I have friends from one end of the spectrum to the other when it comes to the dating/courting issue.  Many a discussion on this topic has found me quietly listening on the sidelines because I didn't really know where I fell regarding this issue.  I'd read all the right the books and listened to the all the varying opinions.  I knew which side I *leaned toward*.  But what did I really believe regarding how my children should pursue relationships with the opposite gender?  Should we follow this set of rules?  Or that one?  Does this person's view of dating make sense?  Or does that person's view of courting sound better?  Oops, here's another viewpoint with a different set of rules regarding courtship.  Oh, dear, now what do we do?  Two different ways to court!  Uh-oh, I just read about another one - more decisions to make!  How many ways to go about all this is there anyway??

Well, our boys are 19 and 16, and we have an up-and-coming 10 year old daughter, so I've decided it's time I put some more serious thought into this topic.

(I know some may be thinking that I should have put more thought into it about 10 years ago.  Yes, that would be right.  Although, 10 years ago, my thoughts would have been different than they are now, so I'm sorta glad that I didn't waste all those brain cells back then.  I need them all right now.)

As we have discussed this topic in our household, and as we have been working our way through the Proverbs as a family lately, my husband and I have simply decided to direct our children beginning with this question - What's the wise thing to do?  The answers to this question are subject to our own interpretations, so every household's answers will probably vary at least slightly.  But in order to find the wisdom we seek, we must first ask the question and seriously pray about how it needs to be answered.

So here's what I'm thinking.  First of all, the labels have been tossed out the window.  We don't use the words *date* or *court* when we discuss this issue.  We just talk with our boys, and daughter if she happens to be within earshot, about the wisdom, or lack thereof, of pursuing a *beyond friendship* relationship with someone before they are able to actually take responsibility for the emotions, financial commitments, promises and luuuuv they would be professing.  If they, or the party of interest, are not yet able to fulfill these responsibilities and promises maturely and wisely, with at least the possibility of permanance, then what is even the point? 

Why toy with emotions when they have nowhere constructive to go?  Why begin a relationship when the pain of a breakup is most likely inevitable due to youth and inappropriateness of marriage at the time?  Why in the world do parents even encourage these things when they surely must remember their own pain from their early, immature years when they were caught up in this vicious cycle that almost always turned ugly before all was said and done?  Why have we fallen for the common concensus that all the pain of several different failed, immature relationships is good and necessary in order to eventually find the *right one* that we hope will last forever?  

I believe we must answer all these questions by going back to the original question.  What is the wise thing to do?  I'll leave the answer up to your family to answer.  We're also attempting to answer it here in our household as we travel down the road of life with our teenagers.

Fortunately, due to our tremendous parenting skills I'm sure, neither of our boys have yet become emotionally involved in a boy/girl relationship.  I do know that they have had their eyes directed toward the opposite gender and I'm fine with that.  It means they're developing normally and all is good and right in their thinking.

I pray in all seriousness that they are able to keep their thoughts and actions pure and respectful toward their female friends and that they will understand the need for maturity and at least a hint of life's direction before beginning an emotional relationship with a special young lady who eventually captures their attention in a way they can't ignore.

At which time, we will begin phase 2 of this process.  How to proceed after they are mature and financially stable enough to make a lifetime commitment.  Oh, wait.  Then they'll be mature enough to make those decisions without their parents.  Or will they? 

Stay tuned.  I don't have all those answers yet.  I found out a long time ago that all my well-laid plans tend to unravel at the point of application, so I'm not making any grand statements at this point.  But I do know one thing for sure.  If our children honestly want to know the wise thing to do, they'll ask for advice from those who have gone before them and have some wisdom to offer.  That would be us - their parents.  We're not out to pasture yet, my friends!  And we can't dismiss the example we are setting for them each and every day as we live out our marriage commitment in their presence.  By the time they are ready to walk down the phase 2 road, they'll hopefully have hearts full of wisdom gleaned from the two adults who love them most in the world.

I am well aware that I have not presented very many specifics here.  Every family is made up of a unique set of individuals, so every family is different in how they will make this particular issue work within their home.  But this is what makes the most sense to me here in this household.  If it sounds like we're flying by the seat of our pants, well, your wisdom is showing.  :o)

Father, you know I look forward to being a mom-in-law someday.  But until that time, keep our children's hearts pure and their eyes directed toward You.  That - without a doubt - is the wisest possible thing to do.