The last night of Chanukah was spent quietly at home. It was really a lovely time. Here is our family chanukiah all lit up on the last night. May we also continue to grow brighter in the light of Torah!

Do you remember that song? Well, I can tell you Karen and I totally understand each other and I am not ashamed to tell you that today is one of those days. I am not having a good time of it and this rain is not helping me at all. You know in less ten days my beloved eldest daughter Racheli will be joining her brother in Israel for a six month program. She won't actually be in Jerusalem, she will be in the northern part of Israel in Tzfat. Very holy place, but I suppose all of Israel is. She will studying at a girl's seminary and it is a very good thing. I know this. If it was me I would want to go too! I know this is an INCREDIBLE opportunity for her. I know that this is G-d's will for her as He has provided all the finances, etc., for her. We could never afford to send her or Ya'akov for that matter but their Father can! I know that this is the best for her and that she will grow in her love of Hashem and Torah. I know, I know, I know! What I do not know is how in the world I am going to breathe when she leaves. This just seems so much harder than Ya'akov. And that to me was the WORST! She is my best friend and my right hand. What am I going to do without her here?

Listen, I know I will survive. I know I will breathe. But I tell you, I just don't know how. I know Hashem will give me strength...I am just scared of this change. She is much braver than I. But brave I must be too, for her, for my youngest still at home, and for myself. I know somehow I will get through this, but I need to talk about this. I think some of you must understand how I feel. Support dear ones, support is what I need and I am not ashamed to tell you. It is not like me to reach out. I am a very private person, but this is very painful, and I am trying to keep it together for her sake. I do not want her to see her Imma upset. So here I am. A very blessed mother indeed, but awful sad right now.

I enjoy knitting...I really do, but it seems it is all I am doing these days! Feverishly trying to finish gifts for my family. Mind you I am making nothing more complicated than scarves for everyone, and to all of you who are 'real' knitters you may be giggling at my pained efforts right now, but I tell you this is all a labor of  love for me. I am really working quite hard.  I have finished two scarves for my daughters and still have two more to finish. :::sigh::: I really do enjoy it as I can get quite zen with the whole thing. I watch the needles and listen to them gently click together. It takes real silence to hear them and to hear the rhythm I have created as they move. They move slowly near each other, gently caressing one another, and I try to think loving thoughts as I am creating these scarves. I think of the recipient and how they will enjoy my gift. I think of the blessings I want G-d to give them and of how much I care for them. I also think about how I wish I was a faster knitter and how come I can't knit like the little old ladies on cartoons.

I had to take a break one night and make myself a flannel blouse just to comfort myself in my perceived failure (lack of cartoonish speed) as a knitter. Sewing comes very easy to me and I can whip out a blouse in a couple of hours. In fact I become quite obsessed when I sew. There is no world outside of my patterns, fabrics, and my sewing machine. Total tunnel vision in my happy place behind the sewing machine. I love feeling the flannel and trying to figure out how to shrink the blouse pattern I have to fit me. I loved putting the pieces together and hearing the whir of the machine. I am so one with my machine I can have no physical hindrances between me and it so I have to remove my right clog so I can really feel the peddle. Ah...such bliss! My new flannel blouse comforts me so greatly, I would like to wear it everyday. I don't see why I can't, but I opt not to nonetheless.

So, now I can return to my knitting, knowing that although I am not the fastest knitter I am pretty quick on the draw when it comes to sewing. I think I would prefer to knit with bamboo needles, the aluminum needles I have seem impersonal and are literally cold. But alas aluminum is all I have in the requisite size 10 1/2 needed for the scarves. It's okay though, I can do this and I need the serenity. Besides I am the one creating and giving life to the needles, and I am always up for a challenge.

7 - Sevens

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7 Things I want to do before I die ~

1.   Visit/Move to Israel

2.   See all my children to the chuppah (marriage canopy), happily married with  healthy, happy children of their own

3.   Spend a week or more solid learning Torah :::sigh:::

4.   Move back to the country with my beloved

5.   Learn to speak Hebrew fluently

6.   Ride a horse...even gallop

7.   Be a public speaker for women to encourage and empower them in thier roles as wives and mothers.

7 Things I can't do ~

1.   Tapdance

2.   Ride a horse

3.   Set a regal table

4.   Watercolor or oil paint

5.   Make a really moist homemade cake

6.   Sing a descant

7.   Read with out falling asleep

7 Things that attract me to my husband ~

1.   His Loyalty

2.   His eyes, lips and beard

3.   The fact he makes me coffee EVERY morning

4.   The way he loves sheepies like me

5.   His way of totally getting me when I think I am an absolute alien

6.   His love of Hashem

7.   His very cool love of cars

7 Things I say most often ~

1.  I love you

2.  Fuhgetaboutit!

3.  Is such and such all? (residual Pa Dutch influence)

4.  Du bich eine bad hunt! (Ditto to the dog)

5.  OK, let's get the kitchen cleaned up!

6.  Chutzpah!

7.  Oy Vey!

7 Books I love ~

1.  Ghost of Hannah Mendes

2.  Elmcreek Quilt series

3.  Countryside Magazine (OK, so it is not a book)

4.  Private World of Tasha Tudor

5.  The Keeping Quilt

6.  Any Homeschool book

7.  Maryjane's Farmgirl Book

7 Movies I watch over and over ~

1.  Sense and Sensibilty

2.  Pride and Prejudice (BBC version)

3.  Persuasion

4.  Anne Of Green Gables

5.  Any Audrey Hepburn Movie

6.  The Village

7.  Ushpizin...well I will when it comes out on DVD

7 People I want to join me on this ~

Hmmm....I will have to think about this one °Ü°

Well, it seems this late autumn has begun to get the better of me. The past several years seem to be getting worse, I wonder if it has to do with my move to the city. I was talking to my SIL about it and although I am pretty sure I got the 'winter blues' in Lancaster I do not think it was quite like this. I think it was because it Lancaster I was still outside hanging out my laundry, cutting wood, stacking wood, raking leaves etc. Here in Philly I am in my cocoon. Since I am in my cocoon I decided to start knitting... and crocheting for that matter. I am making a decorative scarf with 'fun fur' that was on sale at Michael's and I am working on a Mile-a-Minute afghan for my son. Although the sun has not actually burst through the clouds as of yet (figuratively or literally) at least I feel productive and it seems to be helping. Knitting therapy, try it...you may find it quite helpful.

Here is a site to get you started called 'Learn to Knit'.

Happy knitting!

Fall has arrived with all it's riotous fiery colors, but unfortunately for me no actual heat emmanates from them. I am always cold and this can be a bit problematic for me as I do not wear pants. So I am constantly on the lookout for ideas to keep me warm. Here are a few tips I have come up with:

Always layer. If you wear full skirts or dresses it makes it easier. I wear a petticoat, tights and sometimes leggings or yoga stlyle pants under my skirts.

Make sure to use natural fibers, I have found them to retain heat better. Flannel and wool are the best, cotton works well too. I have never used silk but I am told silk long underwear is wonderful!

Invest in long underwear or make some flannel pantalettes.

Use wool socks...My beloved bought me a pair last year and I cannot tell you how much I love them!

Use sweaters or shawls. Sweaters are more practical but shawls...well, I just love them, they feel so cozy and snuggly.  My favorites are my big black Amish shawl and the one I purchased at a Civil war re-enactment.

For those who cover their heads, I use cotton berets or heavier scarves to retain the heat. And I always cover my ears...I feel warmer.

Here are a few links to help you get started with some items of use: long underwear, wool slip, and wool blend stockings.

If you have any other tips please let me know! I am always of the look out to stay warm!

:::missing my wood stove right about now:::

The chaggim (holidays) have been just wonderful! Busy with much to do and so spiritual with much to learn. We have had the pleasure to have dined in three sukkot, including our own. The meals have all been delicious flavored with sweet friendship and beautiful words of Torah. We still have Shemini Etzeret and Simchat Torah to look forward too! I just love this time of the year! Here are some pics of our family Succah, since you all cannot come and sit in it we can have a virtual visit °Ü°.

Vayikra (Leviticus) 23:39-43
But on the fifteenth day of this seventh month, when you gather in the crop of the land, you shall celebrate Hashem's festival for a seven-day period; the first day is a rest day and the eighth day is a rest day. You shall take for yourselves on the first day the fruit of a citron tree, the branches of date palms, twigs of a plaited tree and brook willows; and you shall rejoice before Hashem. your G-d, for a seven day period. You shall celebrate it as a festival for Hashem, a seven-day period in the year, an eternal decree for your generations; in the seventh month you shall celebrate it. You shall dwell in sukkot (booths) for a seven day period;  every native in Israel shall dwell in sukkot. So that your generations will know that I caused the Children of Israel to dwell in sukkot when I took them from the land of Egypt; I am Hashem your G-d.

MAZAL TOV!!

Today is my son Ya'akov's English Birthday. His Hebrew birthday is the 27th of Tishrei. He is 20 years old. My G-d when did this happen? Wasn't he just born? Wasn't I just nursing him? Didn't he just take his first steps, become bar mitvah, turn 18? Time is so fleeting and moments so precious. Here I am with my tzaddik of a son who is constantly a strength, encouragement and blessing to my life. May he blessed for a happy and healthy new year, may he be blessed with parnasa, good health, deveykut (connection, closeness) with Hashem, and continue to grow in Torah and mizvot. Amen v'amen.
Happy Birthday Ya'akov! I love you and I am proud of you!

Yesterday was a day of special moments. I suppose all days are like this, but I happened to pay a little more attention and practice gratitude when they occurred. First of all my mother called me at about 6:15 in the morning. This is a perfect time to get a hold of me and I was so thrilled she called. Her timing is getting so much better as she used to have this habit of calling me erev shabbat either when I was in the throes of cooking or MINUTES before candle lighting. But she and I are both early birds so I told her ,"Y'know Mommy, I am up too when you are, I would love to talk to you when we both have time." We had a great conversation yesterday, what a nice way to start the day.
Another moment occurred as I was walking out the door yesterday morning. When I opened the door I noticed an envelope in the doorway. On it was Racheli's name and on the other side was a note that said "Rachel use this to go to Israel." I handed it to her and was amazed. She almost cried and I did cry. HaShem is so good to us. As I was walking down the street I thanked Him for showing us such kindness. It has been a topic of much tefila (prayer) the financial part of Racheli's trip. Our Father hears us.
Later in the day I was caring for two little ones, the neshama I usually nanny and her tzaddik of a big brother. After lunch I had hoped he would take a nap for me as I knew this was also what his Imma would want. I suggested watching Uncle Moshe. "Uncle MOISHY!" I was corrected. I laughed and told him that my Sephardi accent was getting in the way, sorry. :-) We all snuggled up and watched this very sweet video and in fifteen minutes he was asleep. The baby went to sleep soon after and I had about an hour of silence I used to write a letter to my son. When they woke up we snuggled some more and he napped a few minutes more I thanked HaShem for the gift of a child falling asleep on my lap. What a beautiful feeling of love I was gifted with. When he woke up we read some books and watched the Kotel Cam.
Why the Kotel cam? My son had just called to tell me he was going to be there and although we couldn't actually see him, we should see the tremendous crowd at the Kotel.
About an hour or so later, after I arrived back home, the phone rang. My youngest picked it up, smiled and then handed it to me. I said hello and heard noise...no, not noise, once I focused I realized it was Ya'akov and I was listening to selichot at the Kotel. I couldn't believe it. I listened and I cried and cried. How beautiful it was! To hear the prayers there in Yerushalayim! It was AMAZING and felt like I was there. We lost connection a couple of times and I would call back and listen more. Then I hung up and waited to hear from him until it was all over. I thanked him for such a gift, he said he hoped I would enjoy it. How did I merit such a son? Baruch HaShem!!!
Kisses from my daughters' and my beloved coming early from work topped the day of special moments.
I am a grateful lady, very grateful indeed.