Dear Whack-O Homebuyer,

My realtor just informed me that you decided NOT to come see the house. You had previously inquired about the possibility of us fixing a pothole in the road at the end of our street. (And would you like us to put in a Kroger at the corner of Main and Oak for your shopping convenience?) Although a pothole or two is typical for a non-county road like ours, we informed our realtor that we would be happy to entertain such an "improvement" as part of an offer.

When I talked to my realtor today, she relayed your surprise that we had not gone ahead and fixed the potholes. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't believe we ever had an offer on the table? In fact, you never even came to SEE the house. So it should not need to be said that we had not even gotten as far as to find a pothole-filling person to fill the pothole. At the end of the street.

Secondly, my realtor explained that you were a bit taken aback because you chatted with a neighbor who told you that we did not contribute financially to the "road pool" when the gravel road was initially paved by all of the residents of _____ Drive. Let me explain this to you very simply:

This neighborhood has been here for over 20 years.
In 1999, the residents who lived here at the time pooled their money to pave the gravel road.
In 2005, we built our house here.

Do you understand that? I think you read too many political blogs because you're making ridiculous requests, claims, and assumptions.

By the way, I was also told where you've decided to buy. I know the neighborhood well: your bathroom will likely look right in to the bathroom window of your neighbor; your room will probably have a nice view of your neighbor's backyard; and you'll pay a hefty annual HOA fee to share a pool with a thousand other residents and their children. Oh, and the HOA will tell you what flowers to plant when and where. And what color to paint the house. And lots of other great things. So enjoy!

Sincerely,
An I'm-Not-Bitter-But-Simply-Incredulous-Homeseller