The Good Kind of Proud?
Puffed Up.
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We all yearn for approval and acceptance in some way or another. Ever since we were children, the defining expression of appreciation has been: "I'm proud of you."
And ever since then we've feasted on the glow of this affirmation and cultivated an unquenchable thirst for hearing it again. And again.
Of course, early on we may have read or heard from Scripture:
Pride goes before destruction, And a haughty spirit before a fall. -Proverbs 16:18
Though the LORD is on high,Yet He regards the lowly; But the proud He knows from afar. -Psalm 138:6
When pride comes, then comes shame; But with the humble is wisdom. -Proverbs 11:2
And we would ask, "Can't someone be proud of me? Can't I be proud of the work I do?"
Well, our questions were easily addressed, and our consciences assuaged. Not to worry: we've got the "good kind of proud".
But is there a "good kind of proud"?
Searching the Scriptures some more, I don't see a single instance of there being a good kind. It's all regarded as something evil or foolish. Why would that be? Why wouldn't there be the slightest allowance for benevolent pride?
Because there isn't a "good kind of proud." There isn't any benevolent pride in the eyes of God.
Why not? Because our works are not our own; it is God who works great things through us.
...it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. -Philippians 2:13
...and He has filled him with the Spirit of God, in wisdom and understanding, in knowledge and all manner of workmanship. -Exodus 35:31
Therefore, all glory belongs to God.
Not unto us, O LORD, not unto us, But to Your name give glory, Because of Your mercy, Because of Your truth. -Psalm 115:1
Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. - I Corinthians 10:13
And something to consider:
...I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God. -Exodus 20:5
When we pride ourselves on our own goodness or on that of others, we divert the flow of the glory that rightly belongs to God and channel it to ourselves. There is nothing "good" about this sort of pride.
We've been wrong all this time. We've whitewashed a sinful response and tried to reconcile our pride to the words of Scripture by offering this as an easy excuse.
So what is the righteous response? Turning the Scriptures, this is what I find:
The LORD takes pleasure in those who fear Him, In those who hope in His mercy. -Psalm 147:11
For whom the LORD loves He corrects, Just as a father the son in whom he delights. -Proverbs 3:12
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth. -III John 1:4
Then a voice came from heaven, “You are My beloved Son, in whom I am well pleased.” -Mark 1:11
There is much beauty in finding delight, joy, and pleasure in those we love. Our ability to experience joy is, unlike pride, sanctioned by God and even granted as a gift through His Spirit.
By communicating our joy and delight, we bestow a blessing on others and on God. By communicating our pride, we seize some of the glory for ourselves. So let's refrain from teaching our children that there's a good kind of pride, and let's reorient our thoughts towards taking pleasure in glorifying God through our works.
from Matthew 5:
14 “You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Nor do they light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all who are in the house. 16 Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.
posted on Sunday, August 20
Comments
• Monday, August 21
Untitled Comment
Posted by reformingmama
As I read your post I was thinking of the many times throughout the days I've said to my children, "Good job! I'm so proud of you!" I just might have to come up with something new....
Thank you for another thoughtful- and wise- post.
~Stacy
• Friday, August 25
Untitled Comment
Posted by Rebeca
I remember even as a kid learning that pride was bad but asking why it was okay for people to say "I'm so proud of you!" Thanks for taking the time to help clarify the "real" issue here.
Rebeca
• Friday, August 25
YES!
Posted by ChildsGeography
For us personally, we offer, "I am so pleased! Wonderful!"---but never "I am so pro*d of you!"... for the just the reasons you have posted.
Thank you for the thougthful post!
Deeply appreciated,
Ann Voskamp
(Holy Experience
A Child's Geography)
• Saturday, August 26
Yep!
Posted by dawilli
I do agree, I've tried not to say "I'm so proud of you" for years... It's made me think more and put real effort into praising and encouraging my kids, as I have to think of something original to say each time...
"I really like the way you did that"
"that was so very thoughtful"
"you did a wonderful job"
Well, it makes for better communication,
great post, thanks for sharing,
ali
• Sunday, August 27
Great thoughts
Posted by AussieinAmerica
Thanks for such a thoughtful post. You said what I had been trying to think of :) I have not felt quite right about saying "I'm so proud of you" all the time. This really helped me put it together.
Stacy
• Wednesday, September 6
Thanks for such a thought provoking post!
I had never actually stopped to think all that through. It is one of those thing that once you see laid out, it is so clear you wonder why you missed it!
For our little ones, I usually tell them that they make my heart rejoice,(Proverbs 23:25 Thy father and thy mother shall be glad, and she that bare thee shall rejoice.) they make me glad, or another term taken from Proverbs.
If you don't mind, I would like to link to this on both of our websites. (www.old-paths.com www.noblewomanhood.com)
Jennifer
Edited by oldpaths on Wednesday, September 6 at 8:59 AM
• Wednesday, September 6
Of course!
Posted by Pomaleedon
Yes, Jennifer; I'd be delighted to have you link to whatever you find helpful. Thank you for letting me know of your interest! I look forward to looking at your new website!
• Wednesday, September 20
No Excuse for Pride
Posted by HomeOfLove
I am in agreement with your post. About a year ago, my husband and I started to realize the Biblical argument against pride, and the destructiveness of pride. Since then, we've made it a point to teach our children to be thankful, not prideful. When they do something well, we are thankful that they learned that skill, thankful that God gave them a special talent, thankful that they are our children. Thankfulness should be the Christian's attitude, not pridefullness.
