Do you remember when the first leaf fell?
Cause if I had know then that this was the end
I would have held that tree together with my two hands
(We never saw it coming)
You have become something I don't recognize
I am sick with all the things I never did become
(No one ever told me that there wasn't a way back)
No way to turn the clock back
We never knew it was the end til "Like before" was gone
Ashes, ashes,
We all fall down
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This is how it goes
Highways and stoplights stole you away from me
I hate them for changing green
Hate things for changing
We couldn't always be seventeen
This is the way we grow
Til our hands are too large to hold
I never told your secrets to another soul
Only my own
They were mine to keep
You were mine to keep
These walls are for keeping the whispers in safely
This key is for keeping out everything else
How dare you stop pretending and leave me behind?
I was always the one who wanted out
You were the one who grew up first
But I am so old without you
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You said you wanna save the world,
Silly boy
Create something with passion and imagination
Well, I'm just about out of passion and imagination
Cause all we need is something to hold on to
Something to believe in again
So write your songs,
Silly boy
I'm just about out of faith and inspiration
Could you give me something to hold onto,
Someone to belong to?
I'm just trying to find something to believe in once again.
I believe love can save the world
I believe music can make your heart beat
I believe words can change your life
So change my life
Save my life
Silly boy
"I want to draw something that means something to someone. You know, I want to draw blind faith or a fading summer or... just a moment of clarity. It's like when you go and you see a really great band live for the first time, you know, and nobody's saying it but everybody's thinking it-- "We have something to believe in again." I want to draw that feeling. But, I can't. And if I can't be great at it then I don't want to ruin it. It's too important to me."
- A quote from a really stupid show that says exactly how I feel
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We walked down on the beach that night
The shells cut up your feet
I told you to wear your stupid shoes
But you're always so eager for everyone to notice you
Is it not enough that I notice you?
Am I not enough?
Do you notice me beside you?
And after everything...
You never wrote one song for me
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I'm lying.
I'm always lying.
I just thought you should know.
Maybe I'm lying now.
Twisted around in my head til I've forgotten what it was I wanted you to believe.
Find me out.
I'm not trying that hard.
I wanted you to know.
I'm scared to death.
Secrets you'll never see.
Me.
Could you handle me?
In the midst of all these lies, Who am I?
I forget.
Who do I want to be?
Is it something I can change?
Or am I just pretending?
Forgive me.
Forget me.
Love me.
Ignore me.
I'm sorry.
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Why have you all gone away?
You left me standing in the rain
Softly whispering, "stay"
I loved you, but now it's changed
I'm not screaming, not bleeding, not begging
But I'm not pretending that I'm okay
'Cause I've learned that everyone feels this way
I'm just the only one who feels like me
And it's okay if I need you to save me
But I also know that you won't
I remember us, everything
I miss laughing
I miss having someone to talk to
I miss the way it was
I feel abandoned, but I pushed you away
You left, but I never gave you a reason to stay
And so this is where we are
I'm not screaming anymore
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There is nothing special about me. I have nothing new to say.
For every thing I do well, there is someone who does it better than me.
I'm not the beautiful one, or the talented one. I'm not brilliant, or troubled.
I'm never "that girl", the one they talk about.
They don't look at me. They don't see me. I'm invisible.
I don't matter. I don't stand out.
I'm not shocking. I'm not even bad. I'm mediocre.
What do I have to do?
I don't need or want a spotlight, just a little bit of your attention.
I am interrupted, ignored. Insignificant. Unimportant.
Invisible.
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I've got to get me out of this place
Have you nothing new to say?
No imagination left tonight?
Beats repeating in empty space
You go on pretending things will change
But close your eyes before they kill the lights
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I'm annoyed with the way I drop pronouns to make the words fit the line.
I'm annoyed by the way the rythm is always the same.
I'm annoyed with this entire book, every line on every page.
I'm annoyed that I can't explain the way I feel.
I'm annoyed that it wouldn't help anyway.
I'm annoyed that I still try.
I'm annoyed with the word annoyed.
It's starting to look strange.
I'm annoyed with always writing about the same things.
I'm annoyed that I don't know what I want.
I'm annoyed with the way your hair falls in your face.
I'm annoyed by the way that makes me want you.
I'm annoyed that I have no one to talk to but myself.
I'm annoyed with everyone else.
I'm annoyed that you won't talk to me.
I'm annoyed that I care.
I'm annoyed that I wasted my time writing this.
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Memories
separated by a black wall of what I can and can't remember
distant
like another life
like I'm watching someone who isn't me
She doesn't do the things that I would do
I can't feel the things she feels
I don't believe it's really me
I don't remember like it happened
but more like it's a dream
like a re-run on tv
Something familiar
that I have never know
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It's 2 am
Took me ten minutes to find a pen
To write the words I cannot think
Because without you I die
This one's out of ink
Left the other one on the window sill
Now the words are gone
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This one last time
This letter you will never read
These words that won't mean
Anything
Ringing in your ears
I have cried no tears for you
You will never understand
Or stay
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I decided to tell you
To write it all out
But then found I had nothing to say
And the silence echoes, forever and endless
'Cause the emptiness holds my world together
And with you I just fall apart
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I will never find the words
Would you stay or run?
You will never see me
I will never be the one
I'll close my eyes and slowly drift away
Do you know that it is all for you?
But I will fade away.
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This graveyard is dark and cold
I walk this path alone
Romantic whispers of lovers' deaths
Lie cold as ice and stone
And roses die
As do I
And leave this crimson stain behind
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She's so fragile when she pretends she's strong
She tells the world that nothing's wrong
But love only exists inside a song
And she waits for a prince who will never come
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Please cover your heart
And pretend you don't hurt
I wanted so badly to keep you safe
So cover your eyes
And pretend you can't see
As I let go and walk away
So cover your heart, My friend
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I know what this is
I've been here before
And when everything falls
I get sick of the floor
I know what this is
It's not me anymore
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Everything is empty
And everyone is fake
Poetically written lies
Are all the promises you make
Your shallow perceptions of "reality"
Are blinding out the truth
With neon signs and blazing lights
You've paid for with your souls
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A dark moon rises on an endless night
And stars fall when she cries
Blood red seas roll on broken shores
And waves crash down like acid lies
They drown out hope and truth and love
And leave the empty shallow night
Hearts lie shattered like broken glass
And the dark moon rises but never sets
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I've run from this darkness for so long
Just barely escaping
Each time slipping further into it's reach
I have no strength
Nothing to fight for
I tried to hold on but nothing was there
My world collides as I'm filled with despair
And there is no more air
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I want to run away
And fall asleep in the stars
The ocean will be my lullaby
And the waves will cover the tears that I cry
I want to run through the milky way
And swim in the pools in your eyes
I'll be forgotten and just fade away
And I won't have to say goodbye
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You broke my heart today
Stuck little knives with the words you say
Not even knowing it was in your hands
But made painfully clear to me
So I'll cry myself to sleep tonight
And forget that I loved you at all
Pretend that you'll see through my tear-stained lies
But you never saw me at all
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We were sitting in the corner
Close in conversation
I could feel your knee touch mine
So careless and young, you could not see
What your thoughtless words were doing to me
The smell of coffee and that cologne you wear
Wafting through the smoky air
And lost in your eyes all I could think
Was that somehow these lines did not meet
And what I would give to be loved by you
But somehow these lines did not meet
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Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken
And I'm sorry that I don't fit
Inside your cookie-cutter mold
Everything you hate
Is all you see in me
Can you hear me scream
Through the marks on this page
The words so meaningless
Empty and vague
And my anger just stays bottled up inside
'Cause I can't get it out with a pen or a knife
Don't try to fix me
I'm not broken
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So close your eyes
and pray your dreams can't find you
hide away
from the troubles in your life
hold on tight
and hope you find the answers
I'll stay with you
all through the night
just close your eyes
................................................................
Come find me in your secret room
I've been here waiting for you
take off your mask so I can see your face
I've loved you for forever
though I never knew your name
I kissed you in the dark when you were afraid
....................................................................
Walk with me to the edge of the world
we'll swing until we touch the stars
we'll lie in the grass and stare up at the sky
I'll tell you my secrets and we'll dance in the rain
until the morning comes
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Am I not beautiful enough for you?
I sleep in late and dance in the rain
I write letters that I never send
Am I not beautiful enough for you?
Am I not enough like you?
Does my stubborness push you away?
I run til it hurts 'cause I'm scared to stop
Am I not enough like you?
Am I too heartbroken for you?
I'm afraid to trust and addicted to pain
Sew myself up with a needle and thread
Am I too heartbroken for you?
Am I not beautiful enough for you?
Do you see through to my mistakes?
Are my tears not enough for you to care?
Am I not beautiful enough for you?
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I wanted to be just like you
And fit into the things you do
But the words you said were never meant for me
I sat in the dark inside your song
Knowing I could not belong
'Cause all along I was the one worth leaving
*Disclaimer: Yes, I know I stole that last part from Ben Gibbard, who is amazing, but I love that line and I thought it fit, so I used it. He doesn't own those words.
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she runs
faster than she ever has before
runs as if she believes the pain
in her chest and legs will be her escape
out of breath
she never stops
if she does it will all catch up
....................................................................
what I wanted was always
two inches from my grasp
then the chair fell out from under me
and you laughed
as I fell
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Hospital halls are dark tonight
The smell of death and bleach suffocates her dreams
People stare blankly with empty eyes
Hope died when it entered this room
Unnoticed, she stands in the corner
Forgotten in life and in death
The doctors talk as though she's not there
For the girl on the bed cannot hear
"What a shame," they say, "to die this way,
So beautiful and alone."
To scream from her corner would make no difference
They cannot hear or understand
She walks away from the dimly lit room
Leaving her broken body behind
All their sad faces and pity can't save her
She's too far gone this time
She made her choice, trading pills for her pain
To sleep forever in this forsaken place
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She bleeds from scars left on her wrists
She screams in the night but no one hears
The light in her eyes went out so long ago
And she cries "why can't you hear me?"
Reaches out, but no one cares
And I tried so hard to save her
But I can't stop what she's become
She runs from the sun 'cause it burns her eyes
She lost all she loved 'cause she held it too tight
No more use in pretending that anything's alright
And I cried "why can't you hear me?"
Reached out, but no one's there
And I gave up trying to save her
'Cause I can't stop what I've become
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This is my December
My winter in the spring
My world of shallow things
And I will wait for you forever
And if you never come
I'll lie here all alone
In my December
My haunted solitary
I was never ordinary
I hide in here unknown
Can we stay in here
My cold and heartless friend
I never did want to be one of them
Here in my December
My darkness in the light
My world away from life
I would stay with you forever
Though I know you'll never come
I'll die in here alone
In my December
If you ever want to find me
You know where I'll be
I've been here all along
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Take these pictures down from their places on the walls
They've criticized with never-moving eyes for far too long
The mirror has to go; It doesn't do me any good
Reflecting broken dreams and expectations never reached
And all these people with their perfect lives
Try to tell me how much I screwed up mine
And I don't want you anymore
You left me broken on the floor
Take your lies with you and leave me
Like you did before
Give me back the things I gave
They were never yours to take
One day you'll realize you want me
Well it's your mistake
Dictated into escape; Rebellion makes me what I hate
When did the price of independence become so great
Looking back I see I compromised myself for you
Giving up what I believed in because you asked me to
And all these people with their perfect lives
Try to tell me how I should fix mine
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You cannot see through blinded eyes
through smoke until it clears
The water never looks that deep
until you're half way in
Love is blind and never fades
but broken hearts last longer
Time cannot heal every wound
And hate is always stronger
Promises are rarely kept
when truth's not worth the cost
Somethings are better left unsaid
Some memories better lost