closet. They might have a cleaner home but might not play with their children as much as you play with yours, etc etc etc.
I try to go by the GirlTalk blog standard (and presented in the book Feminine Appeal and others) to ask your husband what he would like you to get done. As long as the house isn't too cluttered - it's more important that the children be alive and I'm mostly sane when he gets home. :)
I do feel overwhelmed a lot of the time and we only have 4. Most of the older Titus 2 types at church didn't have as many as I have, didn't homeschool, etc, they sympathize but don't really help. No one seems to have time to help out in even small ways (take one child out or come over and help organize/clean). We don't live close to family (and they never visit anyway - both a blessing and a curse, trust me). So it really feels like we don't get a break. But I also tend to be a bit lazy and am trying to work on that! :) I'm trying to lean on God's strength, He understands and is the only one who can really help me out anyway.
Need A Nap2 (http://needanap2.blogspot.com)
P.S. I dreamed I left my 3rd child in our minivan with another kid overnight (buckled into car seats). And so I had the police and the other parent all mad at me and ready to lock me up! :)
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Nov. 11, 2008 - I needed that!
Posted by Anonymous |
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Thank you SO much for your words of encouragement! It was exactly what I needed to hear =)
Four weeks ago today we had our first child, and since then I have been feeling the whirlwind of emotion, exhaustion, tears, and doubts. Yes, there has been much joy as well, but it is sometimes too easily drown out by just the things you described (especially the guilt thing!). It is a wonderful thing that we need to be totally dependant on Christ, and I thank you for reminding me of that right when I needed to hear it!
Thank you for being real and vulnerable enough to share your difficulties, especially at a time when (for me) it seems like motherhood comes easily to everyone else BUT me! I know that's not true but I really appreciate your honesty in sharing!
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Nov. 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Petersonclan |
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Trust me, new Mama... anyone who makes motherhood look easy is being fake. Although there are TIMES of having it easier than others, there always seems to be something hard. Especially with a newborn! You can do it! Feel free to e-mail me (you can find my address at the contact me area), if you want additional support.
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Nov. 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Kim and Emilia |
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I read your message a couple of hours ago and have been thinking about it ever since. I figured if I was feeling so strongly about it, God must be prompting me to do more than just casually read your blog. I only have four kids of my own so not really comparable, but can relate to so much of what you have said (and I don't even have an infant anymore).
Wish I had some great words of wisdom, or inspirational verses just right for the situation I could share. But alas, my brain is not flowing with deep thoughts. A few years ago when Emilia's hemangioma and PHACE seemed to be consuming our life, I mentioned to a friend that I just couldn't keep up with everything. She told me not to worry. Housework is loyal... it always waits.
Hang in there.
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Nov. 11, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous |
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Carrie you will be in my prayers daily, and I hope you know that I am here for you if you need me. I really hope you know I do not expect you to be perfect...I am glad you are "real" and if there is ever anything you need please ask..I have been there. God always gives you a window or an angel in disguise. We need to get together. If you ever want to get away for the day or come have a cup of coffee after a shopping day at Wally world, I think I am less than 2 miles turn at Save Alot las house on the right!!! I love you and hope I can help in some way!! Love Char
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Nov. 12, 2008 - Untitled Comment
Posted by Anonymous |
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What an encouraging post! Thanks for sharing...God bless your day with His peace!
-Amy
www.vandeheisofhiddenvalley.blogspot.com
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Nov. 17, 2008 - Post Partum Depression
Posted by Tina |
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I can sympathize with you, even though you have much more on your plate than I do. I have had depression with each of my 4 children, it being worse with each child. I believe part of my problem was that I was too self-focussed and didn't rely on God enough.
However strong your faith is however, you have to remember that your body has been on a hormonal roller-coaster. It takes time to get back to normal. After my 3rd I was in a really bad way. I finally relented and got on medication - Zoloft which is safe for breastfeeding and pregnancy. I still take half a tablet a day. I also talked out my feelings with my husband and worked out my issues which stemmed back to my childhood. That actually helped me to draw closer to God. I'm not better yet, but I'm coping with the day to day.
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Dec. 20, 2008 - Thank you
 Posted by MamaLim
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For being one of my titus2 women! :) I only have 6 +1 and I don't have a farm or a garden. We're city folks here in Singapore.
I like how you can retain your sense of humour in the midst of the "madness" of raising your 9 blessings!
Serene in Singapore, fellow MOMYS
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Dec. 22, 2008 - Dear Carri
Posted by Anne Chamberlin |
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Hi there. It's Anne Redd Chamberlin from WSS days. I just found your blog. You have a large and special crew, and you are doing the job of many women all rolled into one. I am only a mom of three so I don't really have a lot of experience with what you are dealing with, but I will say a prayer for you and your 9. Bless you all! ARC
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